Heart broken open since watching Leo's Last Video

[wordsforliving]

I watched the video as soon as it was released and ever since then I have been in a tailspin. Crying almost nonstop, plunging into some sort of dark night of the soul. The depth of the video hit me to my core.  One could easily judge my response as losing my damn mind.  

God's love. That's what it is that broke me wide open. I know that is exactly what I have been longing for all of my miserable long life. Got some definite tastes of it, but was never able to maintain it.  Some things that have been tormenting me ever sense: 

• It sounds like the only way to get to God's Love that Leo experienced (which is exactly what I want more than anything) is through 5-MeO-DMT, which I don't have the slightest clue how to even begin to do. Does that mean I am locked out and doomed to go in circles the rest of my life? Why are people so elusive about helping others go down this path that are clueless about it such as myself? 
• Too old now and don't have decades to waste (tired of it) nor want to waste efforts taking some long route.  Have already wasted over 5 decades going in circles. Want to maximize THIS lifetime.
• Vivid memories returning of God states with the love of my life (we literally saw each other as God for weeks at a time during love making) that were lost (He ultimately choose numerous addictions over the Love).  

So much foundational work needs to be done here. Need to attain higher levels of consciousness. Meanwhile, the question that plagues me is HOW to attain much deeper or higher levels of awakenings that Leo experienced. Because THAT is the holy grail. God's Love is the holy grail. I KNOW this. 

Meanwhile, my heart is split wide open in a broken state. What am I supposed to do with this? 

[bejapuskas]

@wordsforliving  Don't let these limiting thoughts stop you from engaging in the work. You will never know if you don't at least try  You can access Love without 5-MeO, it is possible. As Leo said, it feels total every single time, the depth of it „doesn't matter“. 

[wordsforliving]

Posted this under the wrong category which should have been under spirituality. Don't know what to do other than delete this one and repost it under the right category? 

[wordsforliving]

2 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@wordsforliving  Don't let these limiting thoughts stop you from engaging in the work. You will never know if you don't at least try  You can access Love without 5-MeO, it is possible. As Leo said, it feels total every single time, the depth of it „doesn't matter“. 

Thank you. Working so hard, trying so hard. Spent so much efforts on SO MANY even well known spiritual teachers. I have been spending a number of hours each day watching Autualized.org videos and trying to implement. I would be much less upset or panicked if I was much younger and could formulate and execute long-term goals for awakenings.

[Commodent]

Have you tried A Course in Miracles?

Quote

This course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love,

for that is beyond what can be taught.

It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence,

which is your natural inheritance.

The level of unconditional love is well-attainable for anyone within this lifetime.

Personally the book "The Tao of Fully Feeling" by Pete Walker opened me up a lot, but it might not be everyone's cup of tea. Inner child work in general is very powerful for getting in touch with self-love.

Even if you were to get a peek through psychedelics, you would still need to expend a lot of energy in your daily life in order to remove the blockages and make it permanent.

[Leo Gura]

@wordsforliving It's not so hard to travel to Mexico or South America and smoke some toad.

Why waste time? Do what fucking works.

Shamans travel around the world offering toad ceremonies.

[bazera]

@Leo Gura For people without a prior psychedelic experiences, will smoking at a ceremony be as effective as you desrcibe in your videos? (even as in your first 5meo-trip video couple of years ago)

What dangers do you see with smoking at a toad ceremony?

[herghly]

@bazera You wont be able to control the dosage. But it's better than nothing and you might meet cook like-minded people.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, bazera said:

@Leo Gura For people without a prior psychedelic experiences, will smoking at a ceremony be as effective as you desrcibe in your videos? (even as in your first 5meo-trip video couple of years ago)

What dangers do you see with smoking at a toad ceremony?

Nothing you do will be as effective as what I describe in my video. I describe an unimaginable level of effectiveness which took years to develop and cultivate.

But it should still be highly effective. You don't need what I got in my video. That's too much for you. I came to the brink of disappearing.

There are some dangers, mostly the dangers of taking too much, passing out, throwing up, breath stopping, and overwhelming traumatic breakthroughs.

But most of these dangers you should be able to mitigate with proper planning, research, and communication with your shaman. Tell him to start you low and ramp you up.

[wordsforliving]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@wordsforliving It's not so hard to travel to Mexico or South America and smoke some toad.

Why waste time? Do what fucking works.

Shamans travel around the world offering toad ceremonies.

