I've been experiencing intense satori states

[Pouya]

Talking about those here has no value. There is nothing for me to ask you, and nothing for you to answer. All left is experience after experience for deepening the understanding. I'm just doing this to feel better. I've been going through some very scary shit.

Since the Actuality video, I discovered something about my mind. I dont know about other people doing it, but I can sit down, and in only 5 mins, I can raise the consciousness so much with actuality and mindfulness, things start to deconstruct. For more than a year, I've experienced hundreds of satori states about different facets. They get better and better and deeper and deeper everytime. That's why I'm not on this forum so often. I see people ask things without REALLY wanting to know it, and other people answering them without anything achieved and understood while doing it. When you deeply experience, all your knowledge will be gone in that state. FORGET INTELLECTUAL UNDERSTANDING. That video is literally the most important video ive ever watched ever, nothing can top that.

So this kind of ability can make me get existential - psychedelic effects (Ive never tried anything) and in matter of minutes, I can get there. But the twist is that this intense effort Ive put into this is bleeding into everyday life. I get satori out of no where, I get hyper conscious like I got into a trip completely random. It's like the causality takes my thoughts into a route that initiates all those hours contemplated and inquired right NOW.

But shit went down in the last 3 days, I was chatting with my friend. He had some problems figuring out stuff with life and awakening (he is into it too) and I just got up to get some water, and out of no where, that chat caused me to become hyper conscious and get another absolute love experience. it actually floored me, made me sit and cry-laugh very loudly while my heart was melting by love. This was different this time, never been so intense before. It was like a lightning hitting me and killing me right away. 

And sometimes when im doing stuff, i get so conscious that I detach from the experience and it looks so absurd, unreal, dream like and unknown. last night, i was about to sleep, then suddenly this type of satori happened, but this time it was so bad, I almost fucking lose my mind. I couldn't talk, couldn't understand language, couldn't remember my life, and very thing else except the room i was experiencing. All my thoughts, beliefs, ideas, opinions, paradigms, knowledge, contemplations, science, religion, philosophy and ANY HUMAN MIND, when straight out the window and the only though that remained was

"I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK,...."

Very deep fear of death, losing my mind, going crazy, and wanting to go back to the familiar life. Everything was the same, but there was no voice in my head, nothing had a name and a usage, there was no thought, there was no understanding, there was no memory, there was no one except the experience experiencing itself.

note that Ive never used any substance at all and all i did was watching the actuality video and using it to truly, intensely, seriously contemplate. I didn't want these to happen randomly, but its been months they are happening and getting more and more profound. I have nothing to do but to face these more and get more contemplation into them, and every new video that comes out, I look at it as a guided contemplation session, not Leo talking about stuff.

I know this whole thread sounds egotistical and I use I so much here but I seriously don't give a single fuck. Talking through a human has limits and being an ego and using language are its limits too. So instead of using skepticism to point out people's bullshit, forget everything and become ACTUAL. I am full of shit and you dont need to point it out. Go on experience.

[Kensho]

Egotistical? Not at all. It seems there is a Kundalini movement between your chakras. I 've had 3-4  similar spontaneous experiences in the past, like the opening of the heart chakra, flooding with Love, and to the third-eye, having hyper consciousness for a brief time, like one minute or so.  

Your experiences seem to be stronger and frequent. I think you have to ask for directions from an experienced Kundalini teacher, in order to ground it or something like that. 

 

 

[Pouya]

@Kensho I've never really looked into what kundalini is and how it works and never really worked on chakras too. Ill look more into them.

[James123]

18 hours ago, Pouya said:

I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK,....

Hi my friend. I have a very similar experience with you. I had a direct non dual experience through meditation last month. In my mind, i had only one sentence that “i want to go back”. As soon as I told myself that i am nothing, and surrender myself. And suddenly hit non duality. After that i felt that there was no one to talk to, here is nothing and didn’t think to tell anyone, because there was nothing inside of me to say. 
 

i have never felt love through meditation (only felt when i am on psychedelics). But i had 2 direct non dual experience thorough meditation with the feeling that nothing is inside of the body and this place is huge emptiness. There was nothing to feel and noone, who can feel something. It was too deep that I forgot to think. I was functioning like a robot. 

Edited May 1, 2020 by James123

[VeganAwake]

Yep a pregnant nothingness an empty happening...

Its unknowable..

It's indescribable..

It's nothing experiencing everything..

Its THIS!!

