Should I Bother Myself With Pickup?

[Mal]

@electroBeam

Listen. I consider you a bro. Because you're on here doing something about your situation. And that I respect. 

We spoke before, and you have been honest and have disclosed some difficult personal challenges.  I couldn't help with that, I recommended some group therapy to gain some control over your social life.

I still stick by that! 100%

I think you would benefit.

But this pickup business, it won't work. It's doesn't work even for the best of us. If you have this "I'm boring and uninteresting" programme running in your brain, no amount of success and external feedback from women is going to make a difference. 

Takle the inside first. Become your potential and you will find the nourishment you desire. And it won't be based on some techniques. No false self can be loved, or love. This is a losing game and the false self trying to fix itself will always feel empty. 

Think about it for a while. 

Sort this programme out first and then you will see what is possible. 

Edited July 14, 2016 by Mal

[Pallero]

On 14.7.2016 at 4:26 PM, electroBeam said:

But unfortunately in the real world, sometimes who you truely are is someone whose nerdy, someone who is physically unattractive, boring(or just finds interests in things that the majority of women don't). You might feel majestic and self righteous in 'being yourself', but that's only because you haven't been rejected enough to realize that being yourself sometimes isn't enough.

You sound very very discouraged. What makes you think that a nerdy (in your opinion), physically unattractive (in your opinion) and boring (in your opinion) person isn't interesting to women. Maybe there are women who don't agree with you. The world is big. I know it sounds like a stupid cliché, but there are people in this world who will honestly ADORE you just the way you are. It's true.

[egoeimai]

@Pallero hopefully hahaha because if they dont,thats a problem!!haha

[Mal]

5 hours ago, Pallero said:

I know it sounds like a stupid cliché, but there are people in this world who will honestly ADORE you just the way you are. It's true.

Can you imagine this self defeating programme running, and then on top the "pickup player" nonsense added to that.  Talk about a double bind.  That is enough to drive anyone to a nut house!

Thanks for your comment, this guy needs it.

[Epiphany_Inspired]

Of all my past boyfriends, only one "picked me up" in that way.... lol.... most of the time, to most girls I know, any lascivious intention is repulsive (in the beginning of a potential relationship context)..... even if the person is "attractive", we generally do not want to be part of an addenda, or hear too many insincere and generic compliments....i'm sure you've heard the blah, blah, about making friends, but it's true.... consider Leo's suggestions like joining activity clubs with people that have similar interests.... and surpass neediness if possible.... also, Leo's video about how women become attracted to men overtime, based on conversations etc might be helpful....(it's not mostly an instant physical thing like it apparently is for men)...sorry I forget what the video is called.... consider that the whole anti-virgin thing is just ridiculous peer-pressure your ego has taken too far.... you don't need to go to any of the extremes you suggested (escort/pick-up).... patience and caring less are likely all that's needed.....

[Lynnel]

40 minutes ago, Epiphany_Inspired said:

you don't need to go to any of the extremes you suggested (escort/pick-up).... patience and caring less are likely all that's needed.....

 

I find this utterly hilarious because you seem to miss the man's perspective. Of course from your point of view you don't have to do anything because the guys just come and talk to you and you're free to choose whoever. You know what's gonna come with patience for a man ?  Nothing.

Without taking action there's gonna be no results and if you're unattractive you're gonna stay unattractive. That's it.

 

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Lynnel I didn't mean take NO action, I meant that taking different action (like making friends first) would likely yield someone looking for more than a night together, and a more meaningful connection...

I totally agree with you that there are differences between genders. That said, for me, it doesn't usually work the way you suggest. If someone tries to talk to me in an insincere or creepy way, I will politely excuse myself (or impolitely if it's nasty, lol...). I make the effort to talk to people of both genders, in a friendly way, and most other ladies I know are the same. We are super introverted, but learnt long ago that it often effects enjoyment levels, so...we just suck on an imaginary bravery mint, and make and effort to communicate. Like I said, there was one exception, where I was "picked up" by a kindred spirit, but the rest of my relationships began in a friendly way (and some even stayed friends).

"The seeds we sow are the ones that grow"... if you keep focusing on male inequality, and what you are lacking, it will likely effect your results. Would it really suck to have more female friends? Probably not...at the very least they can give you insight into women, styling tips, and be wing-ladies on your adventures...and at best, your relationship with them could blossom into more....

[Cuzzo]

Honestly I think we need to clear the air on the difference between pick up and simply becoming better with women. 

