Don't know how to continue self-inquiring

[Koeke]

So I've been self-inquiring for about two weeks now and it makes me tensed in my belly and chest. It might be because I try to focus to hard and I need to relax. Should I relax more if trying to focus so hard is causing this? Has anyone else experienced this? Or is there another explanation for this?

 

 

[Preetom]

7 hours ago, Koeke said:

So I've been self-inquiring for about two weeks now and it makes me tensed in my belly and chest. It might be because I try to focus to hard and I need to relax. Should I relax more if trying to focus so hard is causing this? Has anyone else experienced this? Or is there another explanation for this?

 

 

If it makes you uncomfortable thats a sure sign its working.

There is no other way but to go through all these blows and discomforts.

Two weeks is just the starting. You'll go through hell and back when this process is over, that is when you permanently stop treating the body as I and get firmly established in contentless Comsciouness. If you are able to do that of course.

It will take the greatest courage and mental strength you can ever muster up. Stay strong 

[Leo Gura]

@Koeke Relax and focus at the same time.

Maybe try the do-nothing meditation technique for a while.

At some point in your spiritual work you have to learn to just surrender and let nature do its thing.

The ego is not going to bull its way into heaven.

[Tanz]

Walking meditation helps me when I get too restless from sitting. Like said above feeling uncomfortable is a sign it's working.

Self inquiry is about ripping yourself apart, it's not about finding peace. The peace part happens as a byproduct much later on. 

[nistake]

At first, it's uncomfortable, confusing and frustrating. As you progress later on, you'll realize that there's nothing to "do" actively, you just need to maintain a relaxed focus on awareness itself. For me, 20 minutes of mindfulness medtation before self-inquiry helps a ton. It settles my mind and I can focus much better.

[Preetom]

8 minutes ago, Tanz said:

 

Self inquiry is about ripping yourself apart, it's not about finding peace. The peace part happens as a byproduct much later on. 

Exactly. The sooner this is understood the better. Better not have such expectation at all. The sole purpose of self inquiry is to know what you really are. Whatever comes with it, will come; whatever goes with it, will go. All shit will break loose eventually if one progresses with self inquiry. The key is to be indifferent to all that changing phenomena and keenly holding on to oneself.

Self inquiry is not about peace, love, bliss etc. Its the antithesis of all that. If you want peace stop doing self inquiry and eat some good food, sleep in a comfy bed, bond with people and animals, take up Mello fulfilling habits, appreciate fine arts, join spiritual community and sat sang etc.

But if you wanna know who, what, when, how you are; self inquiry is da wae 

[Koeke]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Koeke Relax and focus at the same time.

Maybe try the do-nothing meditation technique for a while.

At some point in your spiritual work you have to learn to just surrender and let nature do its thing.

The ego is not going to bull its way into heaven.

46 minutes ago, nistake said:

 

 

40 minutes ago, Preetom said:

The key is to be indifferent to all that changing phenomena and keenly holding on to oneself.

Whenever I focus on awareness I immediately notice that I am holding onto a perception of some kind to do so. What do I do then? Do I just keep my attention where it is? Because it's not on pure empty awareness.

[Preetom]

2 minutes ago, Koeke said:

 

Whenever I focus on awareness I immediately notice that I am holding onto a perception of some kind to do so. What do I do then? Do I just keep my attention where it is? Because it's not on pure empty awareness.

1)Notice that

2)untangle your attention

3) reorient towards the search anew 

[Aaron p]

Smoke DMT lol.

For me, letting intuitive voice guide me was instrumental

[Guru Fat Bastard]

Who am I,is to lead you to the direct experience of being aware. Attend to the experience of simply being aware. Hard focus is not necessary, Attend and be with the experience of being aware.  If thought takes your attention away from the experience of being aware,notice it,and bring the attention back to being aware,

Edited May 17, 2020 by Guru Fat Bastard

[Guru Fat Bastard]

52 minutes ago, Koeke said:

Whenever I focus on awareness

Focusing on awareness is trying to focus on some abstract thing called awareness. This is not the intention of self inquiry.
The inquiry is to attend to the experience of Being Aware. Not trying to be some abstract thing called awareness.

