Spiritual Review and Progress

[Jai]

Apr 12

A really solid day. Got some extra coding in at work writing sql queries. Glad I'm able to do that at work in a production database and gain experience. Got a bunch of tasks done also at work so happy about that. Trying to be of service and contribute. Talked with a friend which was great also. Glad I have a good friend and we can talk about very real spiritual topics and growing spiritually. Celibacy streak is going strong. Just have to keep this up and not falter on a bad day.

+ Spiritual practice: good here - setting aside time and making this a priority. I'm pledging to never back off of this.

+ Attitude of service : good outward energy not stuck in self

+ Mental and emotional states: really positive today, good focus, good connection overall. This is what I want to maintain and not go back and forth. If I really keep my habits clean then I'm doing good.

+ Life habits: Good here - living clean with a lot of disciplien.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 13

Another good day. I'm on quite the streak and want to keep this up. I'm doing well on all fronts - habits, spiritual practice, work, study, etc. All doing pretty well here. I've just renewed my committment in general. I've been getting up as soon as the alarm goes off and having a good day overall. I just feel nice and energized and not really depressed or down at all. For the most part pretty confidnent all around. Plus my vision of the future is becoming clearer which is good. I really see a clear vision of where I"m heading. It's just a matter of hard work on my part. Only negative was feeling a bit insecure today. Some girl I wasn't interested in was texting me and I communicated that I didn't want to hang out and she got upset. Don't even think she was interested in me but she was being friendly or something. Anyway she got upset when I said I didn't want to hang out. It's just a distraction and I really want to focus on gaining sexual discipline. Retention is going really well.

+ Spiritual practice: just a morning session but pretty good. Have to do a better job during the day of reconnecting. I should actually look to schedule this in.

+ Attitude of service: Good here. Good energy and contribution at work. Good outward energy.

/ Mental and emotional states: Generally good but a little insecure today. That will disappear though. Good thing is that I feel great focus overall. Just got to keep getting more serious about improving everyday.

+ Life habits: Really good. It's become natural that I have good habits. Love the discipline that I've been having.

Moved forward today

[Jai]

Apr 14

Going strong still. A nice streak continues. Every day I'm really operating at a high level. I'm starting to feel more energized and motivated. I'm working on something difficult with learning to code but I'm excited about it and the future. Each day I'm trying to improve and give full effort. Lately I really have been giving full effort. On my mind I'm asking myself 'what if I gave 100%'. That's a good way to look at it. Just keep trying to give 100%. I'm getting more excited also because I can see myself doing this as I learn. It's important to really have a clear vision and I'm definitely getting a clearer vision. Other than that all of the good habits help especially being celibate now. That has given me more energy and focus. I'm really eliminating lustful distractions from the mind.

+ Spiritual practice: good morning session - my breath retentions are getting longer which is nice. After deep breathing I do have intense focus, a great way to start the day. Haven't been chanting as much though going in to work has eliminated the lunch chanting session.

+ Attitude of service: pretty good here. Good outward energy, helpful at work. Looking to contribute during the day.

+ Mental and emotional states: doing really well here. Operating at a high level and feeling confident and strong. I want to keep this up obviously. I like playing offense here and not defense.

+ Life habits: My first decisions of the day set the tone. Wake up at 4, deep breathing and meditation, cold shower. Everything compared to the cold shower is easy.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 15

Another good day. Got a bunch done at work and not stressed. Feeling pretty comfortable at work which is nice. Our team is out of the clear yet with projects but for the most part we're in a good spot. I'm happy I've settled in some. The intensity definitely has decreased and I can even study some sql at work which is nice. Habits mostly good, did eat some french fries with dinner which I shouldn't do. Just the flavor and processed foods I want to stay away from. Normally eat super clean. Retention streak continues. Nearing a month so I want to keep this a priority. I've made a lot of good progress and don't want to have an off day and lose that.

+ Spiritual practice - morning session is good, just wish there were more time. Tomorrow going to thai temple so happy about that.

+ Attitude of service - always trying to be helpful at work, trying to be efficient and get things done. trying to contribute to our team so this is going well.

