Spiritual Review and Progress

[Jai]

Journal Session

I had a dream last night about my past job. I do honestly have some regret about leaving it. I felt satisfied with the work and the money was good, but it was physically demanding and I always felt injured. I've been working on accepting it, being positive, looking toward the future, etc. But when I have a dream like this and it happens from time to time, it's hard not to see why I regret it. It's like all the other stuff I'm doing is faking it, covering up how I really feel. Maybe it's just also the current situation with uncertainty. That could also be prodding me. Regardless, I do have to move forward, and today I still want to work on positivity

[Jai]

May 5

+ Spiritual practice: I'm hitting all the elements: meditation, prayer, reading, chanting. Chanting is become a fun skill because I actually know some of the chants now, so I'm actually chanting instead of memorizing words from the pali language. My meditation isn't spectacular right now but I'm consistent and I know that is important

+ positive/optimistic: Never really fell into negativity. Not where I want to be on the positivity scale, but at least not negative

+ life habits: generally good, ran 2.5 miles, stretched a little, took a cold shower, self care was okay, but I did make compromises on my diet by eating some chips and pretzels. Normally I don't buy them but with my parents around they buy them and I ate some

+ semen retention goal: made it a week, that's my goal. Tonight I will release which is a weird way to describe it but whatever. The big task is getting back to retention tomorrow and the day after. Following release is when the urge is strongest to continue releasing. What I really want is to build good discipline in this area, if I practice retention for 6 days I get a lot of the benefits but not the drawbacks of going long term hard mode. Plus eventually in a relationship I want to have a similar pattern like this to release with a chick. And not release everytime I have sex

- Attitude of service (self absorbed): I never really had a clear and consistent attitude of service throughout the day. I was still generally helpful, but my thoughts were pretty much focused on myself

Overall: Moved forward today. Mostly good things. I also got a job. That's really good news. That ends a lot of the uncertainty. I'm really grateful to have an opportunity. Times are crazy, a lot of people are out of work, and I got a good opportunity. So I want to look at this as a chance for service, do my best, and just focus on doing this job well. I will definitely be challenged, but I'm building really good habits to meet the challenge. So no excuses now, the biggest source of worry I had is solved. I can't focus and worry about the long term money situation either, because that is long term. What am I gonna do? Worry for 10 years about a long term money goal? Instead I should focus on daily living, improving spiritually and just moving forward.

[Jai]

May 6

+ Spiritual practice: Good here. Two meditation sessions plus prayer, reading, chanting, contemplation. Very consistent.

+ Life habits: Exercise, cold shower, breathing exercises

- Bad diet decisions (distraction, rationalization) I ate too big of a lunch, I like to eat a light lunch, and I've been snacking on pretzels and chips. Not good. I rationalized the decisions because I've been doing good, and because it's there because my parents buy it. I don't want to make compromises

- Fear (insecurity, lack of faith): I had an unreasonable fear about losing a job that was offered to me, I'm worried something could go wrong or they could change their mind

+ How I reacted to fear: I turned to God, asked for direction and strength, reaffirmed faith and did something productive.

+ Retention goal: Back on retention as scheduled. Today went well. Need tomorrow to go well also. That is intention

+ Attitude of service: Okay, found  a couple ways to be helpful

- Productivity (lazy): Wasted time and I fell into laziness. I actually have a lot of planning to do. I could've been productive.

Overall: I moved forward today. Mostly a good day, lots of good habits. just not always productive and bad diet decisions. But with all the work I'm putting in still some progress

[Jai]

May 7

+ Spiritual practice: Good here. I'm chanting and then going into meditation. It's nice to have some chants down, proud of the effort to get here. Plus reading, prayer, review. Consistent

- Life habits (lazy, rationalization): Made excuses on diet, didn't exercise today, I did do breath work and cold exposure. But enough is missing to not really be happy with my effort. So not a total failure but not where I want to be.

- Work (lazy, rationalization): I didn't do any preparation for my new job and didn't pack to get ready to move. I have the time but i just procrastinated and have a weird fear of not getting an offer letter, or some other technicality taking this away.

- Fear: I fell into fear/worry today. I worry about money and the future. I'm not really embracing life, excited about the future. 

- Optimistic/positive attitude (worry, negativity): I wasn't optimistic and positive today. Wasn't totally negative, but not where I want to be. And definitely not where I should be given that I just got a good job I should be excited about.