[Koeke]

10 hours ago, Preetom said:

1)Notice that

2)untangle your attention

3) reorient towards the search anew 

Oh good. That's what I suspected. But when you're searching you just experience being aware, right? I just think that the word 'searching' implies that what you're searching for isn't always directly "in front of you".

[Preetom]

5 hours ago, Koeke said:

Oh good. That's what I suspected. But when you're searching you just experience being aware, right? I just think that the word 'searching' implies that what you're searching for isn't always directly "in front of you".

Yes!

Its not really a search for something in front of you, but towards yourself.

[mandyjw]

@Koeke Does it feel tense, or more like butterflies, sort of like falling in love? 

If you're going to tell yourself stories about sensations, might as well make it a good one. 

[Nahm]

On 5/16/2020 at 5:07 PM, Koeke said:

So I've been self-inquiring for about two weeks now and it makes me tensed in my belly and chest. It might be because I try to focus to hard and I need to relax. Should I relax more if trying to focus so hard is causing this? Has anyone else experienced this? Or is there another explanation for this?

You have not been self inquiring for any length of time, that’s a thought. Self inquiry doesn’t make you tense whatsoever, that’s a thought. There is no you, no focusing, no hard... that’s a thought. There’s no “anyone else”, no other entity being asked here, that’s a thought. There’s no “explanation”, that’s a thought. There’s no “another explanation”, that’s a thought. 

On 5/17/2020 at 5:14 AM, Koeke said:

Whenever I focus on awareness I immediately notice that I am holding onto a perception of some kind to do so. What do I do then? Do I just keep my attention where it is? Because it's not on pure empty awareness.

There is no “you” “focusing on” awareness, that’s a thought. There’s no “you” “noticing”, nor “holding onto a perception”, nor are there “kinds” of “perceptions”, that’s just thoughts. There is no “I” which has ever “done” anything, nor “another I” which is ever “telling you what to do”, that’s a thought. There’s no “you” “keeping attention”, that’s a thought. “Pure empty awareness”, is just another thought. 

18 hours ago, Koeke said:

Oh good. That's what I suspected. But when you're searching you just experience being aware, right? I just think that the word 'searching' implies that what you're searching for isn't always directly "in front of you".

That another entity is speaking to you is another thought. That “you” are searching, is a thought. Experiencing awareness, is a thought. Being right, is a thought. Implications, is a thought. 

Self inquiry = let every arising thought go. And that is only a thought. 

[Mulky]

Here is a funny story of how it went for me.

1.Read power of now, immediately started doing  self inquiry right without knowing what it was, for a decent amount of time. 

2.wanted the ego to completely go away, as in not even knowing there was a person there at all, not even knowing about a body, just wandering around with no reference to anything and just being awareness.  Got forceful and impatient, learned about self inquiry, did it pretty much wrong and wasted a lot of time.

3.Did awareness watching awarness wrong for a while.  Looking for a thing that is awareness, always found some kind of symbol of awarness, which wasn't the overall goal(but is part of it)

4. one day, after having done both of these off and on, and popped into the orignal practice i had started doing years ago,  so in a way the incorrectly done practices did guide me back.  

5.That practice is best described as existing as the knowing of existing, as the knowing of anything, as best you can.  As just sitting(or standing or whatever)as the knowing of existence, which won't be much at first probably.  

6. came to find out doing the first 2 practices "wrong" wasn't really wrong, it was just more outer stages of it.  Still have a ways to go but feel like im finding my way back home.

peace

[Guru Fat Bastard]

For anyone beginning, or even experienced, with self inquiry it is essential to get what the practice is aiming to do to avoid any confusion that will almost inevitably arise. This explanation from Sadhu Om, one of Ramana's foremost disciples, is well known to be among the few to have gotten the real essence of the "who am I" practice.  So take some time to read this and get a good primer on what the practice aims to do.

