What is your position on kindness / meanness?

[StarStruck]

I notice that some people are overly kind but they are that way in an overcompensating way in the sense that they want to be treated the same way or they fear not being liked or something else. 

I mean I try to be nice too and I catch myself too on overcompensating. I think it is important where that kindness comes from. I always ask myself am I being kind to get something or to give something? Sometimes I’m just mean(in the sense of not being cheery and being closed) if I feel like it. I don’t want to pretend I’m having a good day if I don’t. 

The problem with that is that if I’m really honest there is no reason to give something for nothing. There is always this little dopamine rush or something that is a reward. What is your position on kindness / meanness?

[28 cm unbuffed]

I'm kind towards someone that is genuinely a good, authentic and honest person, not sure, how to describe that, but here, you never will need to think about it, these people are just like something, you can't be mean towards. 

I am mean towards the people I like to tease a little, like, they are full of bullshit, low consciousness, I love to fuck around with their demons. 

Being mean without reason towards good people, just because you have a bad day is not an answer. Of course, it's oke, do not judge yourself when you will lose your temper, you are just a human being. Nobody's perfect. 

The last point - I have no idea how to be kind toward people that are fake, full of shit, that must be some Buddha level shit. I am not mean towards them per se, I just show them no respect and I treat them like air, that's the best I can do here. 

[StarStruck]

@28 cm unbuffed I love being nice to mean people (the ones you described) it fucks their paradigm up. ?

[28 cm unbuffed]

@StarStruck Ok, after thinking about it, I do that too ? Fuckem 

[Mu_]

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I notice that some people are overly kind but they are that way in an overcompensating way in the sense that they want to be treated the same way or they fear not being liked or something else. 

I mean I try to be nice too and I catch myself too on overcompensating. I think it is important where that kindness comes from. I always ask myself am I being kind to get something or to give something? Sometimes I’m just mean(in the sense of not being cheery and being closed) if I feel like it. I don’t want to pretend I’m having a good day if I don’t. 

The problem with that is that if I’m really honest there is no reason to give something for nothing. There is always this little dopamine rush or something that is a reward. What is your position on kindness / meanness?

After 20+ years of spiritual inquiry and work, one of the few big things I've taken away is if you want to feel good more often than not (and this is not a selfish thing) is to just be kind for the most part and don't lose your temper if you can.  It will save you a lot of hearthache, frustration, regret, and agitation.

 

If your having a bad day, just let others know in a kind way and ask for the space you want or not (if able).

[Osaid]

I just remember that they are me, so why would I be mean to them. Be forgiving to the other versions of yourself and try to reduce suffering by being kind to them.

Ignorant people can't help being ignorant. It's like expecting a fish to do algebra. All their experiences led them to be that way, they weren't lucky enough to find truth and they are suffering for it. In the end, they're just trying to Love the best they can.

They make fun of your looks so that they can love their looks

They hate a politician because they love their country

etc.

It also helps to look at things holistically. If ignorance didn't exist, ego wouldn't exist, and so we wouldn't exist since ego helps us survive. Everything has a radical domino affect if you try to remove it. Ignorance has its place in reality and needs to be appreciated as well.

 

 

[Espaim]

My default position: be honest, both when being kind and mean.

Edited May 9, 2020 by Espaim