Spiritual Review and Progress

[Jai]

Jul 2

One good thing that happened was that last night I sat out on the porch and watched a rain storm. It was really calming and peaceful

Grateful for friday and 3 day weekend, figured out something cool with code today, good conversation with a friend

I'm pretty lucky for having good friends I can chat with. Had another good conversation today with a friend that moved out of town but we chat almost weekly which is nice. I really appreciate these conversations. Today I also felt better which is great. I felt connected after work for the first time in awhile. Definitely felt a better presence of God. I went really hard over the last 3 months and it will be good to take this weekend off as well. I need to recharge the batteries and get back in to studying fresh. Other than that I think I'm going to focus on coding and work part time. I really feel pulled in that direction. I'm going to think about this more this weekend but I definitely feel that that is what I want to do and that the only thing holding me back is fear. A little worry about not making enough money and being part time and fear about leaving a full time job and fear for when I would finish my coding course and look for work. So somehting to think about. Not like i'm in a lot of fear but i really want to move forward confidently whatever happens. Good thing is today I felt more connected and reenergized

+ spiritual practice: good here for a morning session. I want to really have some solid weekend session for chanting. my chanting has fallen off

+ attitude of service: better outward energy today

+ mental and emotional states: improved here. I've been a little run down. so taking days off from studying is a good thing even though I don't want to. I want to get fresh again and I'm back on that path to feeling energized. Good thing today was I felt a little more positive and optimistic

+ Life habits: also pretty good but since i'm renergizing i'm sleeping in. this is okay i need this. soon enough i'll be getting up at 4:00 which i actually like

Moved forward today

 

[Jai]

Jul 3

One good thing that happened today was I saw a friend driving by who is always really friendly and we waved at each other

Grateful for: a nice burrito, good friends to talk to, friend helped fix my bike

Today ended up being a pretty tough day in the afternoon. I've dipped some and lost connection. Big thing is I'm taking a break from studying to recharge and I've lost the good habits and drive. I really don't want to take a break but I kind of needed to. So I ended up basically in the free time indulging in not so great habits. Been fapping more so low sex energy. Still no fapping to porn though. Poor diet choices. Sleeping in. Now I see why I don't like taking breaks. I need to get back to better sex energy discipline for sure. Also need to get some good momentum going and get more optimistic. last year this time I was definitely more energized. I've had a great year and I want to keep that up. So this afternoon wasn't the greatest. Tomorrow I'm going to rebound. Going on an early hike and then I'll come home and get some errands done. Monday I have off and I'll get back to a good study session.

- spiritual practice: weak meditation/prayer session today

/ attitude of service: not good outward energy. but one positive is that I saw a homeless guy lying on the ground and he looked like he may have fell so I went and checked on him. I drove by but had to go back to see. It turns out he was okay but I did have some compassion for the guy even though I couldn't really help him other than checking on him

- mental and emotional states: off day here. Not connected very well at all. Just an off day. I don't have to make a big deal of it, just need to get back what works

- life habits: not so good here. weak discipline and off

Didn't really move forward today. I want to get back to the all star status I've had. so tomorrow is another chance

[Jai]

Jul 5

one good thing that happened today was I hung out with a friend

grateful for tasty brocolli for dinner, got some studying done, my gong in meditation room

Been in a funk the last few days. Took some time off of studying and indulged in some weakness. All around slept in, didn't have discipline in the diet, and watched some porn which isn't good. So kinda glad to get back tomorrow to work and get on my schedule and strong routine. Discipline with sex ideal and retention is pretty important, that discipline carries over to other areas of life. So I'll get back to that. Beyond that also want to get motivated to study more. And of course the foundation of it all is a daily spiritual practice. Can't let up there at all. I've made a contract with God that day in and day out I'll put effort in there. If I do that then I'm definitely on the right path.

