What vibe am I giving if am chasing a girl I have feelings for?

[assx95]

I tend to send cheesy texts like you are sexy and you'd look great in a golden dress with straight hair. Something along those lines. I would say it is a kind of flattery. Sometimes I genuinely feel the urge to compliment, but I think i've overdone it by now. She doesn't initiate. And I did see how she was resisting my flirtatious advances by not acknowledging it. She is self-centered too. Every conversation is about her. And although today is my day 5 of my No fap, I think i have run out of things to text her. I have a feeling she doesn't take me seriously and is okay with me not being in her life. Although I act on my urges and text her when I feel like. 
And I have faith that she'd be my partner in the near future. 

Is it wise to stop chasing ( which would mean, i would stop texting her when I get the urge to and just let it all go) or to keep chasing her ( to text her when i feel like, and also when I don't feel like when I feel like a lot of time has gone by and I ought to be in touch) ? 

[Preety_India]

 

People get put off by excessive praise. 

 

It can appear fake. 

 

Be authentic and genuine in your expression. You should not say something to please someone a certain way. "should I call her or should I not, what will she think, is this the right time, will she like if I do it this way"....... Questions and thoughts like these in your mind indicate to me that you calculate too much and care too much about pleasing someone and it's more about how you want to present yourself, this to me is an example of self serving behavior, you don't realize it, you're thinking that you are pleasing someone, but indirectly you are doing it to be pleased yourself, you want to prove to yourself that you are the best lover and somehow in your mind she is giving the wrong response by not giving you enough in return, it then satisfies your ego that you are a better lover than her....you want her to praise you so you can feel better about yourself. You desperately want her to give you attention so you can feel like yessss you won.... In my mind that is selfish. 

It's sort of childish. Quit that approach. Do shadow work. Ask yourself why exactly you are doing all this. Will you do this even when she wants things differently.. What if she doesn't like your approach. Will you impose your feelings and desires on her. The most selfish thing is to want a person to be how you want them to be. It's like bringing an animal from the jungle and tell them to do tricks to impress you and if they don't, then they are bad in your eyes. Give her, her freedom. 

She is not bound by your desires. She can do whatever she wants even if it doesn't impress you. Let her be who she is, otherwise she will feel like she is living in a cage with you, how is that love? 

 

[egoeimai]

30 minutes ago, assx95 said:

I tend to send cheesy texts like you are sexy and you'd look great in a golden dress with straight hair. Something along those lines. I would say it is a kind of flattery. Sometimes I genuinely feel the urge to compliment, but I think i've overdone it by now.

How old is she? Depends on her personality she will remember u and your words especially if she needs your attention. If not, she will forget easily and move on. 

30 minutes ago, assx95 said:

She doesn't initiate. And I did see how she was resisting my flirtatious advances by not acknowledging it.

Either not interested in u 

Or generally self conscious. Not admitting your compliments is insecurity alert. 

30 minutes ago, assx95 said:

She is self-centered too. Every conversation is about her. And although today is my day 5 of my No fap, I think i have run out of things to text her.

That's because your biggest interest is sex and no fap helps u being centered. It seems that u r not really interested in her, u only care about sex, (that's not bad) and she can sense that. And she doesn't like it. 

30 minutes ago, assx95 said:

I have a feeling she doesn't take me seriously and is okay with me not being in her life. Although I act on my urges and text her when I feel like

Better act and regret - than not acting and regretting of not acting. 

30 minutes ago, assx95 said:

And I have faith that she'd be my partner in the near future. 

Maybe is true but maybe not. Don't base anything on that

30 minutes ago, assx95 said:

Is it wise to stop chasing ( which would mean, i would stop texting her when I get the urge to and just let it all go)

I'd say chase and take your lessons. 

30 minutes ago, assx95 said:

 

or to keep chasing her ( to text her when i feel like, and also when I don't feel like when I feel like a lot of time has gone by and I ought to be in touch) ? 

Text Only when you feel like, be yourself. Gain some confidence also. 

[Elton]

@egoeimai I love this philosophy of yours better act and regret than not act and regret ?

@assx95 have you tried learning about the opposite sex ? Hiring a virtual dating coach or enrolling in such a program would be very helpful.

Otherwise you can read the book the way of a superior man. It will give you a lot of insights.

One insight form the book is that a woman doesn't want her to be your #1 priority in life. 

So what is your no. #1 priority in life ? 

 

[assx95]

24 minutes ago, Elton said:

So what is your no. #1 priority in life ? 

 

Abundance. Be it love, sex, spirituality or material. To truly love and be in love all the time. 

[Elton]

@assx95 and what is your idea about love ?

Like what is love for you ?

