Handling Distractions

[Nahm]

@LfcCharlie4

Thanks, you too! ...and yes indeed.

“Since I can’t just do what I actually want, there is ‘distraction’”...unless...I am already doing what I want ...but that means there isn’t actually distraction. Maybe instead, I question...what is it I actually want traction in, or with? What do I really want to create?

 

[JessiChell]

@Nahm Thank you for your response.

I will admit I'm struggling to comprehend some of what you're saying. Probably because of the phrasing and wording. 

Please let me know if I have this correct; distractions do not exist as long as I'm working on becoming more conscious and aware? 

I've seen Leo's video on changing the thought filter on handling emotions. I do agree I need to put more work into meditation and yoga. 

Is this close to what you were saying?

[JessiChell]

@Dumuzzi When you say, "my age" I'm 30. I'm not incredibly young. But I have been neglected for quite some time from partners. (Of course, I've chosen this)

Deep in my heart, I want to have a meaningful healthy relationship/family (not children). And maybe my higher self wants to lose the desire completely to want a partner/family.  

I've been through sleeping around with a lot of men around 25 and casual sex is not what I enjoy. I feel like through this thread, I have discovered I feel like I'm betraying the work I've done for the past 14 days and that's probably what led me to make this post. That feeling of betrayal. I think I'm getting hung up on Leo's "Distraction" video. Because I'm scared to make mistakes or hold back progress. But I think as long as I'm conscious of what I'm doing, it is not a distraction. 

Either way, I'm going to go ahead and not cancel the plans. Mainly because I'm craving physical affection and I'm choosing to give into this craving.

This, "Quality men do not engage seriously with and commit to women who sleep around." I do not believe. My future partner, I want to love me for who I am, therefore no judgment will be placed on me or my actions. He will love me and himself, fully. I wouldn't be interested in anyone less than that. 

"highest quality male you can find and get him to commit." This sounds like entrapment. I want to be chosen on an intrinsically deep level that is not backed by society's standards or expectations. 

I don't disagree with the gaping hole inside of me, there absolutely is. But instead of it being spiritual, I believe it is a lack of absolute self-love. My energy is more masculine than feminine but is interchangeable at times. 

My goal is to eliminate that hole inside of me, but I think we may have different opinions on how to get there. 

Thank you for your response though 

[JessiChell]

@Chakra Lion I've read your last comment 5 times. I really resonate with it and will try harder to be conscious and protect my inner child. 

Thank you so much for it!

[LfcCharlie4]

@Nahm yep, and simply follow what you want, then you get to do what you want to do all the time! 

[Nahm]

12 hours ago, JessiChell said:

I will admit I'm struggling to comprehend some of what you're saying. Probably because of the phrasing and wording. 

Please let me know if I have this correct; distractions do not exist as long as I'm working on becoming more conscious and aware? focusing on what I want NOW.  

I hear you & I feel ya. I was literally beat to death once, and brought back by doctors in an icu. Life’s weird, I get it. My advice is, tell the story of what you want, only. Reality becomes it. Never believe another thought about yourself which does not feel good.

[Dumuzzi]

@JessiChell Makes sense to me.

I hope you'll find happiness and what you're looking for. You really deserve it and you seem like a wonderful person.

Also, you might want to explore letting your inner Goddess blossom. This is kinda hard to describe, but it is an energetic and spiritual process, it is about letting the Goddess in you manifest and raising your energies to become a manifestation of the divine feminine. I can certainly see that potential in you.

[Hello from Russia]

18 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

@Nahm yep, and simply follow what you want, then you get to do what you want to do all the time! 

That sounds like a great advicе, and I follow it in my own life too.

However, do you think anyone did really get to the place of living the life that you want 100% of the time? With total satisfaction?

[LfcCharlie4]

@Hello from Russia Of course, if you design your life that way. 

It doesn't mean there won't be 'hard' times, such as when things don't go how you'd like, a breakup, death of a loved one, embarrassing moments etc but in the spontaneous joy of the Now, total satisfaction is always found, and life simply is a celebration of that- enjoy the show.