+ Mental and emotional states: Good here, mostly on the positive side of things. Feeling mostly connected. Never really fell in to any fear or worry or negativity so that is good.

+ Life habits: Overall pretty strong. I'm recommiting more to the cold showers which is nice. I'm almost at a year of daily cold showers so I have to sign up for a second year. The benefit is nice.

Moved forward today

[Jai]

Apr 16

Did some service today at the thai temple which felt good.  Snowed last night so I shoveled the snow for an hour to clear the driveways and sidewalks. Then had breakfast with the monks and then meditated some. Tomorrow will go again to chant. Too bad I live so far away from the temple or I'd go every week. I'm visiting my sister now so it's easy to go. Other than that had a good day. Got a bunch of studying done. Was helpful at my sisters. Although I did fall short with diet which normally happens when I visit.

+ Spiritual practice: nice meditation session. Out of my normal routine at my sisters but good session at the temple.

+ Attitude of service: good opportunity today to be helpful, glad I was ready to do that

+ Mental and emotional states: Good, feeling pretty positive and optimistic generally

/ life habits: fell short on diet and didn't exercise so not good there

moved forward today

[Jai]

Apr 17

Pretty solid day. Found a nice office chair at a thrift store that saved me $185. Glad I didn't buy a new one. Good day overall. Went to thai temple again and chanted and meditated. Ran some errands and hung out with my sister. Overall I felt pretty solid. Not really having bad days. I'm operating on a high level and putting in great effort. I want to keep this up. A big part of this is having great discipline with the sex drive and practicing retention. I definitely have good energy. That combined with my already clean habits has me in a good spot daily. I really feel more confident and convinced of my goals. I'm more motivated and driven and just ready to keep working toward them. All of this with God as the director and source.

+ Spiritual practice: nice session at the temple. Really nice to go there.

+ Attitude of service: Pretty good outward energy, not stuck in self.

+ Mental and emotional states: Consistently at a high level. I'm on a nice streak and really would like to keep this up. I've got a nice life and I'm really building something good. So the point is to enjoy it and be optimistic and positive.

+ Life habits: Good. Retention goal is still strong. I'm avoiding lustful thinking and when it does come up turning my thoughts in another direction. This is an important key, to really mentally always avoid entertaining sexual thoughts. The discipline there is good. Other part is just managing a high level of sexual energy. Right now the energy I have after almost 30 days is the energy that I will have to deal with for the next 2 months. Point is to actually appreciate this high energy and use it in other ways.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 18

Another good day. Got home so got back to a little better discipline with diet. Had a nice day of studying also. Ran an errand, talked with some friends. Just a predictable solid day like most are now. I've really become consistent over the last month and not having any off days. Celibacy project is still going strong, tomorrow is 30 days so obviously happy about that. Also pretty happy about life in general, I'm on a pretty good trajectory. I really just need to keep investing in God and building good habits each day. I've had a really solid year so I don't want to lay off the gas. It's solid because I've put in the effort. If I put in less effort I'll have worse results.

+ Spiritual practice: Really nice morning session. gonna try getting up tomorrow at 3:45 am to get some more time to meditate before work. So breaking the 4:00am barrier. It's intimidating but I want to do this. More time with God in the morning is good.

+ Attitude of service: Good outward energy today. Not overly stuck in self.

+ Mental and emotional states: Good. Good focus, good optimism, good clarity overall. I have really good mental control and discipline lately. The last holdout was sex drive. If I can bring that fully under control through being celibate for 3 months with any sexual activity - and avoiding sexual thoughts then I'll be proud of that work and it will have a good benefit also.

+ Life habits: Good here. Back in my home element so easier to keep things clean.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 19

A tougher day than normal. Not really bad but I felt kind of dull. Usually Monday I come out strong at the beginning of the week. But today all around I didn't feel super energized. Mentally dull and a little worn. I felt like I slept okay but I did study a lot last week and maybe I pushed the limit and it caught up with me. I also had a little doubt and less confidence with the path I'm on. Also felt more distracted by sexual energy and felt a little lonely. Whenever I have an off day it shows up in these two areas, how I feel about my situation and the future and how I feel about sexual energy / distraction. Fortunately still kept solid habits and it wasn't a real threat. But still i noticed that tendency. Hoping tomorrow to come out strong and have a solid day and feel energized. Going to sleep now in a bit.

