(1 Tab) LSD Trip Report: Nondual Breakthrough Explained

[Adam M]

The purpose of this thread is to describe the nondual breakthroughs that I had on LSD on Saturday, April 11, 2020. I am going to film a video of myself explaining what happened to me with video clips of me (as God) trying to articulate the experience during the peak. I will post the video when it is uploaded to YouTube...it may take a few days to get it right.

Attached is:

A picture of a tree that I took while tripping and a picture of the cards that I pulled from my Tarot deck after asking "Should I trip today?" (the answer is a clear Yes!)

 

I woke up at 9am and was getting very strong signs to do LSD in the forest beside my house. I had been reading "The Universe is a Dream" by Alex Marchand and "The Religion of Tomorrow" by Ken Wilber. My mind was very prepared to have a nondual breakthrough. I had been doing lots of self-inquiry and meditation as well.

I packed a bag full of snacks and things to last me the day in the forest. Dressed very warm. And started heading to my desired location without any food in my stomach.

I put 1 tab (not a precise dosage, could've been anywhere between 100ug and 200ug) of LSD under my tongue, left it there for about 10 minutes, and then swallowed the tab. 

As I was waiting for the effects to come on, I found a nice place to sit and meditate. I felt very calm, relaxed, and excited for what was about to come.

After about 20 minutes of meditation, I began staring at a large tree in front of me and was trying to have insight into "What is it?"

Just as with any contemplation, I was trying very hard to use my direct experience as guidance and to avoid philosophizing. Of course, as you look at the tree for a while, you start to wonder who is the one doing the looking? I tried to train my awareness on the fact that there is no difference between subject and object. The category of "subject" and "object" is clearly a fantasy, so I was just trying to be as aware of this fact as possible.

As the effects were getting stronger, I felt a very powerful heart-opening experience. Suddenly, I was very conscious of my chest area and was breathing very deeply and fully into the heart area. My body buzzed with energy. I trained my consciousness on my heart area and realized how my heart-space is an infinite Void. As I breathed very deeply and fully into my chest, I was becoming more and more aware that the space that is in my chest is made of Pure Nothingness. This means that it can go inwards forever. Infinitely deep. It is possible for you to become aware, right now, that the space in your heart (especially when breathed into) expands Infinitely Deep (inwards) and also expands outwards forever. 

At this point, it is blatantly obvious that my entire sensory field is made up of this same Empty Space. We call it "Consciousness." What's so cool about this Pure Emptiness is that it is also Perfectly Full as it is made of itself.

"Everything is Consciousness," I say to myself with a giant smile. It feels really really good at this point. The Empty Space in my heart permeates the entire sensory field (as it always has since Emptiness cannot be localized) and I feel Divine Love and Awe for the profundity of the present moment.

It's important to clarify that the actual CONTENT of my experience barely changed. The trees, the little stream beside me, the sky, all looked pretty much the same. There were slight visual effects that made everything seem wavy and patterned. 

When you are in a mystical state, the CONTENT of the forms will probably look the same. But, you have a direct understanding of what the forms actually are (Pure Consciousness).

At this point, I am only about 45 minutes into my trip. I had no clue what was coming for me.

 

I felt a lot of energy as if I was a young child again. All I wanted to do was run around, play, and explore the beautiful forest that I was in. (which is made of Me)

 

As I was exploring the forest, the thoughts were very contemplative. I was always trying to direct my attention to the present moment so that I can gain insight into what the present moment actually is. I sat in gorgeous patches of flowers with the sun shining through the trees. It was surreal. Everything is profound.

 

Now is when it starts to get nondual.

 

I just finished reading "The Universe is a Dream" by Alex Marchand and I was very conscious of my own tendency to project guiltiness onto others. A Course in Miracles talks about Forgiveness as a direct path to realizing your True Nature (as God). So, for the week leading up to this trip, I had been practicing forgiving myself and others for all the things that make me angry, sad, or emotionally triggered in any way.

The forgiveness that I am talking about is not the typical forgiveness that we are familiar with. "You have done something wrong, but I'll forgive you anyway."

True Forgiveness is about consciousness. "I am aware that your existence is a projection of my mind. I understand that the present moment is all that exists and that you were never separate from me. Therefore, I forgive you. You could never be guilty of anything. I forgive you. I fully accept you. I embrace you exactly as you are. I LOVE YOU! (because you're literally me)."

