Spiritual Review and Progress

[Jai]

Aug 12

Decent day but unclean diet. Every time I come to my sisters it is like this. I snack too much and eat processed foods. Also end up eating desserts also. I really want to set into place a really strict diet and never stray from it. Did have a nice meditation this morning which was good considering I'm not home. Also did a decent job of being helpful and service. Just tried to help around the house. Also hung out with family and was pretty present which was great. One problem was I fell into some lustful thinking. I really want to tranform my sexual energy and have a lot of discipline here. So a lot of this starts with the mental sphere and really directing that. So I'd say I'm almost a week retention and so the energy is high which is good. I just need to direct it. So decent day overall though and ready for tomorrow.

+ spiritual practice: solid morning session here so did my job today of keeping connection and making this the foundation

+ attitude of service: also good here. had good outward energy. ready to be helpful in small ways. not overly stuck in self

/ mental and emotional states: pretty good except for the lustful thinking. Overall good but still dipping into doubt some. I really want to have greater trust for the future. That's the big thing - i have a clear idea of the direction I'm heading in and what a goal is but some uncertainty of what to do and how to get there. Here I really just need to trust God and do my best

- life habits: negative because of poor diet choices. Also my workout was weak. I need to get more serious about my workouts and feeling stronger. has to be a priority

moved forward today

[Jai]

Aug 13

Wow had a great run today. It was really hot out and I ran really far and adapted to the heat. Just focused on my breathing and got into a rhythm. I felt great. It's so important to have vigorous exercise. I've been falling short here for sure. Last summer I was much more active with climbing mountains and exercising. I dropped off during the winter and then was studying so much that it fell off. I get more negative and down if I don't really put a lot of effort into exercising. So got to find a way to keep that up. Running might be it for awhile. But I also need to switch and have variety because I got bored with body weight exercises. Other than that a good day overall but did fall into doubt. With the changes coming up with work and going out to california I've been in some doubt and worry which isn't good. Need to really keep things up. Also need to recommit to good habits and not make compromises. Soon I want to journal on my core habits that I can't compromise on.

+ spiritual practice: chanting and meditating with the monks is the best way to start the day

/ attitude of service: found ways to be helpful, but also stuck in self some so need to improve that

/ mental and emotional states: mixed. not as good as I want this to be. was in doubt over the future instead of being excited. I want to get to a place where I really feel dialed in and ready to go

/ life habits: pretty good overall, but diet has been tripping me up. i need to not compromise on eating processed food. just can't do it

moved forward today

[Jai]

Aug 14

Mixed day. Felt challenged in the morning. Went to the temple to chant and meditate with the monks but I was drowsy. Came home and felt a little off and awkward. Just didn't feel connected and was in some doubt and fear. Just feeling out of place with life and not knowing what to do or that I've found my place. Which I guess I haven't. Don't really feel like I've found my place yet. Met up with a friend and went to a meeting which was good. After that felt more participatory and had better energy. Missing doing WHM breathing, my meditation sessions have been good but my breathing sessions I'm missing. Glad to see family some which is good. There aren't all that many opportunities so when it happens it's good. Basically I need to get more energized, connected, optmisitc and see the changes coming my way as opportunites.

+ spiritual practice: good effort this morning but drowsy

/ attitude of service: good in action, i was helpful throughout the day. But I felt off and not really a part of. So not the greatest outward energy, but this did improve some over the course of the day

/ mental and emotional states: better later in the day but not great. still have some doubt and worry about the decision i made to switch up work. i want to see this as opportunity instead and be willing to embrace whatever comes next. i want to get and feel excited about life and feel capable

- life habits: not so good with diet. soon i'm really going to get strict and not deviate. i like eating clean

moved forward today. Going to need to get really serious about life and making good choices and not compromising and really just doing my best.

[Jai]

Aug 15

Still in doubt and fear some. Even though I've had a pretty good outcome with being able to go part time at work I've had an issue with fear and doubt lately. I haven't felt this to this degree in over a year. Despite having a still pretty solid spiritual practice I've receded back into doubt and fear. I just need to trust God. I want to get back to the place of seeing life as opportunity, as being engaged, as being excited with life. Most of the time I have been this. It's just lately I've been in the neighborhood of doubt. So tomorrow I want to improve this and start making preparations for the change. If I start taking action that will help. Beyond that keep investing in God and trust that I'll find a way forward. I'm definitely in a challenging time and I definitely want to turn to God and really grow.

+ spiritual practice: went to church with my mom which was nice. I like going with her so that I show that spiritual stuff is important to me. Going to do a meditation session now.