Overall: I can't say I moved forward today. I was stagnant. And emotionally in a funk. Tomorrow I want to get excited and pumped about the life I can build around this new job. I'm fortunate to have it and I want to be grateful. I want to also be excited about the future, I can settle in somewhere and start a life. today I was lacking good energy and optimisim. So tomorrow I have to start packing, that will be a good action to get me excited about going to this new job. It really is the money worry long term bringing me down. I have to have faith here, just focus on my actions and living a good life and eventually I'll get to where I need to be. I don't want to struggle through life full of fear and worries over money. I also don't want to not give myself permission to be happy until I'm financially secure. That's a losing formula. Instead, every day is a day where I can do my best, move forward and have faith in this spiritual journey I'm on.

[Jai]

May 8

+ Spiritual practice: Good here consistent again today. Two shorter but really good meditation sessions. Plus other practices

+ Active, productive: This is what really helped me have a solid day. I stayed busy and got a lot of packing done. Making progress has made me more excited about my move and new job

/ Life habits: Generally good. Exercise, cold shower, breathwork, made compromises on my diet though

+ Positivity/optimism: Was much more positive today. I felt good about life and the future. Never really fell into fear or worry. So even if I'm not super positive as long as I'm not in worry or anxiety than that is good progress.

+ Attitude of service: I was helpful around the house, looked for ways to help. This is a good habit

- diet (rationalization, make excuses): Compromised on my diet. Is mostly really good but ate unhealthy snacks at night. Mainly because they are around, when I live alone I don't buy them. So since they're here I tried them. It's like I want to try it while I have the chance, and it's almost like the day went so well it's not a big deal. The other thing is I'm not really training, I need to take training more seriously and never make excuses.

Overall: I moved forward today. Really good day. Being active and productive was good. I really want to start working again. The breath work exercises also really help my meditation. It puts me in a good zone and I can settle into concentration easily. Plus it also helps ward off fear, worry, anxiety. So I definitely want that part of every day. With this new job it looks like I will be able to settle into a nice routine of good habits and spiritual practice. So I'm all ready for it. Tomorrow I want to keep up the same progress. I also have some odd jobs to work so that will keep me busy.

[Jai]

Journal Session

Good news today. I got my offer letter for the job so it's pretty much official. There are some technical things that I could worry about but I won't. It's kinda just formalities now. So I can just embrace this opportunity and go forward. I'm really fortunate to be hired given the current economic crisis. Plus this is a pretty decent opportunity and entry level job to a new career. I'm going to be working in university admissions for a state school. It's a position with temporary 1-2 year funding, perhaps to be extended, but perhaps not. Regardless, it's an entry level job where the expectation isn't that someone is going to do this forever. Instead with a little experience there are always other opportunities out there. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I just want to do this well.

It's funny but even though I'm grateful for this opportunity, and excited to start working again, sometimes it doesn't feel like it's enough. The job doesn't pay a lot, and last year I made a lot more as a mechanic on ships. And that was the first time I made and saved a lot of money and it felt good. So there is some disastisfaction with starting over. But also, this job has longevity and I can do it when I'm older. Being a mechanic took a physical toll and I always felt injured at the end and left. Sometimes I regret leaving and not just taking time off, because the money was good and the work was satisfying.

But this is also something I always thought about getting in to. I always loved college, went to do a PhD and didn't finish. So now I can be back on campus again. And I can work. I'm looking forward to working, being busy, making money, making progress. Getting on with life.

So my intention is to really just do my best and give it my all. I want to have a good attitude of service at work and feel like I'm giving a good effort every day. Always be helpful and always be the type of person others want to be around. Bring a spiritual practice into my work life.

In my free time just continue to build good habits. Have a strong spiritual practice. Enjoy the outdoors also, and just live a nice life.

Big thing is to not worry about the future, not to worry about what's next. Just do my best, live day at a time, and trust God and that I'm on a path that leads to somewhere fulfilling.

[Jai]

May 9

+ Spiritual practice: Good job here, found time to do all my practices

+ Optimism/positivity: Good here also. Generally positive today, never fell into negativity

- Life habits (lazy, rationalization): Some good but more bad than normal bad. Took a cold shower, but didn't eat particularly well, didn't stretch, didn't floss

- Interactions with other people (emotionally weak/evasive, fear) Was working today doing odd jobs and a couple people I don't know interacted with me. I avoided really engaging them and talking with them. I wasn't rude or anything, but I didn't have outward energy or love in my heart. This is a habit of mine from time to time, I avoid people I don't know, I don't welcome people. I want to change this, this is where optimism and positivity can help me. I want to feel excited about meeting people and be energetic and have a contagious energy

+ Work/productivity: Stayed busy today, did some odd jobs. Stayed motivated

+ Mental game: Avoided checking my email when I woke up and didn't stress it all day. Turns out I had an important email I was waiting for. Better than compulsively checking email and worrying

Overall: A really solid day. Mostly good things. Bad habits are minor that I know I can correct. I have a lot of good things going on right now. Just keep building the momentum and riding it.