The nondual breakthrough was triggered by fully forgiving MYSELF for anything that I have ever done "wrong."

All of us carry "guilt" with us. Guilt is the belief that you are imperfect. Guilt is the belief that you are separate from God. Guilt is the belief that you are vulnerable, limited, bound by time and space, unworthy, even evil or bad.

So, I tried to find a part of myself that I hated, despised, or disowned. I thought of myself getting into trouble as a young boy and being forced to sit in the principal's office. In the principal's office, I had to sit there and think about all of the things that I have "done wrong" because I was a "bad boy."

There was a part of me that actually thought I was a bad boy and that I was guilty of "doing something wrong." BUT! There was also a part of me that KNEW, that I was INNOCENT!

This thought actually began to trigger a nondual awakening within my consciousness. I realized that my TRUE NATURE was the Timeless Self. Pure Nothingness. Pure Love. Pure Innocence. Pure Being.

I started screaming I AM INNOCENT! I AM INNOCENT! I AM INNOCENT! 

What was so astounding and so powerful was just HOW INNOCENT I truly am.

I realized that I could commit mass genocide, and still be as innocent as a newborn baby.

My true nature is PURE INNOCENCE. Untouched, Untainted Awareness. One without a second. Purity. I could rape and pillage millions of families and not even acquire a scratch of guilt on the perfect jewel that is my Innocence.

Just the idea that I could ever do anything "bad" or "wrong" made me die of laughter.

"I" actually died of laughter.

Pure Bliss swept my heart and I experienced what the sages call "Unconditional Love."

This literally means that if I was able to meet Adolf Hitler during WWII, I would give him a big wet kiss. What a perfectly innocent and beautiful manifestation of God. Made of Me!

Self Love.

My Self is Pure Being, Infinity and Nothingness at once. The Entire Kosmos. And Love is the totally self-less embrace of ME. So Self Love can also be phrased as "Universal Embrace" or Selfless Love

True love can only be experienced by Form-less Being. This is because having one particular form (like a human body) comes with the side-effect of having an ego. Therefore, anything that threatens my ability to continue being a formed thing, a separate self, will feel the wrath of my hatred, rejection, and repression.

Luckily, I am a perfect Formless Being. Pure Awareness. Being so Pure and Formless, I have the total freedom to take any form that I want. After all, the mechanism of creation is Pure Thought. If I can imagine it, it exists. The Universe is created by God (Nothing, Me) making DISTINCTIONS (which are made of Nothing and grounded in Nothing) within myself.

I laugh when it is said that proclaiming yourself to be God is "egoic, selfish, or arrogant." It's literally the exact opposite XD. Being aware of your True Self takes ultimate selflessness! Pure detachment! Pure Innocence! Pure humbleness!

The best part is that YOU ARE GOD! Hello! Hi! You wrote this post! The formless witness that I am, IS THE EXACT SAME FORMLESS WITNESS THAT IS IN YOU!!!

That's why hating another is always a form of self-hatred. Rejection of YOURSELF!

Imagine a newborn baby. So Pure and Innocent. It hasn't even made a distinction yet in its mind. Let alone the distinction between "good" and "evil."

It is very difficult to HATE a newborn baby because it is such a Pure Manifestation of Being. Pure Awareness.

But now, remember, that as the baby grows older, it will always be Pure Awareness. Perfectly innocent. There may appear to be a veil of selfishness, egotism, greed, evil, that develops as the baby grows into an adult. But, remember always, that is a projection of your own selfishness!

The baby has always been Completely and Totally Innocent. Even if that baby grew up to be Adolf Hitler, its Innocence would remain untouched.

Now realize that all "bad" or "evil" things are a projection of your own self-hatred! (rejecting a part of yourself)

Your seperate-ness is projected onto the world and onto other people. A sage who has purified himself of his own selfishness sees with Christ-Consciousness. Unconditional Love for all Beings. Because all of Being is an equal manifestation of your Supreme Self. You are the Imperishable One! Nothing "good" or "bad" has ever happened to you or anyone. How could Pure Nothingness ever be affected by anything? IT IS EVERYTHING ALREADY!

 

At this point, my body was overwhelmed with Power, Freedom, and Love. I jumped up and down and screamed like a monkey. I smashed sticks against trees as hard as I could. Why? Just for fun. There's nothing else to do here in this present moment except for Realizing Who You Are and having fun with it! 