/ attitude of service: okay actions, but stuck in self. I want to get that outward energy more, be more engaged and energized, be more oriented toward the world and toward others. Today just stuck in doubt and fear which prevents me from really being helpful

- mental and emotional states: felt disconnected and blocked off. not in the neighborhood of positivity like I would like to be. the doubt and fear brought me down some. I want to keep working to improve this

/ life habits: okay but not great. I want to set myself up to really take this to another level. I'd like to get exercise and diet really on track and not make any compromises. I feel like I'm in a weird transition but soon I'll really take my habits to another level like they were not too long ago

moved forward today, even though it was difficult. It's going to be a tough transition. But I'd like to keep putting in effort and build the faith and the trust. I think I'm so upset because I really take work seriosuly and I want to progress here. So now that I'm making a change I feel like this important area of my life is in some doubt. So I want to keep the effort to keep this a priority and keep improving

[Jai]

Aug 16

Interesting day. I finished strong but was in doubt a lot of the day. Just was feeling uncomfortable from the uncertainty. But got some stuff done at work and then turned a corner in the afternoon. Also went to a meeting which was good and also had strong habits during the day. So all around good effort. my faith will catch up with my actions. I've just felt tested some since this has been a big choice with a lot of uncertainty. What all this means is that I've been forced to grow and will be forced to grow. The good news is that my spiritual practice has been solid and my habits have been pretty good although I want to improve those even more. I also have a strong desire to keep working for a nice future, I'm making changes to do that and this scares me a bit. I'm scared of things not working out, scared of having to start over, scared of regret etc. Instead I want to live in trust and faith and keep working hard. Just lean into the future and know that I'm on a good path.

+ spiritual practice: good morning session to start the day. going to do a second session now as well. This was the contract I made with God, not about what I'm going ot get but about what I'm going to give. Every day I'm going to give time for prayer meditation and review. I'm not going to take time off, I'm not going to stop either. It's just a strong committment that I got.

+ attitude of service: improvement here. better effort, although stuck in self some with my worries. but still improvement so noted. I did a good job of contributing

/ mental and emotional states: finished strong but for the better part of the day in doubt and worrry. Started when I woke up in the night some and when I got up. Only in the afternoon did things clear some adn I got in a better spot

+ life habits: good here. cold shower, good diet, good all around but could get some more exercise in

moved forward today

[Jai]

I want to write a bit about some of my main habits and how I want to improve these even more. A little backstory is that I've been really consistent for well over a year on a variety of habits. For over a year I tracked these with a spreadsheet daily to see if I hit a bunch of habits. I had like 25 or so of these. Everything from drink a gallon of water a day to meditation to wake up when the alarm goes off etc. I was overall very consistent with these and I'm really proud of my discipline with this and progress.

More recently a problem came up from studying too much and getting burnt out on the computer. 15+ hours weekly of studying and 40 hours a week working. Both on a computer the whole time. It really dragged me down. I was really giving 100% waking up at 4:00am to study before work 2 hours and still meditate 30 minutes as well. More recently I've backed off from the intensity I've had. I've stayed up a little later, slept in some. And just took it easy in some regards without really dropping too much.

But I also want to get back to where I was. Honestly last summer I was more motivated, more energized and just had more vitality. I've also given in to indulgence with some bad habits and have settled for less than excellence in those areas.

So just brainstorming here are my main habits and why:

• Daily spiritual practice
  • This is the foundation. Each day I have to invite God in through prayer, meditation, chanting and review
  • This includes deep breathing breathwork
• No porn / retention
  • Discipline in this area carries over to so many other areas
  • This helps my vitality and energy
  • Porn is not my ideal, it makes me feel low and pathetic. It's not real, I want a real girl
• Cold exposure
  • Cold showers daily
  • The mind that talks me into a cold shower is the mind that talks me out of bad habits
• Eat clean
  • No processed food or sugary foods, no eating out, vegan
• Phone / computer habits
  • This one is so important to avoid distraction. It's also easy to have good habits for awhile and then go back to bad habits
  • Avoid checking my phone and wandering on the internet by
  • Having a phone box - when I'm not using the phone it goes into the box
  • Turn off my phone if I don't need it
  • Have a list of topics / good things to search on the internet. This is all I can look up, keep the list and then be productive and look up valuable info
  • Can't just get on youtube or just look on dumb sites, especially on my phone
• Exercise
  • Need vigorous exercise each day, but can have an off day if I'm really sore or really deserve it - in that case substitue with a walk or easy bike ride or something
  • if I'm working a physical job that counts
  • This helps my mood so much and presence, but I've been missing this
• Stay positive and optimisticNot sure how to put this into practice - need to figure out a way to actually implement this
  • Maybe it's just a positive mantra to really keep in my mind during the day and to actually work on this
  • So important for me to see the world this way

So these are the 7 habits I've come up with. I kind of think of these as the most important I'd say. Other habits are obviously good, but these are the ones I don't want to compromise on, I don't want to take days off, and I really want to give these 100%

Let's see how it goes*Daily spiritual practice*Attitude of service*Mental and emotional states*No porn / retention*Cold exposure*Eat clean*Phone & computer habits*Exercise*Stay positive and optimistic

 

Edited August 18, 2021 by Jai

[Jai]

Aug 17

Saw family today. So valuable to see family. I really miss seeing them often. It's sad to not see my parents more often. I'd really like to get a good money situation and get remote income so I can see them more often. It was nice to spend some time so I'm happy for that. Probably the next time will be Christmas I imagine. Today was a overall good day, but still some doubt and worry about getting out of my apartment. I'm worried about potential issues with the landlord but I guess I just have to trust God on this one. I don't think there is a high probability of an issue, it's just it could happen theoretically so of course I worry over that. Different areas of uncertainty are showing up because of all of the big changes I'm making. So just going to have to trust that I'm on a good path and trajectory and I believe I am. I'm really working on growing spiritually and moving forward each day. So i can trust that I can keep things up and good things will happen

*Daily spiritual practice: good here. Another epic morning session. Really nice session this morning of meditation after breath work. Probably sat for 45 minutes or so, no rush. So that felt nice.

