Just Imagine

[mandyjw]

I almost got caught in a political thread and wrote Yeah, but. And then I realized.

Yabut I'm afraid I'll lose my orientation. (This is funny after previously talking about freddie mercury)

Afraid of losing orientation of time and me, and how I'm doing and what I am. Afraid of physically losing sense of orientation, in meditation. If I don't get embarrassed anymore, how will I know what to be embarrassed about? I just got embarrassed of my previous journal entries came back and thought, those are inspiring and that's another arbitrary judgement about them that owns them, what the fuck?  

"People say we. There's no such thing as we. We is a dream that the individual adds to itself to hide the reality that I Am is an experience of being completely alone. Because I am the only one who knows how I feel, let's say and I can't communicate that to anyone. So I am in that experience completely alone, and I hide that by dreaming that there's a we." -Jim Newman

AHHHH!!!!!

 

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Edited June 8, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Even Grover gets embarrassed after he finds out that he's the monster at the end of the book. 

 

[mandyjw]

Q: When they have some spiritual experience, another difficulty arises. They complain that the experience does not last, that it comes and goes in a haphazard way. Having got hold of the lollypop, they want to suck it all the time.

M: Experience, however sublime, is not the real thing. By its very nature it comes and goes. Self-realization is not an acquisition. It is more of the nature of understanding. Once arrived at, it cannot be lost. On the other hand, consciousness is changeful, flowing, undergoing transformation from moment to moment. Do not hold on to consciousness and its contents. Consciousness held, ceases. To try to perpetuate a flash of insight, or a burst of happiness is destructive of what it wants to preserve. What comes must go. The permanent is beyond all comings and goings. Go to the root of all experience, to the sense of being. Beyond being and not-being lies the immensity of the real. Try and try again.

 

So awakening, no matter how deep or profound or fucking-up-of-one's-life it may seem in memory is always "cool story bro" and yet, the desire it brings about in us is worth "dying" for. 

I'm having a hard time in mediation, (me, judgment, doing something). There's this feeling in my stomach like anxiety, butterflies, fear, falling in love and it's not really happened but it seems very real. I'd like to demonize it, but I know it's my best friend. I wish we could just have an awkward conversation and hash things out, but I don't know what to say. Is it possible my words won't fix things this time? Because nothing needs to be fixed? I'm not sure how to reconcile with something I actually really want to get rid of. The misunderstanding seems stupidly obvious when you write about it, doesn't it? 

[mandyjw]

I'm in love with and obsessed with teachings right now, reading listening. They sound so beautiful, they inspire, they touch me just how I want to be touched. (I had to make it weird.)  What I really want is not to need them to remind me. Why do I keep forgetting? This remembering, forgetting of nothing paradox is such a joke. 

"Don't leave me."

While I am grocery shopping today, with all the extra rules cause of the pandemic, I will just pretend that I am Mufasa. I wonder if Mufasa would pay attention to those arrows that tell you what direction to go down to the aisle? What would Mufasa do? I once had a pentecostal penpal in Iowa. She sent me a what would Jesus do bracelet. WWJD? I thought it was sort of stupid at first but kinda resonated with it later on.

What would Jesus do? Well, he wouldn't do ANYTHING because there was never a Jesus doing anything and there's no you doing anything either, so Why Are You Asking The Fucking Question? WAYATFQ?

Anyone wanna buy a bracelet from me? 

Would Mufasa say "forgive those unmasked assholes going the wrong direction down the aisle, because they didn't notice the signs and have asthma" or would he let out a huge roar in the cereal aisle and wipe out the shelves? WAYATFQ? 

So I still haven't brushed my hair this morning and I'm suppose to leave in a half hour. Mufasa would just continue to write fuckery in her journal because that's what's happening. 

 

Edited June 9, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

There was a thread in the dating section that reminded me of this memory. The thread was about men who are naturally confident and funny. I always loved my friend's Dad and thought he was the most hilarious gifted with people skills person. I always put him on a pedestal and thought the world of him. I was with my friend and her Mom sitting on the couch and her Mom was overly dramatic, romantic and emotional (pot calls the kettle black, more than ME okay???) and her Mom was watching the anniversary of the Titanic series and had been all day. We started watching with her and this clip came on.