Other insights from this awakening:

• I AM! (this is the highest and most important insight because it captures the essence of nonduality)

• Self-realization is forgiving everything that you hate…

• The awareness in me is the same awareness in you! How do I know? It's what I am! I see you! 

• Consciousness cannot be mainstreamed because pure innocence is fertile soil for the projection of guilt. Pure innocence is true authenticity. For me to be fully authentic, I would have to be conscious of my true nature as God! But, although I am totally selfless, it is very easy for ego's to unconsciously project their own guilt, arrogance, and ignorance upon me. Check out many of the negative comments under Leo's "I am God" videos. Thankfully, this projection makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. Because I am conscious that I am the only One who is projecting (onto myself)! 

• Consciousness is powerful (absolute freedom). Dangerous for the established social systems because it sledgehammers rigid belief systems.

• The Heart is the Seat of the Soul. It appears as if the source of awareness is right at the very center of your being, the heart. Live from this place! 

• "A distinction" is a distinction.

 

I was still peaking as I began to continue walking through the forest. It was a beautiful day and other people were out walking as well. I was in a very vulnerable state and was afraid of making eye-contact with people. Whenever I walked by someone, I felt such a strong urge to look them in the eyes so that I could share my Love. But, each time, I was afraid of being judged by them. I must have walked by 10 different people and each time I was super awkward about walking by them. It was a good time to contemplate "What is an other?" 

Finally, I wanted to make eye contact with the last person I passed. It was a father with a baby on his shoulders. As I walked by, I awkwardly smiled at them. I looked up at the baby and made strong eye contact with him. "How's the view up there?" I asked jokingly. The baby and I locked eye contact. At this moment, I realized instantly that I was looking directly in the mirror. The baby's gaze was totally pure and free of self-judgment of any kind. I was staring into my own eyes. I recognized myself instantly and he recognized me (which is the same).

I kept walking and came to a wide-open field where I was able to relax and enjoy my elevated consciousness for the next few hours. I called my friend on the phone who has also had nondual experiences and my friend realized that he was getting a phone call from God. It was awesome.

Occasionally, if I wanted to experience ultimate rapture, I would train my awareness on my own Purity. I would remember how Innocent I am. Instantly I would fall to the floor and scream and laugh hysterically. I'd fall on my back with my legs over my head and die of laughter. I would literally perish in my own innocence.

 

In my bag, I had packed with me one very small book. I had never even read this book before, but something told me to bring it with me.

At this point, I took the book out and opened it. "The Spiritual Teaching of Ramana Maharshi" published by Shambala Pocket Library.

 

I'll leave you with some extremely powerful excerpts that took my trip to a whole new level. Reading these words as God for the first time (even though I wrote them) was one of the peak experiences of my entire life. Let these words echo in your consciousness:

Questioner : How can I attain Self- realization?

Ramana Maharshi : Realization is nothing to be gained afresh; it is already there. All that is necessary is to get rid of the thought `I have not realized'. Stillness or peace is realization. There is no moment when the Self is not. So long as there is doubt or the feeling of non-realization, the attempt should be made to rid oneself of these thoughts.

There's a lot more:

https://www.mountainrunnerdoc.com/beasyouare.html

This is not the exact dialogue. I believe the full dialogue can be found in the book "Be as You Are."

However, I just stumbled upon this beautiful synthesis of the teachings. The essence is the same.

 

Thanks for reading! Hopefully this inspires you to remember Who You Are!

 

[Osaid]

14 minutes ago, Adam M said:

I was becoming more and more aware that the space that is in my chest is made of Pure Nothingness.

Wow

[Preety_India]

This reminds me a lot about Osho 

 

Cool

 

 

[Leo Gura]

@Adam M Awesome! You got it! Hi-five!

But there is also much more

[Harikrishnan]

Beautiful. You provided Great insights for me to contemplate.❤️

[loub]

Congrats on the trip, I really resonated with your report.

As someone who has never done psychedelics before but is going to try them I would like to hear your and @Leo Gura 's opinion on a short paragraph from Peter Ralston's "Pursuing Consciousness":

An Acid trip is not Enlightenment

While we're on this subject, don't confuse enlightenment with the use of mind-altering drugs. Such an experience might challenge your habits of perception for a while, but that's not the same thing as an increased consciousness. It is possible to have an enlightenment no matter what the circumstance, but drugs only provide an altered mind-state, and certainly not enlightenment.

