Resolving old emotional wounds

[nistake]

How do I reconcile myself to my past?

Little background info about me:

My childhood wasn't ideal, but it wasn't that bad either. I even have some fond memories of it. Prolems started to arise when I was in my teenage years. I was anxious, I excessively worried about what others think of me, I wasn't satisfied with my looks. As time had passed, it got a lot worse. Back then, I didn't know about self-help and spirituality, so I was blaming others and myself for my faults. I didn't really have friends, no girlfriends and slight depression. Lonliness, frustration, confusion. It was really frustrating because I saw my peers and somehow I thought they were different because they had success with girls, they had friends, they went to parties all the time and I was at home basically 24/7 because I had no friends to go out with. No purpose, no vision for future, I was just spiraling into depression most of the time. Somehow I managed to stay at least a little bit positive and I tried to regain control of my life a few times, but I didn't persist and gave up too quickly.

Fast forward to my mid-20s, I got into a great company and I met a few people there who became my friends eventually. Finally, I had some friends to go out with, parties, little experience with girls as well and I thought this was it. I had a few good years because I thought my friends were gonna stay around and we would remain friends for a long time. Of course, that wasn't the solution. Some of them moved away, quit the company and we barely met after a few years. I was back to square 1 basically. Depressed, lonely, confused.

That's when I found Leo's video about meditation. It grabbed my attention because I've always been interested in meditation (dunno why, I didn't have any experience with anything spirituality-related  prior and I always thought I couldn't learn it, because it's supposed to be really difficult, etc). Since the title contained "no-bullshit", I thought this was for me. I watched it and I started meditating that day. That's where my self-actualization journey started.

Fast forward today: Life has gotten much-much better. Meditation, self-inquiry, WHM, yoga, exercise, journaling, reading, eating healthy, shadow work, having a vision. These are integral parts of my daily life. I'm all about learning and growing. Life is exciting.

However, my past still haunts me sometimes. I've tried to work it out by journaling and shadow work. Had some success but I don't think I completely resolved my issues. For those who have healed old traumas and wound, how did you do it? What technique helped the most? Just to be clear, I'm not looking for a quick fix. I know this is gonna take long. I just want to make sure that I'm on the right path because I really feel that my past is a wound that needs healing.

Edited May 5, 2020 by nistake

[dinone]

2 hours ago, nistake said:

Fast forward today: Life has gotten much-much better. Meditation, self-inquiry, WHM, yoga, exercise, journaling, reading, eating healthy, shadow work, having a vision. These are integral parts of my daily life. I'm all about learning and growing. Life is exciting.

There is no ups without downs. Your past will still haunt you, but that is fuel for what are you achieved today and will tomorrow.

[nistake]

@dinone Yeah, I guess you're right. I came to the same conclusion during one of my recent journaling sessions. I should be even grateful for those years, because that suffering lead to self-actualization after all. Intellectually it makes sense, but I still feel like I need some form of healing and/or closure.

[Raphael]

I'm also interested in this. Thank you for opening the discussion @nistake