Dreams and Nightmares journal

[Preety_India]

I am going to use this journal as a way of recording my dreams and Nightmares. A detailed record of the dreams is a good way of analyzing my thoughts when I'm not aware of those thoughts. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

So last night I had a dream about me and a little child. 

I was holding her and cuddling. She was 6 years old. I was hugging and cuddling her. And then I noticed her teeth that were decaying. So I told her that. I told her that I could see some spots on her teeth and she was looking at me and the dream ended. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

It was like a mixture of sorts. 

Random thoughts and images scattered throughout the dream. There was no story or flow this time. 

I saw Selena Gomez and she was a kid. She was appearing for a show and she sounded strange. Suddenly there was a huge controversy around it. So I thought to myself, "aren't we all different as kids?" maybe we sounded different and it changed over time. I saw Oprah Winfrey. But she was very young like in high school. Her mother was a famous Broadway actress and there was a this tall black guy that she used to call Uncle and he already awarded her with a Kid's version of the Oscar for her acting performance. He told her mom that Oprah is super talented and will make a name for herself. Her mother didn't believe it though. 

I saw myself as a kid in the dream. And I was wearing a little pink frock. I was dancing around. 

Everyone was making jokes. People talked too fast for me. I couldn't process everything. It was all so mixed up. 

I saw a lot of pink crochet and pearls and short dresses and hair bands all the cute girly stuff 

It seemed like everyone was playing dress up. 

End of the dream. 

I had multiple dreams in a row one after another. But I forgot the one that was before this one.. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

This nightmare that I had  is just the worst ever nightmare I had in my life. 

I have been stalked at least 3 times in my life. And it's not good at all. Being stalked makes you miserable. 

The last stalking experience I had was 3 years ago. It was so bad that I totally stopped leaving my house for some months. 

I was suicidal at the time. There was no way of reporting the stalker because they wanted his name and I didn't know that person. 

The nightmare I had was extremely vivid and very horrifying. 

Warning - do not read if you are uncomfortable reading bad stories. The story contains imagery of bad things happening to me. I need to record these nightmares and present them to my therapist so that they understand why I'm suffering these 

So the nightmare goes like this. 

Me and my friend. I'll call her Diana. Me and Diana are going grocery shopping together and then we are returning home. We're walking home. We take a route that is very dark and very lonely. Nobody usually takes that. We just thought we would reach home faster that way. 

As we are struggling we hear footsteps behind us. We are scared to bits. We turn around and see this huge masked person with a knife in the hand looking at us. We are too scared at this point. 

He/she tries to attack me with the knife and at that time the mask falls off revealing the face. It's a woman with a creepy smile. and somehow I run out of that place and me and Diana make it to the main street from where we had started earlier. We then decide that we will never take dark alleys or roads and walk through places where we see other people too. For protection. 

I am at the bus stop and I see the bus coming.  I can see the girl from far running towards me with the knife in her hand but it's concealed underneath her clothes so others don't see it. But I know she has it. 

I am too frightened. Me and my friend try to hop into the bus. Now we take a sigh of relief thinking that it's all gone and we never have to worry about that stalker girl again. 

The stalker girl has a weird face. She smiles when she looks at me. Not a good smile. But the smile of duping delight and an expression like "hey, you can't escape me, see I got you, haha"  her face is very strange because I have never seen her before and don't know who she is. I can't really describe her face. But her eyes look chill and face is plain, her nose is long, her lips are very thin and wide, her face is chiseled and rectangular in shape  her cheeks are flat. There is this ghostly silence on her face like a coldness with that freakish smile.. 

The moment I see her face I panic..I know she wants to kill me. 

Now me and Diana are trying to get comfortable in our seats and I'm searching for money to pay for the ticket.. Meanwhile I look up and I see the mirror on the front side of the bus which shows the people in the bus and I see her... Again. Omg not again. I tell my friend and she looks at the mirror and now we are both mortified. 

I decide to get off the bus and take another one. Me and my friend get off the bus. I can see the girl at the other exit of the bus and she got off as well. 

