Practical Depression Relief

[Ayla]

First things first: 

"I AM DEPRESSED" - let us break this phrase down. 

I - who is this "I" you are talking about? Find out who this is first. Eliminate everything that is not constant in your life - anything that has not been there from the beginning:

- all cells of your body have been naturally renewed at different stages of your life (lookup on google how often)

- your name: your parents most likely gave you your name as soon as they've found out your gender....but you existed before that...

- your breath - that's a tough one, right? Let us investigate: the only "constant" thing that seems to be there throughout your life is breathing. First breath in, last breath out. But that's about it, because in between, breathing is mostly irregular, chaotic and shallow. That is the reason why one of the key factors in meditation is breathing. Once you have a deep regular breath, you will realize that you cannot be depressed....because you will come to understand  experientially that you are not at all who you though you were (aka your programming).

Let us go further and examine the feeling of being depressed: 

- sit down and look at what you actually FEEL: loneliness? emptiness? sadness? lack of motivation? despair? 

You feel none of the above!!! These are merely mental concepts that you have been programmed to associate with certain SENSATIONS inside your body! Look again and eliminate anything that is not a physical sensation ( cold, hot, tightness, itching, etc). It is the association you make between these sensations and the mental concepts that were programmed into you that leads you to the conclusion that you are depressed. 

Continue to inquire on these two fronts and you will soon be FREE ! 

Leave the stories behind with this practice: 

Whenever you have 10 minutes to spare, sit down, close your eyes, and breathe calmly, with no pause between breaths: 

On in-breath: "I am not the body"

On out-breath: "I am not the mind" 

 

[Meriem]

How will you help people who are forced to go through things that are not between their hands? Like young Syrians full of ambitions but because of the situation in their country they can't get visas to follow their dreams like studies and careers? And the circumstances put them in a severe depression. 

[Ayla]

@Meriem

Thank you for your question. First, know that you cannot do a single thing for "another" person. This is a personal journey here on Earth. Each of us have to take responsibility for our own experience. This has been conveyed in different forms by different enlightened people from all times, but the main idea is: "start with yourself".

Our own focus on the "bad" stuff is giving it its reality. Mass media capitalizes a lot on this, thus perpetuating the problem. 

Only beings that feel separated from others can hurt other beings. Once you experience Oneness, there's no way of ever hurting another being - human or not. That is the only way you can help.

Realizing they are not their current circumstances may help people who are experiencing what we commonly call depression. 

 

[nbolt]

I have never had clinical depression, and agree with many of the sentiments above personally, but this sounds stereotypically like the exact kind of advice people with depression HATE getting, the "it's all in your mind, have you ever tried just not being depressed?" kind of thing.

 

 

[Ayla]

This is not about trying, but about bringing in the light of consciousness - which is ultimately who we are - and inquire into what we are actually experiencing. When we consciously lose the labels we've put on certain physical manifestations, and we sit with named sensations without judgement, the realization comes that they are just ways for us to run away from a sensation in the body (that we previously experienced as trauma and never dealt with properly - aka living it fully in the moment).

[nbolt]

Yeah I agree with all those sentiments, but personal development comes in stages, and this is relatively advanced stuff, I'm just not sure it's the right advice for someone who's actually currently dealing with depression.

But maybe it'll work for some- everyone's different. I just know people with depression get barraged with this sort of stuff all the time and it really bugs them and they immediately discard the advice. If you approach people in a way they cannot identify with and are immediately hostile to, sometimes it can be counterproductive.

Edited February 5, 2016 by Neill Bolton

[Sarah Marie]

Why I do agree with you at this stage in my journey, I can't say I would have been receptive to these comments when I was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder (to go along with my bulimia) 10 years ago. BUT I can tell you that I have overcome each of these without medication and none are in my life today. 

The problem with this approach however is, sometimes levels in the brain (serotonin) ARE actually off casing feelings of depression. Are there ways to combat that naturally and through personal development work? Sure, I'm living proof. However, if a person could understand these concepts in the first place I would be willing to bet they aren't depressed. So, I think that brining attention and mindfulness to ones feelings (and more importantly the thoughts causing these feelings) is helpful, but more has to be done to raise levels back to a normal functioning level. 

I do think depression and other illnesses are manifested therefore can be undone, but to a person suffering from depression this would merely scratch the surface of how to overcome it. If they knew how to do these things it wouldn't be there in the first place.

There is so much more to it then just figuring out what made one come to the conclusion they are depressed. In order to overcome clinical depression you must deal with past traumas, take responsibility for EVERY aspect of your life, raise your "feel good hormones" and that is barely scratching the surface, again. 

This is a great topic and something I studied in depth during college and my journey, so thanks for sharing! 

[Sarah Marie]

I also would be interested to hear how you would view something like 

I HAVE CANCER.