[Hello from Russia]

@LfcCharlie4 I've read a lot of Buddhist scriptures that were saying that "unsatisfactoriness" is one of the inherent features of reality.

But maybe they mean that from the egoic's mind POV.

Do you "unlock" the ability to be totally satisfactory with enlightenment? 

Edited May 24, 2020 by Hello from Russia

[kag101]

On 5/21/2020 at 0:45 PM, JessiChell said:

I have been dealing with my emotions and feeling them. I've layed for hours and cried

I think it's important to grieve, but it is just as important to know when to stop. 

On 5/21/2020 at 0:45 PM, JessiChell said:

The guy I agreed to see Saturday I know from buying my car. He started following me on social media two years ago and has had a very big crush on me for a long time. I think all women have men who are lowkey infatuated with them, he is one of mine. I can tell he's waited a long time to try and get a chance but I don't think he realizes now is not the time.

Did you end up seeing him?

From your description, it sounds like a bad type of distraction, and something that has no future. 

On 5/21/2020 at 0:45 PM, JessiChell said:

He heart reacted a photo I posted. I asked him how his life was. (I was bored/lonely) He responded. We spoke very briefly and he asked me to wine at his on Saturday. I agreed. That's it. I will not be developing an emotional relationship or attachment to this person.

I think you would find much more interesting guys if you'd use Tinder. There's a lot of junk there, but if you are patient, there are some "golden nuggets". 

On 5/21/2020 at 0:45 PM, JessiChell said:

What do I want out of this? Sex. Good sex. From someone, I know who at (if even the surface level), cares about me. 

Just be aware of not trying to fix emotional problems with sex. 

On 5/21/2020 at 0:45 PM, JessiChell said:

My ex had ED and low testosterone. He refused to have a sexual dialog with me (we were long distance) even though I sent him very high-quality nudes and videos. He was very uncomfortable talking about his sexual thoughts/desires with me. And I often felt unwanted. He wouldn't even be enthusiastic about making me cum.

In the end he admitted to fantasizing about other women when I had asked him many times prior to which he would say "those thoughts are private." I broke up with him after he admitted this and wouldn't speak with me about it or answer any questions I had. 

So yes...I want to feel desired again. I say this with humility, but I am very attractive. In bed I'm an exhibitionist and am highly sexual and open. My ex, I realize now just wanted me because I was beautiful and had qualities he valued. He wanted me to show me off but not actually put in work to build a relationship and deep connection. 

So... in complete and utter honesty...I want to feel desired by a man and want to feel worshipped. Is this my ego talking? Probably. I'm not conscious yet. Can I consider this a treat to myself after not feeling desired from the man I loved for 9 months?  I'm feeling my feelings, I am meditating and I am not talking to men. 

Maybe your ex was gay. Lol.

[Nahm]

On 5/23/2020 at 11:29 AM, Hello from Russia said:

That sounds like a great advicе, and I follow it in my own life too.

However, do you think anyone did really get to the place of living the life that you want 100% of the time? With total satisfaction?

Yes. 

 

[JessiChell]

@modmyth He wasn't all bad. But I did have constant anxiety and fear of talking to him about things. He would explode. 

He was passionate about my life's purpose, which is activism. So yeah, it was a hard blow to realize he didnt care as much as I did. 

Thanks for the love, girl ?

[JessiChell]

@kag101

I've stopped grieving for the most part. I still have a moment here and there but for the most part, I'm numb. 

Every once in a while I feel this hole in my chest and it's crippling. But I dont think that's from losing him. I think it's from something undeveloped inside of me. I put my phone down and focus on why I'm feeling this when it happens. 

I did a grieving meditation from headspace for 10 days and that was helpful. 

I did see the guy on Saturday. He really likes me but there is no spark on my end. Our values and life directions are very different. But I knew there was no spark before agreeing to go out. 