Now she is following me. We both are desperately running towards the next bus stop. She is running towards us. She tries to attack me once again and I get sharp cuts on my arm and bruises. 

I immediately run around the street corner along with my friend and we keep waving to the bus but the bus doesn't stop as it usually does. And now we are very scared for our lives. 

We keep running around in panic looking for another bus. This time we see a cab. We hop into it. I'm telling the cab driver directions to go home. He doesn't care to listen. He is constantly complaining about his cab and he fears it will break down. 

I'm begging the cab driver to listen but he is in his own world. 

As we drive out that place, me and my friend breathe a sigh... We think this is the last we had seen of that girl. 

As the cab takes many twists and turns, I realize suddenly that the cab has a back transparent screen through which you can see the streets that are behind you as you drive. You can see everything. 

I look back and to my horror she is there. Standing at the corner of the street looking at the cab. Omg. How could she have known that we boarded this cab. She hadn't seen us getting in it. 

This is frightening. I'm getting all sweaty with fear. I tell my friend that this is probably not the best idea of escaping that girl. She nods. We both are on edge. Right now my brain is frozen and I don't know what's going on or what to do. 

The cab driver is being rude and aggressive towards us. He is constantly complaining. So I just tell him to take a turn and he keeps looking at me and says "oh madam I can't do that"... He keeps repeating and it's annoying me. 

I tell him to stop and I struggle to find my cash. I keep looking through all the pockets of my wallet and just all sorts of trash in it but no cash. I think I might have given all the cash to the ticket collector on the bus out of panic. Oh my God. I finally find some money at the bottom of the wallet and pay that driver and we both are now standing on the street looking for a way out. 

We cross the street and I can see a huge neon sign of a bar next to where we are standing. The space behind the bar is all empty like a graveyard. I don't know but for some reason everything appears scary and remote and I feel that girl's presence everywhere like she is laughing at me. 

I look around, frantically scanning the road for any signs of her. The road is crowded with people. It's almost late evening. Once it's past that hour, we will have some difficulty in getting a cab because people are returning home and transport will shut down. 

We both are praying we get a cab. Please fast. Fast.... Fast. 

We are waving at all the cabs, just anybody who is ready to drive us home. At this point I'm short of cash and I am assuming my friend will pay some.. I don't know if she got the money or not. 

Most cabs are just rejecting us. The cab drivers are asking me too much. They are getting confused with directions or just do not want to drive. 

I'm panic stricken with cuts and blood over my arm. All I'm thinking is to get home somehow. 

I finally see a cab.. It has a huge velvet seat inside. This thing looks very odd. I've never seen a cab with this huge seat. The seat looks like a huge couch. 

So not thinking much, we decide to get in. But we can't. The seat is completely blocking the way to ender the cab.. 

The driver is trying to push the seat to the back so that there is enough room for me to hop on it. But he is unable to push it. He is trying 

Right now I'm sweating. I don't want to see her face again. 

I am telling the driver to make it fast. Please fix it.. Right now this cab is our only last chance to get out of that place.. 

The seat is very awkwardly placed and almost stuck. He keeps pushing. Nothing happens.. A lot of time is getting wasted here. 

Finally. He makes some space. We crawl into it. Like huddled into this little space. We can hardly breathe and we are sitting awkwardly with our heads bent forward. But can't help it. 

He starts and I tell him to keep switching the streets. This is my strategy of avoiding that girl and fooling her if she is behind us.. I tell him the longer route, it's more winding and I want him to constantly take another street to escape the main roads. I am directing him to take a lot of turns and he is getting confused. This is my only trick of evading that girl. 

My friend is asking me about the next day. Like what are we going to do. Will we never ever go shopping to that place again? I don't know what to tell her. 

I tell her to not think about tomorrow,..." just think about now okay." 

I tell her that I don't have enough cash and she might need to pay the rest. She agrees and I feel a bit better. 

I don't want to look outside anymore, scared what if I see that face again. 