*Attitude of service: pretty good here. helped out someone who was busy. better outward energy. not where I want to be, but still pretty good overall. so this is an improvement from being in a lot of doubt and worry

*Mental and emotional states: in a pretty good neighborhood today. only dipped in to doubt for a bit over the apartment issue thing. I'm on a good trajectory here

*No porn / retention: good here. Listened to a good podcast about this topic. Avoided lustful thinking for the most part and felt this energy and vitality today. I'm over a week in to retention so that's good.

*Cold exposure: full cold shower today, got in cold and washed off with all cold. A little heat after to just reward myself.

*Eat clean: ate out today with family which was okay, but I want to avoid eating out. still pretty decent here

*Phone & computer habits: just picked up the phone while i was journaling. Went and put the phone in my phone box. This is a tough one to break but I've seen good progress here in the past. The important thing is just following rules

*Exercise: went for a nice bike ride in the evening. that was great

*Stay positive and optimistic: better here, but I want to work on a mantra. Need to find a positive mantra to repeat during the day. I'll put that on my internet list

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*Daily spiritual practice*Attitude of service*Mental and emotional states*No porn / retention*Cold exposure*Eat clean*Phone & computer habits*Exercise*Stay positive and optimistic

[Jai]

Aug 18

A pretty solid day overall. Felt back to where I'd like to be. Mostly during the day was in a place of security and strenght. Didn't really dip down into negativity or fear. I've weathered the worst of the fear and doubt storm. As of now the decision is pretty much final and I've accepted it. I've put everything in place and it's pretty much all lined up. What that means is that I'm now in action and not contemplation over it. I also got a pretty good resolution with working part time remote. So I get more time to list at that job on my resume, get some income coming in while I make changes, get flexibility, and get to continue to help the team while they transition. So I feel good about that. I also feel pretty good about work today. Also I had a great chance to do service today, i just jumped at an impromtu opportunity which is how I want to be. I was on my toes to be helpful. At the library the security guard was opening these big gates and I helped out. I really want to look for opportunities like this when they come up. Good news is i'm also getting excited about what's next and the opportunities. I'm starting to see it as a chance to thrive which is good. I'm seeing things through the lens of being positive which I want instead of being in fear.

*Daily spiritual practice* Another really solid morning meditation session. Just really natural to do long meditation sessions. I set aside the time and can easily sit for 30 - 45 minutes. On a weekend I can go even longer. Time isn't the only metric of course since quality is important but the quality is also high. Would be hard to force myself to meditate that long if the quality wasn't high

Attitude of service* Good here. great example of helping someone at the library today. need to keep finding opportunities like this. also had much better outward energy which is a good metric

Mental and emotional states* Where i want to be back in the area of being positive and optimistic. back to seeing life as opportunity and not letting fear get to me. better confidence that i can meet circumstances as they come up. last couple of weeks were tough because i really felt worthless. i really felt like i was in a bad spot and nothing was going to work out. and that felt real. that's the hard thing about being down in this area, that's what actually feels real. it's hard to counter that when i'm in that spot. fortunately if i keep moving forward i'm not in there a long time

No porn / retention* good here today. listening to a good podcast. i'm really getting more dedicated to retention for the benefits. eventually i want a sex life but even with that i plan to keep practicing retention a lot of the time. i really want to feel mastery over this energy and then share it with a girl.

Cold exposure* good cold shower today. first thing in the morning it's important to do

Eat clean* good here, but got to slow down. i eat too fast and overeat at dinner since that is my main meal. eating fast makes me feel hungrier

Phone & computer habits* after work i went on youtube for a bit which was a mistake. fortunately i closed it. pretty good phone habits but didn't use the phone box although i put my phone away at work

Exercise* long bike ride today. good here although not super intense

Stay positive and optimistic: good here. did my mantra a handful of times which is better than nothing although i'd like to mentally do this more frequently

 

*Daily spiritual practice*Attitude of service*Mental and emotional states*No porn / retention*Cold exposure*Eat clean*Phone & computer habits*Exercise*Stay positive and optimistic

[Jai]

Aug 19

Really nice day. Went on a date with a girl I had hung out with before. This felt really nice. Just felt good to be out. Date went well she was pretty receptive to me putting my arm around her so that was good. Didn't come home with me but probably gonna hang out sunday. Felt really good to be on a date. Overall day was solid as well. Good progress with things at work. Not in fear and doubt like I had been the last couple of weeks. So I'm in a better place overall and have had some benefit from staying consistent spiritually

Daily spiritual practice* good morning session really high quality meditation. this has been really good lately. tomorrow will be a little quicker since I have to drive a couple hours really early. will make up for it later in the day

Attitude of service* good actions at work. was helpful on some projects. good outward energy overall. feel like i'm contributing more

Mental and emotional states* mostly positive today and optimistic - really only a small fear over my lease and leaving early. other than that feeling good about the decision i made and the future

No porn / retention* good here. felt really good to have high sexual energy from retention on this date. I like feeling really charged like this and really attracted to a girl. I'm becoming more committed to retention and have been listening to a good podcast on this. I really would liek to have a girl and still practice retention most of the time. Being single is really the challenge but I have to really master this energy to prepare for a solid relationship

Cold exposure* good here. two cold shwoers. so hot out that the shower in the afternoon didn't really feel that cold

Eat clean* pretty good here. passed on chips during lunch that were available. 

