Road Less Traveled Personal Journey

[StarStruck]

I just got amazing insights in how symbolic the mind is. The universe keeps sending the person in question the same problems and hopes the person takes the lesson.  Its design is just marvelous and so delicate. Just amazing how our paradigms works almost like a clockwork locking us in. 

[StarStruck]

The videos of this guy are so good.

 

His videos aren't very long and they go straight to the heart of the matter.

Yesterday I did a walk in the forest and did couple of his mind exercises. It almost felt like a psychedelic trip. It is just amazing.

I'm finally getting the first fruits of my spirituality journey. There is was this immense happiness that I haven't felt for a long time.

[StarStruck]

As I a teenager I was into art. This week I got back into it and refound a passion. This is an example of what I made:

[StarStruck]

I did a lot of self inquiry in the last few weeks. I started feeling emotions that I didn't feel in a long time. I got a flood of sadness and grief. I did some research and I found this:

 

This is so helpful. A lot more things make sense to me right now. I started contemplating and I noticed how hard it is to distinguish these feelings while on the surface it seems very simple and straight forward.

I have been cross contemplating for 1 day right now and I only managed to really understand the bottom 4. This is hard shit. It is much easier to just watch a video than doing the hard work.. lol.

How blind was I, this should actually been one of the first things I should have learnt. This is so critical for enlightenment, self-help and with every day life really.

My meditation routine isn't that great, many days of the weeks I don't even put 20 minutes per day into meditation. This week I'm going to investigate how come.

Edited June 9, 2020 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

I got my ceramic vape tank for 5 MeO DMT. I tested it with a micro dose. It works well. Right settings for the vape device is key. 

It was a pleasurable experience. Some people don’t recommend micro dosing but I find it very useful for emotional development, self inquiry and contemplation. The monkey minds get’s exposed and it feels like a mini reality check. Egoless thinking is something I achieved  

I yet have to do my big dose but I have to plan this. Can’t be having an ego death while important stuff is coming up. 

[StarStruck]

Currentlt experimenting with the vape. Already burnt though one coil. Even with a vape temperature control is so difficult. There is leeway between the ignition and the coil heating up. There is some black residue on the bottom. Not sure if that is burned molecules or a normal phenomenon.

Still microdosing though. The trips are hitting good and the smoke is not dense or weird tasting so I'm not doing it wrong I think. It is kind of annoying because there isn't a lot of information about vaping with e-sig. It really depends on your device and settings too.

I have been doing shadow work and it has been great. I feel like I'm emotionally developing and I noticed I have more mental RAM. Understanding tough concepts have become easier. I have been reading Joe Dispenza and his stuff made me realize that I have been running in circles with some topics. I wish I discovered his stuff a little bit earlier. That would have made things smoother. Better now than never.

 

Edited June 12, 2020 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

I started doing meditations by Joe Dispenza. Wow! Just wow! It brought my meditations to a whole new level. The previous meditations I was thought here and elsewhere can't even be called meditations.

Reached trans like states couple of times. Almost psychedelic in nature. Dispenza couples meditations with science and he knows what he is teaching about.

I read his book the placebo effect a while back and it wasn't really practical. This book I read from him made a heavy impact and I just started and haven't fully developed his program. I'm just in week 1 of his 4 week program. 

[StarStruck]

Thanks to Joe Dispenza I'm going to have a date with a girl. Something that was very difficult for me although I'm OK looking dude. Seriously, last few weeks I had some many opportunities to get a girl because of my good energy but I just didn't man up and approach, even when the signs were so obvious. Today, this girl just asked me. Girl almost literally going to fall on my lap. I hope this will be my first fruit of surrendering, being present and mindful. Anyway, this date is planned but it yet has to happen. 

In other regards my life is going better too but it is not where I want it to be. In the last few months having no female companion was really a thorn in my back. I hope I will raise my consciousness and spend my time on myself. I didn't go on this road for a piece of ass. I want to develop my consciousness, self discipline and character. 

Edited July 4, 2020 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

I have been reading letting go from David Hawkins. I heard Leo talk about letting go but this book made it just click. When you keep letting go of emotions/thoughts, at a moment you just forget you have been letting go. It is an amazing meta headspace. 

[StarStruck]

This video is so good.

 

[StarStruck]

Currently my "pain point" is that I'm mostly unconscious during the day. Just staying present the whole day, with everything I do is so hard and underrated. 

I really need to do some multi day retreat because doing small to medium time meditations and mindfulness during the day is not cutting it. 

I'm so engrossed in my thoughts and emotions. Also had some insights that my problems really stem from not being able to let go. There are some aspects of myself that I need to let go. I have some important stuff to do and then I will go into the lion's hole. 

[StarStruck]

Yesterday I was in the park, just for a walk. There were some girls, and one stood up when she saw me and started swirling around like that guy in my avatar (swirling derwisj).

She was joyful, happy, giggling and swirled in my direction on purpose. When I stepped aside (instead towards her direction), she swirled away. It was almost like she was probing my reaction. I was so baffled that I didn't know what to say or what to do. I looked at her friends and they made a joke that she took XTC but it was an obvious joke.

At that moment I was contemplating about fear and letting go of fear. It was like she swirling towards me, probing me if I was afraid, was a test. I was obviously confused and fearful and she swirled away.

The whole situation was almost like a metaphor for fear/love in the grand scheme of things;
- the girl representing love, playfulness, joy, happiness and fun
- those vibes swirling into my direction
- me being caught off guard because me being stuck in my contemplation
- feeling afraid so acting afraid, not acting, being stiffled
- she swirling off

[StarStruck]

I'm watching hodgetwins from time to time and I love how full of life they are. 

Edited August 3, 2020 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

I'm reading a book by Jean Monbourquette on shadow work. I wish I discovered shadow work much earlier. It is already transforming my self-esteem, relationships and more.