Shadow Work

[jes]

july 6th 2016 

Its easier to judge him for his insecurity , after every call from him is creating distance ,rather than developing attraction

Is it my own insecurity i am judging him for insecurties ,why as a normal female i cannot be attracted to wards him , even he himself attempt to talk to me, all his talk looks bullshit to me, though i practice presence , even if i lose i get awareness right away ,i am getting awareness of my behavior, which is authentic part of me is not coming out when i talk to him ,is it because i am insecure or i donot like him, 

what is repressed here ,feeling of hatred for my father which is showing up in fiance , how is it like to be loved and feel loved by a man who will be your life partner ?

I am confused 

what are you talking here ,that you are confused

its confusion that's it , 

FACE IT :

I am complaining ,because part of me is neglected ,need to get one thing done

TALK:

stupid cultural tradition is forcing me to build a relation its not necessary to get marry in 20s ,its totally fine

Be It:

I am insecure myself , marriage looks like i will get security so the feeling is tolerance not attraction ,just to get things done and avoid consequences of not getting married to this man ( which is more prison of father) ,BUT i am not sure what type of person i want to be my life partner) ?? next work to do 

Edited July 6, 2016 by jes

[Key Elements]

@jes

Now jes...in order for someone to shed the right light on you in this area, they would have to have a great understanding of the "cultural traditions" and the "background." It's though. Without an understanding, it's likely that they'll shed the wrong light. I'm only speaking from experience. This quote holds very true:

"The world is a great book of which they who never stir from home read only one page." -Augustine

And, they'll have to know you very well. Careful now, dear.

[jes]

59 minutes ago, Key Elements said:

"The world is a great book of which they who never stir from home read only one page." -Augustine

well said  thank you fro your insight here

[jes]

No matter how hard Ego made you feel the world is , There was ,is , will be part of me , which was ,is ,will find peace ,fulfillment 

No Matter How badly ego made you feel the world is ,There was ,is ,will be force within me ,which was ,is ,will be authentic me

I as my inner self will not sell myself short 

My inner self was ,is and will be warrior

Promise to me today , If you ever have the feelings which were falsely been related to you , You won't go after them 

I will not let LIE conquer my REALITY 

Sweetheart the path is not easy at all , can't you see , You are chosen one ( its blessing ) be Grateful 

Yes I am  

DECISION TAKEN 

Edited July 6, 2016 by jes

[jes]

Self realization , studies and work

Out of these three I have done good job on self realization , making me happy and fulfilled 

Over all good day 

[jes]

insight related with my profession 

 

I will give my soul to you my dear profession, i will not let devil take you any more, I am sorry ,please forgive me, Thank you and I love you , I am sorry for all those years ,I mistreated you for what you didnot deserve , I am so sorry 

Today 9 th july I promise you , I will not sell you short ,for money or external gain, I am sorry ,You are so noble, You chose me , lets work hard,and raise consciousness and awareness 

[Key Elements]

10 hours ago, jes said:

insight related with my profession 

 

I will give my soul to you my dear profession, i will not let devil take you any more, I am sorry ,please forgive me, Thank you and I love you , I am sorry for all those years ,I mistreated you for what you didnot deserve , I am so sorry 

Today 9 th july I promise you , I will not sell you short ,for money or external gain, I am sorry ,You are so noble, You chose me , lets work hard,and raise consciousness and awareness 

Hey jes..I like what you said here. I found a quote that will probably help me and hopefully it may help you too. Just wanted to share it with you...

 

[jes]

@Key Elements Thankyou and well said

[Key Elements]

@jes

Also jes...another thing that has helped me is the age old saying...

"Slow and steady wins the race." -From the children's story, The Tortoise and the Hare.

 

2 examples I could think of...

I love doing art paintings on canvas board, but feel that I don't have the time. I just paint a little corner each day till I'm done-taking baby steps.

Same goes for housework I don't like-a pile of clothes that need to be folded and put away. I just do a little each day.

This could be applied anywhere.

Edited July 9, 2016 by Key Elements

[jes]

@Key Elements good point  Patience and persistence 

Edited July 9, 2016 by jes

[Key Elements]

@jes

Yes...and don't forget...enjoyment, gifts, and talents...the things that make you want to say, "Whoa! Eight more hours of this! All right!" Well, I'm not saying to go overboard. 

[jes]

 

31 minutes ago, Key Elements said:

I'm not saying to go overboard

Excess of everything is harmful

Edited July 9, 2016 by jes

[jes]

Q1 What you was why you want to become doctor?

