Success on Dating Apps

[Chumbimba]

How can I be successful on Tinder or Bumble. 

I have this complex where a girl says I am ugly in pictures but I am attractive in person so how can I win on these apps.

If you guys want to know what I really look like I could post a picture  

Thanks

[assx95]

Tinder or Bumble or any dating app would obviously focus heavily on looks. If you think you're more attractive in person and are not very sure about your photos, why not ditch these apps and go out to clubs and approach women? Cause I am guessing, you'd have to put in even more effort to convince a girl to go out with you, after you match up. The alternative of going out seems easier. 

[Chumbimba]

@assx95 Im terrible with girls period. In person and on the internetso... I dont know what to do 

 

[Chumbimba]

I am damned if I try and damned if I dont try 

 

 

[assx95]

@Chumbimba If you aren't already, Be on no fap. It's the magic pill to confidence and comfort, trust me. 

[Chumbimba]

@assx95I have been on NO Fap since November 2017. Currently on almost a month streak. I dont know what I am missing or doing wrong. I still dont feel confident or any benefits like I did before. 

[Roy]

Online dating is brutal as a male if you don't have model caliber looks, still there are some things you can do to help even the odds.

- Spam swipe right and match with as many people as the apps will allow you to. It doesn't matter if you'd never date most of the people. You can always sort through it after. It's important to cast as wide a net as possible to increase your chances of landing an actual date. It's simply a numbers game. You need to be talking to as MANY girls as possible, even if conversations hit dead ends, which many will. Don't take it personally. If you want to get good at chatting up women........ you guessed it - you need to chat up a LOT of women.

- You need to take your profile seriously. They will have no idea how awesome you really are from just your profile, it's all surface appearance online. You might be this "cool self actualizing dude with all these cool ideas and views about the world", they won't know ANY of that shit if they don't swipe to match with you.

Make your profile quirky, interesting, and mysterious, but don't reveal too much that will make you seem too invested. You need to withhold stuff to get a conversation flowing later.

Don't post egoic "bro" pics. Women hate that shit. On Tinder books are judged by their cover, so don't look like that douche-bag with his shirt off beside all his frat friends, or holding up a severed deer head and rifle in the woods. You want to have wholesome pictures of you with your close friends and family, and doing hobbies you enjoy. Show that you are an active person with things that keep you busy in life. Nobody wants to date a boring person.

If you don't have the pics to make this kind of profile, go out and get those pictures. If you want results, you gotta take responsibility.

Consider looking up guides on profile creation or some cheap coaching for modern dating. It can help a lot.

- Very important point. Don't fuck around talking endlessly. Women will never ask you out 99% of the time. The ball is in your court. Once you start chatting and you notice a bit of a spark, simply ask her out on a simple fun date. Women love it when they see decisiveness in a man. Once you talk to a good number of girls you'll start to know the right time to ask is, but even if the language of the conversation isn't steering towards it. It works to just be blunt sometimes and say, "hey you are interesting, you are pretty, want to go do X?"

Hope this helps cheers - Roy

 

 

[universe]

3 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

@assx95 Im terrible with girls period. In person and on the internetso... I dont know what to do 

The start there. If you want to connect with people its important to first connect with yourself. Do you know your values? Are you in touch with your emotions? Here is a good channel for dating advice https://www.youtube.com/user/TheFearlessManTV

 

2 hours ago, assx95 said:

@Chumbimba If you aren't already, Be on no fap. It's the magic pill to confidence and comfort, trust me. 

Confidence comes naturally when fear is overcome. Releasing emotions is one of the most direct ways for dealing with fear (which means accepting and letting go of fear). Others are relaxation and awareness.

[Soulbass]

i'm currently at ~0.2 success, which gets rounded down to 0 due to floating-point precision errors

[Gili Trawangan]

6 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

How can I be successful on Tinder or Bumble. 

I have this complex where a girl says I am ugly in pictures but I am attractive in person so how can I win on these apps.