Phone & computer habits* better. at work just put my phone in the drawer and left it. feels good to not always have my phone on me

Exercise* did some push ups which was good. still would like to do more

Stay positive and optimistic* did the mantra a few times but not as present on my mind as it should be

[Jai]

Aug 20

Decent day overall. Was kind of productive in the morning and felt good to get things done from my list. The only hang up I have is fear over my apartment situation but working through that. Solid day with my spiritual practice and met with a spiritual friend as well. Had a good conversation and really am grateful for our relationship. So solid day except for the one fear over the apartment. That's really the only one thing holding me back emotionally. Other than that really excited about the future. I've also really felt connected lately. That is fantastic, feeling a lot more trust and commitment to God. Also really ready to continue my daily spiritual practice indefinitely. That really is the foundation of what I do

Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session. Did some WHM breathing and then a nice meditation/prayer session. Not a mega session but still significant and meaningful

Attitude of service* Good outward energy. Was friendlier today, felt like I participated in life. Felt like I had good readiness to serve

Mental and emotional states* Also good here. Mostly positive and optmistic. had some fear and doubt this morning over my apartment sitaution and counter it with some nice exercise and a cold shower. Sometimes habits just give me the push i need to be in the positive zone

No porn / retention* really good here today. felt good about being on retention. seeing this now as a way of life with nice benefits. just felt like i had good awareness and direction with this energy. also felt like i have something good to offer. i need this energy to fuel other drives and ambitions so i'm really committing to discipline here

Cold exposure* nice cold shower today

Eat clean* fell short here. every time i'm at my sisters i always snack and eat processed foods. also had sweets today. after i leave and move out west i'm recommiting to a super clean diet

Phone & computer habits* better. so important this area. internet surfing is a time suck

Exercise* good job with doing some weights today

Stay positive and optimistic* didn't really do mantras today. need to improve this. I want to get strong so next itme i'm in doubt i can not be shaken

Moved forward today, moved forward streak 1

 

[Jai]

Aug 21

Decent day. Really nice morning chanting session with the monks at the temple. Great way to start the day. I've been pretty consistent there for over a year. Was nice to say goodbye to them before I leave. Today I had a mixed day. Good overall but comprimsed on diet which isn't optimal. I do feel like I'm really heading toward a nicer discipline coming up. With this move I'm really going to give 100% to make it work and have my best habits. Was also really nice to see family and hang out also. All the time is so valuable. Other than that I really want to figure things out and make good money and build a nice future. I just really want to work and have a nice life.

*Daily spiritual practice* Good here with the great morning chanting and meditation

Attitude of service* Had a good example of being helpful today so good actions. I was also helpful around the house. Good outward energy and not overly stuck in self

Mental and emotional states* Mostly in a good spot of being positive and being on top of things with this. Actually pretty present overall and pretty tuned in with life today

No porn / retention* Good here but really would like to meet a girl. I guess that is the difficult part with this. I am enjoying the extra energy that comes from retention and the discipline that comes from it as well. So i have a good commitment there. Especially since I'm building a new life when I move. I really need to focus and concentrate all my efforts

Cold exposure* Really nice cold shower in the morning. Felt fantastic

Eat clean* Not good here, all kinds of compromises. But will really improve on this once I get back home

Phone & computer habits* Mostly good, but some deviations and just checking my phone. Should probably just turn my phone off

Exercise* Missed this today. Walked a bunch of miles during the day but didn't do any real exercise. I guess the walking is good but i need something more intense

Stay positive and optimistic* didn't do the mantras really. Need to mix this in. it isn't really natural yet

Moved forward today

 

[Jai]

Aug 22

Good day. I felt pretty confident about things. Had a fun day on my friend's boat also. Was nice to hang out with him and go for a swim. What also felt nice was that I wasn't in fear or doubt. Just a calm day mostly in serenity. Had a nice meditation session in the morning and then also went to a church that has a good program. One of the newer style churches with basically light rock music Jesus style. I'm really into anything spiritual now. Anything from church to buddhist temple to hare krishna. It is all resonating with me. I really want to clean up all the different areas of my life and see how good my life can be if I do this.

Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Nice morning session to start the day. Not too much to report othe rthan I'm keeping consistent

Attitude of service* Good here, tried to help my friend when his boat was having issues so a good example of just trying to assist. Also had good outward energy overall. much better to go through life engaged rather than in my head and my own problems.

Mental and emotional states* Good here. Definitely on offense and on the positive side of things. Want to keep things this way as well.

