Spiritual Exploration

[Victor Mgazi]

11 hours ago, Victor Mgazi said:

Meaning

What is it? 

Yeah.. what is meaning?

 

[Victor Mgazi]

12 hours ago, Victor Mgazi said:

Life is so beautiful when there's no fear of death. 

I just want to flow. I'm tired of going against the current, I'm tired of trying to fight for my survival. I'm not a survivor, I'm an explorer. And I just want to be free.

Life is beautiful because when you're not afraid you can fully engage with it. It's beautiful because of the moments that cause you to forget yourself. I want to explore every possible thing there is for me to explore: worlds, people, events, relationships, vulnerability, emotions, creativity, expression, admiration, fulfilment, devotion, devastation, meaning, connection, intimacy, healing, etc. No holding back. 

I just want to live. It's too bad my longing for life isn't greater than my fear of life. Freedom from the fear of the unknown, that's where I need to start. 

 

[Victor Mgazi]

On the topic of freewill.

Freedom is not an illusion. We're always doing what we want, always. There's always an option, always. I understand how in most cases it doesn't feel like luxury of choice, but we actually do. It's just that you don't find the choice you made somewhat fulfilling, perhaps decisions didn't meet expectations, so what? It doesn't change the fact that you did what you wanted to do. Nobody can say they were forced to do anything, except if maybe one was possessed or hypnotized or something of that sort. Otherwise, if you were conscious of the choice you made then you did what you want.

Maybe the problem is that you didn't want to choose, but even if that's the case, it's clear that you wanted to choose. Otherwise, why did you choose? You really didn't have to! Even if you were being held at gun point and were told to make a choice, that's still freedom. You could either make a choice or not make a choice. ‘What if it's a matter of life and death?’ Then choose, life or death? What are you complaining about, options? You don't like the options that you're being presented with? They are not fair, not of your satisfaction? Well, then they wouldn't really be options now would they? They would just be nice preferences, a menu in the luxurious restaurant of Life. 

It's this mistake of thinking that options must be there for the sake of fairness and freewill. No, options are there so that you can learn about yourself. Are you a coward or a brave heart? Are you a victim of a fighter? What is it that you value the most? And nobody could ever judge these things but you, you're your own judge. Why else do you think we sometimes lie to ourselves? What could possibly be the reason for that? It's obvious, we're trying to fool the judge within us, there's no any other soul that we're trying to fool. We're simply trying to hide from our own truth. That's it. Although, why we do that is certainly a million dollar question. But I'll be very much glad to answer it! We lie to ourselves because we know that deep down we made the choice willingly and freely, we know that deep down, we are all individually responsible for our choices. That's why.

So one can either hate himself or hate the world and call life a bitch, but guess who the real bitch in reality is? It's the one who's too coward to own up to his shit, always looking for external things to blame like God or determinism or whatnot. That's the real bitch. Always remember, reality is the clearest mirror there is. If you believe it's cruel or full of hate, then what exactly does that say about you?

P.S. When I write, I tend to speak in second person so everything here has to do with me. Unless of course you can relate. 

[Victor Mgazi]

19 hours ago, Victor Mgazi said:

Yeah.. what is meaning?

 

It is what it is. Whatever it is. 

[Victor Mgazi]

Appearance vs. Actuality thread

they don't combine in their distinctiveness, but they do combine in their mere presence alone - thus it's all One. Is this what you meant by ‘breaking down’ ?

I suspect you are thinking and arriving at a conceptual explanation. 

 

Anyway, to be more specific: it's not duality/polarity, so to say, that I have a problem with. I can accept duality as part of Truth.

Can you though? Is “part” thought, perception, or feeling? 

 

It's the trying to understand it, trying to justify or judge it, trying to find a cause and relation, trying to know what things mean.. it's that part that I want to see through.

Right on. Is that thought, perception or feeling? Break it down. 

 

Why do certain experiences have to be more or less special than others?

Are they? Is that thought, perception or feeling?  How is an experience separate from another experience? 

 

Why do I judge violence as primitive and judge affection as loving?

Are you really doing that, or is that a thought you’re believing? Is violence thought, perception or feeling?  What about judgement? Affection? Love?  There’s no marathon. All answers are in direct experience, prior to the starting gun firing. 

