Hi! Can someone please help me get rid of stress?

[freeman194673]

I went on a downward spiral the last years and a lot of stress gathered in my subconcious mind.

I got addicted to pornography and I keep relapsing no matter what I do.

I'm caught in a catch 22.

My life sucks because I'm addicted to porn and I'm addicted to porn because my life sucks.

I tried to change my life in order to get rid of the stress but I keep relapsing and this drains me too much,mentally and psychically.

I tried to stop from relapsing but my life sucks,I am lonely and yada yada and the pressure is so big that a relapse becomes unavoidable.

Is there a kind of meditation that could help me with stress?

What about a mantra or some kind of self investigation?Can someone tell me how to do it?

 

[Hansu]

You are going to hate reading this but you keep relapsing because you have not fixed the root problem to your porn addiction. You are only hurting yourself by trying to get rid of your porn addiction at the moment.

Addictions are surprisingly easy to kick when you don't have those root problems that cause your addiction in the first place. You might stop doing them without even trying purely through awareness.

The addictions are actually helping you to cope with the root cause. Cut the root cause, and you cut the addictions too.

As an example, I got rid of my porn, food, alcohol, keyboard jock and youtube addiction (Edit: Also gambling) in a year after I finished school and got rid of the root problem that was anxiety caused by school and social anxiety. It wasn't really hard, I just kicked them. What wasn't easy was trying to kick them all for 5 years while I was at school, but couldn't because of the studying/social anxiety. Mere trying caused me a lot of stress, anxiety and feeling of failure, dont repeat my mistake.

I dont know much about how to find the root cause, someone else will be better to help you with that, but that I do know that you should focus on finding it.

 

EDIT: Oh, and when you do find your root cause, you will know it. You will dance around and laugh in joy knowing that you figured it out

Edited May 7, 2020 by Hansu

[Preetom]

@freeman194673

No woo woo meditation or spirituality will work in your situation. 

What you need is suicidal despair and the corresponding insatiable desire to get out of this sea of shit you're currently drowned in.

The only thing that can liberate you now is Focus. Forget all techniques and ideas. First develop a massively strong commitment to turn your life around and the desire to build up this master key called Focus. Forget the hows. First, muster all your courage to take the first step which is vision.

Don't try to fix everything at once in your life like studies, relationship, health, diet, self image etc. Screw it all and just commit to yourself to develop only thing: Focus. The power of a single focused thought.

 

 

Edited May 7, 2020 by Preetom

[Aaron p]

if your mental health is fucked up the only logical thing to do is become a hardcore seeker. take it slow and slowly intensify your practises. ive worked up to an hour and a half of kriya yoga/self enquiry every day. will be starting intense 5meo retreats soon. if someone has a mind that is broken, no matter how many "good things" you bring into your life...your life will probably still be shit because your mind will still be fucked up. i'd consider it utterly nonsensical to dedicate myself to anything else in the given circumstance...i was the same, but  now im happy...and im going to get enlightened eventually...like, actually. learn how to do self enquiry, kriya yoga, practise for at least an hour a day and do 5meo retreats periodically and keep doing that until you enter a state of super knowledge, divine wisdom, perpetual bliss and eternal life...

[Nahm]

@freeman194673

Make a dreamboard. Put focus on what you actually want. Better to express desire than suppress it. Very “stressful”.

[Inliytened1]

@freeman194673 accept stress and suffering as a part of life.   Counterintuitively the embrace and acceptance of suffering will lead to the liberation of it   Don't turn to relieve the suffering externally or deny it.  This leads to addictions such as porn in your case.  For others it is alcoholism or drugs.  Nay, turn within.  Feel and absorb the suffering within and feel it through to the core of your being.    Meditation practices will help with this.  Sitting in silent contemplation.

This is hard to do but its the only way through.  You are not separate from reality.  You ARE reality.  So coming face to face with yourself, embracing yourself and loving yourself is the only way.     

 

[Javfly33]

12 hours ago, Aaron p said:

if your mental health is fucked up the only logical thing to do is become a hardcore seeker. take it slow and slowly intensify your practises. ive worked up to an hour and a half of kriya yoga/self enquiry every day. will be starting intense 5meo retreats soon. if someone has a mind that is broken, no matter how many "good things" you bring into your life...your life will probably still be shit because your mind will still be fucked up. i'd consider it utterly nonsensical to dedicate myself to anything else in the given circumstance...i was the same, but  now im happy...and im going to get enlightened eventually...like, actually. learn how to do self enquiry, kriya yoga, practise for at least an hour a day and do 5meo retreats periodically and keep doing that until you enter a state of super knowledge, divine wisdom, perpetual bliss and eternal life...

OMG love it. Haha.

 

For the OP, I suggest you that you have TOTAL honesty with yourself. There's a big probability that your porn addiction is "just* a representation of something that needs to be healed/work through in your life.

Don't give too much attention to porn, relapse..etc...this is not heroin addiction. You consume porn when your don't have anything better to do in life. Start fixing your life 

Porn is really just "a pointer". Is not the "thing to fix". Is more a thing that will go away when your life is correctly aligned.

Also, there are some specific types of porn addiction which are directly related to shame/frustration, I think doesn't need to be said that if this the one you have it's Obviously clear what you need to heal.

