Spiritual Review and Progress

[Jai]

May 22

One good thing that happened today was I'm at my sister's visiting. It's really nice to visit and to spend some time here. Lucky to have a place to come to and hang out to change things up. Great to see her and family.

Grateful for: safe drive, good day studying, gym equipment to work out with

+ Spiritual practice: good session in morning but always feeling like I want a bit more

+ attitude of service: good job helping clean my sisters kitchen. good job with outward energy

+ Mental and emotional states: back where I need to be. Really positive today, felt on a good path, had better faith. If I have an off day it doesn't last long

+ Life habits: Pretty good overall. Swithcing up. my cold shower routine on weekends. Not stepping into a cold shower, need a break from that on weekends so I get more focused to do this during the week. Even on weekends doing some cold water in the middle of the shower.

moved forward today

[Jai]

May 23

One good thing that happened today was the mangos are now getting naturally ripe and I ate the first mango since probably like september or october. So it was nice to taste this fruit which I really like. In the winter they are really hard and never get ripe. So all summer I can enjoy these.

Grateful for: hung out with family, talked with some good friends, safe drive

+ spiritual practice: nice session at the temple of chanting and meditation. really enjoyed this

+ attitude of service: helpful around my sister's house. decent outward energy

+ mental and emotional states: pretty positive here, mostly on the good side of things

/ life habits: mostly good, exception is phone, been checking some websites lately, got to get off of that. Just wandering on my phone looking at the same dumb stuff. Want to get the discipline back.

Good day, studied a bit from my notes but for the most part took the day off from studying. Ready to have a good week and keep moving forward. It's just going to take some effort and be consistent. Stay positive one day at a time.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

May 24

One good thing that happened was that it was a perfectly nice day, all sun no clouds, not really windy, hot but not so hot it was burning. Really just a perfect day. So glad the warm weather is here.

Grateful for: not knocking a jar off the counter, able to go to a meeting, found a good website to practice coding problems

+ spiritual practice - good morning session, I'm consistent with this

- attitude of service - did okay with actions but stuck in my own thoughts. had an off day and I was just concerned with my own thoughts and self, not good outward energy

+ life habits - pretty good here, stuck with all the main habits I've been living

- mental and emotional states - off today. just felt dull. not sharp or energetic. I did a good job of avoiding negativity and i did a good job of really trying to make the best of an off day. so that's good, regardless just felt off

Tough day. I was tired mentally from the time I got to work. didn't have any zest or energy like normal. going to sleep in a bit and skip my coding session. i really need to bounce back and not force myself to code and get up at 4:00am. I'm just a little worn down. Usually I get up and I'm really strong and I have solid days. Last week I also felt a little dull. I'm glad I got next monday off. so tomorrow I'm going to try to reset things. got to feel strong and in a good spot, from there I can really do my best.

moved forward today even though it was an off day

[Jai]

May 25

One good thing that happened today was I turned the day around. Started out a little slow and took a really relaxing walk before work, had a great meditation also before work, went in and had a good day. It felt good to bounce back and have a solid day.

Grateful for: nice bike ride, solved a couple coding problmes which was good for confidence, get fresh air with windows open

+ spiritual practice - really nice morning session, felt really connected, nice relaxed meditation with good focus

+ attitude of service - good outward energy today, not stuck in self, was able to help others

+ mental and emotional states - back where I want to be, positive again and feeling connected. Was living in faith and really did a pretty good job here getting a good start to the day after a tough day yesterday. so want to keep this up. off days happen but I can bounce back

+ life habits - good here. good job getting some extra sleep and taking it easy this mornign, worked out well

Overall solid day. Bounced back from yesterday and feeling more optimistic again. yesterday was tough and the last week I had a couple off days. So it was good to recognize this and make a change. felt better at work which is important, i want to feel motivated at work, looking to contribute, not in worry or disatisfaction. so i'm glad i had a solid day. want to keep this up for tomorrow.

moved forward today

[Jai]

May 26

One good thing that happened today is we don't have to wear masks at work. Really glad about that. I've been working remote some and also have a private space at work but now I'm happy because we can start to be social again at work and be normal.

