How do I learn to accept myself? Warts and all.

[youngonce]

Hey guys, 

I was hoping to get some advice + your thoughts and experience on how to accept myself. Ever since I was a child I have been insecure about my body and many other things that I will talk about in another post. My ears protruded outwards, I have beauty marks and freckles that I don’t like, I have a white patch of hair on the back of my head that never had pigment, my penis curves upwards and is an average length, I sweat way too much and it stains my shirts, etc. All of these things have caused me massive anxiety in my life. 

My “big ears” really caused me a lot of embarrassment when I was younger due to some kids teasing me about them. I avoided cutting my hair too short, I would wear hats and headbands to cover them and bring them closer to my head, and I would also grow my hair out really long so that they would be covered. I am a good looking guy and have received a lot of validation from others regarding my good looks, but the few people who made fun of me really crippled my inner-image of myself. 

In 2005 at the age of 17, I had an otoplasty surgery that pinned my ears closer to my head. This surgery helped me tremendously with my confidence for a while until after a few years I started to notice my ears protruding outwards slightly again. 10 years later in 2015 I decided to do a revisionary surgery to once again pin my ears closer to my head. 5 years later, my ears look different then they did in 2015, however, I can live with them now and am more comfortable with them then I was after the first surgery.

Another thing I think about once in a while is my penis size. I know that I am an average size but I still feel insecure over my size sometimes. My girlfriend loves me the way I am and is completely fine with me. Most of my other exes have been totally cool with me too and I know for a fact that I am able to make others orgasm, turn them on, and have even made one woman squirt which was very sexy. I have been sexually promiscuous with both women and men in my life and have lost count of the number of people I’ve slept with - I’m guessing probably 40 or 50. There have been a few people who have talked shit behind my back to other people saying that my size was small, and even some people have mentioned it to my face. Once again, the comments of a few have really damaged my inner-image and emotional well-being. 

I label myself as straight now even though I have had sexual experiences with both men and women. Why? Because I don’t feel comfortable with the bi label and I don’t have any interest in romantic relationships with men at this point in my life. Also, I am insecure about it and have been judged in the past by others for saying I have hooked up with both genders. 

Basically, a lot of this stuff still haunts me to this day and I am here because I don’t want to live like this anymore. I am self-aware enough at the age of 31 to want to change myself for the better and accept myself. I am tired of people-pleasing, lying, feeling scared, being overly emotional, feeling insecure, not accepting myself fully, hiding, caring too much about what others think, playing the victim, passive-aggressiveness, etc. Watching Leo’s videos is helping me a lot but I thought I would throw this out to the forum and see what you guys think. 

Looking forward to your responses. 

[youngonce]

@Pira Thanks for taking the time to respond. It's comforting to know that I am not the only person going through these things and feeling what I'm feeling. I like what you said about contemplating what it would be like continuing to internalize my thoughts and feelings as I have for the rest of my life, or simply giving them up and accepting who I am. The latter is a much wiser idea even though it is not easy. Everything is hard until it's easy. Wishing you all the best.

[Elton]

@youngonce have you tried affirmation for a year straight only 10 min a day . (I love myself)

See that video in how to be funny and use the techniques in that too.

 

[youngonce]

@Elton No, I haven't but I will - thank you. 

I have been doing the affirmation Leo recommended in another video though - "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" every day. Shooting for 90 days as recommended. 

Do you do a lot of affirmations? Did you see a difference in your life?

Edited April 30, 2020 by youngonce

[Elton]

@youngonce yes this affirmation which you are doing now I did with full dedication and didn't skip a single day and it works that's why I keep recommending it to everyone over and over again.. 

Feel it while you do it , envision it and believe it.. it is really powerful..but do it without fail.

[Roy]

It sounds like you are already comfortable enough with yourself that it hasn't stopped you from doing the things you want to do and expressing yourself. So you are doing much better than you think you are @youngonce

Realize most of those thoughts are just that, thoughts. It's not really you thinking them per say, your mind is just reacting to the stimuli of your culture telling you over and over again that you need to be perfect, or those people making fun of your appearance.

The key is to not let external forces out of your control dictate to you how you are supposed to think and feel about yourself. You may feel because of what some people said about you that you can't be fully loved. But being loved by everyone is not a pre-requisite for being able to love yourself.

You are exactly the way you should be, and exactly the way you are, and that is fine.

[Nahm]

@youngonce 

I’d listen to your girlfriend & consider that you are perfect just how you are, and that when you think thoughts about yourself & they don’t feel good, that feeling is inner being, guidance, ‘saying’ - those thoughts about you are not true, & that’s what doesn’t feel good. It can seem like anxiety, embarrassment, inner-image, emotional well being, insecurity, judgement, etc, are in the hands of other people, but I would inspect that and see if it’s true. I believe you’ll find that these emotions are created by ignoring the ‘voice’ of feeling, and believing & identifying with your thoughts. Also, consider everyone else has inner being, and karma as well, and karma for treating people in the ways you were treated, will haunt them until they clear it. 

With regards to it ‘still haunting you to this day’, if I understood your post it’s been 14 years since these occurrences. I know these things you’re experiencing are not easy, and it does take time. I think this gives some credibility to what I’m suggesting, and in listening to your feeling as guidance, you will be aligned and feeling great about yourself. Imo, this life is for the experiencing, the enjoying, the creating, sharing - fun. It’s for you. A gift, the ‘present’. Life can make things tough, no doubt...but I believe considering the relativity of the situation might be very revealing for you. Notice your ‘role’ in this experience...not a song is heard that is not heard by you, not a single movie is seen if not seen by you, nothing is known at all, which is not known to you. It is all for you, and you are deserving & worthy of all of it. 

If you want to change things about your appearance, of course, do whatever you like. However, note the difference, and it is known in feeling, with regards to identifying with appearance. That, all of that, will never ring true ultimately, because your true nature is not physical. Imo, there is the adventure of life, and it is full & it is good. There is also the metadventure, the investigating and discovery of the truth, and the true nature of self & reality. The metadventure is always ‘on’, always underway. There are profound reasons when we think about how we look in a mirror, it often doesn’t deeply resonate. Perhaps consider, that you’ve never actually seen ‘your face’. A mirror, a reflection, is not your face. Could such an adventure be so ‘hidden in plain sight’, so wildly sneaky? 

[youngonce]

@Nahm @Roy @Elton Thank you for your comments  Namaste. I will come back and read these if I need a gentle reminder.  

[ReidJustin]

I’ve been in your shoes. I was also insecure about my body type and my appearance. I thought that people are staring at me and judge me in their thoughts. I couldn’t even make friends and socialize with others because of my insecurities. Later, I found that my psychological issues cause problems with my confidence. I attended one psychologist who helped me a lot with that problem. In college, I made some friends, and they also helped me to build up confidence. One of my friends also shared some home remedies to help me get rid of my feckles. Now, they are barely visible, and I feel way more confident without them.

Edited March 23, 2021 by ReidJustin