No porn / retention* Good mostly but also was checking out girls too much. I want good discipline here. I want to instead just focus on a girls presence instead of checking her out. I also want to have a bunch of confidence to talk to girls and engage with people. Checking girls out is a distraction and I'm trying to steal some pleasure from it. Instead there isn't a bunch of reason to really look at girls unless I'm going to go talk to them. But still on a nice retention streak. I'd like to make retention as a habit so I can really bring this energy to my life.

Cold exposure* A couple nice cold showers

Eat clean* Okay here but not great

Phone & computer habits* Need to stay vigilant. Caught myself today on youtube and chekcing my phone too much. Need to dial that back. This is so important for a strong mind

Exercise* Not enough here. Went for a swim but wasn't really vigorous exercise

Stay positive and optimistic* didn't really bring to mind any mantras. I need to decide if I'm committing to this and just improve with this

moved forward today. moved forward streak 3

[Jai]

Aug 23

Good day all around. Had a nice morning meditation session. Between whm breathing and cold shower that is nice prep for a strong meditation. I really like having this as the foundation of my day. If I invite God into my life each day then I'm on the right trajectory. That's really the fundamentals. I can trust that I'll make good progress and that I'm moving in the right direction. The more I invest in God the more assurance I can have that I'm on a good path. I may not be sure what will happen next and there will always be adversity but I'll still be on a solid path. I want to avoid the comparisons and the doubt. I want to have faith and trust and avoid second guessing things. Instead I would like to go forward confidently and understand that good things will continue to come in my direction as long as I'm willing to grow.

I also have to be willing to clean up every area of my life. I really have to believe I'm on the winning team. Otherwise I'm just going to hold myself back. I know what it feels like to really be in tune with feeling good about the life I'm living. The problematic area here can be sex ideal. Being single is tough, I'm moving, and I'm focusing on work so I don't have a lot of time for a social life. I think I'll have to make some time as best I can. The ideal is to have a solid relationship. In the meantime I have to stay away from porn which is something that is a net negative. I'm also more and more committed to semen retention. It's not easy but it's becoming more regular for me. I'm on a nice streak now. I just want to save this energy and be ready for a girl. The other area to keep clean are thoughts about seeing a sex worker. Even if I don't do it I don't like having that thought. When I'm lonely that idea seems appealing since I'll have some connection. It's the thing that that thought will keep me from my ideal. It makes me feel like I'm not playing for the winning team. Instead I'd like to really commit to living really clean and not deviating. So I have to be willing to keeping this area of my life clean and wait for the right relationship to show up. I should also put some effort into being social and meeting someone even though it looks like covid is coming back and will interfere with that plan.

Soon I'll be in a new city with new surroundings and new challenges. Whatever it is I'd like to really give 100%. I'm a little worried about my progress sometimes and I'd like to make some more money, but no matter what I'm moving forward almost everyday. If I take care of my sex ideal and really live clean there I'll be solid all around. And that's what I really want, to really feel like I'm living as best I can and workign toward aligning my life with God's purpose for me.

Daily spiritual practice* another nice morning session. this is fantastic

Attitude of service* good example here. met with friends at a meeting and i served cake. felt good to see an opportunity and to go and help. this is the type of attitude and action that i need

Mental and emotional states* good here - mostly on the positive side of things. feeling connected and strong. exactly where i want to be

No porn / retention* good here. no desire to watch porn. also really glad i have a lot of energy with retention. edged a bit this morning which is okay from time to time but can't be doing that too much. sometimes i just want to recognize my sexual energy without orgasming. I'd like to also do this practice with a girl to keep retention streaks even when i have a girl

Cold exposure* good here, cold showers are pretty easy in summer

Eat clean* mostly good but ate out for lunch at work with colleagues

Phone & computer habits* decent, but caught myself checking my phone while waiting for a meeting to start. i turned it off which was a good move. really would like to keep this habit away. there is always that temptation. need to be really deliberate here

Exercise* did some push ups first thing in the morning but would like to improve this. not doing enough here

Stay positive and optimistic mantras: didn't do any mantras for this today. would like to improve this

moved forward today

[Jai]

Aug 24

Another decent day overall but lower energy. I had a bunch of sexual energy overnight while sleeping and woke up and fapped. Not a big deal since I didn't watch porn but I still want to conserve that energy with semen retention. I definitely saw a dip overall today in energy and vitality. It was 2+ weeks without doing that so the energy was pretty high. I'm going to get back to retaining. I really would like to harness this energy and save it for when I have a relationship. I also am moving soon and will have to build another life so I want to do my best here. Sexual discipline carries over to so many other areas of life. I really want to work hard and give it 100%. I'm not sure exactly what direction I'll move in with work, right now there are 3 different options really. All seem pretty good. So I'm just going to give 100% and see what ends up working out. I'm in a good place and really glad that I'm making a switch now. I really have strong faith. I was really tested a over the last couple of weeks and I ended up feeling really weak at times. I was low on faith and optimism. Now I feel like I can really make different things happen which is good. I'm more optimistic and ready to find my way.