Grateful for: calls with friends, nice walk to and from my car, bounced back from an off monday and feeling good

+ spiritual practice: good here. nice morning session to start things off. missing chanting though, got to find a way to work that in now that i'm back on campus

/ attitude of service: all around good but I do need to keep an eye out at work. really need to look to serve and stay positive. now that i've been there awhile the gratitude could be wearing off so i want to stay on top of this more. need to readjust and keep motivated with tasks and keep a solid performance

+ mental and emotional states - back where I should be. felt positive all day and energized. not on the negative side of things and living in faith

+ life habits - pretty strong here, got to stick with the cold showers. now that i've done them for a year part of me wants to lay off. but there is a ton of benefit so important to keep this up

moved forward today

good day overall, day at a time i'm putting in. solid effort and making progress. obviously i want to keep this up. a lot can happen in a year so i want to really stay consistent and give 100%. lately i've really been giving 100% so that is great. just keep with this all year and i'll be in a good spot. even if it takes me over a year to get to my goal it will be worth it

[Jai]

May 27

One good thing that happened today was saw a coworker outside of work, don't really know my coworkers that much. So it's nice to actually see people on campus and in person some. So I'm happy about that. I hope I can get to know people from work more.

Grateful for - strong motivation, almost dropped a kitchen knife and didn't, didn't have to wait long at grocery store

+ spiritual practice: good morning session to start the day. This is just natural. I put aside 30 minutes for breath work, prayer, meditation. Would like to get chanting in but that will have to be weekend

+ attitude of service: better here today. really strong outward energy, felt better motivated at work and got some more things done. want to keep up the willingness at work

+ mental and emotional states: really good here. felt pretty excited about the day, put forth good effort, stayed mentally focused, really did good overall on being positive

+ life habits: better motivation and strength in the cold shower. I want to stick with that habit. need to get excited more about wim hof method, I've been solid for over a year so I don't want to fade on this

Overall a great day really. Felt good about my studies, felt good about work. Lived in the day and made the most of it. I just got to accept that with my studies it will take whatever it takes. I just want to learn coding well so I got to get the fundamentals down. So just keep focused on my progress and being consistent. all i can really do.

moved forward today

[Jai]

May 28

One good thing that happened today was a nice walk to my car after work. Really felt connected. Feel God's presence and God working in my life.

Grateful for: gonna hang with friends this weekend, got paid today, free internet

+ spiritual practice: same morning session, gonna step it up tomorrow a bunch and do some longer sessions, got a friend coming down to do a little meditation retreat

+ attitude of service: good outward energy, feeling more motivated at work to contribute than last week, last week I felt a little worn

+ mental and emotional states: good here, really on the positive side, feeling good about the work i'm putting in to make my life better and the trajectory i'm on

/ life habits: missing strenuous exercise. i've fallen some here, last summer I was on nice work out routine with bodyweight exercises, biking, hiking. I have to get the intensity of this up

good day and good week overall. i'm thinking i can actually give more effort though. I'm liking my computer course more and more and want to put more effort here. the more i practice the more i see it happening for me so i get more motivated. i'd really like to give 100%. I think i can give more effort even though i'm operating on a pretty high level. so i want to look for ways to get even more serious and put in more effort while still having a pretty sweet life full of good things. no time to waste, only time for good habits and solid activities that contribute to my life and future.

moved forward today

[Jai]

journal session

I want to write a little about different areas of my life to envision what it would look like if I really cleaned these up and optimized them. I'm asking myself what is God's ideal here for me and how good could it really get in these areas. Even if I can't be perfect in these areas what would a perfect or optimal situation look like? I also want to look at some of the things holding me back. Why would i engage in bad habits if they prevent me from improving my life. That's the paradox, there is some sort of guilty/perverse pleasure in bad habits. I can indulge in them and gain short term benefit or pleasure but they impede progress and a better long term life. So I really want to look at all of these areas.