Edited May 7, 2020 by Javfly33

[Cepzeu]

You are running away from doing the work to make your life better.

Go take a cold shower.

Shorten your time horizon. Make small changes. Visualise what you want your life to look like in 6 months.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself to quit porn. If it happens it happens, try to do it less frequently. It will naturally fall away when your life improves. 

Acceptance and self-love will take you a long way

[StripedGiraffe]

For some reason, my intuition I telling me to tell you to totally surrender. Let yourself masturbate and watch as much porn as you want to with no judgement or guilt for a whole week. When you notice guilt, shame, self-criticism or despair, or whatever come up, be present with it. Feel into it fully. Show some compassion for yourself, as if you were showing compassion to a friend or child in pain. Love you <3

[Wisebaxter]

@freeman194673 I heard Adyashanti say, Find the eye within the storm, where all is calm. Locate that place in your body. It's your true nature. Basically, it's just relaxation and it's always available. Your nervous system is just used to being overstimulated. I like to play a game called 'becoming a sage,' where I imagine how an enlightened master would feel right now. Like you're playing a part. Then you realise you can create this experience whenever you like, and it's liberating. You will slip back of course. 

It's an old favourite, but resting as breath always works. The reason being, the breath is your true nature, seeing as it's always present. Mind is just an experience breath is having. These are great videos for stress. The first one is all about finding relaxation. You may not agree with what I said about the breath, but if you entertain it as an idea, you can achieve some interesting results. The breath is always nourishing. It also has the answer to any question the mind can pose, which is always, just another breath. Ask a question, then notice how the breath answers. 

 

All hail the awesomeness that is Matt Kahn haha. With his softer, more feminine approach, and Leo's more masculine approach, you have the the perfect combo for enlightenment. 

As for the porn thing. When you get the craving, find the area in your body where the lust takes place. It will be in the Sacral Chakra, around the groinal area. Take some nice breaths and with each out breath imagine an orange coloured light emanating outwards from this area, out into the universe and onwards towards infinity. Feel the energy slowly dissipating and the blood flowing back to other parts of your body. A great sense of calm will calm over you, of equilibrium being restored. 

Read up on how to balance this chakra. Get some crystals. Orange lights. Treat yourself gently. Take baths and direct love and tenderness towards this area. Mindfulness will be needed firstly, to examine the sensation before you react. Create an association in your mind between feeling the sensation and then allowing it to dissipate. 

If you really need sexual stimulation and release though, which is fine and healthy really, get a fleshlight and bang that without watching porn. Imagine it's your soul mate you're pounding  Those things are amazing. Get an anal prostate massager too. Get in touch with you sensuality through exploration again and getting to know your body in new ways haha. Porn has fucked our imaginations. Create a romantic evening in your head, or your wildest fantasy. I'd say go for romance as it will directly counteract the detached nature of porn and get you interested in a woman's mind again. I'm about to start doing all of this myself so I'm working it out as I write. It's exactly what i need to do. I think you can jerk it as much as you like, go for it, it's just porn that I think can cause other kinds of issues. Make masturbation into a real act of self-love

Here's one more thing you could try. Open your mind up to the possibility you don't even have a problem. That's just the experience you're programmed to have. What if you celebrated every time you watched porn as a celebration of beauty and purity? Set that intention, see what happens. First notice the resistance. My point is, believing you have a problem and that you're an addict, perpetuates the behaviour. Not only does it do that, but it leads to you suffering. Resistance is a tough thing to live with. Sometimes these parts of us want to be accepted and loved, integrated back to the light they've been separated from. Seen as that light. Don't feel shameful. You're God having that experience for a reason, to aid your evolution. To lead you to the realisation that everything you experience is perfection. Take away all that guilt and shame by loving it when it arises. Show it compassion. See the beauty of God on the screen as you watch that creampie happening  

You might find that treating yourself this way will ease some of the compulsiveness. At the very least it will lead to a nicer experience. It also blows your mind when you realise how powerful intention setting is.  

 

Edited May 8, 2020 by Wisebaxter

[Neorez]

@freeman194673

Maybe you could start with meditating on some questions about your addiction. 

Start with why questions:

Why do I do this to my self?

Why can't I allow myself to have a fulfilled life? ( Maybe you got the believe from your parents that life sucks) 

... 

Then see what answers your mind comes up with. 

Next ask yourself how you do it and for what reason: 

1) to punish yourself

2) protect yourself

3) to get attention

Also try to find limiting beliefs when answering these questions and when you find one you could use the "the work" from katie Byron to lessen it's grip on you. 

Ex: my life sucks

Ask the next questions in a meditative state.

1) ask if the believe you have is true?

2) if you answer yes: ask again Am I 100% sure it's true? Without a shadow of a doubt!!!

3) how do I act or what do I do if I believe this believe?

4) how would I act or what would I do if I don't believe it and perhaps that the opposite is true?

Then turn the the believe around and find examples in your memory when the turnaround was true:

- my life is great( find examples for when your life was great or just good) 

- ...( Sometimes you can make more turn arounds)

A vision board as @Nahm mentioned will also be very helpfull to create some direction in your life. 

Good luck!