Living With Toxic Family, Help Appreciated...

[IronFox]

My grandmother is one of the most dysfunctional persons I have ever met.

She complains all day long about everything, victimizes herself all day long, always talking out loud... Reads the news, complains about everything. Blames everyone about everything.
I also live with my mother, and they fight every day. More than once a day, stupid discussions, where they shout and shout and shout... They play this blame game over everything.

I've tried to talk to my mother, she is younger (50 or so) so I thought I might be able to make her see.
But it's impossible, I gave up, they won't change, they're just drowned on their eternal discussions and misery, and time here feels as if it doesn't pass. They don't work, they don't do anything meaningful at all, just mundane stuff and fight fight fight...

It's painful for me for two reasons mainly:

1) Because they're family, I live with them, and it's excrutiating to be able to identify everything that's wrong with their behaviour, the root of their misery, but not being able to do anything at all. At this point, they will die and will have wasted all their life suffering. 

2) Because It affects me. Because I can't have peace of mind. I have been doing my routine today, i have been happy all morning, excercising, meditating, calm... right now I was doing some projects. But having this ecosystem in my house is painful. They were fighting for half an hour next to me (my house is small, so I usually work on the living room, I sleep in a double room with my brother) and as much as I tried to be unaffected, it got me. And I felt a deep discontent and angryness inside me. It's painful because living like this drains me, and it's also hurtful not beng able to help people I would want to, knowing where their problem lies, but they're blind.

One solution is moving in, but where I live the costs of living alone are very very high, so it's not an option right now. Probably in about some years.

Any recommendations... how do you manage living with toxic people? How do you manage to get unaffected... 
Also, should I just stop caring about my family? If they don't see and don't change, should I just let them drown in their misery until they die, and just mind my own business? It kinda goes against my principles, so I don't know what to do.

 

[Zane]

@IronFox This video might be highly valuable for you. http://www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-deal-with-difficult-and-toxic-people

[Ayla]

@IronFox , here is something that might help you: 

Also, understand that other people's problems aren't yours. Except getting entangled into the drama, there is nothing you can do for anyone. Mooji says it like this: even if you get married today and you have the most fantastic wedding night, when you fall asleep after that, you cannot dream your beloved's dream. 

What you CAN do with all this drama going on around you, is what Leo suggests here: 

 

[IronFox]

Thank you both, both videos were very helpful, very good insights.

It's true. I've noticed my mother resenting me some times, "You are my son and it always ends up in you trying to teach me stuff, I have lived more years". "You probably read that somewhere but reality is different!" "Don't tell me it's an insecurity". Etc etc.

SO yeah. Pretty sad. But I feel more relieved now, thanks. WIll probably still but her a book as a gift though. And well, I'm planning moving by my own in some years after I finish my master and get enough income to sustain living by my own.

[Natasha]

@IronFox "Don't look for consciousness where there's unconsciousness", - Eckhart Tolle

Here's his talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqr98O8QT3M

Hugs

[IronFox]

Hey thanks everyone for the input, it really helps.

So I'm not trying to change them in any way now.

Still I can't help to feel furious, for example, in things such as when I see my mother treating my little brother badly. Insulting him, etc. I just can't stand it because I know the traumas she's creating in him, and I keep getting entangled. Sigh. You know if it was only a matter of leaving them to handle their own problems it would be ok, but the fact that they bring other people down because of their beliefs, just watching that... makes me so angry.