Human attachment and insecurity

[intotheblack]

For anyone who has problems dealing with insecurity in their relationships, try researching into 'attachment theory' 

the main types are Secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised: anxious-avoidant.  you can try taking this test below:

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/attachment-styles/#attachment-style-quiz

Basically it all comes back to your childhood and how your relationship is with your parents/caregiver.  The most important time for attachment is between 0-3 years old.  If you had parent(s) that weren't there for you emotionally you will be likely to have an anxious or avoidant attachment type.  the problem is that these 2 types of people usually end up in a relationship together and that of course feeds the insecurities.  

You're gonna have to go deep into your childhood and really take a good look at everything..really think about your parents and how you were with them as a child.  How close were you with them on a mental level? were you present with each other? did you feel you could tell them anything and be open? Once you have the understanding of it, you will start to see relationships more clearly and know what type of attachment someone has.  you will understand when you/someone is acting out from their attachment.  One way to work through it is to be in a relationship with someone who has a secure attachment type.   Eventually, you would become more secure as you grow.  Someone who is an avoidant might refuse to acknowledge this, as they cannot be open with themselves let alone other people.

Humans are born for love and intimacy, attachment as a child is vital.  children would originally be raised in groups, the whole family would help to take care of the child growing up.  However these Days it's normally just 2 or even 1 person bringing up the child, they are more stressed and can't meet the true (psychological) needs of a human baby.  But everyone is acting out of their own hurt and insecurity so it just continues down the line until someone wakes up and makes a change. 

there is a book I would recommend called 'attached' and a simple google search will bring up lots of information too.  

Dr Gabor Mate also explains attachment well.  he believes this also has a connection with adhd, addiction and other mental health problems.