Advice: moving in with BF/GF

[lostmedstudent]

I will be moving in with my BF in a month. We have been dating for almost 3 years, and always lived apart. I have always lived with my parents (who give me a lot of space at home).

do you guys have any advice for people who are going to move in together for the first time? Anything you wish you knew back then? What are some of the biggest changes/challenges in your relationship as a result of moving in? What are some of the best things you find about living with a SO?

How do you make sure both people get some "me time". We are both introverted, and need alone time once in a while. 

Thank y'alll!  

Edited May 12, 2020 by lostmedstudent

[Roy]

@lostmedstudent My partner and I moved in together after only 10 months. A lot of potential conflict has probably been avoided because we made some simple ground rules when we moved in together right away, like within the first few days as we were decorating/moving furniture.

We love living together, and never really conflict about anything! We like to think of living together as a permanent sleep over !

- Come up with a simple schedule for chores. Not too rigid, but just the stuff that HAS to get done. Have some free days in there as well so neither of you are overwhelmed. Don't know why this image is so big haha;

- Although you live in the same house or apartment and may be splitting costs 50/50 (I hope it's 50/50 or there might be resentment/power imbalance built up) you should each have designated "spaces" or rooms for yourselves. I get the office for my work/alone time, and she gets the living room more or less. Of course neither of us are banned from spending time in either if we want when the other person is there, it's more of a "vague agreement" so we can get alone time.

- Have certain standards for cleanliness where you are living. Don't point fingers or shame if someone leaves a mess or slacks off, just be kind about reminding them and help them clean up if they ask or don't have energy. You want to encourage each other to build the habits up individually. Having a nice space you can both enjoy raises overall baseline happiness.

- Do nice things around your living space for them once in a while on top of what you do for your role, but don't expect the favor to get returned like you're counting score.

- Be willing to compromise on style/decorating. Give each other some leeway in how the place should look.

- Be very sensitive about noise when either of you are waking up/getting ready for work, etc.

- Even though there is lockdown, try to have chunks of days and time where one of you leaves the apartment/house for whatever reason so the other person has some true alone time. It makes a difference.

Just build up that honest communication early so things don't bottle up and blow up later. Living with someone can be challenging but it's also amazingly fun.

Hope this helps, cheers!

- Roy

 

Edited May 12, 2020 by Roy

[lostmedstudent]

10 hours ago, Roy said:

don't expect the favor to get returned like you're counting score.

hahaha i like that. i tend to expect stuff

10 hours ago, Roy said:

try to have chunks of days and time where one of you leaves the apartment/house for whatever reason so the other person has some true alone time. It makes a difference.

"GET OUT, I NEED SOME ME TIME"

its pretty good stuff, thanks Roy! 

[lostmedstudent]

Could anyone else living with a partner offer some advice? Thank you in advance

[Chumbimba]

@lostmedstudent don't do it. 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

Speaking from experience, it just depends on how compatible you are lifestyle-wise. There will be challenges for sure, biggest part being both at home when having a disagreement, but you will get really comfortable with the other person and grow closer as time goes on.

As far as alone time, If your schedules are slightly different you will probably have alone time at the house or out and about on your own. Or you both can chill at the house and be okay with doing your own thing. Such as being on the computer/reading/watching TV/ect while the other is doing something else. Its just unrealistic to do everything together constantly. You need to do your own thing at times. 

Big part is being respectful of having people over when the other person wants alone time/privacy. Maybe having them over when your SO is gone. Also letting them go to sleep without noise. 

[Arcangelo]

3 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

@lostmedstudent don't do it. 

Agreed.

[ajasatya]

On 11/05/2020 at 10:51 PM, lostmedstudent said:

do you guys have any advice for people who are going to move in together for the first time?

Stay alert and don't allow neediness turn you into a petty person. Have a clear and auspicious vision for your life. Two people together can be many times greater than the sum of two people separately. The strength of a couple can be astonishing but it will depend on your wisdom.

[lostmedstudent]

@Chumbimba too late

but why. Hahah 

[lostmedstudent]

@Arcangelo please expand your thoughts ?

[Arcangelo]

Living with someone equals to getting married in many countries (same divorce laws apply after a year). If you get married (start living together) chances are you are gonna get divorced 51%

Also chances are you are gonna be the one starting the divorce process.

If I gave you a parachute and told you that it works 50% of the time, would you jump off the plane?

Also remember Robert DeNiro's movie quote: -''If there's a doubt, there is no doubt''

[Spiral]

It does offer a lot of convince to live to together and is often beneficial economically. However convince does create issues, especially in terms of desire. To remedy this make sure both of you have other high quality relationships that you spend time with outside of the relationship. As in not together.