 

I mean I get that ultimately there's nobody there doing any ‘judging’ but yet.. there is an appearance of it being so. Am I making sense?

Who’s claiming there’s nobody there? Is nobody thought, perception, feeling? What about, ‘there’?  What about “it”? What is “making sense”? Who is anything making sense to if there is nobody?  Who is being asked if there is nobody?  *Thought, perception, feeling. 

 

This is not me saying that I want to stop something from happening, I have no will to stop anything.

What / who can say “I have no will” ? What is will? What is a separate thing which could or could not be stopped? *Thought, perception, feeling! 

What I'm trying to see through is the very thing that I'm doing now: judging the appearance of a me ‘judging’ an appearance. Why can't I just accept this energy of prejudice and discrimination like ignorant people would?

“Ignorant people” ?! ?  Thought, perception, feeling!!!!!!!! 

 

To them, being biased doesn't mean anything to them and so they do it with ease.

Them??   ??‍♂️ Thought, perception, feeing!

Again, I'm not saying that I want to be biased and ignorant. Forgive me, language is such a barrier here. I'm saying why should it matter if I am or not?

“Matter”? ? Thought, perception, feeling!

At the end, those who believe they are not making things about themselves are , in reality, doing just that. If I feel the spirit of grace fall upon me then I just want to give out of feeling that very energy of grace, without believing that I am being generous and good. 

Then inspect direct experience thoroughly and transcendent paradox. Leave the kiddie pool Alice. 

     ⬇️

??

I tried my best to communicate this. I don't know if it appears to you that I'm making sense or not. Hopefully, I am. 

Thought, perception, feeling. 

♥️??

[Victor Mgazi]

Actuality vs. Appearance thread

On 5/4/2020 at 11:30 PM, Meta-Man said:

Have nothing, want nothing, be nothing

- Meister Eckhart

The key is stillness. ‘Becoming’ still. It’s no easy task. And in fact it cannot be a task. 

All effort is future/time oriented. Effort is manipulation/control. As is ‘knowing’ what objects are by making distictions, judgements and assigning symbolic representation to them. And control is ego. Ego is control.

So, surprise, surprise, the ego is what is standing in the way of ‘seeing things as they are’. The ego needs and feeds off of time (the opposite of stillness) in order to maintain its continuity. 

Stillness is the ego’s kryptonite.

The deeper you go into stillness the more threatening and dangerous it becomes. Complete stillness = eternity = death.

When you sit down to meditate in order to become still, the ego will throw up all its ways of distracting itself in order not to come into the light of stillness. This is the beast you are up against. 

You have to leave everything you hold dear and everything you know and die into the stillness. It will really kill you.

After you die, what is left is deathless eternal and infinite Consciousness. That was what you actually were. Your true nature.

That’s really how it works. 

 

 

 

[Victor Mgazi]

23 hours ago, Nahm said:

Leave the kiddie pool Alice. 

     ⬇️

??

Yes. It is about time.

[Victor Mgazi]

On 5/4/2020 at 11:40 PM, James123 said:

I got it. But the key point is (which worked for me) not trying to surrender yourself, because you are still adding something, trying or forcing yourself to do something, which is an ego. Only way to overcome from concept is To surrender as you now that will decrease chat of monkey mind. You already it, dont add anything. 

Alright, then I'll merely breathe and accept. I surrender to whatever appears to be so. Whatever the case may be I accept it as it is, known or unknown, let it be. 

[Victor Mgazi]

On 4/27/2020 at 9:48 PM, Victor Mgazi said:

Upon discovering my true self, I've stumbled on to a lot of 'entanglement': projections, ideas, beliefs and so forth.

What is “true self”? 

This can't be communicated.

What is “projections, ideas, beliefs and so forth”? 

It's a state of consciousness.

What is “state” and “consciousness”? 

State is condition. Consciousness cannot be communicated.

What is “state of consciousness”? 

It's an idea.

What is the nature for ideas? 

They are like models that represent what is actual to help make sense of actuality.

What is “models” and “actuality”? 

Accurate thought-stories.

What is “accurate”? 