spiritual practice

here the ideal situation is to have a daily spiritual practice that is significant and meaningful. i'm already doing that now. I'm usually operating on a high level here. However I know I want more. My ideal is also to never take days off which I basically haven't done for over a year. Every day I'm setting aside time for God. My ideal here is to be enthusiastic about spirit, and really have this area of my life contribute to every other area. I can definitely increase my enthusiasm. Eventually I have bigger plans for this area of life. I'd like to get to a point where I'm financially secure enough to take a whole year and live in a temple and focus on meditation and service to the temple. even before then I'd like to get to a spot where i can put in an hour every morning to meditation and prayer and reflection. Right now I'm studying and working and only have 30 minutes but I'd like to eventually do more. So my ideal here is to bring spirit into my life daily, be enthusiastic about it, and build a future where I can incorporate this even more into my life.

work / money

I think God's ideal for me here is to be proud of working hard and understand that working hard is a part of life. I can respect myself for facing life and finding my way in the world through relying on God. I'd say the ideal here is to do somehting that is meaningful and difficult so that it is rewarding. I want to contribute at work and be recognized for my contributions as well as recognizing others. I also see myself as being a go getter, I will transform myself to be the type of person that is successful, hard working, motivated, positive, etc. I see myself as also financially successful. That is the ideal to be able to feed myslef and build a nice future. I don't have to feel bad about this, that's just bad habits trying to defeat me. Instead I see that if I clean up my life in every area that God will lead me to a place where I can rely on him and build a nice secure situation, at least as stable and secure as possible in the world we live in. Ultimately the only security is with God and I'll rely and recognize that. I see myself over time building really nice finances, earning more money, saving a lot of money and being a minimalist and living frugally. In this area I'll trust God, work hard, look to contribute, stay positive and build a nice future.

meeting participation

Here I see myself enjoying meetings and being in the center of it. I see myself doing some service to contribute and also helping others. I will have a strong message based on experience and actually growing toward God. I also see myself helping out new people and sponsoring so that I can stay involved and be helpful. I see myself in the center of it all and building great friendships also where we can support one another on our spiritual journeys. I want to stay away from being judgmental or from being critical. I want to be excited about meetings and look forward to going and participating.

health diet / fitness

Here I see myself eating really clean and having a lot of discipline in my diet. I will feel great about myself, have great energy and feel strong. The strength here will improve other areas of my life. I also want to get excited about the gym/training/ a sport/hiking, etc. I want to feel like I'm training and that I'm working toward a fitness goal that motivates me. I want to have this be part of my identity and feel really good about it. It's something I want to look forward to every week and enjoy. I want to take it seriously and improve at it and enjoy it. I also want to find other people that are involved and have it have a social element also. So overall I want to feel great, strong, and full of life.

sex ideal / intimate relationships

For short term I want to continue with retention and have a high level of discipline in this area. The discipline here carries over to other areas of my life. It's difficult to do so I'm glad I'm able to make progress here. Longer term I want to meet a great girl and not settle in this area of life. I also want to enjoy a great and adventurous sex life and really enjoy our time together and companionship. I don't want to be negative about this area of life before I meet a girl. Instead I want to stay positive and confident and really find a good girl that is a good fit and that will work out great. In this area watching porn is not an option and I don't want to settle for anything less than something great that adds to my life.

family

I want to be able to visit my parents for long periods of time. I'd like to have a lot of flexibility and work remote so I can see my parents. I want to be able to be with them and also help them when they are older. I'd like the same flexibility to visit my sister. I really want to see her as well. Ultimately I'd like to be in a situation where i can have a family also if I want. More and more I see this as something I want when I'm older. So I'm working to build a nice future so I can have some financial security and freedom to support a family and provide kids with decent opportunity and support. I'd like to see myself doing this and being excited about being a parent and building a stable family that is good for kids. I also see as an ideal doing this with a decent amount of freedom so I'm not stressed from work or away from the kids. I'd also like that freedom so I can spend a lot of time with my kids and be really involved. Here I'd also like spirit to be a big part of the family.