 For awhile I was against pick up, but I also found myself to not be so great with women. Being a natural introvert, it took some real awareness to realize how much I wasn't putting myself out there. And how much I wasn't taking the initiative in situations where a girl was showing me interest. And how I wasn't a pua or some asshole for moving on to the next one. I was just comfortable enough with myself to not get hung up on them. 

It's little things like that man. People think they're no brainers, but to someone like myself...I didn't realize how much I was suppressing myself. How many times I kept myself from asking that cute girl for her number. Am I a sleezy pua for wanting to break out of my shell? 

Taking a little time out of my day to approach women in public with no real intentions other than to approach them made me realize how likeable I actually was. And it was OKAY to go out and talk to girls. 

[Lynnel]

On 29/07/2016 at 5:44 AM, Epiphany_Inspired said:

@Lynnel I didn't mean take NO action, I meant that taking different action (like making friends first) would likely yield someone looking for more than a night together, and a more meaningful connection...

I totally agree with you that there are differences between genders. That said, for me, it doesn't usually work the way you suggest. If someone tries to talk to me in an insincere or creepy way, I will politely excuse myself (or impolitely if it's nasty, lol...). I make the effort to talk to people of both genders, in a friendly way, and most other ladies I know are the same. We are super introverted, but learnt long ago that it often effects enjoyment levels, so...we just suck on an imaginary bravery mint, and make and effort to communicate. Like I said, there was one exception, where I was "picked up" by a kindred spirit, but the rest of my relationships began in a friendly way (and some even stayed friends).

"The seeds we sow are the ones that grow"... if you keep focusing on male inequality, and what you are lacking, it will likely effect your results. Would it really suck to have more female friends? Probably not...at the very least they can give you insight into women, styling tips, and be wing-ladies on your adventures...and at best, your relationship with them could blossom into more....

First being friends and trying to make it romantic after is a nice thing in theory but practice of millions of man has showed it doesn't work that way. Meaningful connection happens for ... strange reasons, but one of my best love stories was a girl I met on the street

I'm not focusing on male inequality, because inequality happens only on a personnal level, because inequality is percieved powerlessness in another form.

Would it suck ? Most likely yes. Because if you will find her attractive well you would want some sexual developpement, and if she's not attractive she isn't interesting to talk to, hence it's never a win win situation. I will actually start a whole topic on this because I find this interesting.

Overall as its often said women often lack self-awareness on what actually attracts them and I tend to find this very true.

(Pick-up is not robotic or insincere or creepy in any way, but most of people are indeed).

[NutellaTC]

Start by teasing girls they love it ! And is gonna give you confident , Don't wait for reaction or approval  some girls with big ego  or experience will  look at you waiting to see if you're a man so when you say something say it like you mean it . 

 

Get a friend to go with you to clubs if you're happy,  laughing and enjoying yourself  you won't care much about the outcome ans since woman and emotional creatures if you're happy you're gonna make them happy  that's gonna make it easier for you and you'll get you more girls .

 

DO NOT GO AROUND BUYING THEM STUFF they will ask you for stuff to see if you're a bitch or a real man  you can buy them sow thing after they have shown that they deserve it . 

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Lynnel Sorry, miscommunication again. I wasn't talking about specifically making friends with the sole purpose of eventual romance at all. I meant, make friends with women for the sake of actually making friends:

1. These ladies will have more female friends for you to meet.

2. Attraction in women often blooms as they get to know you personally.

3. It is helpful to learn from ladies in your life, they are an asset on your journey.

I  agree with you, there are magical soul-mate type connections that happen for strange reasons, even spontaneously on the street. That said, many people have happy relationships with great sex, from a bond develops more slowly overtime (like co-workers, etc). What you personally find attractive has absolutely no bearing on weather or not a lady has anything interesting to say. I think it's a very limiting belief; that you would only want to be friends with girls you find "attractive" (plus her friend you haven't met yet could be the most gorgeous girl you've ever seen). The idea that it would "suck" to be friends with an attractive person you can't fuck, is just as limiting. Ok, yes that might frustrate you at times, but there is so much more to all of our relationships (and again she could have super hot friends). Having an open mind to women, friendship, and different types of relationships is a powerful tool!

[Lynnel]

@Epiphany_Inspired

Thank you for the high quality of your answer !

I believe I view attractiveness as a form of status, and people who aren't high status enough for my ego - well I don't want them as my friends x)

I will probably move out of this limiting belief once I've had quite a lot of sexual experiences and really do understand what I appreciate in a women. I just didn't get to know enough of them to understand what I really like - hence I believe I can't make the difference between a partner and a friend.

ALSO, having sex as friends is a great options and I hope SOMEDAY this becomes a standard ! Any additionnal advice appreciated