Glimpsing God - 2g Mushroom Trip Report

[Consilience]

Never underestimate mushrooms... 

Set – To become conscious of God

Setting – My backyard/Room on a sunny day

 

Intro

How can I even truly articulate what I experienced yesterday? There have been these mild intellectual skirmishes on the forum lately talking about the role psychedelics play in enlightenment or lack thereof. For the most part, I’ve stayed off the fence because I truly DON’T know what role these substances play with awakening. You’ve got the Ralston camp going on about how Enlightenment, Truth isn’t an experience and therefore taking a psychedelic which changes experience cannot deliver the truth to you and then on the other end you’ve got the Leo camp ignoring these claims and seriously pursuing psychedelic work. Yet after this trip, I just don’t know how one could ever argue they don’t play a role unless they lack the direct experience of God realization on a psychedelic. I have no doubt meditation, contemplation, and yoga can facilitate these insights to a massive degree, but it will take a massive amount of time to deliver what these mushrooms showed. Let me explain.

It’s odd because normally mushrooms get really twisty, kind of funny and confusing with the way they deliver insights. Yet this trip, my mind was sharp, clear and open in contrast with the usual twisty nature. There were no real visual effects other than a mild increase in sharpness to objects and colors. To be quite honest I hardly felt like I was tripping at all up until the peak.
 

Fear Opening the Mind
So over the course of 4 hours there was this subtle anxiety and fear that was accumulating in my mind. I started feeling all of these insecurities and fears bubbling up. I felt overwhelmed by my college debt, I felt weak from my chronic illness, I felt like my life purpose was going to be a complete failure. It was interesting watching these emotions build slowly, slowly slowly… I was able to sit with the pretty successfully and just watch unattached to them using basic mindfulness principles. I don’t think I was aware of how deep rooted they were in my subconscious though, but it seems I really believe myself to be a failure. Yet as this fear grow bolder (presumably as the psychedelic effects grew stronger) the fear’s root began to surface – The fear of death. Oddly enough these ‘surface’ level fears all stemmed ultimately from my fear of death.

Death
I remember just sitting outside alone contemplating my own death, contemplating the meaninglessness of my individual life, feeling the reality that in a thousand years all of this life would be gone. Humanity will have long forgotten me, and in all likelihood, all of my contributions will be but a grain of sand to the transformation of the species. Of course my life plays a pivotal role in the infinite chain of causation, however it is utterly impermanent. My mind then started scaling not to thousands of years, but millions of years in this universe’s lifetime. I was somehow able to conceptualize into a higher tier of time and not merely think, but FEEL the emptiness of my life in reality’s lifespan. A great sadness washed over my being. At this point I went into my room and laid down in silence, just staring into my ceiling.

A Glimpse of God

As I was staring into this empty ceiling feeling the void of my life, all of my loved ones, of humanity itself, I was struck with the most powerful nondual insight of my life. I burst into tears whaling as I realized how I am all beings, every last perspective of consciousness in all possible realities, my being was coming to terms with the enormity of what these implications really meant, that I was responsible for this Universe, that I was this moment of eternity, and that I would experience every last possible variation of possible perspectives. Not only will I experience lifetime after lifetime after lifetime, I’ve done this for eternity. Fucking eternity. I felt my self violently explode into awareness, tears where streaming down my face, and I literally started drooling because of how much infinity I became conscious of. It was heart wrenching, terrifying, utterly absolute Love and terror. It felt like I was going through some sort of childbirth process where I was contracting and releasing into fear and love simultaneously. It was utter infinity, utter emptiness. I was whaling in ecstasy, sadness, love. My body temperature rose and began sweating everywhere. My hands, face, legs, feet, where all damp, all muscles where firing and releasing energy as I felt the enormity of what I am. My body would scrunch up into a child’s pose and then open back up in release. It was the most powerful experience I’ve ever had of God and it only lasted around 10 minutes total. I don’t think such a body reaction is necessary, but if one is not prepared for the enormity of Truth, there’s no telling how the ego-body-mind structure will react. Mine reacted in some sort of hurricane of psycho-physical-energetic contraction and release BECAUSE I’ve never truly seen this shit. Not to the extent of yesterday. I’ve had glimpse of God before both sober and tripping, but nothing like this. Nothing even close. I then spent about an hour just chilling in this massively increased state of awareness processing what the fuck I’d just gone through.