We are going at a very slow speed through all the narrow streets and main roads. I told him to avoid main roads 

Now I'm scared. What if we see her again. I'm thinking the best way to escape her notice would be to slouch back as much into the car and look down and away, kind of hide into the seat and go deep inside so our faces are never seen. I tell her to push back into the car seat as much as she can. The problem is that the seat is too rigid and we are almost falling out of the car and anyone can see us through the window. 

So me and Diana are pushing our backs into the seat to sink inside as much as we can.. 

It's really hard to push because the seat is so hard and stuck. We are trying. 

I don't look out at all.. 

Abrupt End of the dream.. 

Woke up in deep fear. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by Preety_India

[fridjonk]

@Preety_India I deeply empathize with you, even though I can not. As a man, I've never had to worry about such a thing. But I can imagine how afraid one could be in such a situation. 

Well, maybe I can to a little extent. When I was younger there were pedophiles that would wait in front of schools to try and lour kids in their cars. And this is in the safest country on earth. But the thought of being taken against your will is disturbing, to say the least. 

[Preety_India]

@fridjonk  yea I agree. 

Being stalked is a very scary and traumatizing experience. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I had a nightmare problem since childhood. 

During my childhood years I used to suffer nightmares where the usual theme was some animal chasing me relentlessly through woods or in a residential area. 

It was almost always an animal chasing me all the time.. 

I would run and run and run in panic and keep running and then wake up and snap out of the dream sweaty and with palpitations and just feeling very anxious and pounding.. 

 

The common animals that I saw in my nightmares as a kid were 

Foxes 

Wolves 

Lions 

Tigers 

Bears 

Elephants 

Dogs 

Dog like looking animals.. 

Usually these dreams/nightmares used to make me very anxious. Sometimes panic attacks.. 

These dreams were very recurrent.. 

The only recurrent theme throughout my childhood nightmares was being chased and me running for my life.. 

Once I saw a large truck like a Mac truck following me at high speed and chasing me. I was running and finally some object came and blocked the truck before I could get hit.

The usual ending to these nightmares would be 

• Either I would suddenly wake up or snap just before the animal or thing attacked me 
• Or something would happen and block the animal from jumping on me. 

For example once I had this dog or wolf attacking me and jumping on me. 

And he kept chasing me until I reached my house. I tried to forcefully open the door but the door was locked. So I pulled out my keys and tried to unlock the door. The problem was that when I was trying to move the key into the lock, my hands were shaking a lot and the shaking wouldn't allow the key to open the door. Meanwhile I was panicky thinking the dog like creature was behind me. And I force the door open finally and just as I am trying to close the door I see the dog pouncing and I immediately shut the door and put the latch all in a millisecond as fast as I can. 

I remember this dream distinctly. This was like 15 years ago when I was 12 years old. 

I usually suffer from bad memory but surprisingly I remember a lot of my childhood nightmares very distinctly to this day.

Either I forget the dream the moment I wake up or if I remember them I can remember them for life.. Weird. 

[Preety_India]

I broke myself out of my dream. Right when it was progressing to a nightmare I snapped. 

I will have to develop the intuitive skill to snap during the nightmare in order to stop the panic attacks. 

I cannot go to a therapist now. 

So I'm stuck. 

I will have to find my own solutions to this problem. 

 

[Preety_India]

The dream was about...hmm. I forgot.. 

Forgetting it is the most frustrating part. 

The quality of my sleep has been badly impacted because of these nightmares. 

I barely sleep now. 

 

[fridjonk]

@Preety_India hopefully by trying to remember your dreams, you'll gain control over them and achieve lucidity. So you can either face the fear head-on or change it to whatever you wish. 

Remembering them becomes easier and easier the more you do it. 

[Preety_India]

@fridjonk  yep. Great suggestion 

 

I will need to keep working harder around it. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Last night, no nightmares. 

Good job for 1 night at least 

 Hope the habit breaks. 

 

April 23, 2020. 

 

Edited April 23, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Woke up feeling really shitty 

Had a nightmare. Wasn't a good feeling at all. 

This time I remember it fresh and vivid. 

I'm invited to an academy of arts and sciences

 

When I enter the Academy Building, it's quite prestigious, I feel honored. 