+ Spiritual practice: Effort was there but I didn't have a lot of mental clarity or focus. Still good effort with meditation and prayer.

+ Attitude of service: Pretty good job at work of looking for opportunity.

/ Mental and emotional states: not horrible but off a little. That's okay, just an off day. Probably the first off day I've had in a month. Also I entertained more sexual thoughts than normal. I want to clean that up to really gain control of this area of my life.

+ Life habits: Good here. Living clean.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 20

Bounced back today and had a solid day. Since I was tired yesterday I slept an extra hour this morning. That proved to be a wise decision. I felt more energized today and more optimistic like I've normally been. I was less distracted by sexual energy and also was not in doubt about the future. I felt pretty connected all day. Really glad I bounced back and my streak is still going with being fully celibate. I really want to control that energy. Also I was pretty excited at work about some of the queries i've written and my increasing knowledge of sql. I really like being able to query into this production database. Also my studies are satisfying. Funny how if I have an off day I question those things. REally I've been on a nice streak and I'd like to keep it up. I'm putting in a lot of effort and really changing my life. I just can't let off the gas now that I've had a solid year of consistent spiritual practice. A year ago today is when I started this review I think and I've had a great year. So definitely want to keep it going.

+ Spiritual practice: Had a nice morning session. Happy about the effort there. Good meditation and prayer, definitely felt like I connected with God.

+ Attitude of service: Good outward energy today, not stuck in my own problems. Looking to be helpful at work in general.

+ Mental and emotional states: big improvement from yesterday. Yesterday I just felt a little dull. It showed here, today I bounced back.

+ Life habits: overall pretty good. Setting a really high standard.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 21

Solid day overall. Each day I'm making progress with my studies and at work so that feels good. Sometimes the goal seems far away but I am definitely making progress and working consistently. I'm really giving close to 100% over the last month. I've really stepped up my effort. Today I didn't have as much energy as normal, but also never really felt down or low energy. Just not as high energy as I've been. Sometimes it's tough just becasue there isn't a lot of free time. I'm usually always busy. But that's how it goes when I'm trying to build a nice future for myself. Really everything is in place and I'm just in a little bit of worry from time to time over finances. It's going to be a long haul with working. Next 10 years I really want to transform my finances. So just got to trust God and not get worried about things too much and enjoy the things I'm doing now instead of thinking I'll be happy in the future. Honestly things are good and this summer is going to be great.

+ Spiritual practice: Good morning session. Going to do a quick meditation before bed also.

/ Attitude of service: overall decent. but also missed a small opportunity for service at the end of the day. I should go out of my way to be helpful. Should really recognize every opportunity and be helpful.

+ Mental and emotional states: Pretty good overall, just not as energized as I've been recently. Still pretty good mental discipline.

+ Life habits: Living pretty good.

[Jai]

Apr 22

Really good day. Felt like I was playing offense today. Pretty positive, energized, in faith and trying to do service for God and expand myself and show what is possible. Yesterday I was a little flat but today I turned it up some. It was good day with studying, with work, and with my spiritual practice and habits. Day in and day out I'm putting in great effort. Also my retention streak is still strong. I need to keep committing to that on a daily basis. I'm over a month in. I want to get to 3 months. So now it's just living with high sexual energy and staying disciplined. I'll be better for having done this for sure. Tomorrow is Friday which is good also. Hopefully finish the week strong and go in to the weekend ready to get some studying done and also unwind some. Weather is getting nicer so I'm happy about that.

+ Spiritual practice: nice breathing, meditation, chanting sessions.

+ Attitude of service: Trying to get things done ASAP at work to be helpful. Also trying to keep learning sql which is nice at work. I want to keep building my knowledge.

+ Mental and emotional states: nice and positive. Really oriented correctly. Felt good connection as well.