Take aways:

I realize now that the mind shields itself from the Self to colossal degrees. I already knew the mind acts a shied from Truth, but I really only yesterday felt the power of this mechanism firsthand. If the mind where truly able to remain in this state forever, I’m not sure survival would be possible. This is why I am unsure of whether Ralston’s perspective is correct. Yes you can awaken to yourself while sober; in fact the majority of my awakening process has been from meditation and contemplation. I see very clearly the illusory nature of self, the will of the Universe playing out in every moment, the love and compassion I authentically feel for life and all beings. Yet after this trip I see now the distinction between awakening to your true self and UNDERSTANDING your true self. I see now why Leo talks about understanding. I’m not sure this level of understanding is possible without psychedelics. The thing is, this was only 2g of mushrooms, never mind 5-MeO or a higher dose. As horrific and amazing as this understanding was, I intuited very clearly that this was only the tip of the iceberg. The depth to Truth is kind of terrifying to consider and until one has a heavy dose of themselves, they won’t understand.

Was this “experience” temporary? Yes. As new aged as this may sound though, I feel an energetic shift in my being. I’ve felt this from all the trips I do. They truly change one’s energy system and the experience stays with you, changes you. It’s similar to how once you’ve had sex, you forever have an understanding about a facet of reality that no amount of masturbation, porn, or foreplay can replicate. Today I feel at peace, and ease. I feel happy and equanimous. I feel strong and I feel incredible fortunate to have been given this gift, this level of understanding.  

Another thing I wanted to mention – My intuition tells me that my meditation and hatha yoga practice played a key role with how I was able to receive such a powerful breakthrough on such a low dose of psychedelics. I see a lot of people questioning the effectiveness of more traditional consciousness practices, but from what I can tell, they all feed off one another. So if you’re reading this and are interested in pursuing psychedelics, but don’t have a strong, grounded sober practice, I would encourage you to begin there. 1 hour of meditation a day will radically change your life.

[Leo Gura]

@Consilience Excellent!

Now you're starting to see.

Keep digging deeper.

Shoot for total omniscience.

[Consilience]

54 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Consilience Excellent!

Now you're starting to see.

Keep digging deeper.

Shoot for total omniscience.

Thank you, I really appreciate the support. Hopefully I won't be so horrified next time haha 

[Ar_Senses]

Great report!

I’m also starting to feel the deep correlation between the practices, theoretical foundation and the understanding.

Even 0,4g or 0,8g of mushrooms or 1/4 of LSD can fuck me up sometimes nowadays ?

Edited May 10, 2020 by Ar_Senses

[Consilience]

@Ar_Senses Thank you sir  Yeah the connection is definitely there... Couldn’t “prove” it to people, but I certainly feel it for myself. 

I suspect there has been some sort of reverse tolerance building over time. My trips have been getting a little absurd without really having to take that much. Perhaps that’s happened in your case as well. 

[Nahm]

@Consilience Nice! Thanks for sharing God. 

[Javfly33]

Amazing trip report!!!

[Loving Radiance]

@Consilience Thank you for sharing. Man, I can't hold myself to draw similarities to myself.

Reading about your situation with college made me to ponder about my state of being because I feel that I have to got my university shit together before jumping into waters (am a foolish youngling, I know).

All this love and I don't want to embody it. Having primed myself to be guided by intuition and then resisting it every second nontheless. There are so much tears because of seeing this difference. There is awareness of this state and I thought of getting a new perspective (enabled by lsd or shrooms) on my longing to hold on to my identity when I got my shit together.

[Phil777]

What an insightful post. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

I have also gotten glimpses of God before but never truly dissolved into infinity. Reading this though, my craving for truth and God is getting bigger. 

