The importance of values in relationships.

[liamnewsom202]

When looking for a new partner how important is it to find someone else who is into consciousness work or who has had mystical experiences or is at least open to it? I feel like truly there is no need to have a partner 100% be the same as the way you are and even if they dont understand higher consciousness ideas as long as there is love and appreciation regardless of differences it is healthy. It seems in most cases though people tense up when there are differences and usually people dont like to accept things that might go against the self they are trying to preserve. I feel like id be perfectly fine with someone who isnt into consciousness work but could still appreciate the way I like to look at the bigger picture of reality and I wouldn't have to limit my interest in in order to not offend or appeal to this person. Has anyone had any success in this relationship dynamic? What are your thoughts on this concept

[Preety_India]

 

I think I'd prefer someone who is into similar consciousness work like me. I found my current boyfriend at a meditation retreat last year. We both had keen interest in meditation and spirituality. So we clicked. I wouldn't have appreciated someone who is not into consciousness work.. 

So I'm glad I found someone who I can click with. 

For me it matters that the person I'm with has similar interests because then conversations are smoother and there is better understanding. 

I wouldn't want to be with a person who continuously criticizes or despises my work. And even if they are okay with what I do, I know deep down that a lot of people don't take kindly to this kind of work. 

 

[liamnewsom202]

@Preety_India yeah i definitely get what you mean. im super happy to hear you found someone you can share such a authentic connection with thats honestly super valuable. theres a part of me which really has a desire for someone who i can share all my insights with and be authentic with and learn from. im just worried im holding myself back by limiting myself to only people who are into this kind of work. other than meditation retreats where would you recommend looking to meet people who might be more committed to real self love and consciousness work?

[Preety_India]

@liamnewsom202

Spiritual festivals, yoga centers, Tai chi classes, Buddhist centers, art exhibitions, spiritual forums, psychedelics festivals, TED talk events, meditation workshops, Zen centers, these teachers or gurus who are on YouTube like Rupert Spira, they hold sessions with people or events where you can meet and greet them, you can come across a lot of like minded people there. 

 

[Elton]

@liamnewsom202 in my last two relationships my girlfriends had no interest in whatever I did.. nevertheless they always supported me, and were not critical about things I love doing.

More important than common interest is you find someone with common values. 

The value of open-mindedness will allow to accomodate the differences.

[liamnewsom202]

do you think its to be avoided to want to limit yourself to people persuing higher consciousness? is it too limiting or is it just as fair as being open to anyone who shares similar open minded values

[Chakra Lion]

On 5/21/2020 at 7:48 AM, liamnewsom202 said:

I feel like id be perfectly fine with someone who isnt into consciousness work but could still appreciate the way I like to look at the bigger picture of reality and I wouldn't have to limit my interest in in order to not offend or appeal to this person.

Don't think so much. You will look past the love of your life when you put criteria on people. Love just happens.

And more importantly. You should build a friendship with your partner. And from there it should become a best friend ship. And then, when you don't want to live without them, it wont really matter how similar or different you both are. You love them for being them. Not for being like you. 

[Hello from Russia]

it won't work long term if you're not at the same page with your partner or close to it

You don't need it to do pickup and have short term swings, though

[liamnewsom202]

@Chakra Lion @Hello from Russia

some conflicting ideas here. i think both ideas are valuable though. i defiantely see how putting people into boxes and thinking too much can take away from the experience but also being with someone who will be turned away once they realize the kind of work and thoughts you subscribe to is another thing to keep in mind. i dont remember the video but theres some ekhart tole talk where he talks about love and relationships and he says something similar to dont think and just be, allow the love to happen

[Chakra Lion]

3 minutes ago, liamnewsom202 said:

dont think and just be, allow the love to happen

Yay! We found the answer! 

[Leo Gura]

Values and Spiral alignment is hugely important.

But that doesn't mean your partner has to be doing a specific thing like some precise spiritual practice.

But if you are at stage Yellow and your partner is at stage Blue, that will never work.

You should probably be looking for a stage Green partner at least if you follow my work. You can work with Green.

Ideally you'd find someone at your level or one level above you.

[Charlotte]

The lessons I have learnt with regards to relationships is you will be with whoever you need to be with at your current consciousness 'level' regardless if you go searching for the right 'one' or not. You will find someone who will show you the lessons and the inner work that needs to take place. Just trust.

 

[tashawoodfall]

"Fuck love" is an interesting book you might enjoy…it talks about pragmatism versus emotions in regards to who you choose as a partner…

[Galyna]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Values and Spiral alignment is hugely important.

But that doesn't mean your partner has to be doing a specific thing like some precise spiritual practice.

But if you are at stage Yellow and your partner is at stage Blue, that will never work.

You should probably be looking for a stage Green partner at least if you follow my work. You can work with Green.

Ideally you'd find someone at your level or one level above you.

But why a person with a level above me would genuinely be interested in me!? Sorry if the question is stupid but I have been thinking about it for a while. How can I contribute or bring something to the table in this scenario? Perhaps, it always works in a male case, since guys ultimately leaders, but what if a woman a level above?

Edited May 23, 2020 by Galyna

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Galyna said:

But why a person with a level above me would genuinely be interested in me!? Sorry if the question is stupid but I have been thinking about it for a while. How can I contribute or bring something to the table in this scenario? Perhaps, it always works in a male case, since guys ultimately leaders, but what if a woman a level above?

One level above is close enough that one can help pull the other up.

If you love someone, you'll help pull them up. Attraction doesn't happen based on stages or values. So you can always get attracted to someone at a lower level than you. In fact, that's the most likely scenario.

[Frosty97]

41 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

So you can always get attracted to someone at a lower level than you. In fact, that's the most likely scenario.

People most likely get attracted to person lower level than you? Why is that?

[Galyna]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

In fact, that's the most likely scenario.

Indeed ?

[docs20]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

One level above is close enough that one can help pull the other up.

If you love someone, you'll help pull them up. Attraction doesn't happen based on stages or values. So you can always get attracted to someone at a lower level than you. In fact, that's the most likely scenario.

Now after all your journey in the world of self-actualization, spirituality and having reached the highest levels of awakening, how do you interpret attraction and what really causes it?

Thanks in advance for the answer, @Leo Gura

[Hello from Russia]

The Integral Relationship - great book on the subject. Based on Ken Wilber's integral theory work (which is a lot about spiral dynamics)

[Leo Gura]

16 hours ago, Frosty97 said:

People most likely get attracted to person lower level than you? Why is that?

Simply because the higher up the Spiral you climb, the fewer people exist at that level in the world.

There are simply much more Blue and Orange jellybeans in the jar.

10 hours ago, docs20 said:

Now after all your journey in the world of self-actualization, spirituality and having reached the highest levels of awakening, how do you interpret attraction and what really causes it?
 

It's just a subconscious biological force.

That's like asking why you prefer chocolate ice cream vs vanilla. Every mind has its preferences and you are never going to logically explain them.