[Jai]

May 10

+ Spiritual practice: Did meditation, prayer, chanting, reading, contemplation. It's definitely a solid part of my day now. I want to make sure I take this seriously and keep it up when I start working

+ Attitude of service: was helpful today in general, also I met with a sponsee. That's helping me a lot to make sure my own spiritual practice is strong. It's a good opportunity to be helpful and I look forward to it every week

/ Life habits: Generally good, but small compromises in diet. Today did exercise, breath work, cold shower.

+ Interaction: Did better today at interacting and enjoying time with family. I had more quality time by going for a walk and playing a board game. Perfect opportunity for stuff like that during coronavirus.

+ Optimism/positivity: Did well here. Never got into the negative range. Always on the positive side. This is good, I want a generally positive baseline and then work up from there so that I am a naturally very optimistic person who always sees the good side of things.

+ Retention: Doing good here, on day 5 of 6 day retention. I want discipline in this area and a good practice, 6 days retain then release and go back to 6 day retention. So on schedule.

Overall: A solid day and I moved forward. I feel more excited about my job. Everything is going well on a spiritual level, so I want to keep that up. That will only help me at work. I want to be a positive, optimistic person at work that is always looking to be helpful. I also need to be prepared for some difficulty and adversity. I know I have a lot to learn, but I can do it. That's my attitude, I learn whatever I need to learn to have success. I just want to work again, feel useful, and grow. So it's day at a time living to prepare for that. Meeting up today with sponsee was good also because I've already seen that I'm doing more than before. My spiritual practice is getting strong because I'm accountable. Plus I'm trying to be as helpful as possible. I want to extend this attitude of service as much as I can into my day. I've seen it before when I do this life starts to take off. I feel more energized, I have more faith and trust, and I really enjoy life more. It definitely has a price tag though, I need to keep prioritizing my spiritual practice and develop an attitude of service. You only get what you give. It's true and it's a difficult spiritual lesson, I think for everybody. Plus beyond that, I need to give up certain ideas I have about success, about obtaining success, and about how I view the world and other people. I definitely need to be less critical of other people. Sometimes I view life as a competition, and that I have to give it my all and go for a goal. And nothing is wrong with a little competitive spirit or setting goals, but it can get me away from having a truly spiritual purpose and seeing goals and success and life through the prism of spiritual growth. Anyway, I've got a good couple of weeks going with this spiritual accountability and I already feel like life is going good. I can't let up on what works.

[Jai]

May 11

+ spiritual practice: did it before leaving for trip

/ positivity&optmism: Generally good but still look for negative things about this job

- diet: too much snacking,(looking for excuse/rationalization)

Overall: Good day. Mostly just packed and drove. So on the road a lot.

May 12

/ Spiritual practice: did short morning contemplation plus prayer. Slept in my car so did this right before leaving to drive for the day. But didn't do a formal meditation or spiritual reading. That's okay, I'm back at it tomorrow for sure.

/ Positivity & optimism: Generally good, but still have some negatvie and critical thoughts about this job. I just need to trust God more in this area of life. I need to see that this is something to be excited about and that I can trust here.

- Life habits (lack of planning): Diet was bad, didn't plan well enough to be on the road. I did take a cold shower today though.

Overall: Okay day, I felt good about it even though I didn't have best habits. I basically woke up in my car and drove for over 12 hours. So it's not like it was a normal day. Ate dinner and relaxed and that's it. Soon I'll be moving into my own place. I can't wait to get my own set up and build my own spiritual practice over the next few months. I;ll definitley be working a lot, but I can't neglect my spiritual life. I know I get a lot out of it when I'm really doing it. Life is starting to pick up, and my whole interpretation of life is better when I'm spiritually connected. So tomorrow I can do more, right when I wake up I'm getting back into spiritual practice.

