Dating

[28 cm unbuffed]

I'm basically stuck and it's taking way too long time now, I'm pretty frustrated.

I wanted to reach a time in my life, when I will love or at least like myself, be well organized, disciplined, and overall in check. I said to myself - when I'll reach that point I'll start dating (to not attract in my life cool girls I have to be cool guy first, I figured). 

The first trap that I encountered was perfectionism - I wanted to be fucking perfect to then attract perfect woman, logic, right? Wrong, you'll never be perfect.

Then I figured - ok, so I have to do it gradually. I will start from dating, let's call them not that pretty and not that smart women and we'll see where it goes. Backward fucking trap - I can't do it, it's like forcing yourself to eat something distasteful, for a lack of better words. 

How to find a fucking center?

What is the way?

Third sentence with a question mark in the end?

Please help ? ? 

Edited May 4, 2020 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Chakra Lion]

When we are God, we want to be Nothing. When we are Nothing, we want to be God. 

First Trap: Internal Love 

Second Trap: External Love 

Are you Completely in Love with Your Self? I'd start there if your not. Fill the Self with Love, and like a magnet, Love will flow to you. 

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Chakra Lion

What the fuck are you talking about

 

But seriously, I don't get it. I love myself, I am empty, I reached spiritual awakening. Next step - love others and the love will follow? Did I understand you correctly?

[Preety_India]

 

I think you're dealing with a turmoil period. Can be incredibly frustrating. You are showing existential crisis symptoms. 

You're possibly looking for a structure or framework or a launchpad in life. It will neither come easy nor will it come any sooner. 

You need to slowly build your base to grow from, your substratum. Take it easy. 

Don't be upset because of the frustration. This frustration is necessary for some time to learn certain skills and to learn acceptance of failures in life. People who bypass this stage think that life is always perfect and therefore they can never actually face life when things go wrong. 

This period of frustration and uncertainty is a necessary conditioning to be able accept life in its full form. So don't feel bad if you are going through this. 

One thing you really need to do is let go of perfection completely. There will be obsessive thoughts about perfection. Detach that thought. 

Don't wait for a perfect time or perfect day for things to be perfect. Accept the imperfection of a day.. 

Keep a dream board. Also keep strict focus all the time on things that are really essential for your growth. But allocate your time properly. Like for example don't use all your time to learn about life purpose or dating or spirituality. Dedicate certain amounts of time. Use your important time for job skills and health related stuff. 

Do not take everything at one time, as a perfectionist you might feel like time is too short, but take it easy, there's a ton of time. 

Focus on balance. Try to keep a proper balance between all aspects of your life. Don't exercise too much. Don't distract too much. Everything in balance. 

Also be very positive. Perfectionists might assume the future to be negative. Remove that negativity. Calm your mind with positive hope.. Think that everything is going to get fixed eventually. 

One of the problems that I can see in your post is that you are too attached to your life. If you are passionate person, this is expected. However being so attached can create a ton of frustration and can be a constant source of torment. So detach. Learn to let go. Learn to be free of everything. Have focus when you need it but during other times learn to be just be free of all thoughts. Otherwise they will consume you. 

 

So the key points are 

• Focus 
• Accept imperfections 
• Dreamboard as a base or framework 
• Allocate time properly 
• Think using abundance. Think there is lot of time
• Keep Balance 
• Be positive 
• Learn to be free

 

[Chakra Lion]

Damm, hes a spit fire boys...

34 minutes ago, Chakra Lion said:

When we are God, we want to be Nothing. When we are Nothing, we want to be God. 

Its the same for Relationships. When we have someone, we want to be free. When we don't have anyone, we want someone. Why do you think most people get Divorced and then remarry? I can tell you from having a mother who has been married 6 times, she keeps seeking love from someone to fill her. But she wont accept that all the Love she really needs, is from her self. 

39 minutes ago, Chakra Lion said:

First Trap: Internal Love 

Second Trap: External Love 

I'm talking about your traps that you clearly explained....

39 minutes ago, Chakra Lion said:

Are you Completely in Love with Your Self? I'd start there if your not. Fill the Self with Love, and like a magnet, Love will flow to you. 

If you are like my mother, and don't really love who you are, then you will not likely find it in someone else.

23 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Chakra Lion

What the fuck are you talking about

 

But seriously, I don't get it. I love myself, I am empty, I reached spiritual awakening. Next step - love others and the love will follow? Did I understand you correctly?

I'd recommend being more loving with your words. What the fuck are you talking about is a little of putting to see as a reply, and makes me rather not give you my energy. I'm sure you can relate  

My Point is: You cannot find love by looking for it.

“I have always been fascinated by the law of reversed effort. Sometimes I call it the ‘backwards law.’ When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you float. When you hold your breath, you lose it — which immediately calls to mind an ancient and much neglected saying, ‘Whosoever would save his soul shall lose it." - Alan Watts

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Preety_India 

I work on all of that.

Practically - all of my life is in check, for real. Diet, exercise, money, spirituality, learning. Going into business stuff right now, I have a couple of projects to work on. Not sure if I'm even going to have time to dedicate to dating life lol. But I want to start trying, turn this part of life on.

I am aware that I am fucking obsessed about my life, not sure where to draw a line. I learn to do less every day, lol. Tao is the way.

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Chakra Lion

You misunderstood me here, I'm a funny guy, it was like a meme joke or something, like "I have no idea what am I doing" dog or something, whatever. 

Not everyone gets my sense of humor, and how you supposed to get it via internet browser lol. That wasn't harsh, that was just an attempt to be funny (great job me).

Ok, I get it. It's so hard though, damn. Finding a balance between trying and letting go. That's some metaphysics stuff, connecting to Tao, etc.

I think that basically, what you just said to me was: let go, work on your business and a lady will come by herself into your life.

 

[Preety_India]

@28 cm unbuffed  

It's good to be ambitious. But I think you're taking a lot on your plate. 

I know it's difficult to draw a line. Let the obsession be in doses. So you are obsessed only when you need it to progress. It's like the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" 

Right now you're on mental steroids. You are super excited to achieve everything. But slow down. It can consume you. 

Tao is very good for balance. 

When you have to take a break, focus on the break, not on progress. 

Never think that you are missing out on something. You are never missing out on anything, it's only a mind trick. 

Learn to break your mental pattern. When you need the motivation, let the obsession come back. Keep a cycle. A cycle of progress and a cycle of slowing down. This way it becomes rhythmic and gets automatically balanced out. Waxing waning type. 

[28 cm unbuffed]

 

 

 

 

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@28 cm unbuffed  

It's like the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" 

That was so on point, looooool