An alignment with actuality.

What is “actuality”?

An idea

What is “idea”?

A belief

What is “belief”? 

The accepting of thoughts as actuality.

What does the “accepting”? 

Acceptance is an appearance. 

What is “appearance”? 

Ultimately it's presence

What is “presence”? 

It can't be communicated.

What is “It can't be communicated.”?

Ultimately, it's also presence.

What is “Ultimate” about it? 

Nothing can get behind presence.

How is this so?

It just is so.

What knows all this?

 

Is it true that nothing can get behind presence? 

Yes

What knows this?

Knowing is an appearance. Nothing can be known.

Is this truth? 

Truth is also an appearance.

What is “Truth is also an appearance.” 

Thought

What is thought? 

Presence

What is presence? 

It can't be communicated.

How is this so? 

It just is.

Is that known?

No 

What is it?

 

What is “true self”?

 

What is does the “discovering”?

 

What is “doing”? 

 

What is “What is?”?

 

[Victor Mgazi]

It feels like forever 

Growing up, although surrounded by the belief and experiences of clinical death, I've never felt like I would someday die. Ever. 

I remember at some point I realized this, that I don't feel like I'm going to die, and I myself also found it weird because when I'd ask others if they felt like someday they would die - their answer was a sure yes. It feels that way, they would tell me. 

Maybe it's because I didn't really understand what death meant, or perhaps I'd understood perfectly but just didn't buy into it. No, of course I bought it, otherwise what was I afraid of all these years. And yet, when I sat down and asked myself if it felt like I was going to die - the answer, or the feeling, would always be a sure no.

This was before I'd gotten introduced to spirituality and metaphysics, I knew nothing about consciousness and nonduality and so on. I was just doing stuff unconsciously, always in my head, the only place where I was free to question anything I wished to question. And sure enough, one day I questioned death. 

Right now I'm having mixed feelings about whether or not I'm going to die, maybe it's because I'm no longer sure which part is I and which part isn't I. Was I sure when I was growing up? I don't know. But I was sure about how I felt about death. It's not that dying was not a reality, it's that my death didn't feel like a reality. It just didn't feel like I would someday die. 

It felt like I would be here forever, it even felt like I'd been here forever. Not as this body though or identity though, it just felt like whatever was happening would be happening forever. I don't know, it was never something that I had made sense of. It does feel like whatever is happening now will be going on forever, but this doesn't count because I now do have an idea of what is going on.

But as a kid, not known anything about consciousness, not even once did it feel like I would someday die. And now that I actually think about it, I had associated the central part of me, all this without knowing it, with consciousness. I felt it. My connection with the screen of reality was uncountable. But I never processed this mentally like the way I'm doing now.  It was just pure feeling.

Maybe I had already knew the truth, maybe I was already familiarised with eternity. It's crazy now that I actually think about it. Everyone I had ever asked, from my peers to adults, they all told me that it felt like they would someday die. As a teen, I was even more specific with my question, I told them not to think about it and just tell me how it felt - does it feel like you're going to die? Yes, the answer would always be yes.

Why wasn't it yes for me though? Did I know something that these people didn't know? Or was it the other way around, did they know something that I didn't know? What was it that I didn't know up until my very late teens? I was so confused by this, but in the end I just dropped it and let it go. 

This feeling of eternity would be mine alone. It's crazy, I never felt like I was going to die someday. And now, from all the consciousness work I've been doing for the past year and six months, I know that this will never end. 

[Victor Mgazi]

Excercise #3 

Sit comfortably and quietly, still your mind, and become aware of direct experience.

Although it may seem like "you" are sitting there and "seeing" objects or "feeling" sensations, this is an illusion.

How can one phenomena in the phenomenal field be perceiving another?

How can one phenomena in the phenomenal field be above another?

How can one phenomena in the phenomenal field be primary while another is secondary?

It may feel like the sensations which make up "your body" are primary while the objects outside the body are secondary. But is this really true? Take a close look! How can one sensation or phenomena "see" or "feel" another sensation?

It may feel like the sensations which make up "your mind" are primary while objects and sensations outside the mind are secondary. But is this really true? That a close look! How can one sensation called "a thought" see or feel another sensation such as an object in your visual field?