/ spiritual practice: just got in a nice meditation but below standard overall for a weekend day

- attitude of service: stuck in self some, not good outward energy. looking to change that tomorrow

- mental and emotional states: not where i want to be. in some negativity and doubt and self pity. distracted some. not focused and ready to go

- life habits: negative here, fell short in different ways

tough day, didn't exactly move forward but some positive things nevertheless

[Jai]

Jul 6

One good thing that happened today was I got a good start to the day which made a nice difference

grateful for: rain storm that is pretty beautiful to watch, got some studying in, phone call with a friend

improvement today. back to good habits which felt good. really felt properly oriented today. so that was better news. felt good to work again although I'm prbably going to make a change sometime soon there. kind of feel like going part time to study more or to do something different if the right opportunity is there. that's about it really. good day today although i got tired in the afternoon

+ spiritual practice: much better morning session, so I'm glad for that. good effort here pays off

+ attitude of service: better job today here, got a bunch done to be helpful to others

+ mental and emotional states: good here although I felt burnt out some in the afternoon. gonna get some good sleep here tonight

+ life habits: better here as well

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jul 7

one good thing that happened today was traffic wasn't as bad as i thought

grateful for more of a relaxed day at work, sister made dinner, worked the afternoon from home

+ spiritual practice: nice morning session, good way to start the day

+ attitude of service: pretty decent outward energy today so an improvement here, also did a good job of being helpful at work

/ mental and emotional states: good but also a bit in doubt. so good but can do better

/ life habits: pretty clean but the diet wasn't good

Decent day today. Not really sure about the future, that's been on my mind a lot. So I have a little fear about what's coming up next. That uncertainty has been weighing on me. So definitely a time to keep close to God and keep trusting God. Overall things are going well and I can be ready for whatever is next.

Moved forward today

[Jai]

Jul 7

Today was a decent day but I've lost a bit of drive. I was on a really strong streak of 3 months maximum effort, I burnt out some and now I'm just recovering energy. One of the problems has been also I've had overall a really strong 15 months of good effort and have felt a little dull and less motivated than this time last year. So what this means is that I'm not quite as connected or energized. Part of it is wanting to transistion to study more or work toward making more money. What I'm doing now I've already been there done that it feels like. So I'm not overly motivated by my current situation. I am motivated to build a nice future, but have gotten a bit burnt out also unfortunately. So with that I want to get my energy back and maybe reorganize things to be a little bit more driven toward building the future. Also have to stay grateful and enjoy life as it's going on. Most of my habits are good but seems like I'll be watching porn every so often which isn't ideal but being single is just something that is there for excitement from time to time. So definitely not the cleanest habit but it seems when I'm not with a girl an option I go to. so will probably watch it some and then go back on a longer no porn or celibacy streak for discipline

- spiritual practice: short morning session. might try to make up for it now with a better evening session

+ attitude of service: better today at work, good around the house. so better outward energy and better contribution on projects

+ mental and emotional states: not too bad here, not really negative at all. although not ultra focused like i have been in the past. still on the positive side of things

/ life habits: not the greatest diet choices today. poor phone use. just checking my phone and nonsense websites. need to stay away from that. that leads to a lot of frustration

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jul 9

Another more difficult day just shows the necesity of having to get back on track with good habits and spiritual progress. I burned out a couple weeks ago and let my foot off of the gas which was needed. Problem is I fell back into bad habits and used it as an excuse to indulge. Now it's time to get back to what works and move toward optimal living. So it's a lot of discipline, effort, sacrifice and putting god and spiritual growth first. Good thing is tomorrow I'm waking up early to go to the temple and meditate and chant with the monks. I definitely want to get away from porn. even just watching a little unplugs me spiritually. I just turn to it because I'm lonely and would like to date some and meet a girl. I also just got weak in other areas also. My exercise hasn't been good, been sleeping in some, basically I burnt out after really going all out for 3 months. I want to get back to what works and get my confidence and optimsm back.

/ spirtual practice: okay session today

- attitude of service: stuck in self, not really dialed in, mentally focused on my own problems

- mental and emotional states: definitely a negative here. not in a place of confidence or optimism. this happens when I indulge in bad habits. i sink some. especially if i watch porn. it just throws me off. so i want to get some momentum tomorrow

- life habits: weak here. didn't take a cold shower today, just felt weak. need to strengthen up

didn't move forward, just stagnated.