 

[wordsforliving]

@Pouya Very interested in your experience and how you were able to achieve these states. Which actuality video are you referring to that you watched - Is it this one?  

 

[Pouya]

@wordsforliving yep, thats it. Amazing video

[Pouya]

@James123 yeah meditation is amazing if done right. Great results there

[James123]

@Pouya Definitely brother  i have a question for you. During the direct non duality, i am having very clear direct experience with being as nothing but aware. Additionally, i cant feel anything, there is nothing something as me but all is me. But after the experience, my ego feels hurt, non duality comes to heavy on my ego, because it is seriously nothing. Feels like i am directly killing myself. Lol. I stay focus at that moment, recover myself as non dual and get out from ego. Do you have similar experiences after non dual experience?

[Rikimaus]

On 30. 4. 2020 at 9:08 AM, Pouya said:

Talking about those here has no value. There is nothing for me to ask you, and nothing for you to answer. All left is experience after experience for deepening the understanding. I'm just doing this to feel better. I've been going through some very scary shit.

Since the Actuality video, I discovered something about my mind. I dont know about other people doing it, but I can sit down, and in only 5 mins, I can raise the consciousness so much with actuality and mindfulness, things start to deconstruct. For more than a year, I've experienced hundreds of satori states about different facets. They get better and better and deeper and deeper everytime. That's why I'm not on this forum so often. I see people ask things without REALLY wanting to know it, and other people answering them without anything achieved and understood while doing it. When you deeply experience, all your knowledge will be gone in that state. FORGET INTELLECTUAL UNDERSTANDING. That video is literally the most important video ive ever watched ever, nothing can top that.

So this kind of ability can make me get existential - psychedelic effects (Ive never tried anything) and in matter of minutes, I can get there. But the twist is that this intense effort Ive put into this is bleeding into everyday life. I get satori out of no where, I get hyper conscious like I got into a trip completely random. It's like the causality takes my thoughts into a route that initiates all those hours contemplated and inquired right NOW.

But shit went down in the last 3 days, I was chatting with my friend. He had some problems figuring out stuff with life and awakening (he is into it too) and I just got up to get some water, and out of no where, that chat caused me to become hyper conscious and get another absolute love experience. it actually floored me, made me sit and cry-laugh very loudly while my heart was melting by love. This was different this time, never been so intense before. It was like a lightning hitting me and killing me right away. 

And sometimes when im doing stuff, i get so conscious that I detach from the experience and it looks so absurd, unreal, dream like and unknown. last night, i was about to sleep, then suddenly this type of satori happened, but this time it was so bad, I almost fucking lose my mind. I couldn't talk, couldn't understand language, couldn't remember my life, and very thing else except the room i was experiencing. All my thoughts, beliefs, ideas, opinions, paradigms, knowledge, contemplations, science, religion, philosophy and ANY HUMAN MIND, when straight out the window and the only though that remained was

"I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK,...."

Very deep fear of death, losing my mind, going crazy, and wanting to go back to the familiar life. Everything was the same, but there was no voice in my head, nothing had a name and a usage, there was no thought, there was no understanding, there was no memory, there was no one except the experience experiencing itself.

note that Ive never used any substance at all and all i did was watching the actuality video and using it to truly, intensely, seriously contemplate. I didn't want these to happen randomly, but its been months they are happening and getting more and more profound. I have nothing to do but to face these more and get more contemplation into them, and every new video that comes out, I look at it as a guided contemplation session, not Leo talking about stuff.

I know this whole thread sounds egotistical and I use I so much here but I seriously don't give a single fuck. Talking through a human has limits and being an ego and using language are its limits too. So instead of using skepticism to point out people's bullshit, forget everything and become ACTUAL. I am full of shit and you dont need to point it out. Go on experience.

How can you even sleep.

[Pouya]

@Rikimaus i was so tired and i use a technique to fall sleep faster

 

Stop and drop

Any thought i have i stop and drop so i sleep faster

Btw the state was gone after few minutes but it was intense. 

Edited May 1, 2020 by Pouya

[Pouya]

@James123 yeah it happened for me after experiences too, like kind of a resistance to accept so it gets emotional / denial mode. But recently, no its the opposite. If feel much better after them. Probebly because of more acceptance.

[Rikimaus]

@Pouya wasnt your nerve system under too big pressure?

[James123]

1 hour ago, Pouya said:

yeah it happened for me after experiences too, like kind of a resistance to accept so it gets emotional / denial mode. But recently, no its the opposite. If feel much better after them. Probebly because of more acceptance.

