What’s Next?

DLH · April 23, 2020

Hi everyone, this a long one, with a lot said. I hope you can make out what I am trying to convey! Just to be up front, I also copied a few good quotes, or string of words from Leo’s most recent responses in the “I think Leo is triggering the insanity that is already within you” to help add to the context and intent of my “What’s Next” topic that I am sharing with you here, to help better explain some of the thoughts I sometimes have difficulty putting into words, which he says so beautifully and to the point.

What I am sharing is some of my own experiences and awakenings I had on DMT almost 1.5 years ago. It has taken a long time to put my experiences into meaningful words that make sense to me, and hopefully to some potential readers. I find writing down my experiences has really helped me process my understanding of who I Am, which I find is always an ongoing experience and is always changing. So here goes!

Before we get into Leo’s quotes, I will share a combination of experiences from several of my DMT trips. At the peak of one of my DMT trips, I experience nothing, I was nothing = consciousness. There was no Me. Then “I” (as in a thought “I”, for the sake of expressing the inexpressible) became aware of this huge limitless ocean of energy, no thoughts existed, just a sensation and texture of endless, boundless energy. Time did not exist.

Eventually a thought transformed in, or from a Conscious (?) field of Energy. Once the thought appeared, a sudden orgasmic explosion of thoughts, ideas and imaginations occurred out of the formless field of Energy (for lack of better words) which seemed to have occurred from no-where. Love = consciousness “experienced” the All-That-Is, giving birth to everything, and everything was also imagined and was also nothing. (if that makes any sense)

Am, as infinite space, imagining infinite Cosmoses within this infinite field of energy space, followed by our Universe, then galaxies, then Planets, Earth, Life on Earth, humans, Me, my family, friends, etc. I mean everything. But at the same time, Am was nothing within consciousness (difficulty to explain) No me, but everything at the same time. Everything seemed to be in a dream state.

Eventually, “I”, not the Human Mind “I “, but also the Human Mind “I”, was in transition between the All-That-Is and my limited Human Mind. I felt Love, and at the same time felt alone.

I was Love/awareness feeling the space of oneness, and at the same time I was this limited Human Mind with all these imagined experiences, and yet I was “Alone”, because I was aware of being “One”, simultaneously. (Don't get hung-up on the "I" please, I don't know how else to describe it)

Thoughts were swirling around in this nebulous space of Love = consciousness = imagined Limited Human Mind. As I was slowly descending back into my Human Mind Consciousness, I started to question while sinking into my Human conscious Mind; Why should I bother returning to my imagined Human Mind and Body? Why “forget” most of who “I am”?...... I am One.... What’s the purpose of being a limited Human Mind and physical body? Everything is imagined, my family, friends, the pleasures and pains, the suffering and joys of duality are just a fabrication of the Mind, a huge infinite hologram imagined! It’s just a Dream!

I tried several times to let my imagined limited human mind die, (an imagined psychological mind suicide, for lack of better words) to let it disappear into the empty canvas of nothingness = consciousness = Love, but to no avail. What I eventually realized is that there is no such thing as Life and Death. There is only a reduction or expansion of pockets of consciousness, within pockets of consciousness playing with pockets of limited states of Form and Formlessness, within the All-That-Is. Forgetting and un-forgetting. Focusing and narrowing consciousness away from the One consciousness. Flowing from one pocket of consciousness to another greater, lesser or equal pocket of consciousness, splitting pockets of consciousness within pocket of consciousness, expanding within and beyond pockets of consciousness of form and formless.

Eventually I was aware of time, and I sensed consciousness slowly reduce its self to slip into a limited Human Mind, into the reality of form, and into my imagined body. (It seemed a long stretch of time had passed during the transition)

It wasn’t until 5am (started around 9pm) when I was steady and conscious enough with the inner workings of my Mind and body connections, to be able to walk back to my room from the DMT ceremony. During the next several hours my mind swirled with thoughts, ideas and imaginations in what seemed to be a higher state of awareness. I was questioning; why am I here? What’s the point? I even imagined calling an imaginary taxi to pick me up from the imagined Ayahuasca center to take me to an imaginary desert, to bask in the imaginary sun and heat with my imaginary cold case of beer, and imagined the thought of “Just letting Go” of this imaginary dream. Expand to One! Expand to Love! Because it’s nothing but imagination, I can’t die! There is no death! There is no wife! There is no Earth! So why keep playing this imaginary game? I am One = Love = Consciousness = nothingness = Void!

As I pondered my thoughts, ideas, imagination, it really started to sink-in what the implications of being an imaginary limited Mind, within a “one” conscious mind meant. It was mind boggling. I was playing with this realization, or awareness, for what seemed like a long time before falling asleep later in the day. I understood the basic theory of it from the Human Mind psychological state before doing several trips on DMT, but to witness it play it’s self out on a canvas of consciousness = nothingness (for lack of better words) as; Love = Thoughts = Energy = consciousness = = = = was sobering, but also surreal.

