Awareness Vs Patience Approach On Gaining Social Skills

[Moon]

Hi,

One of my aims this academic year is gaining better social skills, however after watching Leo's recent videos on the idea of 'awareness alone is curative' and the patience video to do with a lack of results, I am slightly confused as they contradict each other.

If I want to get better at talking to people and use the awareness technique it would mean that I simply took no action and stayed in the same introverted state whilst being aware of it but this contradicts the idea of going out there and actually taking action to change my habits via the exponential success curve.

Can anyone shine a light in the gaps of my understanding, and how I should go about becoming more social and extroverted?

Thanks

[Sir Raz]

Feel good that you're an introvert.

Being aware doesn't mean that you won't have to do anything. In principle, awareness doesn't need effort, but going out to talk needs effort. It's logical (you have to make an effort to open your mouth and let the words come out...lol)

Be aware while you're out with somebody talking. If you can't, maybe next time.

And something else.......don't think that much!

[Mal]

@Moon

On 7/8/2016 at 0:05 AM, Moon said:

'awareness alone is curative' and the patience video to do with a lack of results, I am slightly confused as they contradict each other.

If I want to get better at talking to people and use the awareness technique it would mean that I simply took no action and stayed in the same introverted state whilst being aware of it but this contradicts the idea of going out there and actually taking action to change my habits via the exponential success curve.

Did you notice that all of these concepts and videos contradict each other?

When people become aware of what this Youtube channel really is, they drop the concepts, and start listening to their own intuition on how to live their own lives.

These concepts are useless.  The only thing you can do is to awaken from the dream of your individual identity and begin integrating your potential.

Until we learn to do this, the self help industry will continue to profit from the idea of deficiency that has been woven into the collective mind of humanity.

 

 

[Kevin Dunlop]

We are all such individuals that your interpretations of what  information means and how you apply it, and analyze your success, etc. is different than for another person. You may benefit from some advice that didnt work for another. This is where some contradicting concepts are still valid. Something may work for one person at a certian level then they drop the concept for another  one when it is no longer needed. I might need one day to use one concept to get me to the next day where a contradicting concept will get me to the next level another day. For me intuition gives the best advice, true, but learning the vocabulary of self-help, psycology etc. alone brings new clarity to how to work on myself. Then there are some techniques that really shine for me as good examples of how having faith in some advice, you feel good about trying, applying it well, and observing how it works, can be life changing. So here is some personal advice from someone like you who overcame these introversion and social issues. Here is how I did it, hope it helps. Number one for me was realizing that the things that I imagined were happening, that made me shy, were not real. Here is what my thought process was like at that turning point, ¨Wait a minute here, why am I so shy and easily deenergized by other people? I am not judging people the way I think people are judging me? I am not interested in the details of what people look like or say, I dont have the interest or the time to judge them. It is not really happening to me, I imagined that otheres were doing something they were not. And if they are judging me negatively for my clothes, hair, personality or whatever they can fuck right off!!! I dont need to pay attension to those people, they are not the type of person I need to worry about, impress or be friends with. ¨This realization really got me off the hook with others so that I could relax, stop imagining what nagative thing others might think, not care if they did and socialize without worrying.

Next we need to find out the root of the problem. I thought others were being mean because my parents were mean. Mean parents warp out social perspectives. So one has to dig around to find and unbelieve the disfunctional beliefs parents give us about ourselves inorder to heal more deeply and move on.

Next we look at our objectives. Where did they come from and what exactly are they? What do you want to have happen? Where did you get that idea and is it a worthy idea or is there a better one to persue. There are alot of ways at looking at people so its good to become conscious of how you see others and why.  A warning, there are alot of people that are great if you know how to handle situations with them well and be realistic about who they are, there are some people that are not going to be good to be around so you can choose wisely here. Alone time is also important in life so dont forget to enjoy that. Let me add one last topic. Social situations are guided by communication. If you are nervous around people there might be justification because you are involved in something important but dont know much about how to do it well. If I had to drive a car but had never studied the rules of the road I would justifiably  be nervous. Communication is just as complex and worth mastering as driving a car in our world. Learning about and using good communication skills can change frustrating disasters into easy, fun situations. It is that powerful once you get it. Infact communication is evolutions most powerful human skill, I think, especially because it works both externally with others and internally with ourselve. Memorize some communication skills to try out in real life situations and observe the results. Have fun with it and forgive your little mistakes, dont make winning or punishing yourself for failures important here. Just trying, learning and improving is the game.     

Edited July 17, 2016 by Kevin Dunlop

[Pallero]

This is how I see the process going in your situation.

1. You are introverted and unhappy. Now you start practicing awareness.
2. You start noticing stuff about yourself in social situations. You observe what you think, how you feel et cetera. This might feel uncomfortable and even painful.
3. Be patient. Over time you come to terms with what you find, you learn to accept it, even like it.
4. You begin relaxing, having more peace of mind. Being introverted will not bother you as much as it used to. Your dream of acquiring better social skills will start to seem unimportant as you enjoy your life the way it is.
5. You are happy.

I'm afraid there are no shortcuts.

[Moon]

On 18/07/2016 at 10:47 AM, Pallero said:

This is how I see the process going in your situation.

1. You are introverted and unhappy. Now you start practicing awareness.
2. You start noticing stuff about yourself in social situations. You observe what you think, how you feel et cetera. This might feel uncomfortable and even painful.
3. Be patient. Over time you come to terms with what you find, you learn to accept it, even like it.
4. You begin relaxing, having more peace of mind. Being introverted will not bother you as much as it used to. Your dream of acquiring better social skills will start to seem unimportant as you enjoy your life the way it is.
5. You are happy.

I'm afraid there are no shortcuts.

 

But what about growth? Surely the unwanted behaviour will autocorrect itself as Leo has stated, otherwise everyone would learn to love any bad habits about themselves and there would be no self actualisation occuring

Edited July 25, 2016 by Moon

[aurum]

On 7/8/2016 at 7:05 PM, Moon said:

Hi,

One of my aims this academic year is gaining better social skills, however after watching Leo's recent videos on the idea of 'awareness alone is curative' and the patience video to do with a lack of results, I am slightly confused as they contradict each other.

If I want to get better at talking to people and use the awareness technique it would mean that I simply took no action and stayed in the same introverted state whilst being aware of it but this contradicts the idea of going out there and actually taking action to change my habits via the exponential success curve.

Can anyone shine a light in the gaps of my understanding, and how I should go about becoming more social and extroverted?

Thanks

These things don't contradict each other. If you have the leverage to go out and practice your social skills, good. Do that. You probably only got that leverage by being very aware of the pain being lonely and an introvert has caused you. Most people would deny that.

[Pallero]

5 hours ago, Moon said:

But what about growth? Surely the unwanted behaviour will autocorrect itself as Leo has stated, otherwise everyone would learn to love any bad habits about themselves and there would be no self actualisation occuring

When you learn to love the bad habits, that IS the growth part. You accept yourself fully, flaws and all. If you don't, you will never be satisfied as there will always be something to correct.