1000 Hrs Sds In 6 Months

[Passenger]

You have a talent for writing. And humour.

I didn't know that technique, thanks for sharing because I'll think I'll benefit from it.

[askdfjnak]

Stages of meditation and freedom:
 

 

[Dragallur]

@Marc SchinkelHow is your meditation work going?

[askdfjnak]

@Dragallur It's going well. I'm not going to post my hours until December 31st (when 6 months is over).

I don't want to get too caught up in numbers and achievement. Mental purification makes you change life direction about as often as you change underpants.

Some days a I only do one hour, other days I do 12+.

My current pb sds time is 7hrs24min though 

Right now I'm going to catch up on all the stuff I've missed:

>Leo became god
>People are doing rare drugs
>Forum has become a hive of channel promotions/bashing
>Leo's speech patterns are getting weird
>I'm pretty sure some of my posts are missing
>probably other stuff I haven't seen yet
 

 

[Dragallur]

4 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

@Dragallur It's going well. I'm not going to post my hours until December 31st (when 6 months is over).

I don't want to get too caught up in numbers and achievement. Mental purification makes you change life direction about as often as you change underpants.

Some days a I only do one hour, other days I do 12+.

My current pb sds time is 7hrs24min though 

Right now I'm going to catch up on all the stuff I've missed:

>Leo became god
>People are doing rare drugs
>Forum has become a hive of channel promotions/bashing
>Leo's speech patterns are getting weird
>I'm pretty sure some of my posts are missing
>probably other stuff I haven't seen yet
 

 

Cool. I was wondering because I read all of your posts about month back and then I wondered what happened. But thats cool, looking forward to 31st December then
I guess I am partly stucked in "how many hours do you have?" thing. I am on the journey to enlightenment (if there is such a journey :D) too but quite few steps back (if you can be any step back :D)

I see what you mean about the forum. Not that I would care about the drugs much, I am not planning to do them and probably it makes some difference, its more the separation between people for and against

For Leos pattern speech, I have noticed it too.. I liked what @Emerald Wilkinssaid about this in the thread about "Dark side of meditation, Rali's response video". Thanks for answering back and keep on working I hold my thumbs for you!

[askdfjnak]

On 29/10/2016 at 5:00 PM, Dragallur said:

I read all of your posts about month back and then I wondered what happened.

The dark side of meditation happened.
I cut out pretty much all internet for about 2 months (I did cheat once or twice but ive been pretty out of the loop). I didn't see what was happening on the forum and I missed the latest video's, but I'm all caught up now 

 

On 29/10/2016 at 5:00 PM, Dragallur said:

Not that I would care about the drugs much, I am not planning to do them and probably it makes some difference, its more the separation between people for and against

I'm neither for or against haha. I was just suprised by the change of scenery around here.

 

On 29/10/2016 at 5:00 PM, Dragallur said:

I hold my thumbs for you!

Don't hold onto anything  ... let it all go.

[Dragallur]

How long is it since you have started all of this stuff (meditation, enlightenment).. I mean, you are still on university right?

[askdfjnak]

7 hours ago, Dragallur said:

How long is it since you have started all of this stuff (meditation, enlightenment).. I mean, you are still on university right?

about 2 years, and yes 

[askdfjnak]

Notes

Manging my relationship with the web

 

I’ve realized just how big of a distraction the internet is. I think the long term consequences of continuously binging on it will be quite severe.
One of the first things I noticed when I left was just how much of my ability to focus has eroded away.
I’ve been meditating a lot and I think I have much higher focus than most people, but I still noticed a huge difference in the quality of mind I was able to enter. 
The quality of my meditation increased significantly when I was no longer being distracted by thoughts that were inspired by what I consuming online. I really like this video by the Nerdwriter explaining how different mediums affect our consciousness:

 

 

 

He is talking more about how the style of online video is different to tv, but I extrapolated what he was saying into how watching YouTube videos (which is where I spend the bulk of my internet time) trains me to focus for short periods of time and jump rapidly through different forms of content. This does have advantages when I want to quickly get an overview of something; all I have to do is search the topic and skim through a whole lot of varied content to get information quickly. The disadvantage is that I train myself to avoid looking at anything deeply. I give myself a handicap on the road to mastery which requires focus and discipline on one thing for years.