[Jai]

May 13

+ Spiritual practice: Did good here, I did a morning session and then did an afternoon meditation when I was stressed. This is going to be my main priority over the next couple of months, keeping up with spiritual activity when I start this job

+ Life habits: generally good, took a cold shower, woke up on first alarm, need to exercise more and get better diet also

+ Retention goal: Back on retention today after releasing yesterday. Discipline right after releasing is important to keep going with the retention/release weekly cycle I'm trying to acheive. Also, I was frustrated today and had urges to fap, it's like an emotional reaction I have. It's subtle but I'm much more aware of it now. It's like when i'm emotionally stressed or in emotional discomfort I feel like fapping to distract myself and have an outlet. I don't think that's totally bad, but it's also not mastery of how. handle my emotions. So glad today I'm staying strong

+ Rallied in the face of adversity: I felt really stressed twice today. First problems with new hire paperwork, technical difficulties, etc. Second, problems with an apartment I'm looking at and also the fear of being scammed or something not working out. My mind really started to run with these even though things are okay... I mean very small percentage things could go wrong. But my mind and emotions tend to look at what could go wrong, and I get into anxiety and worry. Fortunately, I recognized this and just kept focused. Followed that with a cold shower and meditation. Now gonna go to bed and do my best tomorrow.

+ Positivity/optimism: Pretty good. Not where I want to be, but never fell into negativity.

- Diet/exercise: (lazy, make excuses) made a compromise in diet, didn't exercise enough

- Self absorbed: Thought a lot about myself, my problems, my worries. Need to move the focus on others and on service

Overall: Definitely moved forward today. I can't always control what happens, and I can't even really always control how I react emotionally on an internal level. But I can control how I respond to situations. Today I did good here. I recognized danger with falling into worry and anxiety. I focused on serenity, acceptance, good habits and moved my thoughts toward God and trusting God. So I did a really good job during the day. I didn't go into an emotional tailspin. So definitely progress on being aware of God during the day and on maintaining a solid mental and emotional state in the face of adversity

[Jai]

Morning Journal Session:

Today I had a really strong morning spiritual practice. I woke up in anxiety, worry, fear, self pity. I just felt a lot of nervous energy. Part of it is starting a new job. There is some fear of not doing well, being overwhelmed. Plus mixed with the regret of leaving a job where I made a lot more money. So I have thoughts of regret, making mistakes etc. All of this is combined with the general anxiety and fear about financial insecurity and the future. And in our society money is important so all of this can also make me feel inadequate. So these are all threats that can get me tangled in a giant emotional mess. 

A morning spiritual practice is so important, and other good habits as well like exercise and a cold shower because it seperates me from thoughts like this and gets me into a place of strength and confidence. It is so much better than checking email right away and worrying right away about what needs to be done. I need to drop the idea that I'm most effective if I think and worry about work all the time, instead I'm better and more effective when I place emphasis and time for good habits and a spiritual practice. I need a clear separation, and I need my own time for these valuable practices and hobbies. My attitude has to be even if I fail, I'm not giving up a spiritual practice.

The turnaround in my consciousness has been remarkable this morning. A big part of it is the breath work I've picked up from the Wim Hof method. I definitely think it is valuable. It forces me to breathe really deeply, infuses my body with oxygen and when I'm done I definitely feel more energized, more focused, more confident. So today I did that and followed it with a solid but short 20 minute meditation and chanting session. Prior to that I did spiritual reading, contemplation on the day and prayer. All of this has given me a good focus and a good confidence.

The important thing is to put sprituality and God first in my life. I don't want to be dragged down into a world of fear and limitation. I want to live in faith, become a person of strong faith and optimism. I want to be able to handle whatever life throws at me in a strong and faithful way. Having a daily spiritual practice of actions, is important because it means I'm not just paying lip service. I'm actually doing it, and that's where the benefits come from.

At work also I really want to practice this and practice service. I want to be someone who is confident, positive, and a contributing member of the team. I want to get more excited about this job, work hard and do my best. The regrets over my last job are holding me back. I want to really embrace this opportunity and give it my all. Plus I get to work on campus which is a good environment. Plus If I don't have an agenda, if I'm not out to conquer the world, if only I show up looking to be helpful I'll be much better off. Service, looking to help others is a clean burning fuel. If I can get into that energy it can be sustained. The energy that comes from trying to get to the top, being over competitive, only worrying about yourself and what you want is a dirtier fuel, that energy can't be sustained and I'll wind up in frustration, self pity, fear, etc.

I can't wait to move into my apartment and set my life up to really thrive. Really get a solid routine, build good actions. I definitely want to thrive this year.

[Jai]

May 14

+ Spiritual practice: Good here. Did like 3 good meditation sessions. Prayer, chanting, review. All of this is the foundation

+ Attitude of service: Was generally helpful around the house, found opportunities to help

+ Life habits: Diet good, exercise, cold shower. Good discipline here

+ Reactions to adversity: Okay here, when adversity came I did something productive. I am emotionally sensitive to anxiety, worry. A couple times that came up today. I think it will be frequent since I'm starting a new job.