[Jai]

Jul 10

Another tough day. Got off to a good start, but also was just lazy with habits. Part of it is I think I'm just feeling like a change is coming on and I'm in a bit of fear over it. So I've sunk into some bad habits for distraction. So just got to get back on the right track. Some decent things today, but I know I can do much better. Just need to stay committed to what works. I've been really consistent over the past year and I need to keep it up even though the newness has worn off. Another big thing is just getting better at not falling into bad habits and weakness when I'm feeling down or faced with adversity.

+ spiritual practice: 60 minute meditation at the temple so good effort here

/ attitude of service: good in action, did really good with doing some thoughtful things, but was stuck in self and my own head today. Poor outward energy

- mental and emotional states: really a negative here. definitely wasn't in my normal and preferred place of positivity, optimism, focus. Was scattered and in doubt

- life habits: for the most part subpar. Not where I need to be

Cant really say I moved forward today

[Jai]

jul 11

It's been an odd 20 or so days. Haven't been performing at my best. So I definitely want to change that. I had some stress and frustration at work and that threw me off some. I've felt disconnected and haven't been in gratitude. I've also fallen back into less than ideal habits. So I want to get back to what works. Last couple days there have been some good signs, but also have fallen short. Kinda glad to be working again tomorrow so I can get a strong schedule. Still going to wake up really early and go to the temple before work to meditate and chant. The big thing is also just not watching porn and staying away from that. Discipline there carries over to every other area of life. Beyond that I'm setting my sights to what looks like making a change. Maybe as early as September/October. That has been stressful as well. There has been some fear and doubt lately as I haven't faced this as strong as I can. So that's why I want to get my habits really clean and get my momentum going again. I do feel like it might be time for a change and to start prepping and planning for that.

+ spiritual practice: good here another 60 minute session at the temple

+ attitude of service: good here, always looking for things to do at the temple. Also cleaned my sister's house some

- mental and emotional states: not good here, off again and not focused and motivated

- life habits: made some bad choices. when one bad choice creeps in its a lot easier to indulge in other bad choices. so I want to counter this tomorrow and liver really clean tomorrow.

mixed day, definitely not a clear day of progress so have to do better

[Jai]

Jul 12

Made some progress today and feel better. I've definitely have had some unwillingness and have been in a funk. So today I felt like I made the first real effort to move forward and get out of it. so that felt good. I'm used to consistent effort and good performance so when I don't have it I miss it and really feel it. I definitely felt down the last days. So got to day in and day out keep with what works. Going to the temple and chanting and meditating for 60 minutes is a great way to start the day. I want to also have better effort at work and have a better attitude. All of this will take some more consistency. So just building some momentum. One of the big areas is diet recently. I haven't been eating that clean now that I'm at my sisters house. I'm snacking a lot. So I'm kinda looking forward to being back home where I don't have any junk food.

+ Spiritual practice: good session at the temple. wish i had this opportunity all of the time

/ attitude of service: met with some friends and had a good orientation here. still could do better at work though

/ mental and emotional states: finished the day strong and much better overall. not where I want to be but still good overall

/ life habits: still not where i want to be, especially with diet.

moved forward today

[Jai]

jul 14

Made more progress today and back on the right track. Still not all clean habits but some improvement. Looking forward to getting back to my place where I have better discipline. Whenever I visit my sister I end up snacking a lot and letting my diet get weak. I did go to the temple again to meditate which was nice. Sat and chanted and meditated for 50 minutes. Still feeling a little unmotivated at work since I feel a change coming on. Also not studying since I burnt out. I do better at work when I'm really motivated and engaged. So this week I'm going to build momentum and next week get back to really strong habits. Gonna up my exercise and activity. Also going to get motivated about looking for work and other opportunities. Really try to find something, go remote at this job, or go part time so I can study full time. Not easy to figure things out but I want to make progress on a lot fo fronts.