“You don’t know, what you don’t know.” After experiencing Consciousness at a DMT level you start to become aware of the “Knowingness”, but you really won’t know the “depth” of “anything”! No One can Know the full depth of “Everything” and “Anything”, from the limited Human Conscious Mind. This is my Truth experienced!

For the Next year and a half I contemplated my thoughts from a Physical Body and Human Mind state, what am I? what I am suppose to do with this new awareness, new layer of consciousness, of Me, with my imaginary Human reality, within Love = Thoughts = Energy = consciousness = Nothingness = etc.

Regardless of how hard I tried to imagine being absolute Consciousness, absolute Love, absolute All-That-Is, I kept returning to this imaginary human body awareness and Human Mind consciousness. I could not escape the limited mind consciousness of ideas, imaginations within imaginations, beliefs within beliefs, feelings within feelings etc. Every morning I would wake up from my dream sleep state, and with some awareness, watched how effortlessly I slipped into my physical whole-body dream state. The transition from the sleep dream to physical dream is mind boggling and frustrating. It’s unbelievable how easy my mind consciousness slips into my perceived physical body and physical reality, but how difficult it was to reverse the sequence back to the sleep dream state, without falling into a sleep state. (if that makes any sense)

The deeper I go, the more layers I find. Where do you stop? How far do you go?

Having said that, let’s look at a few of Leo’s most recent thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that I believe add to the topic and with my experiences and perceptions:

As long as you are in this body, you will have biases and you will not be able to love totally.

Life is about limitation and selective love. It's not about total love.

I prefer the word imaginary. It's not a trap it is what is. That’s what Oneness is. It is a hallucination. And you are alone.

enlightened masters still have biases. Maybe they don't have ego, but they still have a mind. And the mind is full of biases. Even the body is full of biases.

ABSOLUTE LOVE -- free of all biases. But there is only one thing which is capable of ABSOLUTE LOVE -- a totally selfless being. And a totally selfless being must have absolutely no form or attachment of any kind. This cannot be accomplished in human form. It can only be accomplished by the purely formless Godhead

A living being is incapable of perfect Love because a living being must be attached to survival in order to be alive. Only a non-living being is capable of perfect love, which means death.

if you want true lack of all bias, that's called death. That's called God. That's called Infinity. And a human is part of Infinity but not the whole of Infinity.

Try to love truly unconditionally. You'll find it impossible until you die and surrender absolutely all form. Formed love is limited, finite, and conditional. The highest love is a pure abstraction. Yet it's more real than all form.

Within an Infinite Mind, abstraction comes prior to manifest reality. Abstraction is highest Perfection.

You can be relatively selfless, but not absolutely selfless. Only the Godhead is absolutely selfless. Not living beings who must look out for their survival.

To even compare your human organism's selflessness to the Godhead's selflessness is silly. You're infinitely far away. And that's okay because you are limited. Your body can't lift a 1000-pound stone and it cannot lift its analog of love for similar reasons.

Thank you, Leo, these quotes help more clearly express my experiences and thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that I have contemplated and realized in the last year or so. Your Mastery to articulated your thoughts and ideas into short, concrete statements, and phrases really help convey my thoughts and add depth on this topic from Mind, to Pen, to paper!

So here we are! A very, very small microscopic limited Human Conscious Mind, imagined within the One Conscious Mind, playing and creating imagined realities within a limited sand box of consciousness infinite grains of conscious units, which can be mixed, stirred and shaped together into infinite states of diverse realities of all shapes and colors. All of this within other infinite sand boxes of consciousness, with the freedom to play, hide and seek, with thoughts, ideas, imagination, beliefs feelings and emotions, to create, expand, regress, dream, explore who and what we are from a very limited, removed conscious mind of the All-That-Is.

What do I do with my imagined limited Self? What imagined self? What we? What I? What here? What purpose? What – What? What why? What do I do with my imaginary physical “self” Loop, that will have a useful meaning and purpose?

What’s next from the imagined Limited Human Mind form of atoms, molecules, organs, body, thoughts, ideas, imagination, beliefs, feelings emotions etc., with all it’s imagined mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, catalyst energy aspects that have been swimming in this imaginary reality, which is Nothingness = One consciousness.

“Eventually I found my self deliberating, what’s next? at an imagined Spiritual intersection”.

Do I just sit with Love = Consciousness = Nothingness = imaginary Dream = =?? and that’s It?

Do I Let Go of this limited Human Mind and become absorbed (for lack of better words) with the absolute Love = Consciousness = Nothingness = imaginary Dream etc.?

Do I explore the Limited Human Mind personality that I am imagining, and play with all my probable personalities, probable pasts and future self’s, play with conscious layers and awareness of form and Formlessness? Play with 4th, 5th and possible 6th dimensions and multidimensional realities from a conscious Physical reality state?

Do I just allow my limited human mind and physical personality to become more and more awake and conscious of Love = Consciousness = Nothingness = One = Zero = Imagined = Dream =, and keep imagining my wife, my life, and play along with my imaginary physical reality until it’s time to leave it behind? Or,