I agree with your point on regular sober practices: definitely has an effect on ones baseline level of consciousness and understanding as well as opening one up to more expansive and total experiences on psychedelics.

Especially Yoga, stretches and optimizing posture have a great affect on ones mood, concentration, and ability to get into flow and high consciousness states. 

 

[Consilience]

@Nahm Hey thank you good sir (GOD aka the GOAT) 

@Javfly33 Thank you

[Consilience]

On 5/11/2020 at 1:52 PM, Loving Radiance said:

@Consilience Thank you for sharing. Man, I can't hold myself to draw similarities to myself.

Reading about your situation with college made me to ponder about my state of being because I feel that I have to got my university shit together before jumping into waters (am a foolish youngling, I know).

All this love and I don't want to embody it. Having primed myself to be guided by intuition and then resisting it every second nontheless. There are so much tears because of seeing this difference. There is awareness of this state and I thought of getting a new perspective (enabled by lsd or shrooms) on my longing to hold on to my identity when I got my shit together.

Thank you for reading. Yeah man it's a never ending process... LSD and/or shrooms will definitely help, but as I mentioned at the bottom of the post, don't forget about other practices like meditation, hatha yoga, kriya yoga, contemplation, silence, nature, breath work. There are a lot of tools at your disposal besides psychedelics. 

There's definitely something to be said with focusing on University, career, finances, and relationships before jumping into spirituality. Yet I believe that you must be willing to give all of that stuff up if you start seeking Truth... When you start to discover your true nature, your personal life will most likely change, but this is for the better. You start acting, feeling, and thinking from a more genuine, authentic space than before. So my opinion is even if you still have to go through a lot of "normal" activities like building a career, let your spirituality empower your direction and what you pursue. 

I'm glad I discovered enlightenment while still being in school. 

[Consilience]

11 hours ago, Phil777 said:

What an insightful post. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

I have also gotten glimpses of God before but never truly dissolved into infinity. Reading this though, my craving for truth and God is getting bigger. 

I agree with your point on regular sober practices: definitely has an effect on ones baseline level of consciousness and understanding as well as opening one up to more expansive and total experiences on psychedelics.

Especially Yoga, stretches and optimizing posture have a great affect on ones mood, concentration, and ability to get into flow and high consciousness states. 

 

Appreciate it

I've also gotten these glimpses you speak of before, but dude... it was so fucking wild. I think this was the first real breakthrough into absolute infinity. Im glad this post stoked your craving... Keep going. Keep practicing. Keep priming your body and mind with sober practices! I know I'll be.. so... race ya

[Consilience]

Some thoughts after letting this trip sit for the last few days:

One of the most perplexing qualities during the "Glimpse of God" was that it *wasn't* perception... I keep trying to understand what specifically changed in my experience to make my body react in such a way. When I think back to what happened, there weren't changes in sight, taste, touch, sound, or smell. The changes in the mind were that the mind was freaking the Fuck out at the grandiosity of what I'd stumbled into. But it wasn't reacting to itself... Formlessness. It somehow *feels* like I become conscious of formlessness, but see even declaring this using language is a misrepresentation of what happened. "Feels" is found within the domain of perception. We feel our bodies, we feel emotions, we feel experience, but none of these are what I'm talking about. 

So then the question - if what I become conscious of wasn't a perception, wasn't even phenomenological in nature, what IS it? Like what is it's existential nature? All we have is our direct experience, our perception, our phenomenology which presents itself as sight, taste, touch, sound, smell, and mind. These are the ways reality manifest. Yet this manifestation where "I saw" (again, not it) God was more like a clearing, in which raw insight took place, an insight so paradoxical that the mind couldn't hold onto it and instead shuttered, and was destroyed reacting violently through terror and love. 

Another question - why is my mind okay now? Where is this source of equanimity and peace that the mind has stabilized into now that the trip is over? What precise qualities of mind are in place now that prevent this level of consciousness from being seen? Because I must stress, this trip was not all that powerful in terms of augmenting sight, taste, touch, sound, or smell. The biggest qualities of altered perception was a clearing away of mind into the present moment. Perhaps it is a lack of concentration, or perhaps there are subconscious mechanisms playing in my experience, generating a shield from full consciousness. I'm unsure, yet there is a deep curiosity forming around these components. 