/ Positivity&optimism: Okay, i never really fell into negativity, but I want to authentically be positive, see things in a good light. I wasn't where I want to be today

+ Disicipline with retention: Good here, I'm making this a good habit. I'm in the third week, so I can keep this up and make it the new normal. I think I can get good benefit from this

- Self absorbed with problems (self centered): Even though I did good with service I still thought of myself most of the day. I definitely fell into some fear, feeling inadequate, worry about this job and the future. This causes separation from God, from life, from vitality. I really want to enjoy life and thrive. Really go after life and be excited about the future.

Overall: A really solid day. Lots of good actions. I definitely moved forward. Next step is really letting go of the regret, fear of future, worrying about things. That's all holding me back. My effort is good and my actions are good. I need to recognize I may not feel great about things all the time, but that when I don't I can just ignore it knowing I'm making progress. I'm really excited about getting my own place and settling in. I know I'm going to excel with good habits, diet, exercise, spiritual practice. I'm a little worried about work... but I'm going to give my best effort. Go 100% during hours, then unplug and get back to good habits and productive hobbies. Get excited about life again... and TRUST. I just need to have trust and faith that I'm on a good path that is going to lead somewhere. Just keep putting myself out there and become the person I want to be. I can be proud of the progress and hard work I'm putting in. I know there will be results, just keep sticking with it. And drop the negativity about work and being overly critical of myself.

[Jai]

Morning Journal Session

Since I have the time I figure I might as well do another journal session. I just finished a really solid morning spiritual session. When I start work I need to make sure I plan this as part of my day. Set aside enough time so I'm not rushed. Today I woke up at 5:30 to do it, I think waking up at 5-5:30 will have to be the norm I think. That alone takes discipline, plus I leave enough time in the morning for all the things I want to do before work. I'm not sure what time I'll be working at but I'm assuming I start probably at 8 or 9. I really want enough time in the morning for exercise, cold shower, breath work, meditation, chanting, prayer, and spiritual reading. I also want to start doing a confidence exercise that I'm not doing now. Plus eat and get ready. If I can wake up at 5 I can definitely do these things I think. And I want to do this before checking any email or planning the day or working. I know if when I wake up the first thing I do or think about is work then it is a disaster. I get sucked right into stress, anxiety, and the turmoil of the world. Instead I want a solid spiritual foundation for every day. If I do that I know I will be most effective at work.

Beyond that I want to be confident at work, handle adversity well, and handle stress well. The first 3-6 months of this job will be difficult, after that I can settle in. So I will obviously need to work hard, but I will also need to prioritize all this spiritual stuff so I don't get overstressed and go into a tailspin when things don't go the way it's planned. I also need to get and stay excited about this job and the lifestyle it will give me. I want to keep my motivation up. With this job during the week I can really hit this spiritual routine hard. Take pride in all the good habits I enjoy building. After work I can also go to meetings and fellowship when the coronavirus restrictions end. On the weekends I want to make a real effort to totally unplug from work and go explore the mountains, go hiking, get outside, and actually enjoy life some. During the week I can work hard. I have to anticipate the stress that comes from being on a computer all day. I have to really stay on top of organziation, emails, calendars, learning the programs I'm going to be running. This whole job is kinda new to me. So what I want is to just do my best and stay confident. Understand that the work will get done. Understand that there will be difficulties. But not let these get to me. Just settle in, stay on top of things, live a nice life and keep growing and progressing spiritually.

[Jai]

May 15

+ Spiritual practice: Really good. A couple solid meditation sessions, plus prayer, spiritual reading, contemplation. Good foundation for the day.

+ Life habits: Really good exercise. I did a full body exercise routine and felt fantastic. Strength, cardio, stretching. Really put me in a good place for the day. Diet was really good also, ate a really light lunch which I prefer. All good food. Took a cold shower, it's becoming a good habit now I've been doing it for over a month.

+ Positivity/optimism: Today was an example of how I want to feel and see the world. I never slid into negativity, and I was markedly positive. Not just neutral or okay but actually very positive. I was just excited about life and the future. Plus I was in gratitude and felt good about receiving gifts from God.

+ Attitude of service: I was extra helpful around the house today and was looking for things to do. On my toes, not self absorbed with my problems.