+ spiritual practice : good morning session. Something about getting up really early to go to the temple and chant and meditate with the monks great way to start a day. It's been a great week.

/ attitude of service: can do better at work. not the best energy at work.

+ mental qnd emotional states: Progress with a little more in faith and a little less in self pity and doubts. So was more optimistic and better energy here

/ life habtis: okay in some areas but not the discipline i want.

moved forward but I want my "break" to be over. I've let up on the intensity and indulged in some bad habits and its cost me some. i'm just less energized and motivated. so time to get back to it. especially with looking at options. that will get me going some more.

[Jai]

Jul 16

I've missed days doing a review over the last 3 or so weeks. Maybe 2-4 days missed which isn't good. The entire last year plus I think I missed 2 days. I want to recommit to taking my spiritual life seriously by reviewing my day and my progress. A big part of the slump I'm in is the fact that I've watched porn a few times after going 90+ days no porn and also retention. So that discipline I'm missing and I need to get back. So that is a factor. Another factor is some difficulty at work and uncertainty about what I want to do in the future. For a long time I was working on coding and making good progress I'm proud of. I've taken a break after getting really burnt out. I really pushed myself to the max. But it was too much screen time between work and coding and I got burned out. What was nice about that was I was pretty motivated and directed so I'm missing the motivation and determination I had. Making progress there gave me incentive to be disciplined. So now I just need to pick something else out and work toward it.

/ Spiritual practice: okay morning session, but can do better. tomorrow want to do better

/ attitude of service: good in action, was directly helpful to someone today so that felt really good. but unfortunately stuck in self and my own problems which is a direct result of bad habits that dragged me down

- mental and emotional states: decent start to the day, but didn't finish strong. I'm in a lot of doubt, worry, fear, self pity, etc. I don't like this neighborhood but I've been hanging out here for the last 3 weeks.

- life habits: negative here. watched porn again because I feel lonely. this is just letting myself down and not living up to the high standard I want to live up to

didn't really move forward today.

[Jai]

Jul 17

Better day today overall. Better habits although I can improve the diet. I want to get really strong discipline back. I also want to get more optimistic about the future and make progress toward building a nice future. Lately I've had some doubt and uncertainty about my trajectory but I want to get excited again. The big thing is just getting on a winning streak like I had been for 3 months. So today was a good start to that. I also just want to stay busy. I'm thinking about working a second job to save more money and stay busy. Now that I'm taking a break from coding I want to get excited and motivated more. So work will be part of that I think. Maybe pick up some odd jobs or something like that.

/ spiritual pracitce: did a morning session but didn't do an afternoon one

+ attitude of service: better outward energy here so that's an improvement. not as stuck in my own worries and problems

/ mental and emotional states: definitely an improvement, but not where I want to be. Need to clean up my habits so this also improves

/ life habits: okay but bad diet decisions so want to improve there. good exercise today though

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jul 18

Better day today also. Got to start a streak here. Tomorrow will be good, I'll get back to work and get moving some. Gonna get up early and get a good workout in and get a solid meditation in as well. I need clean habits and to be no porn. If I fall short I end up in a funk and get negative. Need to get excited about life again and to live in gratitude. I've been worn down from being burnt out and then i turned to bad habits unfortunately. Now I'm starting to get oriented again properly. Looking forward to the week and getting back to good habits.

- spiritual practice: weak job on meditation/prayer today. tomorrow morning gonna have a good session

/ attitude of service: better job in the afternoon with having outward energy

/ mental and emotional states: better in the afternoon but in doubt in the morning

+ life habits: better on diet and exercise today. looking to improve here

moved forward some today which is good. just need to get the momentum going again. I'm really sensitvie to deviations and bad habits. Need to really have a high level of discipline to do my best.