[Loving Radiance]

8 hours ago, Consilience said:

LSD and/or shrooms will definitely help, but as I mentioned at the bottom of the post, don't forget about other practices like meditation, hatha yoga, kriya yoga, contemplation, silence, nature, breath work. There are a lot of tools at your disposal besides psychedelics.

I surely haven't explored & exhausted all the methods besides psychedelics. I sense that it requires a radical shift in perspective for me and from a few reports which are out there I got the sense that it is life changing.

8 hours ago, Consilience said:

There's definitely something to be said with focusing on University, career, finances, and relationships before jumping into spirituality.

Transcend and include.

8 hours ago, Consilience said:

You start acting, feeling, and thinking from a more genuine, authentic space than before. So my opinion is even if you still have to go through a lot of "normal" activities like building a career, let your spirituality empower your direction and what you pursue.

I always wanted this, and if this wouldn't truly inspire & empower the "normal" life, I surely wouldn't have gotten into it.

 

Regarding your 2nd post:

I cannot answer its nature, but it surely is the implicit transcendence of the senses. Maybe the knowing that YOU ARE should be added to the list of senses.

There are so many dials connected to the consciousness dial. I don't know the question to your 2nd question, but I get the hunch that even the answer isn't the answer.

[Loving Radiance]

8 hours ago, Consilience said:

One of the most perplexing qualities during the "Glimpse of God" was that it *wasn't* perception... I keep trying to understand what specifically changed in my experience to make my body react in such a way. When I think back to what happened, there weren't changes in sight, taste, touch, sound, or smell. The changes in the mind were that the mind was freaking the Fuck out at the grandiosity of what I'd stumbled into. But it wasn't reacting to itself... Formlessness. It somehow *feels* like I become conscious of formlessness, but see even declaring this using language is a misrepresentation of what happened. "Feels" is found within the domain of perception. We feel our bodies, we feel emotions, we feel experience, but none of these are what I'm talking about. 

So then the question - if what I become conscious of wasn't a perception, wasn't even phenomenological in nature, what IS it? Like what is it's existential nature? All we have is our direct experience, our perception, our phenomenology which presents itself as sight, taste, touch, sound, smell, and mind. These are the ways reality manifest. Yet this manifestation where "I saw" (again, not it) God was more like a clearing, in which raw insight took place, an insight so paradoxical that the mind couldn't hold onto it and instead shuttered, and was destroyed reacting violently through terror and love. 

Another question - why is my mind okay now? Where is this source of equanimity and peace that the mind has stabilized into now that the trip is over? What precise qualities of mind are in place now that prevent this level of consciousness from being seen? Because I must stress, this trip was not all that powerful in terms of augmenting sight, taste, touch, sound, or smell. The biggest qualities of altered perception was a clearing away of mind into the present moment. Perhaps it is a lack of concentration, or perhaps there are subconscious mechanisms playing in my experience, generating a shield from full consciousness. I'm unsure, yet there is a deep curiosity forming around these components.

@Leo Gura @cetus @Serotoninluv

What are your perspectives on this?

[Leo Gura]

9 hours ago, Consilience said:

Some thoughts after letting this trip sit for the last few days:

One of the most perplexing qualities during the "Glimpse of God" was that it *wasn't* perception... I keep trying to understand what specifically changed in my experience to make my body react in such a way.

See my video: What Is Perception? where this is explained.

Quote

When I think back to what happened, there weren't changes in sight, taste, touch, sound, or smell. The changes in the mind were that the mind was freaking the Fuck out at the grandiosity of what I'd stumbled into. But it wasn't reacting to itself... Formlessness. It somehow *feels* like I become conscious of formlessness, but see even declaring this using language is a misrepresentation of what happened. "Feels" is found within the domain of perception. We feel our bodies, we feel emotions, we feel experience, but none of these are what I'm talking about.