This ted talk covers some interesting research around this issue.

 

 

 

The key conundrum that I feel like I face internet is: Either you’re on and you’re distracted, or you’re off and you’re missing out on everything.
There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground. I’ve tried to just be aware and use the internet mindfully but it doesn’t work. The pull is too strong and I'm not yet mindfull enought to stop it. I also self-interrupt a lot more than I initially thought.
This cleared up pretty quickly when I went offline, but now that I’m back I know I’m going to need to set up some system of management to make sure I don’t lose any progress I’ve made.

One technique I've started to use was Shinzen Young’s Trigger Practice which he describes below.
It’s designed to make you become aware of that invisible sensory environment that media can put us in and the subconscious processes that take place when you’re in an environment like that. It’s really great to improve your base level of mindfulness.

 

 

 

 

I have been wanting to get a completely regular sleep pattern for a while now but it’s been difficult because my meditation habit has brought up a lot of stuff that has given me random energy spikes. It seems to be settling down now so I’m going to try and go for it.

My plan of action for the next month (starting tomorrow) will be to block out all social media and various websites (including this one) for 22 hours a day. What I’m going to do is grant myself access to social media for 1 hour in the morning (at 4am which is when I wake up) and 1 hour in the evening (at 7pm so that when I finish the day I can wind down). I can then meditate immediately after the sessions being mindful of how they affect(ed) me mentally.

This will accomplish four things (hopefully)

1. I will get out of bed very easily in the morning (because I will be motivated by the internet).

2.  I will be able to completely relax before going to sleep (because I will meditate after my evening session).

3.  I will become much more mindful around media and the web which will serve me well in the long term (I will become better and better at focusing and eliminating distracting information)

4. I won’t have to miss out on stuff!
I’ve found that 2 hours is more than enough time to cover all of the social media I want to in a day.
When I limit myself I become much clearer about what I want to watch/browse/lurk and I don’t fall into the spiral of unconsciousness and reactivity so easily. It’s like I’m online with an objective as opposed to being online as an escape which is a completely different mindset.

I have started using Freedom to block sites/apps in case anyone was wondering.
If anyone knows of any others I'd be interested to try them out.       

 

[JKG]

8 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

The key conundrum that I feel like I face internet is: Either you’re on and you’re distracted, or you’re off and you’re missing out on everything.
There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground. I’ve tried to just be aware and use the internet mindfully but it doesn’t work. The pull is too strong and I'm not yet mindfull enought to stop it. I also self-interrupt a lot more than I initially thought.
This cleared up pretty quickly when I went offline, but now that I’m back I know I’m going to need to set up some system of management to make sure I don’t lose any progress I’ve made.

Thank you for summing up all of the thoughts regarding the use of the internet which I had over the last couple of weeks. Your journal is a great source of inspiration

[askdfjnak]

@quantum I'm glad you find it useful.

[askdfjnak]

Notes

Peak experience and permanent (?) shift in perspective.

 

When I was a little boy I used to love sitting by the car window.

My siblings and I would fight each other for the privilege of being able to watch the world zip past as we made the drive into town.

When I was lucky enough to win, I would savor my view by moving my focus in and out of the world outside.
I would start by watching things way off in the distance drift slowly by, like a mountain on the horizon or a cloud floating silently through the sky.
I would then move my focus to something closer like a cow grazing under a tree and I would watch as they drifted past slightly faster than the mountain.
I would then move even closer to the barbed wire fences and scrubs that skirted the road, struggling to concentrate on the barbs and posts that flashed in front of me.
Eventually I would be watching the grass a few meters away from the car with a sore head trying to spot individual blades in the blur of green.
My universe began to rumble with my forehead pressed on the glass.

My intense concentration would always break into silence as my eyes looked at the scratches on the glass and I became aware that I was sitting in the car, somewhat relieved that the world was small again.

I liked to hug my knees and make myself feel cozy as the trip went on. Somehow I would relish the paradox of being in a small metal box hurtling through a big world. This was part of my preparation process for what was undoubtedly the best part of the road trip. The hump.

