Experimental dose: 10 mg of 5-MeO-DMT

[StarStruck]

This was just to test the waters. I read about some horror stories so I wanted to test the waters before jumping into the pool so to say. I know myself so I wanted to take it slow.  So I didn’t want my first time to be horrific and then stay away from the god molecule for god knows how long. 
 

My intention for the trip:

-test the waters

-letting go/stop resisting

-be ready to die

I put all the gear ready. I meditated for 30 minutes before starting. I knew this wasn’t going to be a deep trip and it will feel like dying. In my head I imagined a train coming and me jumping in front of the train. Would I do it? I said yes. I heated the pipe, vapor started to form, I put the pipe in my mouth and inhaled.  I held it in for 30 seconds and I felt it coming. There was still ego, it was resisting, and if I didn’t know any better and resisted it would have been a disaster, but I knew better.

At this point I realized that ego death is scarier than actual death. I wasn’t resisting but my ego was like a little child jumping in trying to stop me. Started to see some fractals but it was only for couple of seconds. It was scary but for some reason I liked the fear. I felt alive after years of  dissociation. It was so counter intuitive. Mind you this was just one hit. I wanted to go for a second hit but I realized the vapor was already gone. Tried it anyway but probably burnt it or the vapor was already gone because I didn’t take consequent hits. 

Take-ways:

-Ego death is scarier than actual death

-I got some experience how to heat the pipe (without wasting a big dose of DMT)

-I knew small dose of 5-Meo-DMT is scarier than a big dose because there is still ego. 

-DMT showed me what letting go really means but that I have some inner resistance 

- I knew the truth was at the end of the tunnel; only obstacle to reach the truth is resistance

The first take-away was already know to me but now I experienced first hand. Overal it was a pleasant experience as crazy as that sounds. I felt like one of those people who do dangerous sports to feel alive but it is not the same of course. I can imagine some people having bad trips because of this psychedelic. You have to research. I knew for example what ego death was and that it is scarier than actual death but it is one thing to know it, it is another thing to actually kill it.
 

Conclusion:

-I would have gone all the way but the trip wasn’t strong enough.

-I only took one hit so that is understandable. The real dose I got is probably 1/3th of 10mg

-I got the hang how to heat the pipe. That is valuable to me. I didn’t waste a huge dose 

-And I got a taste what ego death is; my previous notion of ego death was childish

-next time I’m going to do 10 mg again but I will take 3 hits instead of 1

-research how to heat the pipe a little more, the liquid disappeared very quickly, there was no burn though

-at no point I told myself what did I get myself into. I was going deeper and deeper but it stopped prematurely because of low dose. 

Edited April 25, 2020 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

It is the day after. I had a dream that I was a hunter in the Victorian era with dogs and the equipment and then I vanished into infinity. Tonight I planned another 10mg but I’m not sure if I should take it. Yesterday I got a taste what dying of the ego means. I mean I can prepare more but how much can you prepare for such a thing? Going for a walk and after that I will decide. 

[OBEler]

@StarStruck Very interesting report. Thank you, this will help others on their 5 Meo journey to infinity.

Do you think it is better to close the eyes the whole time?

How does ego death feel? Like the feeling you did something very wrong x 1000 plus nausea and fear? Is there more than a feeling to this?

My goal is also to test the waters first. I will use plugging as a method

Edited April 26, 2020 by OBEler

[StarStruck]

@OBEler small dose of 5 MeO is scarier for the ego, because the ego is still there. It will feel like you are literally dying. I handled it well because I have been training my mental release muscles. It feels like you are sinking into the ground. And to me it was clear there were two options resisting or surrender (which means dying). To me this kind of fear was unknown. If you don't have a reference experience, it will catch you off guard. 

[Thought Art]

Man, amazing to hear your take on the trip. I was inspired to leave my trip here too. I look further to reading future reports. and sharing!

 

 

---

Okay, So did MeO for first time yesterday.

1. Vaped (460f)

2. Approximately 3mg

I've been slowly increasing the heat, and on other trips increasing the dosage.

I've experienced ego death 2 or 3 times now. I loved it 

I do admit that When I feel it speeeeeeeeeeding up my ego will just in and say 'Okay thats enough there boyo just sit here and observe. You have lots of time to tread further later on'

then I just relax and die. I know there is further to go.

 

I love the happiness that 5Meo sparks in me, I took it while outside in a very low dose, in a place I know is safe because I write there often. It for me was a sacred space. 

I love it. It feels clean, clear, sparks love in the heart, allows you to experience ego death. Fuller smooth bodied insights.

 

... No god yet. But, it is a smooth, amazing experience that I recommend to everyone vaped, in low dosage. It could easily be used for pleasure.

 

Part of me felt sad. Part of me wanted a more profound change to my experience and my thoughts. I wan't more insights. I want to develop my vision, and transecend fear and live in creation. Perhaps though, I know 5Meo isn't going to show me this. But, could I think help me develop a cleaner system to build from.

Edited April 26, 2020 by Thought Art

[StarStruck]

@Thought Art thanks for sharing your report. How many hits did you take off one 5 mg dose? When I heated my pipe the substance vaporized immediately. I wanted to take 3 hits but I got 1 hit.

[Thought Art]

I used a Herb vape, so the temperature is a lot lower than if I use a pipe and flame. I found I could vape it until a point I am at my limit... turn off the vape.. Die, and then keep hitting the vape and maybe go through it again.

[StarStruck]

Second go

Dose: 8 mg 5 MeO DMT

Intentions: none

Preparation: read into infinity (form and formless, actualized and non-actualized, in particular)

It was the same setup as last time. I expected the same as last time but I kept an open mind. Last trip was full of fear. During this trip I got into the same realm as last time. I felt sinking into my bed. My ego was struggling to keep up trying to hold onto anything. I was literally dying. Last time I couldn't stop my hyperactive brain (thinking about being judged for screwing up). It was silly but the thoughts were impulsive. I was just sick of it. I gave up.  I just let everything go and at a certain moment I broke through a barrier and I saw that I was in a cloud of fear (one can say matrix) but no more. I broke through it and there was peace. There were no clouds, just sky, endless sky.

This trip was such a contrast to my last trip. The last trip was fear induced (fear I was projecting ). This trip started the same but I feel like I transcended myself. I don't feel depressed any more. It is to soon to say but we will see. This trip started so bad. 1 minute into the trip I said to myself where did I get myself into but somehow I managed to turn that around taekwondo style. At this moment I realized I have many matrix's in my psyche that just make me locked in my paradigm. This trip gave me so much to write about in terms of self-actualizing.

Most of the things I wrote above, I already knew, but 5 MeO DMT helped me see it by forcing me to experience things. In my experience, fighting back (not surrendering) is impulsive. I'm mentality saying to myself "don't fight back, don't fight back" but I can't help. At the end I surrendered but it was like a war, where you slowly retreat, instead of full surrender. Probably at high doses of 5 MeO DMT that will be a different story.

Main lesson: fear is temporary, love is infinite

Edited April 30, 2020 by StarStruck