Leo's 10-Day Nature Solo Endeavor Questions

[JessiChell]

Recently I've gone through another painful break up (5th day since break up) with someone who was emotionally abusive and who did not value or reciprocate my efforts.
I've been watching Leo's videos on how to actualize because I no longer want these relationships. I want the one where two people are healthy and they have a syncing relationship. (I forgot what Leo calls this) My issue in relationships, along with trust issues (mainly because I can tell when people are not being fully honest) is...not being able to leave when they show a big red flag. ANYWAYS, too much info, I know. But I'm currently in an immense amount of pain that I want to never go through again. 

I've decided to do Leo's 10-day, nature isolation stay. I'm going to be booking a cabin in Boone, NC. I'm hoping this will develop my "pillars of actualization" so I have a good foundation of self and in the future, no matter how lonely I may get, I will be able to walk away from people who are not right for me. 

Before I do this I have some questions because I'm unsure about a few things. 

1. Should I bring my dog? Will bringing him inhibit me from self-actualizing?
2. I know there is no contact with people, tv, but can I download songs and listen to music? Would I be able to bring a few books? If so, how many?
3. Are there any activities I can do? Or should I just sit in nature and then on the couch at nighttime?
4. HAS THIS WORKED FOR ANYONE ELSE? Are you stronger? Do you still feel that deep whole inside of you? Do you still feel a need to have a family? (I have a very strong urge to feel connected to a family (not children just an intimate partner), to be valued by someone, to be important to a partner.)
5. I am a woman, and I have a gun and would like to bring it with me for protection. Is this a good idea? Will I be extremely suicidal at some points? I have not had suicidal thoughts for years. But I feel the need to protect myself deep in the mountains alone. So I need some advice. 

If you've read all of this, thank you for taking the time to do so and I hope you are doing well on your actualizing journey. Also, any other tips you think you would find helpful to me, please feel free to give. 

Love, Jess

[Philipp]

Hope you get better soon! Allow the sadness and when you feel ready start to let go of it. You will learn a lot from this! Pain is the best teacher ;). 

For the Retreat I cannot give you any advise, never did it myself, but I don't think you have to worry to much about it ( maybe more if you plan on taking drugs) and just take the time to think and let go. 

[allislove]

Hi Jess. I wish you to feel good asap ?

That's a good idea about nature retreat! 

1. Yes, bring dog if you enjoy spending time with dog. 

2. If you feel good listening music, then yes. Books are fine if reading relaxes you. 

3. Sit in nature or walk in nature, most important enjoy the nature and yourself. 

4. Nature will help you. 

5. Take it if you feel better with it.

The most important thing about this retreat for you is to enjoy nature, yourself, everything, be happy. If you feel like to cry - cry, that's the release. But be kind to yourself. Love yourself. 

Do you meditate? If not, you may start doing so, like 15-20 minutes per day. 

Another nice exercise is 'thanks list'. Just write everyday 10 sentences describing the things which you are grateful for in life using positive statements (without 'no'). 

It's all good now. It's gonna be even better ?

[DIDego]

Hey.

Have no clue about your history, advice is dangerous from each ones perspective, that not know the others level of development.

10-day booking, isolation in a unknown cabin, heartbroken and a gun!?

What possibly could go wrong?

Anyone who do isolation for a long time can go nuts and loose reality. 

I got red-flag feeling about how big step it can be to do isolation for that long first time.

The issues you struggle with right now might be a little dangerous combination.

 

I agree with legendary and his advices and i'm afraid you risk miss to read it because the closed post?

(Copy paste legendary text)

Before you go ahead with this, do a test run. For example, spend a day at home with zero distractions. You may find that it's harder than expected, I certainly did. You'll know, based on this, whether you really want to go ahead with the solo retreat. I would recommend considering going to a women's retreat if your real aim is to improve your relationships. 

I would also recommend sincerely contemplating what you want to get out of this retreat and write it down on a piece of paper. Should it be focused around self-help, meditation, When it gets tough, you can read it out and motivate yourself to keep going.

About the questions, these are just my opinions:

1. No pets. Check out Leo's checklist for a solo retreat on his blog: https://www.actualized.org/insights/solo-retreat-supplies-checklist

2.  If you want a retreat centered around self-help, bring books. If it is centered around meditation, don't. I would highly recommend bringing some of Leo's episodes, like "How To Forgive Anyone Who Hurt You - A Powerful Trauma Release Exercise",  "Self-Love - The Highest Teaching In The Universe" and ones you see fit for the retreat.

3. You should answer this for yourself. Contemplate. 

4. If you aim to become a stoic, grounded person who has no desire for anything, you'll probably fail. You may find instead that the isolation shows you how much you value things like intimacy and love. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. The retreat will show you who you are and not who you want to be: 

5. Yes, bring a gun. Keep it out of reach when you meditate.

Namaste!