Day 1

Answer : the garbage part to clean  ( i will be SO good they cannot IGNORE the authentic me)

( i was a small town girl, lived like a half orphan with my maternals ,being bullied , low self esteem child ,whose all childhood was ruined in family problems, i had only one thing which was my concentrating on studies, so all my motivational drive was negative ,i would say defence mechanism i used was compensation, as my personal life sucked ,so i worked hard to get into medical school for merit basis ,as i was only child who could fulfil my mother's desire, and ofcourse family ,college pressure ) 

Day 2

Answer : little girl with big dreams ,a singer , a presenter, a reader , a writer , a scientist ,an artist , who realize in her last year of school  , how it would be like when i will be a finest physician in the world, A girl who only focused on studies to get to point where , she could get admission in top university on merit basis, when she visualized herself in white coat and stethoscope and smiling face ,communicating with empathy to her patients ,she lived her life to study the best medicine books written ,to acquire best of knowledge , 

Edited July 10, 2016 by jes

[jes]

q2.What you are why you want to come to USA?

Day 1

answer: sensitive ,caring ,compassionate , open minded ,determined, intelligent, focused , adaptable,flexibility of mind , clarity,discipline ,humble

USA is best in health care ,all the new research is there , it will help me the type of physician I wanted to be 

Day 2

She is sensible, emotionally intelligent ,compassionate , open minded , determined ,intelligent ,focused ,humble, grateful 

USA is multicultural , best in health care ,research , 

Edited July 10, 2016 by jes

[jes]

q3.What change you can bring in medical profession?

Day 1

A: raising awareness and consciousness on health from all aspect ,

counseling on1. proper medicine doses 2. nutrition 3,exercise 4.stress management 5.smoking cessation 6.drug addiction

diagnosis and treat the disease from root causes 

(through proper communication )

Day 2 

 

Edited July 10, 2016 by jes

[jes]

On 09/07/2016 at 10:06 PM, jes said:

Q1 What you was why you want to become doctor?

Day 1

Answer : the garbage part to clean  ( i will be SO good they cannot IGNORE the authentic me)

( i was a small town girl, lived like a half orphan with my maternals ,being bullied , low self esteem child ,whose all childhood was ruined in family problems, i had only one thing which was my concentrating on studies, so all my motivational drive was negative ,i would say defence mechanism i used was compensation, as my personal life sucked ,so i worked hard to get into medical school for merit basis ,as i was only child who could fulfil my mother's desire, and ofcourse family ,college pressure ) 

Day 2

Answer : little girl with big dreams ,a singer , a presenter, a reader , a writer , a scientist ,an artist , who realize in her last year of school  , how it would be like when i will be a finest physician in the world, A girl who only focused on studies to get to point where , she could get admission in top university on merit basis, when she visualized herself in white coat and stethoscope and smiling face ,communicating with empathy to her patients ,she lived her life to study the best medicine books written ,to acquire best of knowledge , 

 

 

Day 3

Small town girl with dreams of acquiring best of knowledge, as it was taught to her that knowledge is power, She found herself good in science ,and got passionate about human's physiology so she can learn how diseases occur( pathology) ,for her medicine became a life purpose

 

Edited July 11, 2016 by jes

[jes]

On 09/07/2016 at 10:09 PM, jes said:

q2.What you are why you want to come to USA?

Day 1

answer: sensitive ,caring ,compassionate , open minded ,determined, intelligent, focused , adaptable,flexibility of mind , clarity,discipline ,humble

USA is best in health care ,all the new research is there , it will help me the type of physician I wanted to be 

Day 2

She is sensible, emotionally intelligent ,compassionate , open minded , determined ,intelligent ,focused ,humble, grateful 

USA is multicultural , best in health care ,research , 

 

day 3: 

USA is multicultural , country with human rights , freedom , independence ,where health is not doctor's job, but equal contribution from patients ,my job there is to raise awareness in my patients , give them options simultaneously choices 

[jes]

On 09/07/2016 at 10:14 PM, jes said:

q3.What change you can bring in medical profession?

Day 1

A: raising awareness and consciousness on health from all aspect ,

counseling on1. proper medicine doses 2. nutrition 3,exercise 4.stress management 5.smoking cessation 6.drug addiction

diagnosis and treat the disease from root causes 

(through proper communication )

Day 2 

 

 

 

 

day 3

with proper knowledge of biochemistry , anatomy , physiology , which helps me to understand, pathology, pharmacology ,So best outcome will be the complete knowledge of medicine for management ( includes from diagnosis to treatment as well as prevention) 

day 4

1.preventive care

2.Management 

3.

Edited July 12, 2016 by jes

[jes]

In spite of tiring day , I had a talk with him , without judgments and labels, I became authentic finally , the higher consciousness 

what to learn from today's experience

1.no matter where you are you gotta be present moment and trust your instincts ( at least ) 

2.I made two decisions ( though not right away) but i did and it was not too late 

3.fear is cured completely 

[jes]

thinking about dissolving my ego , made me realised that its another distraction by ego itself, telling me DOING ,when answer is simple BEING ( Sit down and feel the pressure( a label giving by ego) 

Just a reminder , Ego can play so many tricks so be careful sweet 

words like want ,need ,control ,change ,do ,have to ,should ( make sure you are not following devil here ) , distractions like music ,food ,movie ,gossips (be careful) , thoughts 

accept ,surrender , submit , present moment ,gratitude ,autthentic smile  , i am accepting everything ,even to you ego ,You are part of me 

Edited July 12, 2016 by jes