Overall: A really solid day. The best in awhile. A lot of my good habits and good practices are paying off. Only thing now is to keep this up with work. Work will definitely be a challenge. I just have to give my best, stay positive, understand that there will be adversity and deal with it. This job can let me have a real cool life so I have to appreciate it and give good effort. It's going to be a tough 3-6 months to get used to it. But once I learn it I can have a sweet life. The biggest threat I think to success is feeling stress, anxiety, self pity, overwhelmed, etc. All of that is going to make me want to quit. Instead what I can do is avoid those things by sticking to solid life habits. Stepping away from work to exercise, meditate, etc. All of that will make me more effective at work. So I got to go for it, and do my best. Tomorrow I move into my new apartment so I want to keep it up and establish it there. Also carry over all that went well today. Nothing really negative today to report.

 

[Jai]

Was offline for two days. Here are my reviews:

May 16

+ Spiritual practice: Really good, solid meditation, prayer, chanting, contemplation, review

+ Positivity/Optimism: Good today, not as fired up as yesterday but still good and the direction I want to go in

+ Life habits: woke up early at 5:00, exercise right away, cold shower, diet good (but a couple compromises that are going to disappear), breathwork, all good habits today

+ Attitude of service: wasn't totally self absorbed, did a lot of stuff at my sisters house before leaving, but alone rest of day. With covid quarantine gonna be hard now to find a lot of opportunities but I have to be ready for when they're there

- social interaction (self doubt, not being ready, not having confidence): I missed a really good opportunity to meet new friends. Would've been a perfect chance to meet people, they were hanging out outside, easy chance to chat. And a couple hot chicks were there. But I'm socially on my heels and reserved. I need to become more outgoing and become more social like I have in the past. What it comes down to is that I need to talk up everyone I can. Be excited to meet people. People in the neighborhood, in the store, wherever. Because ultimately I'm gonna want to meet friends and a girl and need to put myself out there more

- fear/anxiety over job (fear): Today I had a very small but noticeable amount of fear, I'm worried about the first day and things not going right, I'm worried about not doing well. What I'm promising myself is that I'll do my best, work hard like last year. And I'll unplug after work and before work so that I can work on hobbies and good habits. Those will only help me. I can't obsess about work all the time or worry about work all the time. Instead I can go hard at work and enjoy my time away from work. Work is gonna give me a nice lifestyle that I also have to enjoy.

 

Overall: A really solid day. I definitely moved forward. Mostly all positive, mostly all good habits. I'm starting to enjoy these habits because it makes my life better, they're not a sacrifice. I will definitely be tested once work starts so I have to be on top of it. The good news is I'm excited about my life here. I'm excited about the possibilities, and I'm excited to want to stay 1-2 years for sure, maybe beyond if this opportunity takes off and leads to other things. I'm a little nervous about work because I want it to go well, I want to settle in and build a sweet life. So right now it's just day at a time living and improve a little each day.

 

May 17

+ Spiritual Practice: Good here. Really good morning session, I'm doing my spiritual practice after the flow exercise routine and this gives a really good result. It's noticeable in meditation. I do the exercise first, which activates the body, breath and mind. Then I do Wim Hof Method breathing, then I sit in meditation. I really feel a deeper unison between body, breath and mind like this. Then I do contemplation on the day, prayer, chanting and reading. After that cold shower. This really optimizes my spiritual practice and I feel energized spiritually for the day

+Life habits: Good today, good diet, good exercise, good self care, cold shower, woke up before 6am,

+ Social skills: I put myself out there today, talked to some people on a hike. Always trying to spread goodwill and positivity

+ Positive/optimism: Was good with this today. I felt great so it is much easier to see the world through a lens of positivity when you feel good.

+ Attitude of service: Not a lot of opportunity to do service for others, but I wasn't totally self absorbed with my own problems, worries, conflicts. Instead I looked to see what I could contribute to life, what I could bring to any situation

Overall: A really solid day. I felt great, had good habits, I'm excited about my new life in this town with this job. The real challenge is going to be keeping my spiritual life first once I start this job. that's going to be tough. I can't justify or rationalize cutting back on my spiritual practice to work more. I can't work so much that I forget everything that makes me more effective. I also know I'll be tested with adversity. I don't react well to stress or anxiety, then I worry about work all the time. I need to accept whatever happens because I also need to unplug from work. When I'm not working I'm going to be building my spiritual life, building good habits, socializing, or going outside to hike which is a hobby of mine. All of this is crucial to beating anxiety, stress, worry from work. If I do these things I'm much better prepared to focus on the day instead of working inefficiently. This theme keeps coming up because I've been down this road before. Right now everything is going well, and I want to keep this spiritual momentum.

[Jai]

May 18

+ Spiritual practice: Really good today, just did a second meditation session and really settled in nicely. My morning session was also strong. Learned a little more chanting. Gonna do an evening reading now.

