How To Use Jealousy To Discover What You Want

[Christian]

In life, I find that people generally are highly critical of eachother. A common example is with girls and clothing. They judge because they are jealous of Them because they have something that they secretely want. This principles does not only with regards to clothing. 

It can occur as a result of jealousy of another person in any area of life.

And  can ACTUALLY use jealousy to discover what they desire to acquire themselves. So next time you are jealous, try to find out what you want that they have and use it to create a vision for yourself instead of going about your day without noticing. It can reveal a lot about your desires. 

So I urte you to try it  

Sincerely Christian 

 

 

 

 

[99th_monkey]

or it reveals whats wrong with yourself, to yourself, from yourself

[Christian]

If for example I watch a public speaker and he is great at delivering his speech and I get jealous by that, there isn't nessecarily anything wrong with that. 

It just shows me that he has something that I want and that is great, right?  

Because then, I can now take action to get what I want, see? 

[IronFox]

Yeah, but for that one must be aware.

I think recognizing jealousy is the second step:

First level in unconciousness is the hater. For example, someome saying: "I hate that guy, so pretentious and loud, always trying to get the attention and girls follow him like sheep! One doesn't need to be like that".

Second level would be recognizing that the hate is actually jealousy. (Some people may actually feel jealousy without hating, i think) That guy for example probably wants to express himself but he can't, so he resents people that do, trying to put them in a lower position (ego). He also probably wants the girls but he is too afraid, he fears rejection or he feels undederving, so he hates the girls or hates the guy, secretely wanting that.

Third level would be to be aware what the anger -> jealousy is actually targeting something we want. So instead of judging and getting indentified with the emotion, the guy should see what the emotion is telling him, thank it, and let it go.

Also it's good to identify why do we crave that in the first place. For example that guy should ask himself why does he crave the attention in the first place.

[abrakamowse]

1 hour ago, Christian said:

Because then, I can now take action to get what I want, see? 

But there's no person who wants something. That "person" doesn't exist.

[Christian]

Yeah, I also Think that you should ask why you are craving something.

It is important to understand and to be aware of why you need the thing you want. Because from that place, you can determine whether it is worth it or there is a bigger Price that you should go for that will bring more fulfillment or maybe even go for both. 

For me, for instance, I get jealous when I see guys who have a girlfriend. That is because I do want one myself. However, I know that getting one will not bring me any true fulfillment and that it is a dead end. 

But I still feel that I need to see it experientially because that gives me first hand wisdom and make myself really realize that it is true. One thing is knowing it intellectually, another is to really know. 

But I do not abandon the bigger Price - my life purpose - to chase this desire. 

So it is a Grey area. It is not that you should always abandon the things that you want even though they do not bring true happiness/fulfillment. It depends...

If it brings you wisdom, go for it nevertheless.

Life is about experience...

[ProblemSolving]

If you really want something then it is not the goal to actually get that thing but going the path towards that thing and therefore seeing yourself how you transform with every step that you take. For example I used to be a wreck when talking to girls. Then a time came where I suddenly had this confidence and I felt so freakin great back then. This resulted in having a gf and then came this shitty stagnation. That turned me off totally. Living a life of solitude and then being bound to this woman. But that is not what I want to say. I can be single if I want to. The key moment in this whole girl stuff happened when I realized what I really want and what holds me back. Less porn, more risk, more humor, more devotion. Just going all in. And then it is not the happiness to actually be with someone but the realization that I have opportunities to be with someone or even with a bunch of girls or whatever. Not being dependent of someone else but the positive feeling that you give yourself. If I were single again and tried to get a girl with my current mindset of being in a relationship and being totally in my comfort zone for way too long, I would fail hard. But when I get to the top of my confidence, when I get the feeling that actually my life is amazing and my body shows that and I have a smile on my face, the women will come to me. 

[Mal]

@Christian

Hi Chris,

This is very insightful.  What you're speaking of is "envy" not jealousy.  Jealousy is a situation where you may imagine you are going to lose something important to you. An example would be a jealous boyfriend who worries that the hunky guy talking to his girlfriend is possibly a potential threat to their relationship. 

Jealousy of this type are a spiritual problem, a problem with the illusion of ownership, me, mine, this woman is mine and I might lose her.  

Envy on the other hand is a symptom of extreme low self worth.  

These two things are distinct from 'admiration' and 'respect'.  Admiration and respect are healthy indicators of what we might be attracted to, and in some cases might be inspired to acquire for ourselves in the future. 

Jealousy and envy are for the dysfunctional among us.  Let's not mistake these for something positive that may lead to greater fulfillment.