[Jai]

Jul 19

Good forward momentum today. Finally feel back on track after a several week hiatus. Definitely feel a good trajectory for tomorrow. Really the only negative spot is uncomfortability at work. I just feel tense sometimes. Probably a sign that it's time to consider doing something else. But the problem on my end is being judgmental and resentful. Even if I end up leaving I want to leave with an attitude of service. unfortunately I've been falling short here and have had some harsh thoughts toward a coworker. Nothign horrible, but just resentment and being judgmental. So I want to turn to God to improve this. I also want to keep discipline in my sex ideal. Discipline there goes a long way. Falling short here over the last couple of weeks has cost me. That is a big reason for my complacency. But I'm on the right track now which feels good.

+ spiritual practice: great morning session, not studying in the morning so now i have extra time. had a great session and start to the day. Going to repeat this tomorrow

/ attitude of service: decent outward energy here, decent effort at work, so good in action and pretty good in thought but I want to have more enthusiasm in my heart and to get excited about life and putting out real service energy

+ mental and emotional states: much better here, more confident, more ready to go

+ life habits also better here. finally had a day of clean habits and discipline after several weeks of complacency

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jul 20

Another good day overall although I feel upset at work and tension. I'm glad I'm taking a break from studying to refresh some and feel more energized. That's been working. So my overall effort is good but I'm missing the focus at work and the positivity. I kind of want out of there and to do something different. This has me feeling tense and it's noticeable. I need to really just keep the best attitude possible. This has been the one area of difficulty lately. So I want to keep bringing my good attitude daily. Good energy, prepping before work to become spiritually fit, and then just trying to contribute. I have to avoid being critical. I'm at fault there. I also need to just say yes and just work and do stuff.

+ spiritual practice: back where I want it to be, feeling more energized here with significant and meaningful effort. This morning meditation and prayer time is special. important to invest here and hold off on studying so much. I want to get dialed in spiritually more

/ attitude of service: good in action but resentful at work and feeling off there

+ mental and emotional states: definitely better here. feeling more positive and capable. bad habits sink this quick. that's just a rule, bad habits sink my outlook on life. so just need to avoid bad habits

+ life habits: better here overall. can still improve some on getting up on alarm. tough thing is i don't fall asleep easily so i fee like I need more sleep

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jul 21

Good effort today. I'm off Friday so that is also good. I'm building up momentum and starting to feel at ease with impending changes. I definitely know that there is a change coming eventually. But I want to be patient and not act in haste. I also saw that the pace at which I was going wasn't sustainable with studying. It's good to know what 100% looks like though. Now for the next month or so I'm going to really invest in God. Really get squared away and get that connection back like I had for most of last year. Definitely also need to recognize gratitude in my life. I've been too critical and judgmental at work. So I'm at fault for some of the frustration for sure. I want to chill a bit and be more grateful and start enjoying work some more. Giving time to God in the morning will help with that. Eventually I'll also get a clear vision for the future and the direction to head in.

+ spiritual practice: good morning session today. want to get up a bit earlier though to have even more time for this and to get some good exercise in before meditation and prayer. each day need to give my life to God

/ mental and emiotional states mostly good but got really frustrated. that was definitely a negative. i need to chill some, say what i actually think so i don't get frustrated. can't take work too seriously where I get frustrated. other than that I'm in a better spot than before

/ attitude of service: good in action but not truly in a service atttitude all day. the frustration got to me and that is something that held me back

+ life habits: better here and on the right track. should keep this up

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jul 22

Another solid day today. Now that I've stopped studying 2 hours in the morning I have a lot of time for meditation and prayer. Such a nice way to start my day. Today I think I spent like 40 minutes in meditation and breathwork. Just a nice open ended session. No rush or trying to box it in. It's really the highlight of my morning. I never gave up a spiritual practice but when I was studying 2 hours before work studying was the focus. Now it's really just getting more connected. This was the formula that worked so well before I went hardcore into studying. I like studying but I can't work 40 hours a week on a computer and study 15-20 hours on a computer, I get too burnt out. So now going back to basics to just get more positive and connected. I really need this now because work has been frustrating and my relationship with a supervisor has been tense. I'm working hard and contributing, but I'm frustrated and it shows. So need to improve that. Part of me really wants to move on and eventually I will. But for now need to just make the best of it.