study/school

right now this is a big part of my life since I'm studying to get some new skills and find a good job to save more money. Eventually though I just want this to go away so I can work more, of course in my free time I'd up my skills so it will never go away completely but at least not as formal as it is now. currently this is going well but I see myself giving even more. I'd like to really give 100% here and even get obsessed with coding. In the past I was obsessed with learning spanish and it was great. I would like the same thing here, to really dedicate myself to this, see it as part of my personality and to keep giving more effort here. I'd really like to give as much as I can and get excited about learning things

leisure/fun/hobbies/social life

here I see myself as doing things that are a benefit to my overall life, not engaging in things that drag me down. so i want to have clean fun not dirty fun or bad habits. with this i don't want anythign to be a waste of time. Sometimes I end up just wasting time surfing the internet or not doing something benefiical. Instead time is valuable and I want to use my free time doing things that I enjoy. Listening to audio books is a good example, riding my bike some, trying to meet new people or hanging out with people. I don't want to use free time on bad habits.

Overall if I really want to build a nice future I'll have to optimize all the different areas of my life and not settle for bad habits. I want to get serious about each area of my life so that way I can really make the future I see a reality. The only way is to work toward these ideals and give up the things that are holding me back.

[Jai]

journal session

I want to write about a couple things that I really want to change. These are defects that are holding me back. I know God has an ideal life for me out there if I'm willing to grow. I have faith that it is really a great life but I have to be willing to grow. I still hold on to bad things because they may give short term benefit but are really damaging in the long term. It's like with these I find comfort in discomfort or I'm just not willing to face the pain of changing and growing. So now I'm really willing to change and face anything that is holding me back. I'm going to rely on God for this and invite God into these areas of my life. I don't want to be held back by these any longer. I want to know what life would be like if I invited God into every area of my life. What if I really gave 100%, what if I really improved, what if I was willing to really make changes? I know God can give me the ability to do this. In the past year I've on the daily set aside time for God and I've seen my life improve a bunch. Now it's time to go a little deeper and give up things I've been hanging on to.

First one I want to give up is less than ideal sexual fantasy. If I have mental and emotional discipline here and If I live right here then that carries over into all other areas of my life. I've already done well here with giving up porn. That is something that is a distraction and less than ideal. My ideal is a great sex life, not watching other people have sex. I've also really challenged myself and have practice retention for over 2 months. Also great discipline. The only thing left really is mentally entertaining the idea of seeing a sex worker some day. It's not that I'm doing it or planning to do it, it's just that mentally that is something I entertain as an option. So this thought or fantasy I want to give up because it's less than ideal. My ideal is a great relationship with a girl and a great sex life, not the less than ideal experience with a sex worker. That's not what I really want and it isn't really good. I want something good instead... it's just the idea of doing it that is attractive. So this I'm giving up. I don't want to think about this or entertain it. I know God has something better for me so that is what I'm going for. In my daily meditation/prayer/reflection I'm going to recognize this and ask that this thought be removed and that I don't entertain this idea. I've already made great progress in this area of life and I'm anticipating the same here. This is on it's way out.

Next one is distraction and mindless entertainment. I want to be purposeful in all that I do. I've already made great progress here. I don't check dumb news sites or check my phone a lot. I put my phone in a phone box. But after work when I eat dinner I just wander on youtube which isn't good. I want to be deliberate here. I don't have time to waste. So instead i want this to be somehting that adds to my life. My plan here is to make a list and keep a list of things I want to check on the itnernet and stick to those topics instead of wandering. I have a life I want to build and a great future. Every bad habit is holding me back so with this I want to avoid it and instead do something else or be deliberate. Instead I can chant, I can study more, etc. I want to give 100% to my studies so that means I can't be wasting time.

