My Head Is Not My Head

[Telepresent]

My head is not my head
My hands are not my hands
Sensations within a sensory world
Corresponding to something 'out there'?
Perhaps, but not the thing.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did exist
And here I am the devil
Slamming an imaginary head against metaphorical walls
While the walls are made of sensation of skull and skin
But not really there because
My head is not my head.

And talk of all-as-one and I-am-all
Useless while playing with the sensory me
The me of perception and imagination and metaphor
Glued together with emotional bonds
This body is not a body
These thoughts are not in this head
And the suggestion that all I see is within my head
Is useless while my head is not my head.

My head, my not-a-head
Contained within the sensory world itself
With thought-words ascribing that this is my head
And thoughts and imaginations trying to connect how
All I see and all I feel is in my head
While my head is within all I see and feel
And so my head is within my head?
No.

My head is not my head
My hands are not my hands
My body is not my body
And if there is an 'out there'
It is not here
And if there is a real body
It is not here.
And perspective is a key
An artificial perspective
Drawn of lines in the sand
'Me' and 'not me'
Lines of thought
Lines of habit
Lines of learning.

But 'out there' is also 'in here'
The same sensory place
Even if all in my head, my real head
Then the walls the limits the ends are invisible
(Or not there?)
And my head, my false head
Is a trick sitting within my real head.

My head is not my head
My hands are not my hands
My body is not my body
And whether or not there is an 'out there'
A 'real body' or a 'real world'
This is not it.

Edited July 1, 2016 by Telepresent

[Telepresent]

And that's really the fight right there, isn't it?
The constant attempt to recognise
to really feel
that this is all sensation
and therefore not real
this is all perception
and therefore not real
that there may be a real
but this is not it
and all the thoughts and all the imaginings and all the feelings and all the rest
are just perspectives
just interpretations
that's all they all are
just interpretations
given meaning because that's what we do
given patterns because that's what we do
but overall and all not true
not the thing
never the thing
And I cannot stay this body if I want to move on
I cannot stay this identity if I want to move on
The precious imiginings that 'I' might survive
Might be somehow made bigger and better
And connected with all
And negative feelings and emotions
And positive emotional identities
Will have to be put aside.
For as long as I identify with my not-me
Then I will be restricted and small and believing non-truth
Contained and restrained as a tiny point within a large and separate other.

And yet having ventured out and returned I find 'myself' wanting
The thoughts once again demanding
Return! Return!
We must try and struggle and fight to get back
But the thoughts cannot go
The I cannot go
It still clings still fights to its imagined salvation.
And fears arise
"Wasting time!  Wasting time!  All the things you have to do!"
Clawing like harpies grasping at my back
Dragging me in, in, into the head
the head that is not a head
but the more inside the more solid the more real it all feels
inside the thoughts the fears the have-to's and need-to's
and time ticking away
tick tick tick
and another objective between lunch and emails
cannot be treated as such
Locked in time is locked in false
Locked in fear
Locked in locked in locked in.

A whole world, a whole world around the 'me'
A whole world ready to be felt
If 'I' just let go
Just release that grip
Just calm that fever to cling to cling
To be in control.
'I' claiming it wants to be free
but the freedom is restricted
the freedom to control to only have what is wanted
to not accept and not allow
to demand and to cry out
"THIS IS NOT RIGHT!"
and be heard.
But what but who is there to listen?
Only 'I'.
Screaming at itself, over and over.
Thirty-one years of screaming
And never one of listening.
Believing thoughts believing divisions
Believing lines drawn in imagination
Believing
Believing
Believing.

Edited July 1, 2016 by Telepresent