+ Life habits: good here. Good discipline all around.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 23

Another really good day. I'm starting to learn and understand better some sql code. Also really learning javascript as well. It's starting to sink in some and I'm having better understanding. It's nice to be able to query into a production database. I'm having to pretty much teach myself. I'm also getting better with a legit javascript course that puts a lot of emphasis on fundamentals. That's good also. I just want to keep putting in top level effort like I have been. Last month I've made great progress so I really want to keep this up. This is definitely a product of my good habits and going celibate. I definitely have higher levels of focus and energy. So I have to continue to keep discipline and live clean in this area. I've come a long way in the past year. Was thinking about that with gratitude for the opportunity I have. So definitely want to make the most of it and keep close to God.

+ Spiritual practice: Nice morning session.

+ Attitude of service: pretty good at work. Trying to get things done. Good outward energy and good overall attitude.

+ mental and emotional states: really good. definitely optimistic. Also pretty focused. Living in faith and feeling connected.

+ Life habits: Also good. Up on alarm and a nice cold shower. Living clean all around

Moved forward today

[Jai]

Apr 24

Tougher day today. Not bad, just not as energized. Sometimes on the weekends I dip a little. Maybe because I expel so much energy during the week. Regardless I felt a little disappointed with my studies. It's difficult stuff, I mostly feel good about it but sometimes I have a tough day. I wish I could get more done on weekends but I also need to unplug some. Sometimes I just hit my limit a litttle with how much I can work and study. It's just going to take time. I just feel in a rush sometimes because I want to build a nice future and I'm getting older. so tomorrow I want to do a little better and be a little more excited about life. I did take a nice bike ride today. I also had pretty good habits overall. So a lot to be proud of. Just not feeling as connected as recently.

+ spiritual practice: good effort here.  A nice morning session.

/ Attitude of service: A little stuck in self today. A little worry and inner turmoil. Not horrible but not the faith and optimism I'm used to.

/ mental and emotional states: a little less connected and a little less optimistic. Never fell into being really negative, but I also wasn't playing on offense.

+ Life habits: Pretty good overall. Did pretty good with doing some healthy things.

Moved forward today

[Jai]

Apr 25

Another day that was a little on the tough side. Not because anything was actually wrong. More because I felt a little disappointed with my studies and maybe expectations not being met. I really wanted to study more but my mind was exhausted and a dull. I just didn't have the necessary concentration. I did some stuff like bike rides and hikes but still felt dull all weekend. It's good I want to study but I want to avoid getting disappointed if I feel a little off. I also probably need to schedule an entire day off on the weekends just to totally unplug. It may be better in the long run. I'd really like to study even more but if I reach my limit then that is that. Other than that life is good. It was really warm today and I liked that. Went on a nice hike and took some photos. Hung out with a friend and did a nice meditation. Went on a bike ride. Talked with some friends over the phone. Life overall is pretty good. I also have to enjoy life and be grateful.

+ Spiritual practice: a couple nice sessions today. God is definitely the foundation of my life. I've been really spiritually active for a year. As long as I bring God into my life everyday I'll be good. I'm committing to another year as God being the priority and focus.

/ Attitude of service: pretty good. Thought of getting soda waters for when my friend came over so I had something to offer. Was stuck a little bit in my own problems today, so not really great outward energy. I like having an orientation where I'm always looking to contribute.

/ Mental and emotional states: Not really where I would like to be. A little disappointed and discouraged. Really just because I wanted to study more. I would like to have better faith and just trust that consistency will get me where I need to get. Don't have to worry about this or get disconnected. I think I'll probably bounce back tomorrow and start the week strong.

+ Life habits: Still pretty good. Lived clean today and avoided any bad choices.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 26

Something good that happened today was I went for a nice walk during lunch. Usually when I go in to work I don't take a walk but today I did. It was nice and warm and the sun was out. I walked around campus and it was a nice break during the day. Plus the exercises refreshed me for the afternoon. Overall was a solid day. Definitely back on offense. I got a lot of studying done. Felt good about some of the queries I wrote. Got some stuff done at work and contributed. Overall I had a good day internally also. Felt in a slump this weekend and came back strong today. I should probably look to try to go as hard as I can during the week. Get a little done one weekend day and then have a whole weekend day away from my computer and studying.