Notice that ALL sensations are on exactly the same level. No sensation is superior. There is no hierarchy! It's a perfect democracy. Notice that thought sensations do not reign above visual sensations or body feeling sensations.

If all sensations are exactly level, how come you think or feel that "your body" or "your mind" is perceiving everything else, as though it were at the top of a hierarchy?

How can one sensation perceive another sensation when they are exactly level?

Become deeply conscious that no sensation perceives any other.

[Victor Mgazi]

Excercise #6

Sit comfortably and quietly, still your mind, and become aware of direct experience.

Notice that objects do not actually exist.

What is an object really?

In actuality, all you have are ever-changing sensations. Not objects.

An object implies a static thing, but there are no static things in direct experience.

Notice that anything you might call a "thing" is changing every second.

Notice that anything you might call a "thing" is actually just a series of sensations. And all sensations are subtly vibrating and morphing all the time.

Notice that when you blink your eyes, whatever "object" you were looking at, literally disappears.

Notice this literally means: "that lamp you were looking at ceased to exist for a second."

Notice how the mind actively fudges direct experience to create the illusion of static, persistent objects, but that in fact there are no objects.

Every time you blink your eyes, the entire visual world disappears.

Become deeply conscious of this until your old paradigm of a static physical reality starts to break down.

Notice also that you as an object also do not exist.

[Victor Mgazi]

On 2/17/2016 at 3:34 AM, Leo Gura said:

Doing good! Keep going.

Next time you sit down, you might try this:

Get the most truest sense of yourself possible. What do you REALLY believe you most are? Forget all the books and videos. Right now, point to the thing you think is actually you. Could be the body, the head, the face, the inner voice, ...whatever.

And right after you do that, ask yourself, "What is experiencing this sensation I believe is me?" and "What is experiencing the experience of me?"

Try to get a sense that who you presently believe you are is actually an experience, and that this experience is no different than the experience of a lamp or a tree or a coffee table. But who or what is experiencing the experience?

If you're the one experiencing stuff, then how come you believe you are an experience?

I believe/feel that I am this very subtle, more subtle than thought but also very much proactive, ‘desire-longing-will’, and that this is what drives the thinking activity, my actions and everything else. I am the pure energy of want . 

Try to get a sense that who you presently believe you are is actually an experience, and that this experience is no different than the experience of a lamp or a tree or a coffee table

Okay, so right now there's an action (typing and reading) appearing, it is driven by what I believe to be me: desire-longing-will. Is this no different than the experience of this phone? 

This is very hard for me to do. The problem is that I can't sense this me, I just know it intuitively. I can't explain it. 

Okay, is the experience of this intuition no different than the experience of this phone? No, both experiences are equally present. But then what is experiencing this? 

If you're the one experiencing stuff, then how come you believe you are an experience? 

Well, is all that there is just experience? If the answer is yes then it makes zero sense that I am a specific part (intuition) of experience and the rest of it is not me. If the answer is no then what else is there besides experience? 

Maybe experience is not just experience, maybe I'm limiting what is actually present by conceptualising it as experience. If that's the case then what is experience? 

Well, one thing for a is that it's here, something is here, it is present - it is presence/being. Okay so it's Being itself, let's just call it Being. Only thing missing is the knower of this Being. Okay, let's assume that it knows itself. But then the question ‘how is this assumption known?’ arises. 

What is known? If known is an experience then how can an experience know Being? 

Okay, maybe to say there's knowing is to go too far, maybe all there is is Being and there's no knowing at all. But then this would mean that there's nothing going on here, by definition it's all meaningless in a practical sense. This doesn't mean anything? This is can't be. 

If Being is all there is then there's nothing here but Being. But no.. if Being is all there is then right now there's nothing here. Wait, what is here? What is nothing? What is now? All this shouldn't mean anything and yet it somehow does. Literally, sense - comprehension - reasoning, nothing should mean anything. Being shouldn't mean anything. 

If Being is all there is then by definition there is nothing. What is Being? It's this right.. it's ising. Alright, then what is ising? 