The hump was situated at the top of a hill just on the edge of town. There was a sharp decline that would produce freefall sensation as the laws of inertia lifted you out of your seat. My dad would hit it especially fast and we would careen over it like the dukes of hazard squealing with laughter as we “flew”.

 

***

 

I was doing a long strong determination sit one morning.
As the hours passed the sunlight began to creep through my curtain and onto the wall in front of me.
I watched as the beam crept closer and closer to my head, eventually I could feel the warmth of the light hit my right ear and move across my scalp to the other side and back onto the wall.

I burst out laughing when I realized that the beam never moved. What in fact was happening was that my entire house was moving across the path of suns light as the earth was rotating. Of course this is just a belief that I picked up from science but it was still a great shift in perspective.

Later that day I was riding the bus back from university. The sun was setting over the farmland to the left of me, throwing up beautiful red and purple colors into the sky. To the right a full moon was rising along with the twinkles of a few bright stars in the twilight. I was sitting alone in the back of the bus and I remembered how I used to hold my knees. I curled up and watched the world passing by, admiring the beauty and moving my focus in and out like I did when I was a kid.

The bus hit a dip and flung me into the air giving me the exact same feeling of freefall that I used to get as we drove over the hump. I don’t really know what happened next.
I had a full blown overview effect kick in as I was floating above my seat. I realized I was watching the world pass by through the window but I also realized I was watching the universe pass by through the sky.

The sky changed from being the sky to being a giant car window that I was looking out of! 
Some of the things way out in the distance like the faint twinkling stars were passing by slowly, others, like the sun were closer but moved much more quickly. The moon was moving past very rapidly. In an instant I went from feeling like a cozy boy in a small car to feeling like a cozy boy on a small planet.

My entire body sprang up goosebumps and I began shaking with laughter, no sound came out of my mouth, I was just shaking. Tears began to flow down my cheeks and I was soon soaked in the most intense bliss I have ever felt. I’ve had plenty of peak emotional experiences before, but this was on a whole ‘nother level. I could feel some of my facial muscles tremoring. If someone had looked back at me they probably would have thought I was having a seizure.

I have had a weird sensation in my body for a few weeks after this happened. It feels like I’m falling but I’m not. It’s like my being is falling into itself? I don’t really know how to describe it.

I can’t look at the sky the same way I used to do either. Now when I’m walking down the street I’m not really walking down the street with the same mindset I used to have. I’m walking down the street on my little planet, as we drive by the sun. When I see the moon or Mars I wonder about the mountains and valleys on them. It would be cool to go for a drive in another planet.

The silence of the sky washes away the noise of the world for me. I feel open, like I’m naked inside. It’s beautiful.

***

 

 

[Dragallur]

1 hour ago, Marc Schinkel said:

I was doing a long strong determination sit one morning.
As the hours passed the sunlight began to creep through my curtain and onto the wall in front of me.
I watched as the beam crept closer and closer to my head, eventually I could feel the warmth of the light hit my right ear and move across my scalp to the other side and back onto the wall.

I burst out laughing when I realized that the beam never moved. What in fact was happening was that my entire house was moving across the path of suns light as the earth was rotating. Of course this is just a belief that I picked up from science but it was still a great shift in perspective.

Later that day I was riding the bus back from university. The sun was setting over the farmland to the left of me, throwing up beautiful red and purple colors into the sky. To the right a full moon was rising along with the twinkles of a few bright stars in the twilight. I was sitting alone in the back of the bus and I remembered how I used to hold my knees. I curled up and watched the world passing by, admiring the beauty and moving my focus in and out like I did when I was a kid.

The bus hit a dip and flung me into the air giving me the exact same feeling of freefall that I used to get as we drove over the hump. I don’t really know what happened next.
I had a full blown overview effect kick in as I was floating above my seat. I realized I was watching the world pass by through the window but I also realized I was watching the universe pass by through the sky.

The sky changed from being the sky to being a giant car window that I was looking out of! 
Some of the things way out in the distance like the faint twinkling stars were passing by slowly, others, like the sun were closer but moved much more quickly. The moon was moving past very rapidly. In an instant I went from feeling like a cozy boy in a small car to feeling like a cozy boy on a small planet.