But as soon as I enter, I see a lot of white people. Most of them are blonde haired. I approach them, they are very friendly and nice, they tell them they are foreign language students from different countries. I'm very impressed. 

As I walk further, I see huge trees and a long road with trees flanking the road on both sides. It's very pleasant, very spring like.. 

It's a long road, I'm sprinting and as I reach at the end of it, I see like a wooden bridge with huge wooden bars making the floor of the bridge. So I step on it.its kinda wet and damp. I'm bit surprised because the weather is warm. How can it be so wet here. 

So I keep walking. I see a lot of people standing along a railing along the bridge. At first I don't notice the water under the bridge. So I lean against the railing and I see the huge stream of water almost looks like a sea under the bridge. 

It's really deep deep blue water, lot of waves and foam on the surface, the water is constantly splashing against the railing of the bridge. The railing is quite tall so you won't fall. 

I keep walking and I suddenly see my school friends, all grown up now. I see Anushree, a friend from school. She greets me warmly at first and then ignores me. I see Nikita next to her and they are both busy talking ignoring me. So I'm like... Huh!! 

Nevermind. I keep walking.. I come across some really young girls, they must be 6 years old. They look really tiny even for that age. They look like the size of... Like double the size of a cat.. I don't know but they are really tiny looking.. 

I say hi to them and they are kinda pleasant. A lot of them smile at me. 

I then turn my attention to the opposite side of the railing. The railing is on both sides of the bridge. 

I look down and the splashing gushing water is almost creating a lather. 

I see a woman  and a boy, the woman is wearing a bright orange colored life jacket and signaling everyone above to not jump into the water.. 

I'm watching everyone. A lot of people on all sides. I am standing next to a girl and we are chit chatting and laughing. 

Then a man approaches me from behind and casually introduces himself and shows me a small carriage vehicle. I've never seen something like that before. It's like a cup shaped seat and behind is the driver's seat. He tells me to sit in it and that he will take me for a ride. I sit in it and he gives me a ride along the whole bridge and we come back to the same spot. I awkwardly step out of the vehicle. 

But I forget to say thank you to him. I continue my conversation with that girl and that man is standing right behind me. I have a bag full of treats with me, candies and stuff. I grab some and give it to the girl im chatting with. Then I turn around and feel slightly awkward seeing that guy but I realize that I need to thank him in some way so I pull out more treats and give him some as well. 

Then I walk  further down the bridge. I see a girl, one of those tiny girls sitting on the bridge. The bridge has a slightly elevated plank on the railing attached to it (like an outward window sill) and she is huddled in that small space 

 

 

Continued later. 

 

 

So the tiny girl is sitting in a bowl, roughly 1 feet wide, just a small bowl. 

And she is sliding along the plank and hits an obstacle and takes the bowl back to the top of the plank. I'm scared looking at her. I tell her that she can easily fall into the water and she doesn't care to listen. She tells me that the Bowl will protect her and she will keep sliding on the plank but never fall. 

I try telling other girls that this is dangerous and that she could fall into the water and I'm concerned for her but they don't pay heed to what I say.. 

I keep walking down the bridge and then come across a wooden obstruction. This obstruction looks like a  machine with a huge aperture like the one you see on the bagging checking at the airport, like the airport luggage x ray scanners. I see a lot of my friends entering it by falling on their front and crawling and wiggling through it. 

I look at them and feel uncomfortable. How am I going to slide and crawl through this. 

So I give it a try. And I keep struggling because it's really small so I keep gliding and slithering a little by little and finally I make it and come out of it really gasping for air.. 

And I see in front of me a room. I see Anushree sitting there in a corner and all my friends sitting in a row very tightly squeezed against each other. This looks like the inside of a boat or a cruise ship. 

I'm surprised. I didn't expect this. 

I feel a bit of a dread coming on. Because I am not sure what this is all about. So I ask Anushree and she says this is a part of the Academy's course and that we need to be on the ship for the next 40 days. 

I am very scared now. 40 days!!!!!!!!! What!!!!!!!! 

I can barely manage in that place for 40 days. Suddenly the ship starts to tilt really bad and we are all thrown off our balance 

The ship keeps tilting side to side. 