Jesus Christ, all this chaos from trying to get a sense of who I am 

What is ising? To even say that it there's nothing ising is to go too far, but also - there is no going to far or not going too far. There can't be anything but this, but no.. nothing can be said about this. So then nothing is being said, yes. Nothing is being said right now! Nothing is happening right now! This doesn't mean anything! There is no thing to mean a thing. 

WTF is this?!! 

What the hell am I?! It's not fucking intuition or fucking desire-longing-will, what the fuck is that?! 

Shit, I'm actually...

It's not logical. It's as if everything is a ghost, there's something here that can't be here but yet.. it exists - or does it? WTF!! There is no such thing as existence! 

Damnit, I'm freaking out. This is some freaky shit! It would have been better if there was consciousness of this at all, like no thing was going on, but damnit it... 

What is this

What the fuck is this

[Victor Mgazi]

2 hours ago, Victor Mgazi said:

Excercise #6

Sit comfortably and quietly, still your mind, and become aware of direct experience.

Notice that objects do not actually exist.

What is an object really?

In actuality, all you have are ever-changing sensations. Not objects.

An object implies a static thing, but there are no static things in direct experience.

Notice that anything you might call a "thing" is changing every second.

Notice that anything you might call a "thing" is actually just a series of sensations. And all sensations are subtly vibrating and morphing all the time.

Notice that when you blink your eyes, whatever "object" you were looking at, literally disappears.

Notice this literally means: "that lamp you were looking at ceased to exist for a second."

Notice how the mind actively fudges direct experience to create the illusion of static, persistent objects, but that in fact there are no objects.

Every time you blink your eyes, the entire visual world disappears.

Become deeply conscious of this until your old paradigm of a static physical reality starts to break down.

Notice also that you as an object also do not exist.

Fuck! Reality is some psychedelic shit! WTF

[Victor Mgazi]

14 hours ago, Victor Mgazi said:

Fuck! Reality is some psychedelic shit! WTF

So about 14 hours ago, after some serious self inquiry and focus, I realised this. And yeah, I'm still speechless by this, I mean I'm looking at it right now and it's so damn good. The illusion is literally picture perfect, I know for sure that if I hadn't been hyper focussed last night I would have never noticed this.. maybe not until I eventually took a psychedelic at some point in time.

Reality is psychedelic. I don't know any other way to put this. It's not physical, it's not made out of material with substances and everything. The substance is psychedelic, it's mind stuff.. literally, what you see is what you get. My own hand felt so foreign and surreal to the point where this actually started to freak me out. It still kinda does with the difference being that I'm no longer relaxed as I was yesterday.

My visual field is definitely psychedelic there's no doubt about that. And, it's both awesome and freaky at the same time, I am freaked out just as much as I'm in awe. Something that I'm constantly getting from this is that there's no such thing as hallucinating, or either there no such thing or we're constantly hallucinating, but that's false because there's no one here to hallucinate, no brain or mind to hallucinate.

Reality is just unreal, it's a good optical illusion, I guess that's one way to put, it's the greatest optical illusion. There aren't any eyes seeing this, there's no such thing as seeing. Wow, it's really good, like I'm blown away right now. 

I want to start exploring this, I mean I've already started, I mean I really just want to take it in. It's incredible. I'm just... I'm speechless by this, I didn't know focusing could achieve this. I'm really out of words.

And I literally mean reality is psychedelic, in case this can get misinterpreted. I don't mean this figuratively, I'm not speaking in metaphors, I mean this shit we call reality with all it's visual stuff and space and darkness, it's all literally psychedelic. I use the word psychedelic because it captures the substance of reality, it's not matter or your elements of the periodic table. It's literally not physical at all, it's consciousness I guess.

And it's all one thing, it's the same thing. It's good, it's really good. I feel like, not only am I staring into a painting, I'm also in the canvas while being the canvas itself. And it's under constant morph. It's a shape shifter, that's what it is. 

Realising something like this is just.. I don't know, I'm sincerely out of words. And it took some hard core focusing, it  really didn't come easy, you have to look at it whole if one wants to see this. It's just amazing. 

Reality is psychedelic, wow. It feels like my life has just been one big trip, pretty absurd when I consider the fact that I've never even done psychedelics yet. 

