Is Getting Annoyed Associated With Ego?

[Shebo]

I often get really annoyed from my family low concussions behaviors, messy life, negativity and stupidity.

I always try to help them and make them see things from different prospective but they always keep being in denial.

I can't leave them because they can't function without me (siblings i have to take care of)

but it got to the point where i'm about to explode. I'm trying to balance my life purpose, spirituality and dealing with this.

I'm wondering if the feeling of getting annoyed is associated with ego? Plus Leo talks about mastering love, How can i love this?

[tsuki]

The assumption that you are supposed to fit in with your family, because you were born to it, is false.
You are your own person. You don't have to share, approve of, or even agree with their lifestyle/views/biases, etc. It's extremely difficult to watch when people you love suffer, but it's important to resist the temptation to "fix" them. It will make you bitter, because they won't listen, and it will make them resent you, because of unwarranted criticism. You can't save them, you can only love them, the way they are right now. The way they are right now is the only way they are. There is no other person there, the ideal that you hold does not exist, so stop loving it and focus on the real deal in front of you.

To love means to accept and nourish. See them for who they really are right now and affirm it. There is no other way.

Still, you are a person. The most important person in your life and I hope that you don't deny it. You have your limits and when you approach them, it's important to draw boundaries to take care of yourself. You don't draw boundaries at their expense, you do that to protect your love. If you don't draw boundaries, you will have to fix them, and in doing that, you will stop loving them. If it means that you have to leave - then leave.

Edited May 8, 2020 by tsuki

[Shebo]

@tsuki Thanks, i understand how to take my approach now.

one thing about leaving, do you have any advise on how to convince an extremely stage blue father (who's all about family sticking together) to let me leave? I tried taking it out last year and it turned south very quick.He called me a devil, selfish, brainwashed, who's gonna take care of your siblings talk, etc... i feel like i'm stuck in the middle.I guess Guilt is what's pulling me back from exploring myself.

[tsuki]

@Shebo You can talk to him and show him the place your decision is coming from, but you can't:

1. make him listen
2. make him understand
3. make him change his mind.

All of these require him to make space for your feelings. They are a form of allowing, love.
If he's not willing to listen (and it seems like he isn't), then there is no point in speaking at all, much less convincing him to let you leave. If he's not willing to listen and you make yourself vulnerable in front of him by speaking your truth, he may criticize you and hurt your feelings because he is threatened by your independence.

If "he" is guilt tripping you into staying by putting the responsibility of raising your siblings onto you, then know that it is not your responsibility until you make it so. Guilt is a very effective tool for control because it is actually us who are guilt tripping ourselves. When we feel guilty, we adopt the inner voice that criticizes us and believe that the voice is telling the truth. The voice is hurting us and we think that it's the way it should be. It's not. Never, ever spend time around people that make you feel bad about who you are, even if those people are a part of your psyche. Shut these voices out and watch them like a hawk. They will haunt you for years if you don't nip them at the bud. In fact, most people never realized just how much they hate themselves.

Also, it's very important to leave only if you are able to support yourself. Until you're financially independent from your parents, they have a huge leverage over you because they take care of your survival. If he's dangerous, don't say anything. Don't warn him, just work on your independence and leave when the day comes. You are not responsible for your siblings. You can take care of them, but they are not yours to take care of (much less for life!).

Edited May 8, 2020 by tsuki

[Shebo]

@tsuki I really appreciate it, i feel weights got off my shoulders.

[tsuki]

@Shebo You're welcome.

If you're interested, there's a 2017 movie called "Glass castle" and I have a hunch that you may enjoy it.
Enjoy your life <3.