Would you preceive this the same?

[Kelley White]

I'm going to be 100% honest.    I'm a bit triggered and trying to cope with this so perhaps we can all see how this works...I'll leap.

1.  If I heard I had cancer, I think I would feel relieved; less of a burden, like the pain would be over.   (yes I am under the care of professionals and no I am not suicidal, I just get that depressed but I am aware it is not an option.  Just to be very clear.  I find you start being honest it can leave room for misunderstanding if you are not clear.)

Now.  I will preface this with, I am one of the oh 5% of folks that don't seem to do well on meds, can do all the breathing and mental gymnastics I like, and I am still in profound emotional pain.  Trauma happened; for some of us non stop.  Life "proved" to us, nothing about this place is safe.

I can breathe all I like, my son is still going to be in prison, and I have to live with that unpleasant and very painful reality daily.   What is... is painful. 

A girl is dead, her family is in pain and lives with that.  I live with that as well.  That is painful.  Its reality. 

I can breathe all I like, my husband will still be an alcoholic; perhaps in recovery, perhaps not, A PUA guy that chose to use his NLP on the naive geek girl who would appreciate the attention I suppose in hindsight.   I still have a restraining order after trying to avoid getting one every step of the way; I still love the guy even though I know intellectually I fell in love with an illusion.  I know its utterly retarded.   One minute I see clearly what was real, the next I am  blaming myself and thinking it, along with everything else in the world is all my fault and I am the worst human on the planet.   That's painful.   

So I'm sitting here, and I'm breathing, but its painful, and its been painful for years.   I can be aware its a conditioned response.  I can ask is this real?  I'm still sitting here incapable of focusing, crying, despondent, little to anything with any consistency is "fun".  Fun?  Foreign word the past eight months.   Learning to have what everyone else calls fun?  Work.  Exhausting.   Humiliating.  Tonight when I go out for the Friday evening I socialize, I fake it every step of the way, I'm exhausted after two hours.  I am happy to get to my friends home where I can rest for the remainder of the weekend.  When I'm home I work 14 hours plus a day at my writing hobby...I say hobby because what is real is I don't make a profit. 

You know you look like this two year old, as you are utterly frozen and just can't do something, or just react and shut down.     The littlest things and I can be caught wholly by surprise and just  shut down.  I literally cannot make myself function the way someone else would.   So here I am, I appear      intelligent, articulate, can be doing quite well, then all of a sudden a trigger either known or unknown comes a long and wham!  People are obviously looking at me like wtf is wrong with this woman?  She just turned into a two year old.  Meanwhile I am trying to breathe and wishing the ground would open up and swallow me.     I don't feel like an adult.  Most of my adult life everyone has told me what to do.   Men, kids, therapists, bosses, ask me to tell you what I want?  I can't even pick a restaurant.   That's painful to get smacked with that realization.  (Which I was again in a louder way today since my own musings on the matter don't appear to be suiting the Universe's time table.)  So perhaps you guys can help me brainstorm or redirect my focus without offering me the pull my self up by the boot straps thing, which clearly if I could I would have.  Pain isn't fun.   Perhaps you can figure out how to help my inner toddler stop ruining my life?

 

[Sarah Marie]

6 minutes ago, Kelley White said:

I'm going to be 100% honest.    I'm a bit triggered and trying to cope with this so perhaps we can all see how this works...I'll leap.

1.  If I heard I had cancer, I think I would feel relieved; less of a burden, like the pain would be over.   (yes I am under the care of professionals and no I am not suicidal, I just get that depressed but I am aware it is not an option.  Just to be very clear.  I find you start being honest it can leave room for misunderstanding if you are not clear.)

Now.  I will preface this with, I am one of the oh 5% of folks that don't seem to do well on meds, can do all the breathing and mental gymnastics I like, and I am still in profound emotional pain.  Trauma happened; for some of us non stop.  Life "proved" to us, nothing about this place is safe.

I can breathe all I like, my son is still going to be in prison, and I have to live with that unpleasant and very painful reality daily.   What is... is painful. 

A girl is dead, her family is in pain and lives with that.  I live with that as well.  That is painful.  Its reality. 

I can breathe all I like, my husband will still be an alcoholic; perhaps in recovery, perhaps not, A PUA guy that chose to use his NLP on the naive geek girl who would appreciate the attention I suppose in hindsight.   I still have a restraining order after trying to avoid getting one every step of the way; I still love the guy even though I know intellectually I fell in love with an illusion.  I know its utterly retarded.   One minute I see clearly what was real, the next I am  blaming myself and thinking it, along with everything else in the world is all my fault and I am the worst human on the planet.   That's painful.   