Next one is not feeling good enough. This has a long history. I still sometimes feel like I don't deserve good things, or that if I work hard good things won't happen, or that my best isn't good enough. A lot of ways to say it but it's something that clearly holds me back. With this I don't want to revisit past things in my life. I've already looked at these a lot. Instead I want to look at all of the accomplishments that I've done and a lot of the difficult things I've done. In this area I also need to expand my faith. This is also an area where I can invite God in. I want to become in a more permanent way the confident person I am at times. I want to believe and have faith that I'm on a great path and that God's ideal for me is something great. Engaging with the part of me that not feels good enough holds me back. It gives me justification to indulge in defects like not trying, being lazy, staying in fear, etc. I'm already doing a lot to push myself, change my life. But I have to commit 100%. Be fully in on building a nice life. In the past I accomplished great things and I have a nice track record, but that doesn't fully get rid of the insecurity of not feeling deserving or good enough. Even with great things in the past I committed and put in a lot of work, but I wasn't really 100% and I didn't really define exactly what my goal was and didn't make my goal big enough because of this insecurity. So with this I want to fully commit to my goal 100% and really trust that God will get me there or some place better. So with this I'm going to define my goals, create a vision for the life I want to build and look at it everyday to remind myself of how hard I need to work, of how much I need to really rely on God and on how much faith I must have. I really want to get rid of everything that is holding me back.

[Jai]

May 29

One good that happened today was a great morning mediation session. Really exceptional. One of the great weekend sessions where it's not boxed in by my busy weekday schedule

Grateful for: hanging with a friend and doing a mini spiritual retreat, mangoes are always ripe when I buy them now - I'll probably be grateful for this daily, willingness to get some studying in

+ spiritual practice: really good today. extra effort here

+ attitude of service: good, was helpful to a friend, good outward energy not stuck in inner turmoil

+ mental and emotional states: also solid here. pretty positive and optimistic, a little later felt a little overwhelmed with how far I have to go in my studies - but just got to stay positive and stick with it over time

+ life habits: living clean today

Solid day overall. Gonna be a nice weekend. God is really present in my life and I'm committed to really keeping up my spiritual practice and keeping that first. So the good days are really common. Today was good all around.

Move forward today.

[Jai]

May 30

One good thing that happened today was I went to these sand dunes and climbed them which was nice to be outside and then I ran down them which was fun. It was just good simple fun.

Grateful for: not waiting too long to get in to the park, found parking, didn't get rained on

+ spiritual practice: made time in the morning. even though I was going hiking I made time early. day in and day out I do this. so not the most robust session but I still did it

- attitude of service: stuck in self today, not really thinking of others, didn't have outward energy and wasn't really on my toes to do service

- mental and emotional states: off today. not as strong as I usually am. I'll bounce back but was just off. I had fun at the dunes but at the same time I wasn't fully commited to going. so I wasn't pumped up. I also was distracted by girls some and that made me feel a little lonely i'd say. It was also a two hour drive each way so that took something out of me. all told I just didn't have the mental focus I'm used to and I felt disconnected. also just felt tempted to break my retention streak. streak is going strong so that's a win, but just felt distracted there also.

+ life habits: pretty good here. lived pretty clean

Today was an odd day. Just wasnt' fully committed to the trip to the dunes. A bunch of people were supposed to go and no one went excpet for me and another friend. I really went just to go to see the group and I felt kind of obligated to. Since I wasn't fully committed I didn't have as much fun. A lot of driving. And I felt I should've studied more and just did something closer to home to enjoy part of the day. Good lesson though, I see how important studying is to me. It's really a big priority in my life. This summer is going to be different than last summer I think. Last summer I was up in the mountains a bunch. I think I'm not going to do that as much because it's an all day affair. I think I want to study more and on the weekends just use free time to do stuff close to home. Really organize my life around studying. I really want remote work and I think my life will be better, i really want to build a nice future and be remote so I can travel and do different things. This next year to two years is the sacrifice I have to make.

Moved forward today

[Jai]

May 31

One good thing that happened today was I really turned the day around and had a solid day. Yesterday I was in a little funk and this morning also. It felt good to get on course again.

Grateful for: hanging with a friend, enjoyed a meeting some, good finances and the chance to improve

+ spiritual practice: decent morning session, second shorter session with a friend. Got to keep God as the foundation.

