Is it better to have nearly zero friends than to have useless friends?

[Amit]

@Preety_India How to be happy with only myself, when I have so many good friends to be happy with?

[Chakra Lion]

On 5/4/2020 at 1:24 PM, Billy Shears said:

It takes a strong mind to go your own way and not to care about other people's opinion. I hope you're not on Tinder ?

On that note, I am definitely on Tinder ❤️

[Billy Shears]

9 hours ago, Chakra Lion said:

On that note, I am definitely on Tinder ❤️

Tinder is full of fake people.

[LastThursday]

I think every friendship has different amounts of positivity and negativity.  Friends will put up with the negativity because the positivity wins. But as soon as you start having doubts or the balance is wrong, the friendship is doomed. Cut your loses and move on, even if it's hard. Don't cling on hoping it will change or it will go back to how it was or because of fear of being alone. Keep moving forward.

[hyruga]

You should never judge your friends as useless. Who are you to judge?

[tsuki]

@Billy Shears I'd say that it's not a matter of quantity, but quality, and the personal needs you have.
Seems like you are looking for deeper, more meaningful relationships and they require the participants to speak their hearts, say what they really feel, and put themselves in a vulnerable position. Most people aren't willing to do that because they never stopped hating themselves and criticism is automatic. 

I wouldn't be too concerned with people who put you down. It really isn't about you, but about their own issues.
You can't save them from themselves, you can only work for your own wellbeing and choose the company that suits your needs.

[UnconsciousHuman]

Wim Hof, meditation, exercise, work, and a dream board are a must for your happiness.

Secondly, go on meetup.com and meet up with folks with similar interests. You should be able to stand without friendships but at the same time chose to have friends because it's fun and adventurous and supportive. You gotta aim for interdependent friendships. 

Secondly, If you're in a relationship, the need for friendships won't be as strong. 

So, in short, make the 5 things I talked about in the first sentence a daily habit and meet up with folks that enjoy the things you enjoy. 

[Billy Shears]

15 hours ago, hyruga said:

You should never judge your friends as useless. Who are you to judge?

I know it sounds very harsh. Maybe I need to see it from a different angle and appreciate these experiences as useful life lessons which make me a better and more understanding person. In the end it's all part of the journey. 

[StarStruck]

To answer the question. It is not either or in my view. Important not to be egoistic and feel better than other people. In my eyes, friends are for mutual spiritual development. One doesn't have to be at the same level or higher for me to be friends with them but there definitely needs to be a give and take. For me it is also matter of demand/supply. If I had a lot of options for making friends, I would be pickier.

[StarStruck]

Also just ditching all friends, feels very inhuman. Social connection and touch is a biological need and it has been proven that it can have bad effects on your health if you stay lonely for long periods of time. This is the reason why Leo might have health issues, although he says his diet is good.

These are just my opinions but ditching my non-spiritual friends if I don't have a lot of friends feels like throwing my bad food away because there is no good food around. It is in the hierarchy of Maslow, you need it. You just have to do with the toys that god has given you. If humans hadn't done that, we wouldn't even come so far.

In an ideal situation I would only have actualized friends but the actuality is different. Personally, I don't think god has created us to be god, throw away all of our wants&needs and be inhuman. God created us to be human and reach our highest potential. What kind of world would we be living if everybody believed he/she is god? Lmao

Edited May 8, 2020 by StarStruck

[Elisabeth]

@Billy Shears I suggest before you drop them entirely, you could 

1. try to make the friendship a tad more meaningful (like tell one of them your concerns about drugs and ask if he's willing to meet up sober)

2. find some new people to talk to and make friends with (as a natural outgrowth of the changes you start making in your life)

You could also try to re-contact some friends that you might have had earlier in life who are sober. Isolation is usually rather devastating to the psyche, doesn't help your will very much. So try to not be entirely isolated.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. 

 

[hyruga]

18 hours ago, Billy Shears said:

I know it sounds very harsh. Maybe I need to see it from a different angle and appreciate these experiences as useful life lessons which make me a better and more understanding person. In the end it's all part of the journey. 

Do you know there's a guy called Woz who eats pizza and stays at home all day? Is he a friend you will keep?

Edited May 8, 2020 by hyruga

[Bittu]

I'd rather have zero. I prefer quality over quantity in relationships. Some people prefer quantity, I guess. That shit isn't for me though.

Don't stress it OP. You will attract a very high quality peer group in time, if you just work on yourself. Non-neediness is the most attractive thing there is.