So I'm sitting here, and I'm breathing, but its painful, and its been painful for years.   I can be aware its a conditioned response.  I can ask is this real?  I'm still sitting here incapable of focusing, crying, despondent, little to anything with any consistency is "fun".  Fun?  Foreign word the past eight months.   Learning to have what everyone else calls fun?  Work.  Exhausting.   Humiliating.  Tonight when I go out for the Friday evening I socialize, I fake it every step of the way, I'm exhausted after two hours.  I am happy to get to my friends home where I can rest for the remainder of the weekend.  When I'm home I work 14 hours plus a day at my writing hobby...I say hobby because what is real is I don't make a profit. 

You know you look like this two year old, as you are utterly frozen and just can't do something, or just react and shut down.     The littlest things and I can be caught wholly by surprise and just  shut down.  I literally cannot make myself function the way someone else would.   So here I am, I appear      intelligent, articulate, can be doing quite well, then all of a sudden a trigger either known or unknown comes a long and wham!  People are obviously looking at me like wtf is wrong with this woman?  She just turned into a two year old.  Meanwhile I am trying to breathe and wishing the ground would open up and swallow me.     I don't feel like an adult.  Most of my adult life everyone has told me what to do.   Men, kids, therapists, bosses, ask me to tell you what I want?  I can't even pick a restaurant.   That's painful to get smacked with that realization.  (Which I was again in a louder way today since my own musings on the matter don't appear to be suiting the Universe's time table.)  So perhaps you guys can help me brainstorm or redirect my focus without offering me the pull my self up by the boot straps thing, which clearly if I could I would have.  Pain isn't fun.   Perhaps you can figure out how to help my inner toddler stop ruining my life?

 

I can relate so much to you! I saw a psychotherapist who helped me with my "inner child work" perhaps it's worth a shot? I saw her for 3 years and she did wonders for my past traumas. ?

[nbolt]

Kelley's experiences above are what I was referring to. I'm no therapist and not sure what advice to give, but it sure isn't telling you that you can just think everything away, subtlety implying you're doing this to yourself.

[Kelley White]

I am working with an EMDR specialist, another counselor and then seeing a different doc in the next week or so.   I guess I have not had much success in the past; it becomes challenging to have hope.

[Sarah Marie]

1 hour ago, Kelley White said:

I am working with an EMDR specialist, another counselor and then seeing a different doc in the next week or so.   I guess I have not had much success in the past; it becomes challenging to have hope.

Kelley I completely understand, I went to 10, yes 10 before I found a therapist who connected with me. And I was in therapy for the better half of a decade dealing with past traumas. I can tell you coming through it on the other side it's not as easy as just understanding why you're sad and what you're feeling. It's hard to do that when you're in a place where you can't even identify your feelings let alone change them. Therapy is not for everyone, by any means but it worked for me so I always encourage it. Good luck, hang in there life is amazing once you can become more counscious and heal your soul. 

[Ayla]

My approach to Depression, after having it for 5 years (to a point where I could not leave my room for 8 moths), and after dealing with it professionally as a psychologist , has changed a lot in the last year, after experiencing emptiness / no self. 

I can only relate to my own current opinion. We are where we are in our journey, each of us. My words do not imply any thing at all. I just say it like I see it. I am not implying that we do it to ourselves at all, but that the conditioning is part of human evolution at this stage and that once we see above it, many things will drop - yes, even cancer (see Anita Moorjani's story on youtube) .  

This is a huge problem I've seen in the last few moths: people are not present enough to go through the information with an open mind and heart. So the only thing left, is this polarity of you are wrong and I am right. Which is fine by me because I do not pretend to be right. I just gave you my own current view on how I perceive things

 So for those of you who didn't find relief with years and years of therapy and pills, give this a try too. It's free!  

Continue to take your medicine and look into natural supplementation (5HTP), laughter yoga, etc..

[Sarah Marie]

It's great info I appreciate you sharing. 

[Leo Gura]

Yeah, the problem with depression is that it's a giant self-fulfilling prophecy that robs you of the VERY mental resources you need to pull yourself out of it.

So in practice, I would say if you got really bad depression, you need to find someone to help you who is willing to meet you at your level.

One thing they taught us in life coach training is the following principle:

If a person is at victim-level thinking and you give him a kick in the ass, he will only become a bigger victim. << they need a very gentle hand-holding approach.

If a person is at fighter-level thinking and you give him a kick in the ass, he will mobilize and self-correct.

So total victims need lots of support and encouragement.

I think you could teach mindfulness-type practices to depressed people, but you'd have to do it in a very supportive environment. You can't just tell them something like: "You are causing all your own problems and it's all in your head." While that's technically true, they are too weak to do anything with it.

Btw, I've tried motivating victims through tough-talk and brutal truth, and my results have been mixed. A lot of times they just get upset and freaked out because I failed to meet them at their level. Case-in-point my early video on depression called; Why Am I Depressed? Which gets a lot of downvotes even though it technically answers the question head-on.