+ attitude of service: good outward energy, not stuck in self, orientation that God is the center and I'm here to serve God.

+ mental and emotional states: good here, started out the day slow and really turned it around. really did a good job on getting positive again. did a nice study session which made me feel productive so I'm happy about that. from there it was a little more studying, run a couple errands, see some friends at a meeting

/ life habits: good but slept in some and it was a lazy start to the day. I think weekends I should get up early when the alarm goes off... if I need a nap then i can take a nap. otehr than that good habits all around.

I'm making progress financially, little by little I'm saving. next step is really just getting income up higher (and keeping my cost of living the same). End of month i check where I'm at and it feels good to make good progress. Also the more I study the more I like coding and the more motivated I become. I really want to do well with this. I'm planning to really take it to the next level. I want to put even more effort in and design my life so I can study more and optimize my performance. I really see a nice future and want to work toward it.

[Jai]

Jun 1

Something good that happened today was I got to have an appointment made because they guy had a cancellation. That was great and saved me having to wait unitl june 18

Grateful for: didn't lose anything - thought I might have, good motivation, a coworker who is really motivated

+ spiritual practice: good morning session. going forward it looks like it will be a solid morning session and an evening review session. During the day now that I'm going in to work I won't be able to do a lunch session like before. The lunch session was nice but not possible now. Also after work I'm going to start getting in a workout so won't really be able to chant or anything after work. Weekends I'll ahve to do longer sessions.

+ attitude of service: good outward energy today. Got a bunch of stuff done for others. Trying to contribute at work and make things better so good there.

+ Mental and emotional states: really strong feeling of purpose today. Really felt like I was on the right trajectory. Life is moving in the right direction which is good. Really positive today and feeling like things will keep improving for me.

+ Life habits: Good here, getting up early is such a benefit. Really gets a good start to the day.

Solid day overall. I feel like I more and more would like to keep going with coding. I'm understanding it more so I'm getting more motivated. I still have a ways to go but I've also come a long way so I'm happy about that. I want to find ways to even improve my effort more and get in more hours.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Jun 2

One good thing that happened today was I felt really good with progress with coding. Doesn't always feel that way so it was nice to feel like I'm learning, getting it and on the right path.

Grateful for nice bike ride on a really smooth road, nice weather to walk to my car after work, new shirt from work for free

+ spiritual practice - good morning session. It's solidified now. really get good benefit. would like more time than 30 minutes but that's what I get

+ atttitude of service. not stuck in self today. good outward energy as i like to call it. all htat really means is that i'm not constantly in my own problems and worries. instead i had a good orientation toward life, and looked to contribute some. never perfect in this area but doing good here today

+ mental and emotional states: actually really strong here. felt focused, motivated, optimisitc. really efficient today also. got a good second study session in just because i'm looking to better spend time instead of waste it

+ life habits: good here. pretty good all around. living pretty clean

another solid day. just need to remember that when i have an off day it doesn't last. i instead really bounce back strong. big thing on weekends is actually getting up on time and not oversleeping. i think getting up on an alarm will help, then if i need a nap i can take a nap. getting a later start on the weekends throws me off a bit, i'd rathter get a bunch of studying in right away, say 4 hours, and then have the rest of the day free mostly. an additional 2 hours would be easier to get in if i got started early. the rest of the day i could also do fun stuff. so gonna look to do that this weekend. looking ot finish out this week strong.

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jun 3

One good thing that happened today was we had an all in person meeting at work - was nice to see people all together.

Grateful for - beautiful day out, a new coworker that is great, good phone call with a friend

+ spiritual practice - nice morning session as always

+ attitude of service - great example here today. really helped someone out at work. i was sincere about it and tried to be helpful. felt good to have a service instinct here

+ mental and emotional states - felt good here, really strong, motivated, positive, etc

+ life habits - good here, living clean. better use of time after work also. not wasting time

Overall - solid day. although mentally was a little drained by the end of the day. just on a computer a lot. feeling good about life. this weekend I want to think and meditate some on my goals and the person i want to be. just really start to soldify my vision more. do some good exercsies on making my goal and really working toward it. so that's it really.

