What To Talk About In A Conversation?

[Alen]

8 hours ago, Peter J said:

Am having some of e same problems as you stalker. Its really hard for me making a conversation flow.
At my former jobs I always ate lunch alone, allways hided for my colleagues, just to avoid the aquard silence.
Been struggling with this for a long time. Doh, the last months I`ve been working alot on myself. Allways saying YES when asked to joine in any social situation. And instead of judging myself when i get home, I look at it all as training.. Training for the epic conversation I will have in the future when my confidence is high and I am more self actualized.

The "awkward silence" is a really funny thing 
... But have you ever considered the possibility that silence may be not awkward for everyone?

In fact you just perceive the silence to be awkward. It is easy to assume that everyone feels that way, but often this is just a false assumption.
Try to not feel awkward when short pauses are there, there is no way to avoid them completely anyway, this helped me a lot to be more relaxed.
There is no need to fill every gap with more talking 

[SenshiAna]

On 08/02/2016 at 9:56 PM, Ayla said:

Lookup Matthew Hussey on youtube. His videos are targeted to girls, but you'll find some content there that might help. 

 

I follow Matthew Hussey's content. I also recommend it!

Edited February 11, 2016 by SenshiAna

[Peter J]

On 11.2.2016 at 8:20 PM, Alen said:

The "awkward silence" is a really funny thing 
... But have you ever considered the possibility that silence may be not awkward for everyone?

In fact you just perceive the silence to be awkward. It is easy to assume that everyone feels that way, but often this is just a false assumption.
Try to not feel awkward when short pauses are there, there is no way to avoid them completely anyway, this helped me a lot to be more relaxed.
There is no need to fill every gap with more talking 

To be honest, no I dont think i have considered that.  To hung up in my own uncomfortable feeling i guess.
But lately as I have been working on myself, there has been a change in me. 
There is still alot of silence, but I am more relaxed to it know. I say something when I can and are able to. And when there is silence, my mind doessent get crazy as it used to. Still a litle awkward doh, but am getting there.
I will for sure take your tip for my next awkvard moment

[Pallero]

You can always learn another language and practice conversation in class.

Honestly, I see your frustration. But conversations and small talk are highly overrated. Find other ways to socialize. Do something that you like where you don't have to talk. Bowling, pool, darts, other games, watch a movie, go to a concert at cetera. You'll find that afterwards you will automatically have thoughts to share.

Like somebody once said, "A little less conversation, a little more action."

[30secs]

don't just dive into fast conversations. just be calm, smile , show politeness to the person. always remember you can't control their reactions, there maybe good, bad, silent like nothing happens, or maybe just like "ok dude, Im cool" while texting, always remember you are independent with it comes to happiness. Be kinda  flexible and clever talker.

[reez]

On 2016-02-08 at 10:38 PM, stalker said:

I have been suffering with this problem for more than 10 years but has not reached any result. I can not figure out what to talk about in a conversation!

That's why I never had any friends or a girlfriend.

Whatever help I received, whether it is the psychologist or a book, all that they say - you are introvert, your are shy, you have low self-esteem, you don't need much communication.

But the truth is that I really can not realize what to say! How to generate contents. Exact words.

I need not just philosophical matters about social communication. But exact mechanism.
Abstract advices like "listen", "be more friendly" don't help. LOL. Phychologists or self-help book authors think I am hostile)

There is no anything that far more than this bullshit.

If I meet a new person, I can ask him what he does for a living, what he likes, where did he studied, where he was born. But this is enough only for a couple of hours of talk.
After that I just do not understand what else I can ask, because neither my life or his changes. Even after many months.

When I worked at 9/5 job in the office, I had to avoid sitting with my сolleagues, because of awkward silences. I didn't know what to say, besides "How are you?". People just respond "everything is ok, nothing new". Talking about news, politics or soccer is like dead topic to me. So emotionally far .

I understand that it is necessary to make people happy, to tell interesting and funny stories as others do, but I do not know where to take them. Or just have fun and talk any nonsense. I can not understand how to do it. 

I'm desperately want to socialize. Cannot understand what to do. Please help.

Hey @stalker

First of all, I just wanna take out the introvert thingy. That is just bullshit/excuses. I am diagnosed with Light-Asperger and I LOVE to be alone. But I also LOVE to socialize with people. We humans were created to create connections with other people (according to me), so no matter what it says on the paper; Introvert, Asperger or any other diagnose. It's bullshit.

I suppose you have read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, else do so! And with the abstract advices "be interested". It is said to be about, when the other person is talking about for example Football. Try this:

Smile, and pay attention to what he says, is he cheering for Liverpool or Barcelona?  And tell him something like this:  "That sounds awesome! (if it does) I am not really interested in football, but it seems like you are a REAL fan of it". Here you can either expand your sentence by something like "So try and explain to me the rules and I might watch it with you when Y has their next game" or just leave it as is.

Just a simple thing like this, will create a topic about football, which you maybe won't enjoy that much. But the other person will enjoy it and will like you more after that conversation. That might create a friendship which is about MORE than just the football, even if that's how you started

Next time you meet this person, you can ask:  Hey X, how is it going for Y?  - X is the person's name, and Y is the team he was cheering for. 

The best way to get better with socializing with other people, is like Leo himself said. To socialize basically. And I am not talking about the "normal" socialize which you say doesn't work. Try new things. Switch things up. 

Say Hello to ANY person and introduce yourself like you usually would and then ask questions. Might go like this; "Hello! My name is X and I thought you have a really great taste of style and I just wanted to point it out. What's your name?"

"Awwwwh, thanks that's very kind of you, my name is Z"

"Nice to meet you Z, where are you going now? " Just something like this. After this conversation, go to another new person and switch it up. Don't ask questions, make statements.

Hello! I'm sorry I had to run to catch up to you but I just had to say that if you have REALLY beautiful shoes, and I just wanted to talk to you.  My name is X *reach out hand and greet*

Nice to meet you Z, you seem like you are going to Yoga Class/Work/Gym whatever it might be.

Don't try to make the usual boring "job interview questions". But try spicing it up. Instead of asking what the other person is working with, ask "So hey, what are you spending your time with most of the day?"  Try and see what different things seems to give you the best response. And use these things in your upcoming interactions with new people WHILE also trying new things