@Leo Gura that sounds like a way I could proceed, especially as I have 0% experience with psychedelics. I will have to research how to find a genuine source not in it just for money. Assuming these Shamans do not travel to the United States? 

Meanwhile, as I research this, I want to continue the self-actualization work in a serious way and have the most effective foundation for going forward. 

[Leo Gura]

12 minutes ago, wordsforliving said:

Shamans do not travel to the United States?

Shamans may not travel to the United States but toads live in the United States and rainy season is coming

You're just being lazy. You can easily learn how to grow some shrooms. Do your research.

If you want something bad enough, research the shit out of it. Ignorance is not a valid excuse.

[wordsforliving]

@Commodent I did get into A Course in Miracles a few years back, then put it on the back burner in my search for truth and have been following a lot of rabbit trails in the last 3 years especially. 

Yes, I am most interested in removing blocks, limitations, beliefs, delusions, etc., etc. that are hindering progression. Sometimes I get very overwhelmed at all the blocks and bullshit I have accumulated over the years that I need to get rid of. 

[Forestluv]

@wordsforliving I spent 25 years meditating and felt like I was still at surface levels. I had my first trip at about 45y.o. That one trip was more insightful than the previous 25 years of meditation combined.  If you haven’t done traditional psychedelics, that’s were I would start. They can be an incredibly powerful tool. I wouldn’t narrow it down to 5-Meo or bust. I’ve gone to incredibly deep zones of  love with Ayahuasca, 4-Aco-dmt and LSD. In some ways stronger than 5-Meo.

One can also enter deep direct experiences of Now and the source of Divine wisdom. I could go on and on about the dozens of transcendent experiences I’ve had with traditional psychedelics.

If you haven’t exhausted traditional psychedelics, I would go there. Just get some 4-aco-dmt or 1p-lsd online. We can’t source here, yet it’s very easy to find with google. You could have your first transcendent experience in the comfort of your home within the next two weeks. 

[wordsforliving]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Shamans may not travel to the United States but toads live in the United States

You're just being lazy. You can easily learn how to grow some shrooms. Do your research.

If you want something bad enough, research it. Ignorance is not a valid excuse.

@Leo Gura  Realize this is right - I was thinking lazy! And I know you're right about this too - ignorance is not a valid excuse. 

Time to stop my bullshit and test how badly I want it. And with this in mind, starting the research, nose to the ground sniffing the trail...  

[Leo Gura]

@wordsforliving

https://www.actualized.org/insights/how-to-research-psychedelics

[erik8lrl]

Ayahuasca is legal in some states.

[wordsforliving]

4 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

One can also enter deep direct experiences of Now and the source of Divine wisdom. I could go on and on about the dozens of transcendent experiences I’ve had with traditional psychedelics.

If you haven’t exhausted traditional psychedelics, I would go there. Just get some 4-aco-dmt or 1p-lsd online. We can’t source here, yet it’s very easy to find with google. You could have your first transcendent experience in the comfort of your home within the next two weeks. 

This sounds like viable ways to investigate! Thank you for the insight! 

[Surfingthewave]

10 hours ago, wordsforliving said:

So much foundational work needs to be done here. Need to attain higher levels of consciousness. Meanwhile, the question that plagues me is HOW to attain much deeper or higher levels of awakenings that Leo experienced. Because THAT is the holy grail. 

@wordsforliving

Really really contemplate what you have just said. 

Why do you have to attain higher levels of consciousness? 

No it isn't the holy grail, be aware of how easily influenced you are. 

Forget psychedelics, forget enlightenment, this is advanced work for experienced folk. Start on basic self help on why you feel you are miserable. 

Stop being a sheep following blindly what you watch on you tube. 

[bejapuskas]

@wordsforliving  Could you say that this has brought you no benefit at all?

[wordsforliving]

On 4/21/2020 at 1:16 AM, Surfingthewave said:

@wordsforliving

Really really contemplate what you have just said. 

Why do you have to attain higher levels of consciousness? 

No it isn't the holy grail, be aware of how easily influenced you are. 

Forget psychedelics, forget enlightenment, this is advanced work for experienced folk. Start on basic self help on why you feel you are miserable. 

Stop being a sheep following blindly what you watch on you tube. 

Well, through your condensending tone, that one thing I know for 100% certain is that absolutely nothing you say here is of any value whatsoever. You know nothing about my journey, have no grounds to judge me or anyone else as being easily influenced, a sheep, or assume I do not qualify in your mind to do advanced work. Obviously you are not as experienced as your ego assumes. 

Stop being condensending. Zero value there. Why even be here?