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jun 4

One good thing that happened today was I got an email at work that might end up helping me out some, we'll see. Was nice to see that come in was a nice surprise.

Grateful for: great conversation with a friend, it's friday!, a really nice bike ride after work

+ spiritual practice: nice consistent morning session as always. would like to do more but i'm busy all day, tomorrow i'll do a longer session

+ attitude of service: good outward energy, not stuck in self, was contributing at work and trying to be helpful on projects

+ mental and emotional states: felt good here, really strong and positive, in my mind I'm really thinking can do thoughts, it's gotten really contagious mentally which is a good thing. I've made some good progress in life and now those results are sinking in mentally, now it's just a question of keeping up my good habits and trajectory and keeping God first, if I do that I'll be in a somewhat continuous state of positivity with the exception of an off day here and there. All this work over the past year has lead here, now the point is not to give up on what works, to keep my foot on the gas and keep going.

+ life habits: I'm a really busy person and living clean. I get up at 4am and from 4am until when I get home around 5:30 or so I'm busy. Literally every block of time is accounted for. I fit in good habits on top of work and study. After work I got from say 5:30 to 8:00 pm to get in a little exercise, cook and eat dinner, relax and check in on this forum or check something else online. I'm glad I got a full life. Weekends I also want to take my studying to the next level and get a few more hours in. So just got to keep getting strong in every area of life.

Overall - solid day all around. ready for a good weekend.

Moved forward today

[Jai]

Journal session

I want to journal a little about the topic of discipline and how God really has improved this for me. I had always thought and probably still do some that discipline is really a strong self will and strong desire to make something happen. The idea is that the discipline has to be enforced and that it's by strength alone that this happens. Funny thing is that this year my experience has been way different. My priority has been bringing God into my life everyday no matter what. I've just emphasized not taking days off and each day having 'significant and meaningful' prayer, meditation, and review. This emphasis here has had great effects in all areas of my life. Every other area of my life has been improved. And I've gotten way more discipline than I've had before. I got in to wim hof method and stepped into a cold shower everyday for a year. That alone takes a lot of discipline. I've been waking up at 4:00 am on weekdays now for months. I study two hours before work. I go to bed at 8pm weeknights, my diet is clean. And I've been practicing retention for almost 3 months and may continue this strict celibacy after I get to the 3 month goal. Overall I feel like I have more discipline than I've ever had... and yet it really isn't coming from me. I'm not pumping myself up to do things or forcing myself to do things. Instead I'm really just relying on God and inviting God into my life.

The concept I have is God's ideal in different areas of my life. So optimally speaking what is God's ideal for my spiritual life, work life, study life, exercise and health life, sex life, financial life, social life, etc. If I'm willing to trust God and bring god into those areas then each area and everyhting will improve. It turns out doing this has given me a lot of discipline. I'm now a really disciplined person without even trying. And I'm even improving in this area. So it's like I let God discipline me, learn the lessons I need to learn and move in the direction I should. Right now it just feels like I'm on a good trajectory and a good path and that I'm really going to keep moving forward.

The whole thing relies on me setting aside time each day for meditation, prayer, review and to generally have an orientation to serve God throughout the day. The serving God throughout the day is the hardest part, but I can try. Point is that I'm over a year in to this life and I really feel life is moving in the right direction. The point is to NEVER take my foot off the gas. I'm committed to God for good. As long as I stick with it I can't wait to see what my life will be like in 2- 3years.

[Jai]

Jun 5

A good thing that happened today was I ate an ice cream sandwich, it was so good. I basically never eat any sugar or animal products but it was the first day it was 90 degrees and I had a nice treat.

