A story of rationalizations

[trenton]

I had an interesting story today where I noticed how easy it is to make myself confuse truth and falsehood.

I went out on a walk and noticed a graveyard.  I began looking around until I had a feeling that I should not be there.  I imagined somebody telling me that I was in private property and that I needed to leave immediately.  I crossed the street and looked at the scenery.  When I walked away from the new building I was standing by I realized it said no trespassing.

I left that building next and walked around the area, back in the main road.  I saw another road and walked down enough to read a sign that said "cemetery use only, others will be prosecuted" .  I left immediately.

The possibility that I could be prosecuted lead me to fabricating and rationalizing.  I knew the stories were lies, but labeling this process lying did not seem to stop it.  So many fabrications came up that for a brief moment I confused it with what was true until I remembered.  I finally stopped trying to stop myself from lying and then it stopped.

How do you stop lying when your survival is threatened?  

What is being survived?

[JosephKnecht]

Maybe surviving is the highest lie you fabricate and rationalize to yourself?

[trenton]

@JosephKnecht i asked myself what is being survived.  If I can see that my self image is imaginary and what is supposedly being survived, then I see that really nothing is being survived except a mask or lie.

From this point of view it does not make sense to fear for my survival which is why it would be a lie.  How do you know when you let go of survival and what is it like to live life that way?  It would be interesting to see this.