 

 

[JessiChell]

@Philipp  Thank you for taking the time to respond, Phillip. 

Firstly, I have been letting the pain come and go. Cry when I need to cry, reach out to my friends who live far away when i need to, etc. This is how I've been taught to go through breakups. However, I watched a Leo video yesterday that said our thoughts determine our emotions. (I think it was the controlling emotions video.) And although he did say to go ahead and feel those negative emotions but just be aware of the thoughts your having at the time, I struggle to see how I can control not being sad. I have admitted to myself that, yes, this relationship with this person was not healthy. He did not live up to my standards that I bent for 9 months. I realize I'm grieving the comfort this person provided. So I'm trying to change those thoughts, however I dont have the pillars of self love I think to be able to not feel overwhelmed.

Any insight on this from Leo's perspective? I only feel comfortable with Leo's strategies at the moment for improvement so if you've seen a video or know from personal experience what is going on with me, please I'm open to information and improvements.

Yes, I was considering taking psychedelics because Leo recommended but after talking to someone experienced in them. He told me that my first time should not be alone. So I will refrain. 

Sorry if this was long! I'm trying to be genuine. So...I'm not sorry this was long but I do appreciate your feedback. 

 

 

[JessiChell]

@dimitri Thank you for your response, Dimitri.

I have been meditating every day. I use an app called Headspace. I'm working my way through the grieving sessions. Because to me, it does feel like I've completely lost this person forever. And I have. But I'm trying to accept this truth. And I'm also grieving because I am disappointed in my own growth as a person all around. 

I've meditated infrequently for 3 years. I know it needs to be every day. I am trying. 

I've reviewed Leo's list for the retreat since posting this and he says no dogs, no books, no distractions. So I have found some answers. 

Thank you ?

[JessiChell]

@DIDego Thank you for your response, Didego. 

It does sound terrifying and I am considering Legendary's womens retreat suggestion. However, if I go to a womens retreat, wouldnt that teach me to rely on other women or other people instead of myself? 

I will ask this to Legendary as well. 

I'm very serious about working on myself to make me more...of a complete person. I know full actualization is never obtainable but I want to be able to love myself enough to walk away from people who hurt me. I feel like that means I should do something radical to build this foundation within me. I'm open to all of Leo's suggestions to do this. Killing my ego etc. Being more honest, anything...

Do you know what Leo might suggest where to start? I felt like this would be a good place because I want radical change. 

Anymore advice is helpful. Thank you

[wordsforliving]

@JessiChell Dear Jess, I relate SO MUCH to what you are saying. I left an extremely emotionally abusive relationship about 5 months or so ago. It was exceptionally painful. No contact with the abuser was essential so I could heal. The pain will diminish more and more as time goes on. I have been wanting to go on a solo retreat. Healing is essential. 

Please feel free to reach out to me, as I have been walking down this exact path and understand from experience just how hard it is. I can share with you my experiences.  Love, Jannifer

[JessiChell]

@DIDego This was my response to Legendary which I dmd him because idk how to tag him. Anyone who is reading this, if you feel you have more insight please, I am willing to listen.

"Hey Legendary,

Thank you for responding on my post. They locked it and kept it under the actualized forum so I cant respond to you there. 

I reviewed Leo's list which I hadnt seen and thank you. When you say bring videos of Leo's,  he says dont bring distractions. Wouldnt that be considered a distraction? 

I'm confused at what the day to day retreat would look like. Is cooking a distraction? 

I really like the idea of a womens retreat, however, dont you think that would teach me to rely on others and not myself? I thought the point of the trip is to build your foundation for not needing anyone. 

Now I'm not saying "I dont need anyone" like for support or anything but I mean in those moments where someone has hurt/abused me and I have no one. I want to be enough for myself to leave. Does this make sense? I'm sure I will always want a partner. But as Leo says, it should be "icing on the cake" right? 

I watched your videos which were great relationship geared work. I always watch and read how to be more empathetic and how to be a better partner overall. However my partners never want to put in that same self reflection work. It would be great if they did. 

I think I've lost my train of thought now...but please anymore information or advice is appreciated. 

Thank you"

[wordsforliving]

2 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

I really like the idea of a womens retreat, however, dont you think that would teach me to rely on others and not myself? I thought the point of the trip is to build your foundation for not needing anyone. 

Now I'm not saying "I dont need anyone" like for support or anything but I mean in those moments where someone has hurt/abused me and I have no one. I want to be enough for myself to leave. Does this make sense? I'm sure I will always want a partner. But as Leo says, it should be "icing on the cake" right? 

You need your heart to heal, and so a women's retreat or connection with women with compassionate feminine energy is what is needed most. What you are saying is making deep sense to me. What you need is to enter into a healing space or healing womb. Nurturing and healing. This will prevent you from falling into further distractions, traps or further harm. @JessiChell