My entire body sprang up goosebumps and I began shaking with laughter, no sound came out of my mouth, I was just shaking. Tears began to flow down my cheeks and I was soon soaked in the most intense bliss I have ever felt. I’ve had plenty of peak emotional experiences before, but this was on a whole ‘nother level. I could feel some of my facial muscles tremoring. If someone had looked back at me they probably would have thought I was having a seizure.

I have had a weird sensation in my body for a few weeks after this happened. It feels like I’m falling but I’m not. It’s like my being is falling into itself? I don’t really know how to describe it.

I can’t look at the sky the same way I used to do either. Now when I’m walking down the street I’m not really walking down the street with the same mindset I used to have. I’m walking down the street on my little planet, as we drive by the sun. When I see the moon or Mars I wonder about the mountains and valleys on them. It would be cool to go for a drive in another planet.

The silence of the sky washes away the noise of the world for me. I feel open, like I’m naked inside. It’s beautiful.

Wow, this is beautiful...

[askdfjnak]

Looks like kevjumba is coming back? 

He uploaded this video right before he quit youtube to become a monk.
I really like it, I'm glad it's public again.
 

 

[askdfjnak]

I don't have that much to write about this week, so this will be a short entry
 

I'm starting to integrate spirituality with personal development. I want to focus on expanding my "knowledge" so that I can improve my ability to explain shit to people who might only hold limited perspectives outside of my own. 
I bought the book list and I've ordered some of the books that interest me, I think I might set a goal to read all the books after I finish 1000 hrs sds, but we'll see.

I've also started taking the life purpose course.
I already know my life purpose is enlightenment/spiritual development, but I thought I would do it anyway because I could get some good perspectives that might be useful in life.

I got rid of my bed today. I've done plenty of sleeping on the ground in situations outside of home but it never occured to me to just get rid of my bed and do it full time. Sleeping on the ground is awesome!
I find that I can maintain awareness into some of the light phases of sleep when I'm on the ground because I'm much more concious of my body, it's a really cool mindspace to be in and I want to spend more time in it.

I watched a really cool documentary on netflix last night called (Dis) honesty 
I really recommend it.
 

[askdfjnak]

The dark side of meditation strikes again.

This week I had some HUGE emotional releases. On Wednesday I was working outside alone. I was practicing mindfulness as I was working and some extreme anger started to rise up in me, along with some aspects of myself that I have been repressing since my childhood. There was nobody around for miles so I just completely let go of control.

I started screaming at the wind, punching and kicking the dirt, breaking sticks and throwing rocks.
I would repeat this every 30 minutes or so and carry on working. I know it sounds crazy but during the whole ordeal I was completely aware of myself. Even though I knew that this was a negative experience I was also aware on a much deeper level that this was very healthy and I was letting go of unnecessary baggage that I’ve been clinging onto for too long now.
I wasn’t trying to be logical, or trying to figure out exactly where this frustration was coming from because my mind is really good at twisting negative experiences to suit my agenda without ever actually facing it. I just let it out, and a part of me knew that had to happen like that. Even though it felt very bad, it also felt very good on some level.

When I got home that day I had a very fruitful discussion with my parents about our past and some of the stuff I’ve been dealing with. We moved much closer towards understanding each other. I am really happy about this.

I’ve only watched and summarized the first 7 videos of the life purpose course because it’s low on my list of priorities but I am really enjoying it.
I feel that doing it slowly will enable me to absorb and start to integrate the information better.

I’ve modified my internet limits. I don’t need 1 hour in the morning, so I just cut that down to 15 minutes and then I disturbed out three 15 minute intervals throughout the day. I’ve completely opened up Sundays, so I can watch documentaries, Satsangs etc.
I like this setup better because I’m much more conscious of my time between intervals.

I’ve spent 40 hours learning how to touch type over the last two weeks. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for years. I can’t imagine how much time I’ve wasted because I never learnt how to do this. I’ve also started reading vegetarian cookbooks to begin building a repertoire of recipes that I can cook quickly and efficiently that will cater to most of my nutritional needs. In other words, I’ve been spending time working on basic life skills I should have had years ago. Oh well, better late than never.

