Just Imagine

[mandyjw]

Always wondered why my bouts of chronic pain is almost always on the left side of my body. 

"The left side of the brain is responsible for controlling the right side of the body. It also performs tasks that have to do with logic, such as in science and mathematics. On the other hand, the right hemisphere coordinates the left side of the body, and performs tasks that have do with creativity and the arts."

So the left side of my body is controlled by the creative side of my mind, the opposite side, controls it?

That's just too fucking cool. 

 

[mandyjw]

 I created such a beautiful world. 

[mandyjw]

AHH!!!  I just made this beautiful video highlighting my failure and how fast the law of attraction bounces back, with a whole bunch of different sections. And I overwrote the one that it all hinges on, on the camera card. And I should be really upset. I spent two days working super hard on it. But I'm not. Mysteriously not upset.

I don't know the difference between failure and success anymore. 

I don't know the difference between conscious and unconscious. 

I don't know why I ever thought I wanted to live in a world where I know that other people suffer, yet I do not. 

I didn't think. 

 

Edited September 8, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

 

[Johnny5]

I seem to remember there being some interesting interviews of Marilyn Manson on youtube, if you're interested in him as an artist or person.  ? 

[mandyjw]

I started choking on my breakfast this morning, food went down the wrong pipe. My dog got up from sleeping, disturbed and worried about me. My son with mild autism, brought his video game up to me to show me something as I'm coughing and running to get water, completely oblivious to the fact that I wasn't at all receptive right then. My daughter is his polar opposite, very emotional and connected with others. Yesterday was her first bus ride and she forgot her backpack. She is such a brave, confident, outgoing kid. But the terror in her face when I mentioned it was so strong it hit me hard. I immediately told her I'd call the school and it was completely ok. My son wouldn't have given a care in the world. He IS an incredibly loving, sweet caring boy, but just not in the same way she is. And I have through my inherent unconditional love for my kids realized that all our brains are just wired to focus on different things differently, through no fault of our own. 

I had a few weird realizations or something today. 

My son was asking me a bunch of questions, and we often talk about "secrets of the universe" and I've talked about manifestation and Jesus and Dr.P with him. Today we had a conversation where I was trying to get him to transcend stage green,  he noticed oil in the river and we talked about how it got there and his response was to want God to kill people who don't care about the environment. I explained that love is so total, you're free not to love.

Then later he asked about some poem about "big things have small beginnings" and the big bang. Then all these sort of profound but obvious connections were made about a lot of things I've been contemplating lately. 

Then while running I thought about my "personal relationship" with the devil in the past. And I realized that I imagined him as the very thing that would cause me to suffer. But it was so real and terrifying, I could never have deduced this, that the whole storyline was fed to me, apparently by others and several adults who were supposed to care about me more than anyone else, and I seemingly felt it and believed it hook, line and sinker. They could live with it but I could not. "Promise your soul to the devil" said my mind. "A mental illness I have", I said.  I knew as a teenager I couldn't continue my spirituality  without dropping the idea of others going to hell, so I did. Then when I did realize that I created the devil, instead of suffering I instead experienced the most intense prolonged experience of bliss I could never have imagined. Not in fact, suffering. 

So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. ...

Well here I am. You fed me a story and I ate it all up. Cleaned the plate off too. What's for dessert? 

Edited September 9, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Oh Jesus, never realized the synchronicity from what I was writing early this morning, (the first paragraph and the end of this) .

Cre ate. 

@Johnny5 I was pretty much doing just that when you responded. 

[mandyjw]

Pretty sure this guy, Steven Harrison, is completely underrated. It was his tape, "Beyond Consciousness" that caught my eye in the free book box. Still listening to it. Had some big insights from the first one. I don't think the community or "teaching" structure was there or ready for him at the time. Internet, technology, connections, ya know.  

This piqued my interest. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004ZYHKCS/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i7

[mandyjw]

Actually you know what? The conciousness level or the popularity of the teacher doesn't matter. 

I'm pretty sure my Grandmother gave me some kind of spiritual transmission when she died, but maybe that was just love. Can't tell the difference. 

Oh man, writing that made tears well up in my eyes. Confession, I still kinda hate the idea of spiritual transmissions but I can't deny them either. 

Eating some watermelon just now, and my son comes up with his minecraft game and shows me lightbulbs in his tool kit and the text that comes up as he hovers over them. "Useless lightsource." "And this one.", "Still this one." 

[mandyjw]

I want to be a well known spiritual teacher and I also want to burn the whole fucking teacher/ student structure down with a fiery burning passion. Not sure how that perceived conflict is gonna go down, but I'm sure it will be a fun adventure. For someone. 

 

[mandyjw]

My son came back with more minecraft lightbulbs to show me, now some are glowing, "finally this one has a use", and "this is the maximum, lol"

[mandyjw]

My son shows me a writing he wrote on a wood box in minecraft, "Before you switch to survival plz take what you have." So I asked him what's in there, "a lodestone compass." 

Dude, you can take things from creative mode with you to survival mode? 

Edited September 10, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Buried treasure, eveeeerywhere. https://doingnothing.com/ I put it there of course. Some of the lessons intuitively learned as a little kid playing in a sandpile will take you a whole lifetime to learn the depth and profundity of. I always acted like a had an imaginary audience. You could call me a pro former. Bahahaha. 

[mandyjw]

Last night this show I watched as a kid came to me, "McGee and Me". My parents were really into Focus on the Family. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Focus_on_the_Family

It was some of my first knowledge of the Bible and morality and whatever. 

Here's the child actor in the show more recently. 

Aren't we all stars now...

 

[mandyjw]

OMG OMG OMG. It's so fascinating and tantalizing. And it's completely mundane and boring and not happening. At the same time. Oh I love it. I'm sitting in a movie theater watching this brilliant piece of art, drama and action, completely safe from it. Crazy lady next to me might forget it's a MOVIE AND all of sudden lose her shit and spill her drink on me though, who knows. Or I might do the same to her. 

[mandyjw]

"I don't care who I have to step on on my way down." - Tom Waits

 

[mandyjw]

Listening to these both at the same time. 

[mandyjw]

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

A few minutes ago I spontaneously expressed the importance of lightheartedness in The Fourth Way thread on the forum. Afterward I watched your latest video which I took as very similar to this theme. Neat synchronicity.

[mandyjw]

@Zigzag Idiot

 

I want to make a list of painful, depressive thoughts that had beautiful but misunderstood core truths, here's one that came to mind.

"I can't wait until this is all fucking over. Then I won't be anxious." Came up especially in nervousness before a performance, a cross country race, sometimes in regard to big wants, having kids, being pregnant, raising said kids (oh god), purchasing a house, doing an art show, anything amazing, exciting and scary.

Core truth, it IS already over, essentially, you can already rest in the peace that it is. But you probably don't want to, because this is the exciting part.