4-HO-MET TRIP REPORT – First glimpse of awakening?

[billiesimon]

At some levels I regret having had this first breakthrough/small awakening. Because I feel completely lost now. Life is losing meaning.

At other levels, I'm grateful because I can feel a lot deeper into my body, mind and emotions. And I have a better understanding of authenticity ?

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, billiesimon said:

And I seem to get worse and worse in mood. I thought the experience was going to make me happier in "normal" life, but I am feeling more and more depressed... what the hell?

Hehehe...

Yeah, now the real work begins.

You think psychedelics will make you happy, and of course they won't.

[billiesimon]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Hehehe...

Yeah, now the real work begins.

You think psychedelics will make you happy, and of course they won't.

Yeah, in truth I thought that a first awakening would make me happy.

What kind of work do I need to do? Do you mean shadow work? I've been doing SW for a year now, but my shadows now seem to get even bigger than before... 

[Leo Gura]

@billiesimon No, the work of waking up.

[billiesimon]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@billiesimon No, the work of waking up.

Yeah, I'm definitely going to keep up the awakening work. I want to discover more.

But I think that shadow work is still very important, because I still need to face everyday-life challenges.

[Javfly33]

Hang in there buddy

[billiesimon]

31 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Hang in there buddy

I'm going to persist. 

Thanks ?

[Cepzeu]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

No, the work of waking up.

@Leo Gura do you mean striving for god-realisation 24/7? Do you have a video that talks about what to do after first awakening that elaborates on what you said?

[lostmedstudent]

@billiesimon sorry to hear about it! I think its quite normal to have ego backlashes after such profound experiences . I hope you can embrace it! You will grow stronger and more loving than ever after this ego backlash <3 

 

what kind of SW do you do ? Any techniques ?

Edited May 14, 2020 by lostmedstudent

[billiesimon]

28 minutes ago, lostmedstudent said:

what kind of SW do you do ? Any techniques ?

I generally follow Teal Swan's methods. Inner child healing, and diving deep into suffering. But sometimes it doesn't work because you have to understand where the root cause is.

29 minutes ago, lostmedstudent said:

You will grow stronger and more loving than ever after this ego backlash <3 

I hope so, but right now it's absolute hell.

 

I've never been in such suffering before. My body is aching out of nowhere. I feel like my life is hell and inauthentic.
I have fantasies of leaving town and becoming "a crazy guy".

I also have random moments of existential love ?

[lostmedstudent]

1 hour ago, billiesimon said:

I hope so, but right now it's absolute hell.

 

I've never been in such suffering before. My body is aching out of nowhere. I feel like my life is hell and inauthentic.
I have fantasies of leaving town and becoming "a crazy guy".

do you have any hobbies that could help you relax? maybe music, painting, things like that ? any motivation to do that ? 

you are doing amazing to be where you are. and you are exactly where you need to be ! this work is not for the fainted hearts! the hell will pass, just like the clouds!! be kind to yourself, do something enjoyable, fun, clear your mind for a bit and come back to it when you feel ready ! 

sending lots of love to you !!!! 

[billiesimon]

12 minutes ago, lostmedstudent said:

do you have any hobbies that could help you relax? maybe music, painting, things like that ? any motivation to do that ? 

you are doing amazing to be where you are. and you are exactly where you need to be ! this work is not for the fainted hearts! the hell will pass, just like the clouds!! be kind to yourself, do something enjoyable, fun, clear your mind for a bit and come back to it when you feel ready ! 

sending lots of love to you !!!! 

Thanks ? I love you too ?