A lot of the faith and optimism has to do with the past year. I've had a really solid year overall. I can look back and say that I've really worked hard. On my own spiritual life first, I've definitely kept that up and will continue to do so. At work I really worked hard and learned a lot about this database and I started programming some. So that is also good. I've come a long way with my knowledge and skill. I've also really saw that I can handle a busy schedule, professional stress, different projects and emails, etc. This was something I was unsure of and I've really had a solid time with this and have shown I can do it. The point is I have a nice track record this year of progress and hard work. So I'm anticipating more success coming up. I really want to really give it 100%. I'm going out there to win. I know I can do well if I keep God first.

Really the only negative this past year was with sex ideal. I ended up periodically watching porn after 15 months no porn. The cycle has been pretty much watch porn a couple times a month. Had also some longer stretches of no porn, went fully celibate for 3 months which was a nice accomplishment. So overall I didn't watch all that much porn, but any is too much and I don't want that at all in my life. The problem is that I'm kinda lonely and focusing a lot on work and the future and less on my social life. So the lonliness gets to me as does regret sometimes and just being insecure about being single. I want to really clean up this area of my life and really prepare for my next relationship. So I want to really feel like I have mastered sex energy and retention. I also want to avoid lustful thinking and thoughts about seeing a sex worker or something. When I'm lonely that's kinda where my thoughts go. The other thing is just somehow trying to be more social. I used to be so motivated to date and talk to girls and be social. I'm much less so now. It just feels like so much effort, plus covid, plus i'm really busy. But I do want to make a little effort here and there with that.

So this upcoming year when I start in a new city I want to keep up all my good habits, keep putting God first and then also just keep giving 100% at work trying to build a future. The big goal is also to really clean up my sex ideal and really harness that energy. I'm definitely going to need it. So I want to give that 100% also.

*Daily spiritual practice* Really nice mornign session. Also did a second shorter evening meditation. So both things are good there. A solid meditation in the mornign is so important. I'm really looking forward to waking up early to give this 100% when I move. I think I'll find newfound motivation also since I'll really need the spiritual connection to start something new

Attitude of service* Okay here, but also was slightly resentful at work over a request. I have to watch that. When I started work I was always on my toes with an attitude to serve. Now that I've settled in I get a little resentful at times. That's not good. OVerall i was good in action here but a little lower energy. Part of that has to do with breaking the retention streak

Mental and emotional states* Didn't dip into negativity, mostly positive but less connected and less sharp. Want to keep on the offensive side of things.

No porn / retention* Fapped today. Didn't watch porn which is great. This isn't really negative but I do feel a dip in energy, vitality, etc when I fap. So there is a trade off. Lately I've been much more aware of having sexual energy and I really want to find ways to live with the super high energy and transmute it instead of eventually after days/weeks/months just fapping because it is too high

Cold exposure* Nice morning cold shower

Eat clean* Fail here. Was low energy and in a weird mood so I ate some sweets at work. I did it to distract myself. Funny how I want to deviate from solid habits when I feel off. When I move I'm giving 100% here also, i only want to eat healthy food

 Phone & computer habits* kinda in the middle. ended up watching some youtube which wasn't horrible but I'm not keeping a list. i want to keep an internet list, i want to use a phone box which i'm not doing. so i need to improve this

Exercise* push ups and a nice bike ride

positive mantras: did this a couple times but not enough

 

[Jai]

Aug 25

Really solid day overall. Good energy and moving in the right direction with the different areas of my life. I feel like I'm all ready to move and I'm not stressed. I'm kinda caught up at work and on good terms there. I'm not stressing work so that is good. I'll bring a little income with me by working part time remote. So today I contributed some at work. I also had a solid day with habits. Back on the retention and I didn't dip since i had had a pretty good retention streak before fapping once. So the baseline energy is relatively high. I really want to work on this area, keep that energy and use it for other purposes, and also avoid lustful thinking. Just really clean up this area of life so that I don't bring any bad habits into my next relationship.

My outlook is also generally positive. I'm ready to go to San Diego and win. I'm ready to give it 100% nad really keep my spiritual life as the foundation. I'm also willing to clean up the more difficult areas of life like lustful thinking. So with this willingness I can go forward and feel like I can do okay. It feels good to have this faith and confidence. I want to encourage this. I want to feel like if I have God in my life I can take on anything and face adversity. I want to feel assured that I can handle whatever comes up. So it's good to be in this space now.

This past year or so has gone really well. I'm ready to continue this. Each day the important thing is to invest in God and not feel intimidated by the challenges and adversity out there. I can also feel like I'm on a strong trajectory since God is number one. That's a big thing. Keeping God #1. With that in place I can move forward with confidence.

Daily spiritual practice* Strong morning session as always. Also just had a strong evening meditation with a friend. Had a lot of clarity about the changes I'm making and the willingness to take this on. Lately this part of life has been really good. Just high quality sessions.

Attitude of service* Also good here. Good outward energy. Better overall and not stuck in self. Since I'm going to part time I've lost some of the intensity with service but I've nevertheless done pretty good.

Mental and emotional states* Where I should be. Mostly feeling connected, mostly feeling optimistic. I'm playing on offense which is where I'd like to be. Living life by leaning into it and not on my heels. Nice to be here after a couple tough weeks playing out the decision to move and start looking for other work opportunities. This is definitely the area I want to live in. 

