How Much Approval Seeking Is Healthy? Long Post

[IronFox]

Kinda long post but please read, pretty much sums my biggest problem to overcome so far...
Lately by being more aware, and meditating daily for the past months, I've been noticing the biggest pattern in my thoughts.

I'm always seeking acceptance / approval from others in my thoughts.

I fantasize about having a band, but in my fantasy I imagine my ex-girlfriend watching me and thinking high of me. In reality also, when I was with her I liked that she thought so highly of me, I enjoyed when she told me how much her parents or friends liked me, etc.  I fantasize about talking to a person who thinks highly of me, and telling them things I now know that I feel would make them think even better of me. It's not random people, it's almost always people I know. I fantasize about being published, and how would people react, etc etc. A lot of things I discovered I would like to do just for the pleasure of feeling important/good/intelligent/etc.

This also reflected on my social anxiety, which has been one of the most difficult things to overcome for me. Hasn't gone at all but it's gradually getting much better, It's related because It's fear of rejection what I had. 

I'm almost sure the root is always seeking approval from my mother since I was small. (Strangely, I don't do it so much now, but I think it has remained). When I did things, or had good grades, she would always tell me "You're so intelligent!", always, or something of the sorts. After reading mindset by carol dweck, I also discovered that all of this led me to low self steem afterwards, perfectionism, and fear of rejection, because of this black and white mindest, fixed mindset, not growth. I feel like I try every social interaction to go smoothly, because I want to be seen highly, social. I noticed that I try to please people a lot. I noticed that when I began getting bad results in my career choice, and I thought I was stupid, it was because of that. Or the fear I have of asking questions, because I feel like if I don't understand then I'm not smart, etc... Etc...  every thing I had try to overcome all along now I see, it's related with this black and white view of things and this approval seeking.

So, going back to the question. How much approval seeking is healthy? And how do I overcome this...  most importantly, just with awareness? (Awareness alone is curative?). And  how much is healthy, I mean, according to Maslow, we all need acceptance from our peers at some point, for example... The other day I composed a piece of music I really liked, and it was a huge personal achievement for me. I felt really happy after hearing what I composed, so I had this urge to show someone, and I told my brother to come and hear. I kinda have this urge when I achieve things to share it with someone, don't know if it's normal. I remember this quote "happiness is only real when shared", so it makes me wonder. 

Will really appreciate some input, thanks a lot.
 

Edited July 8, 2016 by IronFox