+ Spiritual practice: Good morning session. Nice breathing and focus.

+ Attitude of service: better outward energy today. Not stuck in inner turmoil.

+ Mental and emotional states: Definitely positive and better motivated. Feeling more confident and connected. Need to stay here.

+ Life habits: Really strong. I benefit a lot from not being weak here. even on bad days if I live clean I reap a lot of benefit by not getting off track. Want to keep this up.

Moved forward today

[Jai]

Apr 27

Something good today was I spoke with my friend Joe. We have good conversations and we keep each other on track. It's good to really have close friends I open up to. We talk every tuesday after work and keep accountable and on track. I'm really glad we had this conversation makes my day better. Had another strong day. Got a bunch done today. I really enjoy writing queries at work. This production database is great it's really complex so it's satsifying to be able to learn more about it. Writing some queries everyday at work keeps me motivated and interested in my job. Had pretty good outward energy and pretty good God connection.

One thing that does disconnect me is wasting time on youtube. I sometimes enjoy a video here or there but a lot of times theres nothing even to watch and I waste time scrolling looking for nothing. I think what I'd like to do is just start a list on paper. I write down everything I want to look up and then do that and then close my computer. Bad technology use is draining.

+ Spiritual practice: good morning session. Spent some time chanting as well.

/ Attitude of service: Overall good - but I had some bad reaction to a project at work. Not horrible but feeling a bit irritated. Need to look at this some more.

Mental and emotional states: Good here. A really solid day - no worry, fear, doubt. Just felt connected to God and focused on meeting circumstances as best I can.

+ Life habits: Overall good. Living clean has a bunch of benefit. My habits are strong. On retention for over 35 days now so lots of discipline there although I checked out a girl which I want to avoid doing. Eventually gonna have to try to talk to girls some more.

Moved forward today

[Jai]

Apr 28

Something good today was I went shopping and got a bunch of healthy food. I was reflecting on how grateful I am for having a kitchen full of great food to eat and that I can be healthy and not hungry. It's definitely nice to be able to go to the store and buy whatever I like.

Solid day overall. Got my second covid vaccine and not really sick yet. I heard people get sick and I hope I don't get sick tomorrow. Pretty good day at work. Still learning more about querying and learning the database. It's satisfying to understand more about this. I look forward to the time in between tasks that I can just write queries. Also a good day. Had a good spiritual conversation with a friend and that kept me motivated. I also had some nice moments of connection. Just felt capable and connected with God which is good. Just some nice moments of serenity and trust and freedom from fear, doubt, worry, etc. Just a deeper faith.

+ Spiritual practice: good morning session, gonna chant some now. This is the foundation of everything. The key is not taking days off. Also key to do this in a significant and meaningful way. Can't fake the funk here.

+ Attitude of service: pretty good here. good outward energy, not stuck in self. Trying to get things done and be helpful in tasks.

+ Mental and emotional states: Really nice feeling of being connected. Definitely on the positive and optimistic side of things today. Day at a time staying positive has been nice.

+ Life habits: good overall. Living pretty clean. I have lots of discipline which is normal now but it doesn't feel like discipline. Feels more like God working in my life and giving me vitality to change things. I'm not forcing myself really at all. I'm just following what helps me feel connected which are good things.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 29

One good thing that happened today is that I walked outside and smelled plants and flowers for the first time since last summer. It was the first time I've noticed this smell since it's been winter. It was just obvious and impossible not to notice. It felt really good to smell this since it's another sign that warm weather is coming. The trees are starting to bloom and I noticed that on a nice bike ride. So it was great to notice the weather changing today.

Felt kind of sick today after my second vaccine. Not really sick but a little dull mentally. My muscles are also a bit sore. I was able to make it through work and actually got a bunch of stuff done. So that was good effort on my part. I think tomorrow I'll probably also be less than 100% which will be a bummer. I'd like to study some more but i might just take a day off from studying if i have to and try to get more done this weekend. Regardless I definitely had a good attitude of service today so that's good. Also my habits were pretty good also. So want to keep all of this up.