+ Life habits: Morning flow exercise routine is strong way to start the day. Building that habit and seeing the results. Totally cold shower from start to finish. Diet also very strong, but ate too fast at lunch.

+ Retention/release schedule: Good here. This is definitely a spiritual lesson. A lot of spiritual traditions value retention of sexual energy, so I'm practicing that discipline and seeing the benefits. But not a long term permanent retention, schedule of 6 retain, 1 release. This is a realistic and solid practice that gives discipline and benefits

+ Attitude of service: Helped a friend out over the phone. Had good energy today, was thinking of others, was grateful, went with the flow of the day. So good here.

+ how I reacted to anxiety/fear/stress: Some anxiety/fear/stress came up over work today. It's my first day and I know it's going to be difficult. I generally don't handle these well. So situations like this are on my radar and I'm alert. So I worked hard today, paused when agitated, accepted things. And after work took a nice walk to get outside, then I did a second meditation. So really good work here. I need to go hard when at work but then totally disconnect to not carry stress with me.

+ Positivity/optimism: On the spectrum I was on the good side, never dipped into negativity. but I wasn't really on the offensive, I didn't really see and believe positivity in everything. I want to get to the point where I naturally see the good in things.

Overall: Really solid day. Definitely moved forward and progressed spiritually. Stayed in action, stayed out of self pity and self absorption. Day at a time I want to keep working hard like this and going forward. Build this foundation, then basically bring in two hobbies outdoors activities in nature and social life/dating. What I like is I'm really setting good habits with personal life that I can bring to work. Essentially I'm convinced I'm better and more productive if I unplug, do good habits. It makes me much more focused and concentrated than worrying all the time and stressing. So I can take this all over to tomorrow

[Jai]

May 19

+ Spiritual practice: the motivation comes from the practice itself and its benefits. No exterior motivation necessary. Not feeling lazy about things. In my free time sitting down for short sits. Had 4 seperate shorter sessions today. Prayer I'm also doing in a meditative way, it's deeper and more meaningful and I'm not rushing through it. Chanting good, as well as a contemplation on the day.

+ Preemptive handling of stress: I'm recognizing the risk of stress and anxiety. So I'm going extra into exercise, meditation, good habits

/ Work: Went relatively well today. Parts of the day I get distracted, but I'm putting forth good effort. I want to do well here and thrive. I just got to keep a good attitude and do my best. Work is important. It makes me feel productive, it's satisfying. I just got to envision this as being good work that I'm proud of. If I do this well I can live a cool life.

+ Life habits: really good. Woke up at 5. Flow practice exercise, cold shower, self care. Diet was good but one compromise and immediately recognized mistake

+ Retention practice: Good. I've set the ideal of 6 days retain, then release and go back to retention. This feels like a good spiritual balance. Today was a release day and I feel good about this and bringing spirituality to my sex practice.

- Regret (fear of making a mistake, lack of trust of God): Regretted a little leaving my last job because the money was so good. This is a mental place I go to often and revisit. Even though at that job I couldn't progress spiritually the way I am now, and also I wouldn't have had a lot of the experiences I've had. But I go back to it mentally and romance it because it was adventurous, fun and made me feel satisfied, and the money was good. This is a barrier. I need to leave that in the past and get to a mental spot where I embrace today.

Overall: Solid day. Moved forward. Feel good about my habits and my life. Still feel a little anxious about the job and woke up feeling anxious. But I'm working on getting to a place of strength and confidence through spirituality. Feel very grateful, life is going well.

 

[Jai]

May 20

+ Spiritual practice: Really good although was more distracted in an afternoon meditation than normal. My morning spiritual practice has been top notch. Doing it right after exercise is a great way to start the day. My prayer I'm also doing in a meditative way which increases it's intensity and focus. Doing it silent during a meditation session.

+ Life habits: Flow practice exercise is going great, waking up at 5am to do it. Self care is good, diet is good, cold showers are good. Good discipline here, not wasting time on the internet, not being lazy.

+ Positive/optimistic: Good here. Went for a walk this afternoon after work and felt great, really positive about life, that's the energy I need.

+ How I dealt with regret/doubt: Didn't dwell in regret or doubt today. Stayed on the positive end of things.

+ Social interaction: Said hi to someone in their yard, had a mini conversation, it felt good to be on my toes socially and put myself out there.