Reality is some psychedelic shit, hmm 

[Victor Mgazi]

Best Self-Observation Excercises  

What am I?

No, seriously now... WHAT THE FUCK AM I?????

No, cut the shit! What am I -- RIGHT NOW -- in my direct experience????

Who is aware of reality?

Who is aware of me?

Who is perceiving?

Who is the owner of the body?

Who is the owner of the mind?

Who is feeling pain?

Who is asking all these questions?

What was I before I was born?

What am I when I'm in deep sleep?

What could I be if I'm not the human body/mind?

What connects and unifies all of my different senses?

What is true independent of ever-changing sense experience?

What is true independent of my life and my death?

Why do I believe I'm the body?

Why do I believe I'm the mind?

Where to do thoughts arise from?

If I'm the body, what is everything else that I'm seeing?

Why do I trust my feeling that I'm the body? Is a feeling really evidence of TRUTH?

Why must I be an object?

What if the "perciever" has no attributes or properties?

When I close my eyes, where did the world disappear to?

Where is sound occurring?

Where are thoughts occurring?

Where are body sensations occurring?

What is the relationship between physical body sensations and my visual field?

What if I don't exist?

What if I can't locate myself because I am "empty" or without form or attribute?

What if I'm addicted to looking only for objects or perceptions, but my true nature is neither of those?

What if I'm just an idea?

What if my entire paradigm of physical reality is just an idea?

Could my body and brain just be ideas?

Is any physical object actually permanent according to direct experience?

What distinguishes one object from another?

Do boundaries between things really exist, or are they ideas?

What would happen if I stopped distinguishing existence from non-existence?

[Victor Mgazi]

Tips For Self Observation 

Don't just do this process mechanically, you MUST be genuinely curious about the truth of what you are.

Try to establish a daily habit of self-observation. You need to build consistency and momentum.

Be very careful about coming up with theories about what you are. We don't care about theories here. Every theory is NOT it. We only care about direct experience. REPEAT: ALL THEORIES AND IDEAS ARE DISTRACTIONS!

Spend time asking yourself who you really believe that you are under the conventional worldview. Are you a body or are you the owner of the body? Are you inside the skull? If so, where exactly? The point of doing this is so you're clear and honest about your present beliefs, even if you intellectually know they are false. It's very important to get clear what exactly your false beliefs are.

Do not be vague in your answers to the query of What are you? It's vital that you be precise and specific. Answers such as, "Well, I dunno, I'm just in the skull somewhere." are NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! What EXACTLY are you identifying with? Hint: it will either be a thought, a body sensation, an emotion, a visual perception, or a combination of the above. But all of those cannot be the true you because they are not constant.

Create an active sense of doubt that you are a human being or a physical object

Any belief, thought, or idea about who you really are is automatically FALSE! Drop it.

Any sensory experience about who you really are is automatically FALSE! Drop it.

All scientific theories or models are automatically FALSE! Drop it.

All spiritual, New Age, or religious ideas about who you really are, are FALSE! Drop it.

You are NOT a visible object or "thing" so stop looking for yourself like you would look for a missing dog.

You are NOT located in any area of space, so stop looking for yourself as a point or hidden object somewhere.

You are NOT located inside "your" head

You are NOT located inside "your" body

There is nothing magical to discover in this process. You are not some kind of unicorn or fairytale creature.

There is nothing hidden. Everything you see before you is exactly what there is, nothing more, nothing less.

It is not possible to find yourself, so this process is futile. But you need to realize that through doing the process. Not by believing me.

You will get VERY frustrated during this process and want to quit. Just accept the frustration and keep going.

This process will surface deep emotional issues from our subconscious mind. You will experience emotional turmoil and anguish. Just accept it and keep going.

You will feel depressed at times. Just accept it and keep going.

Your mind will use every excuse in the book to distract you and get you to stop looking. Stay vigilant to all these tricks and keep looking. DO NOT GET TRICKED INTO STOPPING!

The truth of what you are is ever-present. It is always HERE and NOW. You don't need to go anywhere or do anything to see it. You are you right now!

Be prepared for this self-observation process to take several years if necessary.