So then the question - if what I become conscious of wasn't a perception, wasn't even phenomenological in nature, what IS it?

It was pure Consciousness become conscious of itself.

Quote

Like what is it's existential nature?

Good. Here you're asking, "What is Consciousness itself?" to which the answer is Nothing.

But a verbal or logical answer will never be right here. You must Awaken to what Consciousness is. Which you did! But you're still not fully clear about what it is because it's a slippery beast. Pure consciousness cannot be qualified because it is totally empty and without attributes because it is pure Infinity.

It will take you more trips to probe deeper into the nature of pure Consciousness.

Quote

All we have is our direct experience, our perception, our phenomenology which presents itself as sight, taste, touch, sound, smell, and mind. These are the ways reality manifest. Yet this manifestation where "I saw" (again, not it) God was more like a clearing, in which raw insight took place, an insight so paradoxical that the mind couldn't hold onto it and instead shuttered, and was destroyed reacting violently through terror and love.

Yes, pure Consciousness being conscious of itself.

Next time you trip, contemplate, "What is Consciousness?" until you understand.

Quote

What precise qualities of mind are in place now that prevent this level of consciousness from being seen?

Your state of consciousness is lacking. You are in a contracted state of consciousness right now. The psychedelic changes that.

Quote

Because I must stress, this trip was not all that powerful in terms of augmenting sight, taste, touch, sound, or smell. The biggest qualities of altered perception was a clearing away of mind into the present moment.

Yes, your state of consciousness changed. You entered samadhi. To do this "sober" requires extremely steady concentration.

As Patanjali says, yoga is the cessation of the wandering of the mind. If the mind wanders, it creates disturbances in consciousness which draw attention away from pure Consciousness itself. A psychedelic puts you into instant yoga/union.

[montecristo]

 

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Your state of consciousness is lacking. You are in a contracted state of consciousness right now. The psychedelic changes that.

Yes, your state of consciousness changed. You entered samadhi. To do this "sober" requires extremely steady concentration.

As Patanjali says, yoga is the cessation of the wandering of the mind. If the mind wanders, it creates disturbances in consciousness which draw attention away from pure Consciousness itself. A psychedelic puts you into instant yoga/union.

The power of concentration cannot be understated. Ever since i was a kid i noticed that when i tried to think about something to it's conclusion I often would lose the plot and my head would get this kind of numb feeling and I would have to start thinking about something else. It was odd because i found this very frustrating and noticeable but I just. couldnt. do. anything. about. it. 

The mind is funny because it seems to be simultaneously the easiest and most difficult thing to change. It's like why cant I just think about something, should be easy, but it seems to impossible in many cases to penetrate something with my mind.

I think things that enhance basic parameters of cognition hold metaphysical and mystical promise, perhaps the only reason we have a shot at realizing god to begin with is some of these basic human powers, such as short term memory for example. Imagine if you could meaningfully expand your short term memory, what could you become conscious of?

What is responsible for these advantages over say a dog? Is it our cortex or some certain neurotransmitter that we have, I would love to be able to identify that fundamental rate limiter and then augment it.

I have to say my first experiences with breaking past my concentration glass ceiling  was when i took psychedelics, microdoses helped too to be sure but there seem to factors that make psychedelics disagree with my constitution so an alternative would be nice.

[Consilience]

@Leo Gura Thank you for such a thorough response, truly. I'll keep contemplating, i'll watch the perception video. Next time I trip I'll keep the focus and intention on direct consciousness. 

 

[Consilience]

The mind hides itself from Truth by placing attention on perception and conceptualizing about it. When attention is completely stable and mind empty, attention evaporates and God shines through.

[inFlow]

On 5/11/2020 at 0:05 AM, Consilience said:

I’ve had glimpse of God before both sober and tripping, but nothing like this.

These awakenings will get deeper and deeper. You will understand these facets way more. That's the dangerous stage when you can actually see yourself as everything with you own eyes, not just getting an insight. Then you will see inner ego resistance with accepting yourself as the entire universe.

Thank you for sharing this amazing insightful trip report.