"The feeling ‘I am’ is the experience common to one and all. In this, ‘am’ is consciousness/awareness or knowledge. This knowledge is not of anything external; it is the knowledge of oneself, This is chit. This consciousness/awareness is ‘we’, “We are verily consciousness”, says Sri Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi].
Thus in ‘I am’, ‘I’ is existence or "being" (sat) and ‘am’ is consciousness/awareness (chit). The feeling "I am this and thus’ which has now arisen mixed with the  pure,thoughtless consciousness/awareness ‘I am’ (sat-chit), is what is called ‘thought’, This is the first thought."

"The feeling ‘I am a man, I am so-and-so’ (this and thus), is only a thought. But the thoughtless consciousness/awareness ‘I am’  is not a thought; it is the very nature of our ‘being’. The mixed consciousness ‘I am this or that’  is a thought that rises from our ‘being (thoughtless pure awareness)’. It is only after the rising of this thought (i.e., this and that, so-and-so etc.), the mixed consciousness (the first person), that all other thoughts, which are the knowledge of second (i.e.,you,he/she,it) , and third persons (i.e., them,they), rise into existence. The pure existence-consciousness, ‘I am’, is not a thought; this consciousness/awareness is our nature (swarupam). ‘I am a man’ is not our pure consciousness; it is only our thought! To understand thus the difference between our ‘being’ (i.e., thoughtless,silent,awareness) and our ‘rising’ (that is, between existence/being and thought) , is essential for aspirants who take to the enquiry ‘Who am I?’.

"The ego, the feeling of ‘I’, generally taken by people to be the first person consciousness, is not the real first person consciousness; Self alone is the real first person consciousness. The ego feeling, which is merely a shadow of it, is a false first person consciousness. When one enquires into this ego, what it is or who it is, it disappears because it is really nonexistent, and the enquirer, having nothing more to do, is established in Self as Self. The correct meaning of the term ‘Self-enquiry’ (atma-vichara) is here rightly explained to be ‘turning Selfwards’ (or attending to Self)."

"In either of these two kinds of enquiry (‘Who am I’?’ or ‘Whence' am I' meaning "From what" am I?’), since the attention of the aspirant is focused only on himself, nothing other than Self (atman), which is the true import of the word ‘I’, will be finally experienced. Therefore, the ultimate result of both the enquiries, ‘Whence (From What) am I ?’ and ‘Who am I ?’, is the same ! How? He who seeks ‘Whence (From What) am I ?’ is following the ego, the form of which is ‘I am so-and-so (ex.I am Jon Doe,a student from Nevada etc.) ’, and while doing so, the adjunct ‘so-and-so (Name/Identity), having no real existence, dies on the way, and thus he remains established in Self, the surviving ‘I am’."

"Whether done in the form ‘From What am I?’ or ‘Who am I ?’, what is absolutely essential is that Self-attention should be pursued till the very end. Moreover, it is not necessary for sincere aspirants even to name before-hand the feeling ‘I’ either as ego or as Self, For, are there two persons in the aspirant, the ego and Self? This is said because, since everyone of us has the experience ‘I am one only and not two’. we should not give room to an imaginary dual feeling – one ‘I’ seeking for another ‘I’ – by differentiating ego and Self as ‘lower self’ and higher-self’."

"It is sufficient if we cling to the feeling ‘I’ uninterruptedly. Such attention to the feeling ‘I’, the common daily experience of everyone, is what is meant by Self-attention, For those who accept as their basic knowledge the ‘I am the body’ – consciousness (jiva bhava), being unable to doubt its (the ego’s) existence, it is suitable to take to Self-attention (that is, to do Self-enquiry) in the form ‘Whence or From What am I ?’, "
On the other hand, for those who instead of assuming that they have an individuality (jiva bhava) such as ‘I am so-and-so’ or ‘I am this’, attend thus, ‘What is this feeling which shines as 'I' ?’, it is suitable to be fixed in Self-attention in the form ‘Who am I ?’ What is important to be sure of during practice (sadhana) is that our attention is turned only towards ‘I’, the first person singular feeling."
 

Edited May 20, 2020 by Guru Fat Bastard