Dropping "shoulds", proportional drop in productivity

[Espaim]

After watching "How to stop moralizing", "How you lie" and "A rant agains morality" and reading Radical Honesty I dropped many of my shoulds. Not because I should but because I noticed that dropping my demands on myself is something I really wanted to do but didn't now exactly how.

What happened: now my mind is much quieter. WOW. There was always a voice in my head judging what I was doing and now it's way quieter most of the time.

The thing is: my motivation, which was not that great before, went downhill.

I find myself now browsing the phone and napping much more but I just don't care. I'm not following my schedule. I am eating much more junk food.

On the other hand, every move I take seems to be so much more smooth. There's no need to should myself into doing anything. I can just watch my body doing it's own thing. That's weird for me. I was always oppressing myself into doing my daily tasks and I was pretty miserable. Now I don't do almost any and I am way happier.

Is that how dropping shoulds is supposed to work? Is my productivity going to come back? Yes, I'm worried. I'm starting to imagine negative scenarios randomly where I'll be a homeless bum if I don't do what I was "supposed" to do.

All my attempts to build discipline were based on shoulding myself to death. I don't know what to expect, really.
Am I putting the cart before the horse?

Edited May 14, 2020 by Espaim

[Espaim]

@remember Have you done that shift? If yes, how was it?

I'm starting to get what real wanting means. Some of my goals come with a hidden "should" and others do not. It's more like an intuition. My Dream Board is helping a lot.

I think I'm going to give attention to those goals which have no should attached and see what happen, regardless of my own fears.

Edited May 14, 2020 by Espaim

[LfcCharlie4]

Yeah, dropping shoulds is great, It seems like you've allowed yourself to slip into things like Junkfood & excessive phone usage as some sort of trap. Almost like a Pseudo-Advaita excuse / spiritual bypassing in a way. 

@remember advice is great, building discipline becomes a lot easier when it becomes WANTs, I don't need discipline anymore to eat 95% clean, exercise everyday, take cold showers etc because I want to do these things as I know how amazing it feels compared to being unhealthy and not doing these things. 

However, if you're super lazy someone like David Goggins might kick you up your arse if that's what you need, then you at least have a foundation to work from and can build up the wants and come from a place of love, call it integrating healthy Stage Blue & Orange. 

[Oliver Saavedra]

Dropping shoulds its a beautiful thing because you stop relating your personal value to being what you "should be". Then you are free to be yourself. You are perfect as you are!

Its normal to feel bummed when your productivity dropped, you dropped a motivational mechanism which worked even if it was unhealthy. Now you need to install the new healthy motivational mechanism for action. 

"Do things because you want to, not because you have to" is the healthy paradigm to install. Follow what gives you pleasure, do things you love, build your most fulfilling vision and use it to motivate you everyday. Enjoy every day, be very thankful for everything, appreciate everything for what is. Everything is perfect as it is, and now is your job to make it even better

[allislove]

Cool ?

Yes, I'm worried. I'm starting to imagine negative scenarios randomly where I'll be a homeless bum if I don't do what I was "supposed" to do.

Try to let it go. That's amazing that you already have a dream board! Now you can just write what you want, right? ?

Something like: I want to be productive, I want to earn this amount of money, it will help me to enjoy.., I want to feel love, etc. 

You meditate, I suppose? It's also amazing tool for letting go 'worries' ?

All is good now ?

[LfcCharlie4]

@dimitri  Yes yes yes. 

Well said! 

You can combine Productivity, Business, Abundance etc with Spirituality and 'positive manifestation' , it's not as if awakening means that's it and you never take any action again, unless of course that's what you want

[allislove]

@LfcCharlie4 ?❤️

? still doing cold showers and hof breathing, thanks man! 

[Espaim]

On 14/05/2020 at 6:57 PM, LfcCharlie4 said:

David Goggins might kick you up your arse

He seems pretty motivated. Didn't do it for me though.

 

On 14/05/2020 at 9:19 PM, dimitri said:

You meditate, I suppose? It's also amazing tool for letting go 'worries'

If I remember correctly, when I posted this I was on Modafinil. Holy shit, so much anxiety. I'm not that worriful at a normal day.

I guess I'll need to figure out by myself how to get out of this rut because even when I'm on stimulants I can't seem to be able to do any significant amount of work.

I think I have some underlying health problem unadressed. It's like my body and mind don't follow up to each other potential. I've been struggling with this for a long time. I was planning to go to a doctor but now all "not urgent" healthcare is not available in my country and I don't have money to go to private doctors. I already went to psychiatrists, neurologist and a GP but that didn't help significantly. I've already posted about this on this forum. I didn't give up though. I'll do what is within and out of my reach to figure this out.

 

My dreamboard is getting bigger but the motivation and discipline is still low as fuck. I'm sleepy and tired almost all days everyday.

[allislove]

@Espaim want to share few things to try: microdoses of shrooms, wim hof breathing, eat more vegetables, cold shower.

I wish you to have abundance of energy asap ?

Edited May 19, 2020 by dimitri