Understand that enlightenment happens always only in the NOW. Never in the future. You can be enlightened RIGHT THIS SECOND! You don't need to wait 3 years. Always intend to become enlightened right now!

Enlightenment/Truth is NOT an emotional state. Enlightenment is occurring always, even when you're watching TV or sitting on the toilet.

Meditation is NOT enlightenment.

A psychedelic high is NOT enlightenment.

A powerful energetic experience is NOT enlightenment.

A vision or hallucination (however real it may feel) is NOT enlightenment.

Enlightenment is what's absolutely true without ever changing.

Don't forget the possibility that you may not be a thing!

Don't forget the possibility that there might be nothing to find 

There is no you to become enlightened. When this is realized, that's enlightenment!

Hint: it's MUCH simpler than you think.

[Victor Mgazi]

On 4/28/2020 at 4:52 PM, Victor Mgazi said:

I Am Everything and All is One

This is something that I'm directly aware of. The truth could not be any simpler and yet I could not see it before. How does one see what's right in front of him if that very thing he's trying to look at is the face that his looking with? 

I am the face reality. I am the fabric of every realm, every dimension, and every field. Nothing is outside or beyond me. I am all that can ever be and will ever be. I am literally inevitable. That is my truth.

That is my truth.

What is “truth”? Whose is it? 

Truth is actuality. It is my actual case.

What does “my” refer to? What is ‘actual’ about this case? What is “case”?

It's actual because it is constant and consistent with reality. A case is experience. My refers to me and what makes me me. 

Where is this “me”? Where is this “experience”? Where is this “constant and consistent”? Where is “reality”? 

Reality is everywhere. It's constant and consistent in observation. Experience is in consciousness. Myself is in consciousness.

Where is “everywhere”? Where is “observation”? What is “consciousness”? 

Everywhere is in consciousness. Observation is in consciousness. Consciousness is nothing. 

Where is “nothing”? 

 Nowhere

What is "nothing"? 

It's infinity

What is “infinity”? 

It can't be communicated. 

How is this so? 

It's too vast and endless to be captured by something finite like concept.

But how is this so? 

How is what so?

This, how is it so? 

It is self aware.

Is this known? 

No, it is believed in. 

Is that known? 

No, nothing can be known.

But then how is this “No, nothing can be known.” so? 

It doesn't require a ‘how’ to be so.

Is that so? 

It is prior what is and what isn't. 

What is “It is prior what is and what isn't.” ? 

It. 

“It” refers to?

Itself

“Itself” refers to? 

 

[Victor Mgazi]

On 4/28/2020 at 4:52 PM, Victor Mgazi said:

I Am Everything and All is One

This is something that I'm directly aware of. The truth could not be any simpler and yet I could not see it before. How does one see what's right in front of him if that very thing he's trying to look at is the face that his looking with? 

I am the face reality. I am the fabric of every realm, every dimension, and every field. Nothing is outside or beyond me. I am all that can ever be and will ever be. I am literally inevitable. That is my truth.

Who wrote this? 

I wrote it.

How? 

I thought about it then typed it out.

How do you know this? 

I remember it. 

What is remembering? 

It's to recall something that has passed.

What passed? What recalls things?

The experience of me typing this passed. The mind recalls things.

What does “mind” refer to?

Thoughts 

What is “The experience of me typing this passed. The mind recalls things.”?

A thought

Does thought (mind) recall experience?

No

What recalls things?

There's no such thing as ‘recalling’ things.

What does “remembering” refer to?

Some experience of thoughts representing the past appearing.

To what do they appear to? What is “past”? What is “representing”? What does “thoughts” refer to? What is “experience”?

They just appear. Past is memory. It's a thought experience. Thoughts refer to a subtle experience of contextualization. Experience is the contextualized moment from observation.

What ‘contextualizes’ moments?

I don't know.

Is this moment being ‘contextualized’ right now? 

No, it really isn't.

What does “thoughts” refer to?

Something subtle in its nature. I don't know what though.

What does ‘subtle’ refer to?

A distinction

Where is “distinction” ?

Okay there is none

What does ‘subtle’ refer to?

A thought

What does “thoughts” refer to?

Something, I don't know what.

What is ‘something’ right now?