[ProblemSolving]

Wait. This confuses me. Jealousy and envy both have to do with low self worth. But jealousy means the potential loss of somebody that you seem to have or love. Envy means the lack of something or somebody, because of comparison with other people. Right?   

[Mal]

6 minutes ago, ProblemSolving said:

Wait. This confuses me. Jealousy and envy both have to do with low self worth. But jealousy means the potential loss of somebody that you seem to have or love. Envy means the lack of something or somebody, because of comparison with other people. Right?   

Look them up. 

The reason I make the distinction is because both are negative motivators and won't lead to getting needs met.  They are unhealthy symptoms and this indicates that they need to be tackled at the root rather than try to obtain what we think is lacking.  The mistake that these two motivators can contribute to growth is damaging and based on a deficiency mindset, deficiency has nothing to do with self actualisation.

[Christian]

I think that you're right. Envy and jealousy can come from low self worth, definetly.

But I also think it is important to be open minded enough to use the envy to discover what you want as a direct experiment in reality and try to realize it. 

From this, you can see whether getting the thing you envyed someone for was really worth it long term. 

And if it does not and is a waste of time to you, don't do it and try something else. No need to stick with something that does not work  

 

 

[Christian]

But lets say that I was envyous of someone like Eckart Tolle because he is enlighthened master. Then, I think that is a good form of envy if I can use it as motivation to become enlighthened myself and actually get some great Benefits such as: 

Ego death

Unconditional self love

Bliss

Pure flow

Being cognition

etc.

That would be envy working in your favour  

But it mostly does not Becuase the things you are envyous about like someone having a Nice car, good looks, great physique/appearance, etc. These things will never make you happy if you get Them unlike the holy grail - enlightenment. 

[Mal]

@Christian

Looks like you are kidding yourself..

Envy leads you nowhere.  I'm giving you the benefit of my personal experience and not some chapter from a book.

[ProblemSolving]

I guess that we need to introduce the word "curiosity" here. There is nothing wrong about being curious. Curiosity usually has a positive meaning, because it means that somebody wants something. And there is nothing wrong about wanting.

I want to do a bungee jump. Not to give my life a meaning but to experience this moment and push myself to the limit. Because I know what kind of impact it had on me when I did skydiving once. I want to visit japan, because I want to feel like a total stranger. I want to live somewhere near the ocean, because I am allergic to a lot of stuff and the sea air can really improve my life. I want to try out mdma once to see what a pill can do with me. I want to make a huge trip just by going in a certain direction. So that I have enough time to process everything that I see. And also show myself what I am capable of. Especially in times where flights are so cheap and everything needs to work faster.

I hope that all of my wants are not based on envy, but rather based on something like curiosity and stuff.

[Christian]

It is not a nice feeling to be driven by envy - in my experience it actually makes me quite miserable when really thinking about it and I usually don't take that much action when I feel this Way. 

The critical side takes over and nothing really gets accomplished. 

But the thing I want  May still be the thing that I'm envying someone for having and it May have true lasting value if it is my life purpose or enlightenment. 

Still a possibility... 

But the problem is that again it is hard to take right action from a place of toward an objective. 

I think it may be great to transcend the envy to something like inspiration or curiosity to have the nesseccary drive to take action and realize what you desire... 

 

 

 

[ProblemSolving]

Nah. Envy itself is just worth nothing. Envy is a primitive thing. We only see something and make weird conclusions and make ourselves feel worthless. Maybe we should also introduce another term here, something like "unique desire". Authenticity gets close to that term. When you see somebody have something that you want and you feel envy, that is a false belief. Because this struggle that you are in now is not what you want. So why should you envy? That is a losing game.

This now goes even further, because it is not about envy anymore but about the things that you really desire. And that is something that can't be damaged by envy. For that matter isolation and meditation is a great way to get to the core of your desires. Don't forget that as long as there is envy then there also is competition, comparison and so on. Which means, when you live your life with envy you are not living your life. You let someones decision dictate you. It helped me to be nihilistic for a while. Because in the end nothing matters, we all gonna die and life itself is worth nothing and everything at the same time. Why should I be worried about stuff that I don't have? We don't own anything. I have this tendency to say anti materialistic stuff. Example: I don't understand how people make it their goals to get a freakin expensive sportscar or whatever. But I am conditioned to have a little bit of envy, because society says that this is such a great thing to have, because yeah, that is what makes you a better person with a better status or whatever. This is all conditioning. And there is just too little appreciation for the fact that we are living in a world where we can drive a car and it can really be affordable nowadays. Appreciation is a good word in this context as well. When you appreciate more you desire less. Less desire means less false belief for most people, probably. And that would be a massive throwback for capitalism. 

Can't believe that I used the word "capitalism" again.