[assx95]

@Preety_India I read what you said like four times. I saw some truth and i texted her how I want her to be free, and want things to happen the way she wants them to be, and not be the manifestation of my desires which I think come too strong on her. She's delicate this way. I have surrendered completely, but i have faith that love will prevail, not necessarily in the way I want it to. I have peace in my mind that my intent for her is out of love, and that I have surrendered what I want to fate. 

The vibe i was previously in, you were right, I wanted things to be a certain way, and i thought the way forward is to take my urges, and express it to her, push that energy, to manifest a reality I want, the way I want. But there is more beauty, in surrender, in wanting the best for her, and for hoping that reality is the way she wants it to be. It is self-sabotage truly, but i feel purer and more powerful and more self-sufficient. 

[assx95]

@Elton

4 minutes ago, Elton said:

and what is your idea about love ?

Love, when I have feelings for someone, is to transform my feelings into reality, to express those urges and influence the one I love, to have feelings for me. I noticed how it is overwhelmingly masculine. Wanting to manifest what I desire without caring about what she wants. It is to think that she will want me eventually. 

6 minutes ago, Elton said:

Like what is love for you ?

In a higher state of consciousness, which I am in right now, love takes on a different form. It is about caring about others even at the cost of the self, it is about seeing the truth, and being guided by it. It is to have faith and to surrender. It is a balance between the masculine and feminine. To try and also to give up when the circumstances dictate. Unlike the masculine which keeps on pushing, and the feminine which doesn't try and only surrenders. 

[assx95]

@egoeimai Thanks man. She is 26-27 now. When i posted this, i was for technical details and honestly it doesn't matter to me right now. 

[Elton]

14 minutes ago, assx95 said:

Abundance. Be it love, sex, spirituality or material. To truly love and be in love all the time. 

You are making her your priority.

 

2 minutes ago, assx95 said:

@Elton

Love, when I have feelings for someone, is to transform my feelings into reality, to express those urges and influence the one I love, to have feelings for me. I noticed how it is overwhelmingly masculine. Wanting to manifest what I desire without caring about what she wants. It is to think that she will want me eventually. 

In a higher state of consciousness, which I am in right now, love takes on a different form. It is about caring about others even at the cost of the self, it is about seeing the truth, and being guided by it. It is to have faith and to surrender. It is a balance between the masculine and feminine. To try and also to give up when the circumstances dictate. Unlike the masculine which keeps on pushing, and the feminine which doesn't try and only surrenders. 

That's what a woman doesn't want. 

Moreover making her your no. 1 priority may lead to neediness, possessiveness and also envy and jealousy.

 

[egoeimai]

43 minutes ago, Elton said:

@egoeimai

@assx95

 

 

42 minutes ago, Elton said:

@egoeimai I love this philosophy of yours better act and regret than not act and regret ?

Thank you my dear friend 

Quote

@assx95 

 

42 minutes ago, Elton said:

@egoeimai

 

Quote

@assx95

I fucked the quotes sorry guys 

[egoeimai]

10 minutes ago, assx95 said:

@egoeimai Thanks man. She is 26-27 now. When i posted this, i was for technical details and honestly it doesn't matter to me right now. 

I'm a woman, actually. Okay. Have fun then! 

[assx95]

18 minutes ago, Elton said:

That's what a woman doesn't want. 

Moreover making her your no. 1 priority may lead to neediness, possessiveness and also envy and jealousy.

That is so true. Not making her my number 1 priority is so counter-intuitive and yet it is the way forward, cause I acknowledge that it would easily lead to neediness, possessiveness and jealousy. 

[assx95]

11 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

I'm a woman, actually. Okay. Have fun then! 

Your input was very valuable. I'd say thanks again. I would try rather than regret. But sometimes, things get deeper, such that when I surrender, the trying happens, by me just being and doing nothing. It sounds very paradoxical but it is more like reality. 

Technicals (That is- the specifics of " How do I do this"  and "how do i deal with this?") I think are questions which arise out of desiring things to be a certain way. And when you let go of that, temporarily, those don't matter. Your input however was valuable, thanks. 

[assx95]

37 minutes ago, cypres said:

But why do many men keep doing something when the woman tries to discourage ?

There is doubt. There is fear of accepting that you might be not as desirable. I think Men think - What if she wants me to try harder? What if she's playing games? What if her mood isn't that good? Some think, that they would eventually make her fall in love with them. Many think love is a process in which they try to make her fall for them. There are hundreds of nuances and subtleties at play. 

[egoeimai]

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

Your input was very valuable. I'd say thanks again. I would try rather than regret. But sometimes, things get deeper, such that when I surrender, the trying happens, by me just being and doing nothing. It sounds very paradoxical but it is more like reality. 

Technicals (That is- the specifics of " How do I do this"  and "how do i deal with this?") I think are questions which arise out of desiring things to be a certain way. And when you let go of that, temporarily, those don't matter. Your input however was valuable, thanks. 

You're welcome

Glad it helped