From Neuroticism To Serenity

[Alex K]

I've lost my thought. There is no intuition, there is an attractor. Let's meditate. There is no reason to do anything. I am in this vortex again. There is no meaning in anything, there is no worth. Another round of beauty is shown to those who do not buy this one.

[Alex K]

I'm again at the crossroads. Minimal desires, little thought, some minor melancholia. No books read, no meditation done today. Hard addictions to food and youtube. Why should I care? I do not want to care. I want some company, people who would understand me. I want to be blank. Is it bad to be blank? Why? No desire. No desire. I feel serene and autistic. It's nice, so nice. Higher self tries to come up with some motivations to do something, but it is like leaves in the wind against calmness of my mind - it's so futile.

Two days I've eaten "sugar, fat and salt" and watched politics marathons on youtube, now I feel as if I drank those two days. It will pass. I do not want to do it anymore. I want to be serene. I want to be with myself, alone. I want to be grounded in being. I want to get rid of these demons. Demons, demons, demons, demons, demons, begone

Edited November 20, 2017 by Alex K