Suddenly there is a huge gust of wind and the ship is rocking dangerously and we are all falling off, I'm thinking how am I going to survive on this ship for 40 days!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I woke up in fear and sweat. 

 Dream abruptly ends. 

 

Edited April 30, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

So once again nightmares!! 

I don't remember a lot of details of this one. 

But it goes like this. I have a friend that I'm flirting with. We both get along really well. I am trying to be this creative artist and I have some good stuff, however my family is critical of me. They consider it a waste of my time. 

Weirdly my paintings are being stored in a mobile or portable fridge and all my works of art are being stuffed there with no more space to add more. 

I've some anxiety and fear about sling those paintings. 

Dream abruptly cuts. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

I had a dream about Selena Gomez and I was talking to a pharmacist in the dream. I gave them a few books and they kept it on their shelves. 

Selena Gomez's songs were playing in the background. I heard the song Broken Dreams being played over and over. I met a friend later and she put my head in her lap and I was listening to the Selena Gomez song. 

I was having an unnerving feeling with this song like it's a sad song and not giving me a good feeling. 

Dream abruptly cuts. 

 

I tried to look up this song on Google and there's no such song by Selena Gomez anywhere. Weird! 

 

[Preety_India]

This dream was very weird

 

I was living in a dorm but I had left that place. I came back to get some remaining items from the room 

I see a woman living next door and she smiles at me and I smile back at her. Then we get chatty. Suddenly she is rude and I have no clue. I just say Nevermind and go back to my room. I see these large rods, they don't fit on my door so I keep them on her door. 

She opens her door and she sees me and tells me to get them removed. I explain her the problem but she is adamant.. So I get them removed. 

I come back to my room. So I start photographing the whole room. Because it looks so beautiful. I was really clumsy when I used to live there. But the dorm girls who came to live there after me have kept it really cool. It looks really small so any kind of decor is just impossible. But these girls did a good job. They have put flower pots on the bedside, very fashionable and these pink dahlia like flowers bring a charm to the room.

Next I see they have put some conical pots on the large window in a beautiful array. I'm trying to take pictures of all of them and I want to get out of that place. Legally I'm not supposed to be there because the lease has ended but I have to pick up some stuff I left.. These girls are so kind. They left my stuff on the left side of the table undisturbed and neatly in a bunch. It's easier for me to just pick and throw that stuff into my bag. 

Now I'm returning back in a cab and I check my phone and my friends have sent me a hundred different pictures of different things. Omg I'm like I can't believe it.. 

It's my birthday and they really did care to make it special. 

 

End of the dream. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I woke up with a nightmare. But forgot it completely. 

Today is Thursday May 7. Keeping a track on my nightmares. 

It's not as bad as it was on first day of the journal. Progress. Some progress but very slow. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

This was an incredibly horrible nightmare. 

There was a woman sitting in front of me during painting class. She was just vulgar and brash and constantly boasting. 

She was sitting with her boyfriend. And calling a lot of clients. 

My paint bottles for some reason were falling off the table and it was a mess on the floor. 

This woman immediately calls the cops on me. And constantly keeps threatening me. 

I'm telling her to calm down but she won't listen.. She just wants to see me in trouble. 

She constantly keeps telling her boyfriend about me. They gossip about me. 

This woman is like a mean girl bully. 

After a while she sits across me on the other side and speaks on her cell phone. And I hear her conversation because she is being extremely loud. And she tells them that she is talent handling agent. She takes people who find it difficult to get a job and then trains them so that they can easily land a job. 

Her language and tone puts me off because she is very rude, brash and arrogant, loud talk, she constantly boasts how good she is and acts mean and tough meanwhile throwing mean looks around. She talks like a pimp drug addict. Just very loud and obnoxious and tacky. 

Just completely soulless and in unemotional

I am watching her, a bit scared because I don't know what she will do next. 

By now I'm too annoyed by her obnoxious boasting and mean language. I don't know how she treats her clients because she doesn't look nice at all, acts like a monster 

I really don't want the cops to come and create a scene and I'm thinking this woman is just a big mean bitch. 