No porn / retention* Good here. Back on building a retention streak. Day 2. Also better with avoiding lustful thinking. Generally I want a better and more positive perspective around girls. I had that in the past when i was dating a lot. A little harder being single. But i want confidence and abundance in this area. Just live in a strong mentality and perspective.

Cold exposure* Good here. Woke up and got in a cold shower right away. Wasn't that difficult. I've definitely improved here because last summer cold showers were more difficult. So I've gotten used to cold showers after over a year, but I know when winter comes and the water is colder that it will be more difficult

Eat clean* Good here today. Actually thinking about changing my diet around and having a big meal in the morning. after talking with monks they usually have a big meal in the morning and then lighter snacks after that. Have considered this but not sure. Either way I'm recommiting to eating really clean

Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but need to follow rules with this. Easy to stay off track and I'm not taking this as seriously as I should

Exercise* Bike ride and push ups. I want to find something to train for though

Moved forward today

[Jai]

Aug 26

Last day in person at work went well. Really feel good about things. Also feel pretty good about the future and about opportunities coming up. I'm back in a place of pretty good serenity and pretty good sense of faith and confidence. This is really because I'm really inviting God into my life on a daily basis. I can fall into doubt and self pity but I can also get back quickly to a position of faith and trust. That's why my daily spiritual practice is so important. I'll never be far from a solid place. Today was chill overall. Really the only negative in my life that I've had is lonliness. Even today that came up. That is really the only negative spot. Everything else is pretty positive overall. The lonliness is tough because I really like dating and having a girlfriend. I'm in a really odd time with this. Part of the battle is really cleaning up my desires for substandard sex practice. Basically I want to be done with porn, my life is so much better without it. And I'd also like to be done with any thoughts about sex workers. I think I really need to clean up desires like this. I want to get back to a place where I have a really strong sense of love in my heart all around. I also want to do the semen retention which is good for me. Generally I've made good progress here and want to keep this up. I really want to transmute this energy and then also bring it to a relationship and a girl. It's just I feel lonely waiting for this to happen. So I'd like to just keep investing about being excited about life and building a nice life. So I should be really enthusiastic and motivate about the path I'm on.

Daily spiritual practice* Really nice morning session as usual. This has been really solid lately. Possibly doing some chanting tonight also. I think when I move I'll really mix in my chanting practice.

Attitude of service* Good here generally. Good outward energy, good on the actions today to contribute. So overall good performance here.

Mental and emotional states* In the neighborhood I want to hang out in of positivity and optimism. So I'm glad about that. I feel much better for having weathered the storm of doubt a couple of weeks ago. I was really tested and now I'm in a really good place. It gives me faith that this is generally the place where I'll be the most. 

No porn / retention* Good here. I want to get better at not checking out girls though. It's pointless to just check out a girl. If anything i should just find girls to talk to. Retention energy is starting to build back up which is good also.

Cold exposure* Nice cold shower first thing in the morning. Such a solid habit to start the day

Eat clean* Good here. Big challenge will be driving when I'm on the road

Phone & computer habits* actually pretty good today. Listening to podcasts is a good example of something positive with this. Want to avoid the negative use of these resources

Exercise* Push ups and a bike ride

moved forward today

 

 

 

 

*Daily spiritual practice*Attitude of service*Mental and emotional states*No porn / retention*Cold exposure*Eat clean*Phone & computer habits*Exercise*Stay positive and optimistic

[Jai]

Aug 27

A really solid day. Spent a lot of the day going through things and packing. I'm a bit nostalgic to leave because it's been a nice year here. Was good to go through some things and organize. I'm pretty much ready. Got to do some cleaning and make a trip to Goodwill but that's about it. Tomorrow also going to hang out with my sister which will be nice. Today had a really solid morning session of meditation, prayer and chanting. I want to really work in the chanting regularly in the future. I want to use that as a resource. Also did a bunch of whm breathing and then did 55 push ups without any oxygen in my lungs. When I get down to sea level I should be able to do even more. I want to keep training this and see how many I can do. Also a nice cold shower of course. Today was in a nice place of just feeling pretty solid and secure. Just feel like I have faith and that things will work out well for me.  That's a good feeling to have. Still just need to keep with cleaning up my life as best I can and giving 100%. I feel reenergized with the new opportunity and ready to really go after it. So tomorrow I anticpate another solid day and then I'm on my way. Important to keep my spiritual practice strong on the road.

Daily spiritual practice* Really nice morning sessions. I'd like to really keep this up

Attitude of service* Good outward energy today. Not a lot of clear opportunites to be helpful but I had good energy and good interactions overall. So this was a good orientation

Mental and emotional states* Good job here, this is where I'd like to be. Positive and in faith. I felt pretty strong and capable as well.