I don't know

What does “remembering” refer to?

I don't know

How do you know this “I thought about it then typed it out.”?

I don't know

Who's writing this? 

Nothing is being written

Who knows this?

There's nothing being known or not known.

Then what is this?

Imagination

Is this so? 

No, it's imagination.

What is imagination?

 

What is this really? 

 

[Victor Mgazi]

Just had a dream. I was right here when I had the dream, in my bedroom on my bed, right here. But it felt like I had traveled, like I had lived and died.

This dream was real, it's content were real, and it actually revealed some insecurities of mine like my own father judging me and insulting me, my best friend reacting to the fact that I don't know yet how to drive. This dream was close to me, it was very personal. I didn't know it was a dream, what is a dream?

One moment I was laying in bed, listening to music with my eyes shut. The next moment I'm experiencing a different scene entirely. What had happened in between those moments? When did real scenario end and dream scenario begin? What makes a dream a dream and the real world the real world? Where exactly did I have this dream? And where was the real world when I was having the dream world?

Is what my mind telling me true, did I sleep? Well, let's state the obvious, something happened. In that happening there was no me to see it happen, one minute here was this bedroom at night time and the next minute - also here - was this completely different space at daytime. Now, let's state the apparent, in that something happening a me disappeared and reappeared. One moment there was a me laying in bed, and the next moment there was no me until eventually there was a me again living an entirely different scenario.

Is the real world me the same as the dream world me? Kinda, it felt that way. Though dream world me felt more effortless than real world me, dream world me was way less conscious than real world me, dream world me was also way more receptive and sensitive than real world me who's more observant and not so blindly receptive. Are these true differences? Is real world me really more observant than dream world me? What exactly makes this the real world and the other case the dream world?

Well, the dream world appears to be less consistent in comparison with the real world, also the experiences vary in degrees of vividness. But what makes this the real world and not the dream world? What if consistency and vividness are just something this world deals with, and receptiveness and sensitivity is just something the other world deals with? Who's to say you didn't fall asleep in the other world where consistency is not much of a thing than a mere idea, and in that sleep started dreaming a world where consistency appears to be more than just an idea? 

Again, obviously something happened in between this world and the dream world, but there was no you to acknowledge what had happened. If there wasn't a you to acknowledge what has happened then what's so consistent about this world exactly? Where did you go right before you ended up in another world? Is it a memory problem, a cognition problem? What if those things aren't real and they are just dream stuff?°But then how do I know that I just had a dream and it was close to me? 

Do I know? What shows that I know? Well, I'm writing about it as I'm analysing the experiences. But this doesn't mean anything, how is it known that these are the memories of the real world me and not the memories of the dream world me? For all we know, just as much as dream world me appeared to be familiarised and cognitive of the people and situation, this real world could be just as an appearance and not what's actually the case. What exactly distinguishes this world from the dream world either then their content?

Okay, nothing distinguishes them since there is no thing/content to distinguish them. No, but then something happened right? I mean one minute I was laying in bed and the next I was experiencing something entirely different. That's not just content in a dream, is it? Well, unless that something is still happening right now in your direct experience, which would make it the only true consistency there is, then this something happened might as well be dream stuff. 

So I could be still dreaming?°Here's something even more broad to consider: this I that's being referred to could just be a dream thing, just as much as the environment is a dream thing. What if.. there's actual no I that has insecurities, no I that was being judged and insulted by a father, no I that can't drive, no I that has a best friend, and finally - no I that lays in bed and no I that could be dreaming? What if obvious was just as much of a dream thing as a flying cow or a talking car? But then would that mean...

Stop, what if meaning is also just a dream thing and right now you're being carried away by the dream?°Who's being carried away with a dream?°Good question, here's a better one: Is there even such a thing as a dream? What if there is no dream world and real world? It's already clear that there's nothing there to make the distinction. What if there is no such thing as worlds? 

But it feels like there's a world, it felt like I had traveled - lived and died. What is this feeling then, pure imagination? What would that be?°No, be more direct. What is this - right here, right now? What is it?

If what it's being recognised as isn't it, then what is it? But more explicitly, what does it refer to?

Edited May 9, 2020 by Victor Mgazi