You are right. Surrendering self as nothing is only way to answer all the questions. Thanks brother

[Pouya]

@Rikimaus i was awake for some time i didnt sleep right away tho. i had satori not a stroke

[Pouya]

@James123 <3

 

[Mu_]

On 4/30/2020 at 3:08 AM, Pouya said:

Talking about those here has no value. There is nothing for me to ask you, and nothing for you to answer. All left is experience after experience for deepening the understanding. I'm just doing this to feel better. I've been going through some very scary shit.

Since the Actuality video, I discovered something about my mind. I dont know about other people doing it, but I can sit down, and in only 5 mins, I can raise the consciousness so much with actuality and mindfulness, things start to deconstruct. For more than a year, I've experienced hundreds of satori states about different facets. They get better and better and deeper and deeper everytime. That's why I'm not on this forum so often. I see people ask things without REALLY wanting to know it, and other people answering them without anything achieved and understood while doing it. When you deeply experience, all your knowledge will be gone in that state. FORGET INTELLECTUAL UNDERSTANDING. That video is literally the most important video ive ever watched ever, nothing can top that.

So this kind of ability can make me get existential - psychedelic effects (Ive never tried anything) and in matter of minutes, I can get there. But the twist is that this intense effort Ive put into this is bleeding into everyday life. I get satori out of no where, I get hyper conscious like I got into a trip completely random. It's like the causality takes my thoughts into a route that initiates all those hours contemplated and inquired right NOW.

But shit went down in the last 3 days, I was chatting with my friend. He had some problems figuring out stuff with life and awakening (he is into it too) and I just got up to get some water, and out of no where, that chat caused me to become hyper conscious and get another absolute love experience. it actually floored me, made me sit and cry-laugh very loudly while my heart was melting by love. This was different this time, never been so intense before. It was like a lightning hitting me and killing me right away. 

And sometimes when im doing stuff, i get so conscious that I detach from the experience and it looks so absurd, unreal, dream like and unknown. last night, i was about to sleep, then suddenly this type of satori happened, but this time it was so bad, I almost fucking lose my mind. I couldn't talk, couldn't understand language, couldn't remember my life, and very thing else except the room i was experiencing. All my thoughts, beliefs, ideas, opinions, paradigms, knowledge, contemplations, science, religion, philosophy and ANY HUMAN MIND, when straight out the window and the only though that remained was

"I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK, I WANNA GO BACK,...."

Very deep fear of death, losing my mind, going crazy, and wanting to go back to the familiar life. Everything was the same, but there was no voice in my head, nothing had a name and a usage, there was no thought, there was no understanding, there was no memory, there was no one except the experience experiencing itself.

note that Ive never used any substance at all and all i did was watching the actuality video and using it to truly, intensely, seriously contemplate. I didn't want these to happen randomly, but its been months they are happening and getting more and more profound. I have nothing to do but to face these more and get more contemplation into them, and every new video that comes out, I look at it as a guided contemplation session, not Leo talking about stuff.

I know this whole thread sounds egotistical and I use I so much here but I seriously don't give a single fuck. Talking through a human has limits and being an ego and using language are its limits too. So instead of using skepticism to point out people's bullshit, forget everything and become ACTUAL. I am full of shit and you dont need to point it out. Go on experience.

Hi Pouya,

Sounds like your going through some profound matters, a shift and cascading awakening that you've been thrust into and its getting a bit hectic.  Its part of the course with this type of stuff from my own experience. 

Are you looking for some advice, acknowledgement, people who have gone through similar things to find a bit of sanity in knowing your not crazy or something else? 

[Pouya]

@Mu_ i dont think im losing sanity. its just getting more common these days. And that can be kind of really positive for me sometimes. I'm not crazy but I certainly know another person couldn't really help. At this point I dont think anyone can top the absolute authority, being itself has. but thank you though

The thing is i had many experiences like this before but explaining them both, sounds the same in words, but this is just more than that. That's why from now on I wont try to describe it except taking a note of it for myself.

 

Edited May 1, 2020 by Pouya

[James123]

2 minutes ago, Pouya said:

i dont think im losing sanity. its just getting more common these days. And that can be kind of really positive for me sometimes. I'm not crazy but I certainly know another person couldn't really help.

Anytime, as much as, i get close more non duality, after that I got the kick back of ego or feeling of going crazy as mush as.