No porn / retention* Good here although from time to time there are thoughts. Retention energy building back up which is good. I like having that be strong

Cold exposure* Nice cold shower

Eat clean* Good here. I like my simple diet and really would like to continue this

Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but it's easy to wander on the phone. Still need to get more serious about this

Exercise* Push ups and a bike ride

Daily spiritual practice*Attitude of service*Mental and emotional states*No porn / retention*Cold exposure*Eat clean*Phone & computer habits*Exercise*

[Jai]

Aug 28

Good day overall. Another nice meditation session in the morning. I've been on a really nice streak. Other than that I really did a good job organizing and getting ready to leave. It was also nice to hang out with my sister and go to the fair. So lots of good things today. Only negative really is that I'm off the retention streak I started. Last night couldn't sleep so ended up fapping. Really it's all good as long as I don't watch porn. Although I'd like to get another nice streak going. I definitely want to have really high sex energy and transmute it. I'd also really like to meet someone when I move so probably need to put some effort in there. I'm pretty much ready for the next phase and the next thing. I'm really excited about this move. I think things will go well there just like they did here. I really have to just keep God first and keep working toward good things.

Daily spiritual practice* This is really strong and the highlight of everything lately. Just a solid foundation. Really good concentration and focus and it's really natural to do long meditations

Attitude of service* Pretty good outward energy not overly stuck in self or in my own problems

Mental and emotional states* Had a bunch of serenity today which was nice. Really at peace with my decision to move. Really at peace with my year here. It's been a really good year so I'm happy about that.

No porn / retention* Didn't retain last night. Actually chatting with a girl I dated and she's sending me photos lol. I just really want a girlfriend again. Gotta get my life in order and set it up

Cold exposure* Good cold shower

Eat clean* Ate out and ate way too many fries

Phone & computer habits* Need improvement here. Fell back in to checking my phone

Exercise* Walked a ton today but not any exercise that I set aside to do

Moved forward today

Really getting ready for what's next

[Jai]

Aug 31

Was on the road the last two days and didn't do a written review. Made it out to California and starting here on the right foot. While driving or traveling I'm always thrown off some. Feels good to arrive. After getting here i unpacked and then went for a nice run, took a cold shower, did some whm breathing and then did some meditation and chanting. I want to really keep up my spiritual practice like this and make this a priority. Each day if I really put effort in to this I won't fall into doubt and self pity, fear, etc. Driving out here I felt some doubts so I need to really set a high standard so I can face these. If I'm really connected spiritually and if I give my best effort I'll do okay. I'm coming out here with the attitude that I'm here to win and give 100%. So that's what I have to do. Other than that was pretty helpful today and am overall off to a good start.

Daily spiritual practice* Nice effort today after I arrived. Felt really good to make this an important part of my first day. Had a decent meditation and I'm back at chanting which is good. So I definitely want to keep this up. I'm really setting myself up for success if I put my spiritual practice first

Attitude of service* Good here. Good outward energy and found a way to be helpful around the house. So that's good.

Mental and emotional states* Driving out here this morning I felt in some fear and doubt. I put some effort into good habits once I arrived and I'm back on offense. I'm feeling more optimistic and positive and ready to go. It's so important that I take care of this. If I'm strong here then I'm strong in other areas so my perspective and attitude is important

No porn / retention* Good but also having my moments about thinking about deviating. I want to keep this area strong. I'm going to do 90 days celibacy again to get off to a good streak here. I want to really harness this energy and transmute it. The big thing is keeping the mental space focused and clear from distraction

Cold exposure* Good cold shower. Also doing 90 days no hot water. This is gonna be tough. Usually I reward myself with hot water at the end but I'm just going to force my body to get used to it.

Eat clean* Did a good job today especially for being on the road

Phone & computer habits* Good here but I want to have rules and follow them. Today i just did okay but didn't really have rules to follow like putting my phone in a phone box

Exercise* Really good here. I need to train and take this serious. So solid run today, did some pushups and pull ups. So this has to be a priority

 

[Jai]

Sep 1

A really solid day all around. Really strong habits and off to a good start here. I want to keep this momentum up obviously. Just keep focusing on investing in God and my spiritual practice. Keep doing WHM for cold exposure, breathing, mindset. Keep confident that I can work hard and good things will happen for me. So it's really just day in and day out making progress. Really the only thing now is some fear and doubt about not making it and not doing well here. So I really want to put maximum effort, work hard, live clean and just put God first. It's going to take a lot of sacrifice but it's basically going to be work and God for awhile. I don't have a lot of time for other things. Just need to get established.

Daily spiritual practice* Really strong morning practice and did an evening session as well. This helped me feel oriented and ready

Attitude of service* Good outward energy and was pretty helpful all around. So this was good. I also want to get clear that I'm here to serve God and have God work through me. I also want to just be on my toes ready to interact with others.

Mental and emotional states* Also good for the most part. Really felt energized for most of the day and moving in the right direction. Was pretty positive and optimistic. Only down spot was that I started comparing some to a friend who is really successful. That's a losing formula. Instead I should look at all the good things I have, be in gratitude, trust that I'm on the right path and just trust my instincts.

No porn / retention* Good job here. Sex energy is building back up. I want to really harness this and use this as I build a future. I really want to use the high energy and vitality and direct it

Cold exposure* Good cold shower finished day 2/90 with no hot water at all

Eat clean* Good here. Diet is really clean now which I'm happy about. Good sign that my discipline is strong

Phone & computer habits* Actually good here. Wasn't too distracted at all. This habit I definitely want to keep up

Exercise* Fantastic here. Run, pull ups, push ups, bike ride. Feels good to be active.

Moved forward today