Experiences

[Lila]

Hello :-)

I am new here and I want to introduce myself a bit.

I was always interested in psychology  (and also worked in a closed field and went to quite a lot of training in this field and also read a lot). I always wanted to understand why people behave the way they do.
But as years went by I sensed it is kind of going in circles, if the reason for suffering were pure psychological, why can't psychology find a solution?

So after searching for a while (not even knowing what I was looking for) I endet up in non duality.

Read a lot of books, saw a lot of youtube videos, went to a lot of reatreats....

And after going to the retreats  I experienced a kind of  shift in myself. But I guess it was not really an awakening. But it was a kind of dumbness and dullness (I usually think a lot), I had the impression that my thoughts got less and kind of much ...slower (and I used to be a quick thinker). Also, I felt there was a real heart opening, a kind of love to everything and everyone. I deeply felt (!) connection. I got really a bit blissed out, I was kind of happy all the time. Sometimes people even ask me what kind of drug I am taking. ;-)

So, but then I got triggered and painfully hurt and the bliss dissapeard with also that kind of strong feeling of connection.

So I wonder if somebody experienced somthing similar and what that was exactly?

And I also wonder at the moment how to continue?

It feels like I was thrown back in an old state which doesnt seem to fit anymore.

 

[WhatAWondefulWorld]

@Lila I pretty much had the same thing happen. For me it just took time to fix itself.

[Eph75]

From a developmental growth perspective there is not really any going back, but in development you do have stretches into territory that is beyond your center of gravity and you can spend time there, but just like you say, when shit hits the fan and circumstances give you a good slap in the face you get pulled back to the level in which your gravity of sense-making lies.

As @WhatAWondefulWorld says, it's about resilience, not giving up and accepting that these kind of things take time. You will also have to become friends with "plateauing out" from time to time, and just as you've experienced, something that look like regression - which is a return from more or less temporary modes of "stretched performance".

Finding ourselves on a "plateau" can be demoralizing especially as development when in flow sometimes can seem like being caught by an avalanche and you sort of is along for the ride without making much if any effort. Then a plateau hits and you wonder what happened, if that was it and you might end up giving up. Not good.

Befriend the quirks of development, we're in a marathon and the only thing that matters is to not drop out of the race.

Edited April 21, 2020 by Eph75

[Lila]

Thanks for the replies.

@Eph: I don't see it really as a race. I mean the race with what or whom? For me it just the wish to get again more inline with me, the world harmony. I mean the thing is that I now see the disharmony in myself, which I didn't before. But it feels I cannot really "do" something about it.
But yes it is also working on acceptence, giving up control and having trust that these thinks take time.

@whatawonderful world: how did you fix yourself? I mean I looked also very carefully on the triggers and I know now what they are and where they came from. It is like switching you have to do some switching between personal and transpersonal levels....

Edited April 21, 2020 by Lila

[Eph75]

@Lila Yes, it's not a "race", it was just a figure of speech, a "marathon" analogy - being a "long race" and not a "short sprint" 

Replace it with "continuing the work indefinitely".

Edited April 21, 2020 by Eph75

[The observer]

@Lila ive been there and still to some degree but the key is to trust in the process and know that its all good and as planned for u from infinite love. even disharmony is a form of harmony. love it feel the love all around u know that ur the center of the universe and that ur worthy of all the love 

[Lila]

@eph: ah, okay. I would rather say, it is a long, endless walk. :-)

@ observer: Yes, trusting the process is a good idea. And perhaps there is no other option anyway. ;-) Hm, it was not the feeling of beeing the centre of the universe and at that time it wasnt even the questions if I was worthy of all that love, it was just there. But I also feel that something remains. A kind of selflove on a more human level. That I can be weak, make mistakes and I am still okay and lovable. But it is also very clear that to feel the love around I have to feel the love inside.

[The observer]

@Lila haha there are no rules u create the rules. be..... with out conditions..... and see