If you guys want to know what I really look like I could post a picture  

Thanks

Why would you want to?

If you're attractive in person, play to your strengths. Approach women in real life.

[Preety_India]

 

Number 1 rule.. 

Be extremely extremely patient. 

 

Fruits of patience are sweet. 

 

[Chumbimba]

Yeah i dont know. Im really confused on this dating stuff. I have had Gf's in the past, but I dont know it just seems like I have lost my mojo. I am looking at tinder and bumble and don't see any women of substance. All I see is hoes, whores and thots. You cant really judge a persons character from a picture, but you can get an idea. Maturity is something I value and modesty. Tinder has the complete opposite. Like girls with their ass out. Maybe they make me feel insecure about my lack of sexual expression, but at the same time the types of women I like are simple and don't try to do too much. 

[Roy]

9 minutes ago, Chumbimba said:

All I see is hoes, whores and thots. You cant really judge a persons character from a picture, but you can get an idea.

@Chumbimba You gotta drop ALL the labels right now if you want get anywhere man. They may feel good to say now, but they will hold you back. You have to realize that most people aren't really motivated to be authentic all the time, a lot of those girls are putting up "hoe" pictures simply because of peer pressure. They are doing it cause that's what their friends are doing.

Once again you simply never know until you meet them in person.

I'll give you the example of my own relationship. Her profile said "feminist activist" and had pictures of her at rallies and all that. I didn't think in a million years I'd date a feminist. I thought it would never work and we would clash on politics and that I would be too "logical" for her. But I gave it a chance........

Fast forward 1.5 years we are now living together, have excellent communication, and never get in fights about anything. We adore being together as much as possible.

See what I could have missed if I let judgement have control? 

[Chumbimba]

@Roy I have been calling girls hoes and whores for so long I dont know how to stop. I have been wounded before with women. Girls  leaving me for other guys, getting called ugly and laughed and rejection. Thats all i know how to think of girls is as whores. I never thought of a better alternative. I am wounded but I am also in therapy too lmao

[universe]

7 minutes ago, Chumbimba said:

@Roy I have been calling girls hoes and whores for so long I dont know how to stop. I have been wounded before with women. Girls  leaving me for other guys, getting called ugly and laughed and rejection. Thats all i know how to think of girls is as whores. I never thought of a better alternative. I am wounded but I am also in therapy too lmao

1. Look on your dating habits. What are you looking for in women. The same "If you only date bad boys, dont be surprised if they are acting like bad boys" applies to men as well. The girls you are looking for maybe hang around in yoga class or libraries - not in night clubs or on the beach.

2. Dating is like everything in nature - fucking brutal. Its obvious for girls as they see the difference clear as night and day when they compare for example sporty girls with make-up to overweight girls without. For guys its less obvious but its the hard truth. Nature doesnt play around when it comes to survival. Dont make it about you and dont play the "victim" card. Leave the dating field for now if you want to work on yourself first. Thats ok.

[Roy]

29 minutes ago, Chumbimba said:

I have been calling girls hoes and whores for so long I dont know how to stop. I have been wounded before with women. Girls  leaving me for other guys, getting called ugly and laughed and rejection. Thats all i know how to think of girls is as whores. I never thought of a better alternative. I am wounded but I am also in therapy too lmao

Well, that may say more about them as people, or you might have done something wrong. Regardless, that's all in the past now.

This mentality you have towards women is not a good one. Consider taking a step back from dating in order to re-frame your relationship to the other sex. Try to limit (or stop) all your exposure to modern dating culture and media. It is just reinforcing toxic ideas in your mind.

Perceptions can be changed, but you need to be willing to fight back against your ego. All it wants to do is stay in homeostasis by continuing to judge women.

Spend the next week observing and noticing your thoughts in this matter. Anytime they arise, just pay attention to their existence. How do they make you feel? Don't worry too much about changing them right now. Just get good at noticing them.

[Chumbimba]

@Roy Thats why I have steered clear of RSD .Okay ill step back and notice.