+ spiritual practice: good here. really nice session today. the goal is really significant and meaningful prayer and meditation. so did that today. didn't rush it or just check a box. really set aside time. nice not studying so much and investing in God

/ attitude of service: good in action, not so great in my attitude. the frustration has gotten me away from being oriented toward service. I'm just feeling not as authentic here. part of this i also think has to do with a lack of gratitude. so need to improve here

+ mental and emotional states: for the most part good here. a little bit of doubt though about the future, so i want to get back to a place of true optimism

+ life habits: pretty good today

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jul 23

Okay day but not at the level I'd like to be. Days off can sometimes be like that. The intensity is a little lower so I lose the urgency to really get the most out of the day. Languished a bit in worry about what I'm going to do with my life. Some of the uncertainty has tested my faith some for sure. I feel a little fearful and also uncomfortable. I feel like I'm kind of living a little trapped and that what I'm doing now definitely isn't what I want to be doing much longer. But then I also feel that I'm not really sure of what else to do and I don't want to start over from zero again. So it's kind of exhausting to tell the truth. But I do want to stay positive, stay in faith and keep bringing God into my life.

- spiritual practice: really weak session today. Lack of a goal, lack of something to really work for like I had with studying has had a negative impact here. Boredom and free time doesn't exactly help me. Funny how this affects my spiritual practice

+ Attitude of service: good example here of helping to cut the cake at a get together. I was all over that. So that was good. Although not great outward energy today

- mental and emotional states: not where I want to be. Not a horrible day, but also not in the solid territory of optimism and positivity. Was tested today as I'm in some doubt

- life habits: not so great, bad diet choices, distracted use of the phone, etc.

still moved forward somewhat.

I was so strong when I was studying and really giving 100%. I probably just need to get back to working toward somehting. Might be time for a second job.

[Jai]

Jul 24

Interesting day. I had a really strong meditation and chanting session in the morning after doing wim hof breathing. That made me feel more connected and solid. Felt nice to have a longer weekend session. Lately my weekend session have been lacking. I've been in sort of a funk of doubt, self pity, fear, etc. And this has impacted my spiritual life. So it was good to have a nice session. I need it most when times are difficult, but when times are difficult sometimes it's easy to sink in to complacency since I don't have the strong vision and clarity. For awhile I was ultra motivated and it felt good. I want to get back there so I have to try and do that even though I don't have a clear goal for the time being. I've been struggling with some bad habits as a result of the doubt. Unfortanately that's what happens sometimes when I'm tested, I turn to bad habits for comfort when I need good habits more than ever. Good news is I'm on my way out of the funk. Another good thing today is I'm staying away from porn. That's my ideal. I want to set a high standard. I've gone a long time without watching porn in the past- 15 months, a year, etc. I've done long spans of retention also and there is a lot of benefit to sexual discipline. The discipline there is so difficult that it spreads to other areas of life. The problem recently is I watched porn a handful of times which isn't good. So today was a nice victory because I felt an impulse to do this and just didn't. It has to do with the high standard I'm setting for myself and because of the lack of respect I have for myself when I do that. So with this I want that behavior to be beneath me. It really just comes down to not indulgin in a bad habit when I feel off or down. I definitely want to keep this area of my life clean and to have discipline here. I know there are good things overall coming if I clean up bad habits.

+ spiritual practice: really nice session todya, something to be proud of. I want to repeat this tomorrow.

+ attitude of service: better here, better outward energy, not as much stuck in self

/ mental and emotional states: decent here. still not in the place of optimism that I want to be. Still some doubt about what to do with work and the future, so that trips me up. But improvement over where I've been

/ life habits: pretty good overall. should be getting up on an alarm on weekends. It's okay to sleep extra but the lack of an alarm at all makes me just lazy to get out of bed. It's better to set an alarm and then take a nap later

moved forward today