We had sex. It was incredibly, "meh." I realized this is not worth it. I think I only enjoy sex with someone I care about. (I think) Dont worry i was very honest with this guy before we met up i was not interested in a relationship or anything.

I have zero desire to speak to men on dating terms. Like flirting or something. I've always met my partners doing something I was passionate about. I've always seen them at their prime and been amazed by their charisma and passion for what we were doing. (My last two exs were activists. My major ex who I was in love with for 8 years was a professional gamer.) 

Tinder and other dating apps are not for me. They dont show me who the person is. 

I know leo talks about creating abundance but it's so hard for me even pre-rona. I have a hard value that narrows my options down by a lot. I have a life purpose, activism. I have hobbies, gaming and shooting. But atm it's hard to meet people because all of my hobbies and volunteering has been put on hold. 

At this point I want to focus on becoming financially independent from my job. Its killing my soul. So I'm gonna do streaming on twitch mtg arena. My friend does it and makes 4k a month. Hes agreed to help me. ? so that's one thing off Leo's list if I cant create abundance atm. 

Then they have to also not be abusive.

I am willing to accept someone with issues like anger. But they need to not call me names or cross boundaries. I really would love someone who isnt afraid to be as honest as humanly possible and then of course loyal. And loyalty means different things for me, including appreciation and putting work into the relationship. 

My girlfriends keep telling me they think hes gay. I just think he had low testosterone and was terrified of being sexually vulnerable. But its anyone's call at this point. 

I know I rambled a bit but I dont have a life atm. ?

Edited May 26, 2020 by JessiChell

[JessiChell]

@kag101 how do I put the little quote at the bottom of my name? 

Yours says, "remember when you wanted what you currently have."

I know what I want mine to be now. 

[kag101]

3 hours ago, JessiChell said:

He wasn't all bad. But I did have constant anxiety and fear of talking to him about things. He would explode. 

 

? I hate dealing with people like that.

3 hours ago, JessiChell said:

We had sex. It was incredibly, "meh." I realized this is not worth it.

I figured it lol

3 hours ago, JessiChell said:

Tinder and other dating apps are not for me. They dont show me who the person is. 

I have been using Tinder for about a year now. I've met some very interesting people there.

That said, 95% is garbage. So I use my intuition to guess if the person is worth it.

It takes some patience. I also made some good friends there.

I put on my bio "I'm not looking for anything specific, friendship comes first".

I can't stand flirting or being sexual right away. I am interested in building first of all an emotional bond with the person. Then, romantic desire naturally arises.

Anyway, it is a tool. In my experience, it has been helping me, and I'm really grateful for it. And it's particularly useful during quarantine.

3 hours ago, JessiChell said:

But atm it's hard to meet people because all of my hobbies and volunteering has been put on hold. 

Yeah... that sucks.

3 hours ago, JessiChell said:

I know I rambled a bit but I dont have a life atm. ?

Stop. You express yourself very well, and I find very interesting to read.

 

3 hours ago, JessiChell said:

how do I put the little quote at the bottom of my name? 

Click on your username on the top right (next to the notification and messages buttons) > Account settings > Signature

[LfcCharlie4]

@Hello from Russia Gotta remember these scriptures are often poorly translated, so it's hard to say what it truly meant. 

 

 

 

1

On 5/25/2020 at 0:50 AM, Hello from Russia said:

@LfcCharlie4

Do you "unlock" the ability to be totally satisfactory with enlightenment? 

 

Precisely, every moment is simply a spontaneous joy, and life becomes a celebration! 

 

[JessiChell]

@kag101

I mean I've used Tinder in the past when I was in my mid-twenties. I went through my casual hook up phase with it. 

I'm just growing farther and farther away from the idea of a romantic relationship. By the time I find someone mildly amusing and then have a conversation with them, I could have just watched a Leo video and meditated. I'm done pouring my energy and love into others. 

I want to love myself the way I love the people I care about. The only thing I miss is cooking for my ex. My friends live in London or Florida so I have a long-distance relationship with them and cooking is always how I express my love. But I found a little old lady in the apartment next to me to cook for, so that is helping. 