+ Spiritual practice: Good morning session although I felt a bit off. I'm gonna chant a bit now and go to bed. My spiritual life is pretty consistent and overall pretty good - main thing is to not take days off which I don't

+ Attitude of service: Got a bunch of tasks done at work for other people. That made me feel good. Also kept up a good attitude when I was a bit frustrated when something didn't go well. I was able to fix it. Even though I didn't feel good I put in some good effort.

+ mental and emotional states: Pretty good, kept a pretty good orientation toward life. Kept pretty positive. I'm just living in daily progress and it feels good. Keeping my mental space really clean. Avoiding lustful thinking, staying focused on what I can change and just doing my best.

+ life habits: Good here also. Living clean with discipline is now the norm. Lots of benefit from this.

Moved forward today.

[Jai]

Apr 30

A good thing that happened to me today also happened just as I walked outside. I walked out and it was really warm out, my body just felt warm and I smiled. It felt good to really be comfortable and not brace for the cold. It was sunny and warm and I really felt grateful.

Felt better today. I got good sleep last night and then still woke up relatively early. I had a really nice morning meditation session. Since I ddin't have to work I was able to extend it and not feel rushed. Also did some reflective prayer which was great. That really oriented me well. today I also did a yoga class and then went on a long bike ride. So the exercise was better today and I felt a lot better to be more active. Not really feeling off or anything so I imagine tomorrow I'll also feel real healthy. Other than that I got some studying done. Also feeling grateful for what could be some decent opportunity at my current job. Day at a time I'm making progress and that's what makes a difference. Each day just keep making imporvements and investing in God. Other than that got some errands done. So my life is overall pretty good. I kinda wish I had more of a social life, probably a decent idea to look in to joining some different activities or somehting this summer. I got a few good friends but I also wish i had more to do.

+ Spiritual practice: good here. Really nice morning session. My big commitment is to bring God into my life in a significant and meaningful way every day.

+ Attitude of service: Good outward energy, not too stuck in self. Not a lot of opportunities for service but still a good orientation.

+ Mental and emotional states: good here. Definitely on the positive side. I stayed in a place of faith and trust. Felt pretty confident and ready to engage with life.

+ Life habits: good here. Still on a retention and celibacy streak. Probably almost 40 days now. I want to make it to the goal of 90 days. Also though I'm feeling from time to time a bit lonely. I def want to have mastery in this area. I'd also like to put myself out there but in a small city it's kind of limited. I definitley don't have the motivation I had in the past with this.

Overall moved forward today.

[Jai]

May 1st

Today I had a nice hang out with a friend. It was kinda impromptu and we ended up just sitting outside at his house and talked some. It's been warm out so it was nice to sit outside. I'm grateful I got a friend to hang out with like this. Lately I've still been feeling somewhat lonely so it was nice to go and hang with him. He's got a nice house and we just sat and drank some soda waters and caught up.

Today was a solid day all around. I went on a bike ride that ended up being like 17 miles or so. Got a lot of sun and exercise. Got a bit of studying done. To be truthful I would've liked to get some more done. But tomorrow I'm going to get up early and get some done before I go hiking. Making some progress is a big priority. I'm feeling a bit of a roadblock with my computer course so I want to get motivated and excited again. Today I was definitely on the positive side of things. REally energized and connected which I like. A lot of my good habits have lead to a really high quality life. The cold shower is getting nice now that the water has warmed up some. This time last year I wasn't as comfortable in this temp of water. Taking cold shwoers all winter has given me some experience and now after an initial shock the temp is really nice. Hopefully by next winter I'll be ready to really embrace the really cold water of winter. Regardless wim hof method has done a ton of benefit for me. betwenn breathing and cold exposure I've transformed how I orient myself toward the world. It really has had a great impact.

Grateful for today: wim hof method, just discussed this - didn't have to walk back to my car to get my headphones, remembered them - new opportunity at work

+ Spiritual practice - mega morning session of 50 minutes to an hour. Love the weekend sessions.

+ Attitude of service - good outward energy, went and got drinks for a friend

+ mental and emotional states - good example of a strong day here. On the positive side, playing offense, maintaing a good mental and emotional perspective of growth

+ Life habits - living healthy

Moved forward today