About 6 years ago I discovered Actualized.org and became inspired by the concepts of enlightenment and self-actualisation. Gradually pursuit of these took over my life, as I focused ever more narrowly on consciousness work as a way to improve my life. Eventually, I let go of friends, relationships, careers, possessions, hobbies and interests. Did a lot of meditation, yoga, etc. Built a spiritual ego and did some spiritual bypassing, too. Had one awakening experience. 6 years down the line and I am depressed, lost, alone, purposeless and empty. Trying and failing to find a sustainable life purpose I’ve ended up in a much worse practical position than if I’d settled for something less ambitious, and now I've run out of the luxury to keep looking due to personal circumstances. Although my meditation at one point felt like it was significantly clearer, at this point I have to doubt if my concentration is really much better than when I started. I don’t feel any closer to truth, and have completely lost my playfulness, sense of humour and experience of fun along the way. You have to take a LOT on faith with this work. The guidance isn’t presented as a dogma so much as a ‘try it and see for yourself’ thing. How long an experiment is reasonable to run, however, before lack of willingness to accept ‘it isn’t working’ betrays treating the guidance as dogma nevertheless? I’ve wasted 6 years of my life on a totally pointless quest, I’m absolutely sick of it, and I’m leaving now to attempt to stitch my life back together again. One more thing… I have to ask… Leo’s been doing this thing hard for a while now too, right. Let’s detach ourselves from our beliefs about enlightenment and self-actualisation for a mo and look at this objectively. Anyone else think his life looks a bit sad?