Grateful for: automatic car windows, hung out with a friend, nice motivation streak I have with studying

+ spiritual practice: several meditation and prayer sessions with my friend today. was fantastic. had some really good connection. really felt god's presence

+ attitude of service: was really considerate when driving, sounds silly but someone was on their bike and instead of rushing to turn in front of them I just saw them and let them pass. sounds like a smaill thing and it is, but small things like this are an indication that I'm doing the right things and have the righto orientation toward others.

+ mental and emotional states: really good here today. felt really positive overall. really connected in the world. i got a lot of great things done and i'm heading in to tomorrow to have a nice day i'm sure. more and more this positive orientation is becoming my standard way to see the world. it's way better than being in worry, fear, doubt, self pity. I have better confidence and feel stronger, all because I'm relying on God.

+ life habits: all good here, i guess except the ice cream sandwich which was a nice treat. got up early today on the weekend and had a fantastic day. i get off to a better start if i get up early. gonna do the same thing tomorrow.

overall a solid day. i'm feeling better about my studies. it's becoming more of who i am. i'm starting to enjoy it more and really put more effort here. it's a big goal of mine and i'm working hard and still adapting and feel like i got more to give. a big thing is just accepting that it's going to take as long as it will take. that's given some relief because i've been wanting to learn quickly and finish quick. but it's really a thing of knowing what i'm doing and it's just going to take time. so big thing is to just keep at it.

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jun 6

A good thing that happened today was I had a nice day studying. I'm starting to get more interested and enjoy this. It's satisfying and I want to keep it that way, so it was nice to feel like I'm learning something.

Grateful for: almost dropped my veggies for lunch on the floor, and didn't... found a way to save money... feeling like i can make it in the world

/ Spiritual practice: did it as normal, but didn't have a mega session today and didn't chant. Wish I would've chanted

+ attitude of service: good outward energy here. not stuck in self, still can always improve though, really want to keep serving god on the forefront of my mind

+ mental and emotional states: this is keeping up at a high level which is fantastic. really on a good trajectory wiht feeling confident and strong

/ life habits: pretty much all good but got distracted by girls at yoga, definitely was distracted some.

solid day overall. I wrote out my goals on 2 little index cards. a 2 year goal and a 10 year goal. i feel like i have a nice vision of these but want to reinforce it and even clarify it more. i definitely feel like i'm on the path. long ways to go, but at least i'm on the path. i'm carrying myself like a person that will acheive their goals. i'm motivated, i have good habits, i turn to god and god gives me discipline. i'm turning in to a go getter which is what i want. in the past i've been in places of self pity and doubt and fear. this is much better. the big thing is just working hard and trying to build a nice future. i'm busy and i don't have time to sink in to negative states. instead if i have an off day it doesn't last. now that i'm seeing results i'm becoming the type of person that really believes in themselves and can go and take action and work consistently and make sacrifices. i've been living like this for a year. this second year is critical. this is where i make these habits permanent and i really become that person. I know god has high ideals for me so as long as i turn to god and try to live up to those ideals i'll make progress and have a pretty sweet life.

moved forward today

[Jai]

Jun 7

One good thing that happened today was I finished the day strong, was a little low energy mid day but I finished strong.

Gratitude: tried cooking millet and it was really good, nice car to drive, new co worker who is doing well

+ spiritual practice: normal weekday morning session to start the day right

+ attitude of service: good but have to watch at work and keep service oriented.

/ mental and emotional states: finished the day strong but felt a little dull mid day. so not the usually optimistic person I normally am.

+ life habits: good here. living nice and clean with good habits

Mid day I struggled a bit. When this happens I need to do a better job of just really reconnecting with God by taking a pause and asking for direction and strength. Generally I think I have to do a better job of just keeping my focus on the long term at work. Now that I like programming and studying it's like I want to get on to the next phase of life. So the job is feeling a little dull. I've learned pretty much all I have to learn. So I want to get on to the next thing. Ultimately there is also disastisfaction internally and I have to take care of that. I need to stay grateful for work, stay positive and recognize where I can contribute. It's still valuable experience, and I can continue to study. It's also the best financial play to just stay and save what I can. So my life is pretty good and I can continue to make the best of it at work.

Moved forward today