I’ve realized that I’ve been getting too comfortable over the past year. Even though my meditation habit is very challenging I don’t think I am doing enough to get outside of my comfort zone in all aspects of life.
The thing is, I am already a person that actively pushes my comfort zone. This has become a problem because I have made this a part of my identity and I tend to overestimate how much I actually do it. I just remember all of the times I’ve deliberately stepped out of it then I stay comfortable more than I probably should after I’ve justified how I always move out of my comfort zone. I’ve recognized the power in doing things that make you uncomfortable because they grind down your ego rapidly and lead to very fast growth.

Another thing I’ve realized is that growth is never ending.
This is one of those things that I’ve intellectually known without fully understanding.
When I was about 4-5 years old I felt I was successful and developed when I didn’t wet my bed. Now when I look back on that it seems juvenile and stupid. What I’m doing now will be juvenile and stupid compared to the level of development I will be at in 20-30 years (if I live that long).
I intuitively know this and so I just try to act developed and matured without going through the process of development and maturation because I don’t want to have to look stupid or ignorant to my future self.
It’s like I’ve already decided what I’m supposed to be like when I’m “developed” (which doesn’t exist because it’s never ending) and as soon as I start to move towards that I recognize my current reality is so disconnected from that ideal that it’s too uncomfortable for me to accept where I’m at.
I stop actually developing and live in the fantasy that I’m developing instead.
This is fucking stupid and it’s holding me back enormously. I’ve just realized (truly understood) that you’ve got to crawl before you can walk and I shouldn’t beat myself up if I see that I’m still crawling.

I’ve decided to make a video of a model for personal development and spirituality that I’ve been working on and post it to my journal. The model isn’t finished but it’s definitely good enough to share.
I don’t really want to be a YouTuber or a personal development teacher. I want to upload a video because the idea of doing that makes me squirm. I’m naturally introverted and don’t like having my ideas exposed because I tend to tie up my identity into them, so I know I will be growing if I make a public video. Also, I need to improve my ability to communicate to people.
 

I’ve ordered a webcam and microphone so hopefully I will have the video ready by next Sunday. It might take longer though. I will just copy Leo’s format for the most part. I’m not going to waste too much time trying being original, otherwise I’ll never get it done.

 

I’ve started to become very interested in how politics and economics works with the recent election in America. I have basically zero knowledge in these areas and I’m starting to build up my understanding. I’ve managed to go through the entire education system without ever taking a single history/geography/economics/politics class so I have a huge gap in my knowledge around this stuff.

I watched a horror movie last week called The Big Short. I liked it, I think it provides a good example of what emotional labor looks like. I also like how they use celebrities and dumbed down commentary to mock us for our ignorance and simultaneously make the movie cool. I’ve started reading about market derivatives by following the links on that Wikipedia page. I also learnt about the Electoral College in America.
This stuff is as astonishing as it is crazy.
 

It’s going to be a fun century.

 

I definitely need to do some work with my money beliefs. The first thought I had when I saw the title of Leo’s new video was
“oh, he’s probably about to drop a new product and he wants us to relax financially” - I’m extremely skeptical about people when it comes to money and business. I don’t even like using the banking app on my phone because I’m worried I’ll get scammed into getting a credit card or a high interest loan. Going to spend a long time on this exercise sheet.

Note to self:
Don’t be afraid to ask for freebies at the end of a business deal. You never know what you'll get away with.

                               

[Space]

Thanks for sharing all of this man, you're journal is really inspiring! Always look forward to reading it. 

[askdfjnak]

@Reality cheers

[samadhi]

What exactly is SDS? I googled and searched and it isn't documented anywhere. If this is a meditation method, then what does it entail and how is it different from the ones we know from Buddhism, etc?

[Dragallur]

3 hours ago, samadhi said:

What exactly is SDS? I googled and searched and it isn't documented anywhere. If this is a meditation method, then what does it entail and how is it different from the ones we know from Buddhism, etc?

It is "strong determination sitting" which means that you do not move, at all. Basically. You can be in any kind of sitting posture enduring all emotions, pain and so on. Try it out it is pretty cool and easy, Leo has video about it called something like "meditation on steroids".