When you work on yourself, your old peer group will resist this. If you look within, it forces others to see their mistakes. People generally like to avoid the hard work of inner game.

Edited May 9, 2020 by Bittu
typo

[Billy Shears]

On 7.5.2020 at 10:07 AM, tsuki said:

@Billy Shears I'd say that it's not a matter of quantity, but quality, and the personal needs you have.
Seems like you are looking for deeper, more meaningful relationships and they require the participants to speak their hearts, say what they really feel, and put themselves in a vulnerable position. Most people aren't willing to do that because they never stopped hating themselves and criticism is automatic. 

I wouldn't be too concerned with people who put you down. It really isn't about you, but about their own issues.
You can't save them from themselves, you can only work for your own wellbeing and choose the company that suits your needs.

Yeah, that's right. It's difficult to find deeper, more meaningful relationships but to be honest I also still need to learn how to speak from my heart without the fear of being judged. 

[Billy Shears]

23 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Also just ditching all friends, feels very inhuman. Social connection and touch is a biological need and it has been proven that it can have bad effects on your health if you stay lonely for long periods of time. This is the reason why Leo might have health issues, although he says his diet is good.

These are just my opinions but ditching my non-spiritual friends if I don't have a lot of friends feels like throwing my bad food away because there is no good food around. It is in the hierarchy of Maslow, you need it. You just have to do with the toys that god has given you. If humans hadn't done that, we wouldn't even come so far.

In an ideal situation I would only have actualized friends but the actuality is different. Personally, I don't think god has created us to be god, throw away all of our wants&needs and be inhuman. God created us to be human and reach our highest potential. What kind of world would we be living if everybody believed he/she is god? Lmao

Being lonely isn't a problem for me because most of the time I prefer to be alone, I just don't have the mental energy to always be around with people. Still, you're right, maybe once a week I wanna meet up with someone and share my thoughts and feelings. But it would be nicer, if it wouldn't end up in drinking alcohol, even if it's just one beer. It's always involved, they don't seem to care about their consumption or health, although I already asked them to think about it...

[bejapuskas]

@Billy Shears  You can't speak from your heart unless you become really spiritual, I am talking serious now, VERY VERY spiritual, you're probably gonna have to start wearing a robe and beeds, walking everywhere barefoot, eating vegetarian... If you don't do this you will never be able to speak from your heart.

[Billy Shears]

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

@Billy Shears  You can't speak from your heart unless you become really spiritual, I am talking serious now, VERY VERY spiritual, you're probably gonna have to start wearing a robe and beeds, walking everywhere barefoot, eating vegetarian... If you don't do this you will never be able to speak from your heart.

Do not make spiritual development dependent on these factors. It makes a difference whether someone does not want to speak from his heart or whether he wants to, but is not able to do so due to other circumstances which is even very exhausting, as in my case. You can wear a suit and achieve enlightenment, but at the same time you can be naked and be far away from this state of mind. Besides I am already vegan and walking barefoot most of the time. 

 

23 hours ago, hyruga said:

Do you know there's a guy called Woz who eats pizza and stays at home all day? Is he a friend you will keep?

If there is no pineapple on the pizza and he shares something, I'm definitely in. No matter how spiritually evolved you are, nobody should refuse a pizza. 

[Hello from Russia]

I think zero is the way to go, especially when they like toxic substances (such as alcohol, drugs, shit diet, etc)

I personally for now have no close friends except for my spouse, I have some other people we sometimes talk to each other but it's not regular. It is just way inefficient for me to develop friendships and put my energy there right now for my goals\development.

I think, however, it can be a tremendously good thing if you are able to create a mastermind of people who share your highest values and inspirations with you. I Imagine, though, that it takes some investment from your time&energy and you also need to be in places where these people hang out (Geographically or community-wise)

[bejapuskas]

5 hours ago, Billy Shears said:

You can wear a suit and achieve enlightenment, but at the same time you can be naked and be far away from this state of mind. Besides I am already vegan and walking barefoot most of the time. 

Exactly.

5 hours ago, Billy Shears said:

Do not make spiritual development dependent on these factors. It makes a difference whether someone does not want to speak from his heart or whether he wants to, but is not able to do so due to other circumstances which is even very exhausting, as in my case.

Why does speaking from your heart make you exhausted?

[Billy Shears]

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

Why does speaking from your heart make you exhausted?

Speaking from the heart is a very relieving feeling. 

But opening up is not easy. We are fearful of what others will think about us. It’s easier to posture and pretend than speak openly from the heart.

So it's exhausting when I'm not able to speak from my heart and instead need to wear a mask. You know what I mean?