I would like to hear your opinion on this, good luck with the integration

Edited April 17, 2020 by loub

[Forestluv]

@Adam M Nice report. You articulate experience and insight very well.

@loub The passage you quote creates a construct of an “unaltered” reality and an “altered” reality. This is common with people that have little or no experience with psychedelics. A mind tends to judge it’s conditioned perception as being “normal” or “unaltered” and deviations from that as being “abnormal” or “altered”. Calling a sober mindset “unaltered” and a psychedelic mindset “altered” gives the mind a sense of grounding and control of the internal mental narrative. Yet this is a shallow, contracted understanding and a hindrance to exploring deeper, more expansive. There is a realization that all mind states are a form of “altered” (and that all mind states are “unaltered”). As well, there is a realization of Beingness ‘prior’ to the creation of an “altered vs unaltered’ construct. 

[abrakamowse]

@Adam M Thanks for sharing! Great insights!

[Javfly33]

Now that´s what I call an excellent set and setting 

I´happy for you! You are me. Good that you remembered who you are 

[DivineSoda]

Beautiful, thanks for sharing! Did it look anything like this? 

 

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, loub said:

Congrats on the trip, I really resonated with your report.

As someone who has never done psychedelics before but is going to try them I would like to hear your and @Leo Gura 's opinion on a short paragraph from Peter Ralston's "Pursuing Consciousness":

An Acid trip is not Enlightenment

While we're on this subject, don't confuse enlightenment with the use of mind-altering drugs. Such an experience might challenge your habits of perception for a while, but that's not the same thing as an increased consciousness. It is possible to have an enlightenment no matter what the circumstance, but drugs only provide an altered mind-state, and certainly not enlightenment.

I would like to hear your opinion on this, good luck with the integration

I have my disagreements with Ralston. He's way too dismissive of psychedelics.

Psychedelics absolutely, 100% increase consciousness.  I don't know how anyone can deny this.

[SamueLSD]

@DivineSoda That is more like mushrooms

[SamueLSD]

@Leo Gura To integrate it into homeostasis is a true increase of consciousness, is what I believe he meant  

[Cepzeu]

@Adam M I'm so happy for you.

I had an almost identical experience two days later to you. Except I was very nauseous and emptied my guts (from both ends) . Tip: do not drink smoothies before a trip. haha

I love you

[Adam M]

@Leo Gura Hi-Five! 

If there wasn't way more I'd be rather disappointed...

@loub Ralston! Psychedelics clearly raise consciousness. Consciousness on LSD is just as real and valid as consciousness through self inquiry. 

On 4/17/2020 at 1:46 PM, DivineSoda said:

Beautiful, thanks for sharing! Did it look anything like this? 

 

I like this picture! It did look a little bit like this at times but not as dramatic. What interests me most on psychedelics is the energy shift in my body and consciousness. The visuals are often a minor bonus.

 

15 hours ago, SamueLSD said:

@Leo Gura To integrate it into homeostasis is a true increase of consciousness, is what I believe he meant  

By that logic, an enlightenment through self-inquiry (which I admittedly, have never experienced), is just as impermanent and temporary as an enlightenment on acid. Both enlightenments require integration.

 

@abrakamowse @Cepzeu @Javfly33 @Serotoninluv @Harikrishnan @Preety_India @Osaid

Edited April 18, 2020 by Adam M

[SamueLSD]

11 hours ago, Adam M said:

Both enlightenments require integration

Absolutely  

[SilentTears]

Great post! ?

[BigDogRaven]

very helpful and insightful trip report, thx for sharing/

[Adam M]

 

I made a video trip-report of this trip. It includes clips of me explaining what is happening to me live while I'm coming up to the peak. 

Check it out if interested!

[Igor82]

On 2020-04-17 at 4:40 AM, Adam M said:

Consciousness cannot be mainstreamed because pure innocence is fertile soil for the projection of guilt.

Yo, be careful with how you use your wordings. I think consciousness WILL be mainstreamed, craving masters of consciousness to skillfully DEAL with the projection of guilt, through the use of creativity and authentic embodiment.

NEVER believe that consciousness can't be mainstreamed. You see, it limits your options of creative mastery.