Having Problems With My Family Members, Any Suggestions?

[bazera]

Hey,

The thing is, I am 20 years old introverted guy. I don't like to talk much, and I like being alone and doing my stuff. I spend most of my day in my room working, learning or reading. I didn't realize that this would create relationship problems with my family members. 

Honestly, I don't have much in common with my family members (mother, father, and sister). I don't even like to talk about my life and that kind of stuff. So, they basically don't know much about me. On top of that, they are hardcore christians, and I know I am judging them but, it seems to me that they are quite close minded too, they have emotional reactions when somebody talks about christianity the way they don't like. Meanwhile, I was like that too, a couple of years ago, but now I try to add meditation habit to my life (I have been doing it for 2 months now, every single day), also I try to practice mindfulness in everyday life and so on. But I do that "secretely". If one of them find out about my meditation habit, I will have a lot of explanation to do, because they see it as some kind of a communication form with devils or something silly like that. 

2 months of meditating had a little effect on me. It is a bit easier for me to be mindful of my emotions when I communicate with others. Today our PC had a problem, but I was too busy to take a look and fix it, so I said that I would fix it later. But I got an unexpected reaction from my mother. She told me that the way I was talking to her, was upsetting her very much, because I tried to be as calm as possible, and she thought that I didn't care about the problem. After that she told me that I had changed and that something was wrong with me. Also, that I hated the family members, and didn't want to have a relationship with them. She became even more nervous when I had no emotional reaction on that (because I knew that she was being her lowest self). She was yelling at me that I didn't care about her or my father, and that I only want parents for money, and food and that kind of shit. 

Then I told her that I wanted to deal with this as a mature human being, and there was no point in yelling or getting nervous. I called her actions childish, because she didn't know what she was saying at that moment. 

So she called me rude, and now she thinks that I am some kind of cynical, rude asshole, who only needs parents for material purposes, who doesn't give a shit about his family and so on...

Can you tell me how would you try to fix this kind of problem? 

[Natasha]

@bazera 

As Eckhart Tolle said, "Don't expect consciousness where there is unconsciousness". Here's his talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqr98O8QT3M

I would also start planning my moving out of the parents' house and getting a place of my own.

Hugs

[charlie2dogs]

48 minutes ago, bazera said:

Hey,

The thing is, I am 20 years old introverted guy. I don't like to talk much, and I like being alone and doing my stuff. I spend most of my day in my room working, learning or reading. I didn't realize that this would create relationship problems with my family members. 

Honestly, I don't have much in common with my family members (mother, father, and sister). I don't even like to talk about my life and that kind of stuff. So, they basically don't know much about me. On top of that, they are hardcore christians, and I know I am judging them but, it seems to me that they are quite close minded too, they have emotional reactions when somebody talks about christianity the way they don't like. Meanwhile, I was like that too, a couple of years ago, but now I try to add meditation habit to my life (I have been doing it for 2 months now, every single day), also I try to practice mindfulness in everyday life and so on. But I do that "secretely". If one of them find out about my meditation habit, I will have a lot of explanation to do, because they see it as some kind of a communication form with devils or something silly like that. 

2 months of meditating had a little effect on me. It is a bit easier for me to be mindful of my emotions when I communicate with others. Today our PC had a problem, but I was too busy to take a look and fix it, so I said that I would fix it later. But I got an unexpected reaction from my mother. She told me that the way I was talking to her, was upsetting her very much, because I tried to be as calm as possible, and she thought that I didn't care about the problem. After that she told me that I had changed and that something was wrong with me. Also, that I hated the family members, and didn't want to have a relationship with them. She became even more nervous when I had no emotional reaction on that (because I knew that she was being her lowest self). She was yelling at me that I didn't care about her or my father, and that I only want parents for money, and food and that kind of shit. 

Then I told her that I wanted to deal with this as a mature human being, and there was no point in yelling or getting nervous. I called her actions childish, because she didn't know what she was saying at that moment. 

So she called me rude, and now she thinks that I am some kind of cynical, rude asshole, who only needs parents for material purposes, who doesn't give a shit about his family and so on...

Can you tell me how would you try to fix this kind of problem? 

maybe its time you were on your own,  you cant fix them, fix yourself,

Edited July 6, 2016 by charlie2dogs

[Omega]

Moving out is not necessarily meant as in burning the bridges, I understand, but cutting the ties.

This is just scary. Any confrontation will create intense emotional responses. It seems like cutting the ties is equivalent to burning the bridges.

In my case, does your advice really apply without financial independence?
If the ties are toxic, yet keep me from falling, is it still advisable to cut them and throw yourself out there?

[bazera]

@Natasha Thanks so much, I really needed Eckhart's advice right now. The best thing to do, as he says, is to use unconscious people to develop consciousness in yourself. 

I am not financially independent right now, so moving out won't be an option for me, but new perspective from Eckhart will definitely help me. 

@charlie2dogs Yup, fixing myself is the best that I can  

@Blaze35 Moving out is the last option for me. The situation may not be that tragic to be thinking of moving out. That's in my future plans by the way, but not now. Thanks for the response. 

[bazera]

@Linas Yes I know what you are talking about. Family is one of my top values, and I do really care for these people. I am not trying to separate myself from them. But the fact is that they are in different subjects, and that "religion" is one of them. When their top value is religion and mine isn't, and when sometimes they talk about religion all the time, I can't join them because I am not interested in that. 

I know all of those terms are labels, "introverted" and so on. But I don't understand your point. I am not trying to feel "superior" among others. I have thought about that already, and I think I am not lying myself... I do what I do in order to develop myself in different ways, I don't think that the reason of that should be to feel "superior" among others. But maybe it is, I hope I'll find that out soon. 

She wasn't yelling me for that. She was yelling me because she was thinking that I don't care for them, which is just not true. Also she was telling me that it was upsetting her that I didn't have emotional reaction to her yelling. I could yell back, but I knew that after 1-2 hours, she would be different and easier to talk to. And by the way, nobody is right at yelling, that's not the mature way of dealing with problems. 

Yes, I find sharing things very pleasing with people close to me, But I find it difficult to share everything with my family members. Yes, that must not be the reason of moving away, and yes, that must not be the reason of being quite at home, but at the same time, that doesn't mean that I don't care for them, or I just need them for money or shit like that. 

Thanks for the response btw.