 

 

 

Dream cuts off 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 13, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Woke up and had a dream of a murder mystery. 

A woman who had killed someone claims self defense but jt wasn't that. Now runs a business with her daughter and son and friends. Her son knows everything of her past. 

Don't remember all the details. 

The real business owner is missing. 

 

 

This dream wasn't terrifying or anything. But it was very dragging and simply disturbed my sleep. 

So the plot of the dream was a woman dressed in orange who gets arrested and questioned but she admits that it was self defense. It was a robbery that she committed but when she is exposed she decides to kill the owner of the business 

Her story looks suspicious to the detectives but with no evidence they let her go 

Scene cuts to this woman wearing a dark red business suit and inner white shirt. Large gold studs. 

She is now with her daughter who is a bit nerdy and controlling the business of the owner who she killed. 

She has a son who out of sympathy for her doesn't leak her secrets. 

But there's this pesky employee an old woman who is sturdy and argumentative and reigns a lot of control. 

The killer woman is contemplating if she can pull the  same move on this old  woman. 

The method she had used for killing was poisoning 

A guy dressed in pizza delivery outfit shows a special cuisine that looks like fluffy bread to everyone in the office. It's charged $12 a piece. So the employees are shocked one of them asking if they got a differently priced one. Enters a woman wearing similar clothes like the guy and shows them bigger ones that cost $35 a piece. 

One of the employees is a black woman who is smart and sees the trick and quips, "I'm not gonna buy those. I can make them at home using butter." 

At the same time the killer woman who is the owner now sees an opportunity to use the fluffy bread that are intended to contain the poison as her strategy and feed it to the pesky employee 

Dream ends. 

The parts of the dream that I forgot were where the woman kills the owner and how she does it and how many more she might have and she exactly does it. These parts were very spacey, blurred and rapid. Couldn't recollect the details of these parts. 

I could only see the woman in an orange summery see through dress walking into a narrow passage led by guards to an investigation room.

Dont recollect how the crime was committed or what she did with the body. 

But she is seen mixing something like dough or batter so it must be poisoning or a freak accident she caused that ended up killing the owner 

 

I  feel see parts where she sets up the wiring of the room in such a way that the person who gets curious about it will end up getting electrocuted. 

So her son gets a mild electric shock but he survives and does okay. This instills a doubt in him that his mother is behind it. 

These parts of the electric shock are disjointed and appear during the initial stages of the dream. 

 

Edited May 22, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Last night was a terrible dream again 

I was about to be eaten by a Crocodile.. 

So I don't remember much but I remember waking up with chest pounding. 

This nightmare was ughh. The worst. Just too much. 

I could see my feet getting dragged by the crocodile, the worst kind of fear consuming me. Never felt this frightened. 

The crocodile was slowly swallowing my body and I was just watching. Until something happened and snap, I held onto something like a branch and dragged myself out of its mouth. This struggle. Finally I'm out. 

But wait. I start running and running and the crocodile chases but can't for long. 

Then I reach a place where I can see all trinkets and leaves and objects and I'm climbing on it. I sit on it. 

Then I see a small crocodile about the size of a thumb. Like half of a thumb. And I'm freaking out. 

It runs faster than I can think. 

I keep searching for something and it grabs my finger. And I keep struggling to separate it from my finger and throw it out but it's grip is too strong. Finally I'm able to get it off my finger and it's painful.. I immediately take a netted colander and just place over it like a trap and now I can see it trapped inside. It's trying to bit my finger through the net as I'm pressing the net with my fingers. So I take a heavy book and place it on the top of the colander trap. Now. Aaaah.. I breathe a sigh of relief. Finally I caught it. 

The only fear is if the mother crocodile finds out that the young one is trapped.. I'm hearing the sounds of the croc, it must be nearby. 

End of the dream. 

(Wakes up in fear, this was the worst, seriously I'm not so scared of crocodiles in real life, but the croc scared the shit out of me..ughh) 

 

Damn you, I'm not scared of you. Pffft. 

 

 

 

Edited May 25, 2020 by Preety_India