Another important thing I discovered about depression is that it is a super ambiguous word.

1. Some people say they are depressed when their favorite video game didn't come out on time.
2. Some people are depressed because their entire family was killed in a car crash.
3. Some people are depressed because they eat a terrible diet for YEARS and never exercise
4. Some people are depressed because they have been lying to their spouse about cheating on them.
5. Some people are depressed because they only made $5 million dollars this year instead of $10 million.
6. Some people are depressed because they read too much existentialist philosophy in college.
7. Some people are depressed because they are addicted to alcohol.

HUGE difference between all of the above! Yet we tend to call all these cases "depression" and generally try to solve them with the same remedy.

[Ayla]

While I completely see the validity of your sharing Leo, my new point of view in life is a bit different. I have practically lived in a Psy Hospital (Godmother was a Psychiatrist and took me with her all the time). I have seen people with depression all my life, starting with my ex husband who committed suicide, and with me actually ending up with a deeply traumatic depression that put me in (sometimes under) my bed for 8 moths... 

What scared the S*@T out of me is that I saw, both in my own practice and in my godmothers - people coming to us for years and years and years... I did not want to live my life like that!

I think that at any level one is, if they had someone helping them to interrogate. to probe, to inquire, to really dig deep into

1. who is this "I" having the depression (is meant to alleviate the pressure of this happening to  ME me me me me me.. who is this me? )

2. what it actually feels like in their body as opposed to what they are thinking... (get the person in touch with their own trauma stored in their physical body and help them live it with no judgement ( words, labels, concepts, etc) 

Anyway... this is how I got myself out of it  

[nbolt]

doing self-inquiry work like that is only going to help a very small, select group of people. talking about not having a self will likely only further their depression, assuming they don't just immediately chalk you up to be some crazy new age hippy, which is the more likely scenario.

Edited February 6, 2016 by Neill Bolton

[Leo Gura]

46 minutes ago, Ayla said:

While I completely see the validity of your sharing Leo, my new point of view in life is a bit different. I have practically lived in a Psy Hospital (Godmother was a Psychiatrist and took me with her all the time). I have seen people with depression all my life, starting with my ex husband who committed suicide, and with me actually ending up with a deeply traumatic depression that put me in (sometimes under) my bed for 8 moths... 

What scared the S*@T out of me is that I saw, both in my own practice and in my godmothers - people coming to us for years and years and years... I did not want to live my life like that!

I think that at any level one is, if they had someone helping them to interrogate. to probe, to inquire, to really dig deep into

1. who is this "I" having the depression (is meant to alleviate the pressure of this happening to  ME me me me me me.. who is this me? )

2. what it actually feels like in their body as opposed to what they are thinking... (get the person in touch with their own trauma stored in their physical body and help them live it with no judgement ( words, labels, concepts, etc) 

Anyway... this is how I got myself out of it  

Yeah, I think that would work because someone is there willing to invest their time into that person and guide them.

Unfortunately many depressed people can't afford that kind of service or don't even know how to find it if it was offered for free. Or they would just stop practicing before they developed proficiency.

I'm all for the do-it-yourself approach if you have what it takes to do it.

Mindfulness is a SUPER powerful tool. Almost too good to be true. Hopefully more people start practicing.

[MIARIVEL]

On 5 February 2016 at 9:33 PM, Meriem said:

How will you help people who are forced to go through things that are not between their hands? Like young Syrians full of ambitions but because of the situation in their country they can't get visas to follow their dreams like studies and careers? And the circumstances put them in a severe depression. 

Hi Meriem, This is  such an unfortunate circumstance and my heart goes out to people who are full of ambition and life but due to their environment, they don't know how to feel or interpret anything else other then what they see around them. I have had clients who were the victim of rape for years and sat in silence and put up with up because they weren't aware that they had options, they lived in fear and didn't know any better but the environment they lived in. To me depression is a huge cry for help but when we are in this state we either do not know know we need help or where to find it or we desperately want someone to save us. What we don't realise is that in any situation we are placed in where we feel stuck, we need to have hope, faith and develop a strength within us to keep fighting through the pain and this is by no means easy or something we are aware of at the time. My client put on a strong happy face for her children, in front of her friends and family, she suffered in silence. I guess I was really lucky to have met her because sometimes it does take someone else to see something in you and show you what is possible. 

When I suffered from severe depression, I had no one. I saw two psychologist which was great to have someone to tell all my problems too but I didn't get any solutions from them, it was when i was given a personal development book and watched you tube videos from other personal development people that I started to shift my mindset and felt strong enough to make some changes. I guess all we can do is pray for these people and meanwhile try and be the best person we can be in order to help influence other as wells.