I mean, I am not looking for what Leo is looking for in terms of "enlightenment." I actually believe a little ignorance is okay. I'm actually quite scared Leo will eventually leave and go live in Alaska somewhere. (but that's a different anxiety/different story) I want just enough self-love to be okay with not being in a romantic relationship for the rest of my life and leaving unhealthy situations. I think instead of completely killing my ego, I will just stab it a few times and be more mindful/conscious of it when making decisions. 

I'm actually in a very healthy platonic relationship with my girlfriend. We are incredibly close and she accepts me for who I am and vise versa. So I know I'm not batshit crazy and capable of healthy love. She just lives in London and I moved away from there two years ago so it's hard being long-distance. 

I will probably move in with her, (because she does not believe in monogamy or living with men and considers herself a "witch") when I get older and we can get a black cat and scare men who live in the neighborhood. I can cook for her and will have a vegetable garden, so I'll be happy. I'll just have to get used to her woo-woo beliefs and weird collections of random shit she finds on the ground. 

When I become financially independent, I will probably live in different countries for a year or so. I'm thinking Bali to start with, so I'm planning that and looking at houses.

I'm happy (kind of), don't worry. No need for tinder. 

Well... I'm at peace. And I think that's important. Also, my isolation trip is June 11-16 so I'm prepping for that. 
 

[Dumuzzi]

@JessiChell Sounds like a fun plan.

I spent most of my adult life living in different countries and travelling, though I eventually grew tired of it.

The places I lived in include London, which is a fun and culturally rich city, but not what one needs in terms of getting away from it all and concentrating on spirituality. Ireland was much more ideal in that respect, a very spiritual place in my opinion. Singapore on the other hand is the exact opposite, the most materialistic place I've ever been to, it is all about money and material things. I liked Bali, Ubud in particular, but it has become overdeveloped and far too touristy for my taste. Perhaps somewhere like Cambodia, Laos or Nepal would be better in that respect.

 

I also  loved living in India, but the challenges of everyday life in big cities can be off-putting. It is one of those places where you have to escape the big city and head to the countryside as soon as you can. Nepal is probably much more suitable and agreeable in that respect.

[Aquarius]

Hey cool, I'm also catholic. I would go for the retreat and use it to heal my wounds.

For me self-love is respecting myself and loving myself unconditionally. I naturally limit my online dating because 1. I have a boyfriend, and 2. if I haven't had a boyfriend, online encounters are meaningless. I did find like 1-2 guys I shared worldviews with, but if all you do is flirting and other superficial dating stuff without connecting deeply, you might need to stop or take a break. I am not Leo to answer this, but flirting is very superficial and you cannot know how honest the guy on the other side is. Or how much that first spark lasts. If I were you I'd look for honest guys offline. 

I'd take a break from guys but for different reasons you have stated.. to find the right match. I'm not sure what flirting or dating means for you, but I realised how empty and hollow those things are unless they come naturally without you looking for a date or a flirt. If you are an attractive woman lots of guys will want to date you, but maybe none of them would be Mr. Right. You have to find genuine connection on a deep level, deeper than skin-deep. In the end you decide who you are with, but I know for a fact that a real-deal guy has both looks and a beautiful mind. 

I find the the right guy comes without effort in your life if you take good care of yourself. He just pops in one day, can come from wherever.

Definitely go for the retreat. 

And your list..

 

Social media is indeed toxic. You lose your soul to appearances.

Meditation is good, but you don't necessarily need 1 hour. It can be more or less than 10 minutes. Or anything you find right, maybe even more than 1 hour?

If you take good care of your hygiene that's the only care you need: mental hygiene (think positive and clean)

emotional hygiene: stop watching and consuming stuff that make you insecure or push your buttons

physical hygiene: stay clean, smell nice, obviously

declutter your life: live minimalisticly

 

Financial freedom helps you to be on your own. More time with myself = more time to practice self-love.