Overall: Another really solid day. I'm on top of a lot of good habits, but I had a crazy thought for an instant. I had thought when am I gonna want to take a break from this, or I'm doing too much, then I countered that with why do I want to take a break from feeling good? I have to stay on top of my spiritual practice and good life habits to live optimally and feel great about life. I don't want to be an unproductive slouch that is negative about life. Go getters are busy living life. That's what I'm doing now. My day is filled with good productive things. This makes me a better person, more grateful, better at work and more positive. That's the person I want to truly become. It's not gonna happen by being lazy or by making compromises. I've been down this road before where i get really active spiritually and then back off, I don't drop it totally but it's not really a burning interest of mine. This time I got to keep it up. The new normal really has to become the fact that I'm a spiritually active person, practicing daily and bringing that into my life and interactions in the world. The benefits are great if I stick with it. The last few days there really hasn't been anything negative. For now I'm effectively dealing with stress and demands at work. It's easy now because not a lot is being asked of me, so I'm preparing for when the real stress and pressure comes. I'll be ready if I keep this up. Adversity will come and I can handle it with faith, grace and strength.

[Jai]

May 21

Before reviewing I want to journal a little on good habits I'm building and doing daily. I feel great because of these and have been very consistent. I really think I want to start tracking all the things I'm doing so I can be proud of my progress and use it as more encouragement to not back off. Maybe see if I can go a month without missing. So these are the things I've been doing pretty consistently on a daily basis:

• Spiritual practice: Meditation, prayer, spiritual reading, review/journal
• Wake up early: I think I'll set the goal for before 5am on workdays, before 7am on weekends
• Exercise: Been doing daily flow practice of movement, bodyweight, stretching
• Wim Hof Method: At least 3 rounds of breathing, plus cold showers, I'm allowed some hot water but I've been starting cold and finishing cold most often, sometimes cold all the way
• Eat healthy: Vegan whole foods, no processed foods, no junk or snacks, plus drink a gallon of water a day

I've already been doing most of these for awhile, this week have started a couple more. I'm gonna take a look again tomorrow and see if I missed anything and then maybe start tracking these daily.

+ Spiritual practice: Good here. This is the foundation. Real good effort today.

+ Attitude of service: Tried to be helpful to a friend and had a good conversation about spiritual stuff. Tried to be helpful at work. I wasn't consumed with myself and my worries or problems.

+ Life habits: A lot of the stuff above. Been doing good here.

+ Reaction to anxiety: I felt a little anxiety today with work, i countered it by going for a walk and doing breathing exercises. Then I focused again.

+ Positive/optimistic: Was on the positive side of the spectrum. Never slid into being too critical, never slid into regret or worry or self pity.

Overall: I moved forward today. Really only positive things to report. This is becoming a trend. The discipline with my spiritual practice carries over into other good habits, those just reinforce and overall positive spiritual lifestyle. Plus being busy with work removes extra time for bad habits. I have to be real economical with my time, I only have time for good things. Eventually work will become difficult, I'll get negative feedback, I'll face adversity... I just have to be ready for these things. All these good habits will prepare me to handle all of that successfully. 

So that's it really for today. I just need to keep riding this good wave. I definitely feel closer to God and spirit and it's showing in my life.

[Jai]

May 22

+ Spiritual practice: Solid again. Setting aside time in the morning is the best strategy. I'm also doing shorter afternoon meditations. I'm brining this spiritual practice to the day successfully. I feel God's energy with me and I feel capable. I'm also much more spiritually aware and attuned throughout the day. The connection stays present

+ Life habits: Solid exercise, diet is REALLY clean now. Lots of discipline, eating raw veggies, eating a light lunch to stay energized. Drank a gallon of water. Self care good. WHM: Cold shower 4 minutes, breathwork also.

+ Work: Even though it was Friday I was energized. I have something to learn to improve to keep me busy. I know there will be challenges ahead but for now I'm really going well from an effort perspective.

+ Social interaction: Talked to a girl today when I went for a walk. Tried to be friendly when the opportunity arose.

+ Attitude of service: Avoided being stuck in inner turmoil, concerned with my own worries, anxieties, fears

+ Positive/optimistic: Never really fell into negativity. If I keep this up hopefully this becomes the new baseline. Never fell into regret either.

Overall: Another really good day. The streak continues. i'm bringing the best effort everyday, and guess what I'm being met with great days. You get what you give. It's taken a little while to get here, being busy with work helps a lot also. It keeps me occupied, gives something to challenge me. So obviously working is good... but I've also had situations where work wasn't good, where I was stressed out, where i had negative energy, etc. So it's also what I'm bringing to the situation. The point is I can't let off the gas. I need to keep this spiritual priority going, that's what will give me the best chance of success at work.