We all had a tear in our eye. Her dad came in and absolutely couldn't handle it, and immediately started mocking and making fun of the guy.  I appreciated something important then. 

The entire situation is funny looking back, but I never forgot it. 

[mandyjw]

MANDY, you IDIOT, you did not appreciate anything important, you failed to appreciate everything. It is funny, and it is profound. What side are you arguing? You did forget it. 

The need to remember is forgetting. Is that why writing things down allows us to let go? 

I don't know, I seem to have forgotten that only crazy people write in the third person but I'm remembering it now. Only crazy people, in comparison to other people who are sane? 

Edited June 9, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

5 hours ago, mandyjw said:

While I am grocery shopping today, with all the extra rules cause of the pandemic, I will just pretend that I am Mufasa.

I actually had an incredibly enjoyable grocery shopping experience this morning. Is this what Abraham Hicks means by prepaving? That's not quite how I imagine intentional prepaving looks like. 

[mandyjw]

M: It is you that need my body to talk to you. I am not my body, nor do I need it. I am the witness only. I have no shape of my own. You are so accustomed to think of yourselves as bodies having consciousness that you just cannot imagine consciousness as having bodies. Once you realize that bodily existence is but a state of mind, a movement in consciousness, that the ocean of consciousness is infinite and eternal, and that, when in touch with consciousness, you are the witness only, you will be able to withdraw beyond consciousness altogether.

 

 

[mandyjw]

There are no people on this forum. I have misjudged everyone, everyone completely. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

@mandyjw  Are you implying that everyone here is either pre-personal or Transpersonal? ?

I need someone to help me understand what the excel community is about? ?‍♂️

[Zigzag Idiot]

I forgot to add that I enjoyed your latest video.

By your willingness and ability to share with others as you go on your path, you help others to resolve their own disparities which are similar to yours.

[DrewNows]

5 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

By your willingness and ability to share with others as you go on your path, you help others to resolve their own disparities which are similar to yours.

totally agree, I like to listen to videos usually but this time i watched and was surprised by the hand motions, something very small yet powerful, hadn't noticed it before. It reveals something about the communication style and connection with the subconscious 

[mandyjw]

 

8 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

 

@mandyjw  Are you implying that everyone here is either pre-personal or Transpersonal? ?

I need someone to help me understand what the excel community is about? ?‍♂️

They just aren't what I think. 

@Zigzag Idiot @DrewNows Thanks! I had a lot of fun with the video.  

 

 

I know
Caught up in the middle
I cry, just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh no
Gave up on the riddle
I cry, just a little
When I think of letting go

[mandyjw]

This stuff is so horrendously anti-feminism. But hits you where you live, I know from experience and trail, and error that it's spot on. Just as I love both Abraham Hicks and Nisargadatta Maharaj, I'll read Women Who Run With Wolves and also take marriage advice from Laura Doyle.  https://lauradoyle.org/blog/not-attracted-to-your-husband/

It's up to you to imagine what you want to imagine. 

Had a fight with my husband a couple weeks ago. Not really a fight, our fights are me not saying anything then blowing up and then feeling awful and trying to actually explain what I meant. There have been so many times at the start I've told him I'm done. I've made him cry a lot. But he just holds his ground and I come back around. It's stupid and shallow but I ended up cutting his hair for him cause of the pandemic and it's kinda like when he was in college again. The conversations that happened after I lost my temper lead to some really good things. 

It's up to you to imagine what you want to imagine. 

ADD... hit you where you live reminds me of this song...

It's very funny to me now that I programmed my 6 year old brain with these messages. 

Lyrics

You want to change, with all your might
You want to do right in his sight
It's his delight to give you your desire
It's his desire to set your life on fire, on fire

Sometimes it hurts when reprimanded
It hurts him more than it's hurtin' you
He'll pick you up from where you landed
When he knocks you down, turns your life around
He'll turn your life around

Hit you where you live, you can't hold back
When you're struck by his love you will know
Hit you where you live, it's so close to home
When you're all sold out the mark will show
Let him hit you where you live

The evidence leads to conviction
When we don't live everything we say
There's got to be a crucifixion
We can live dying everyday

You've got to tell him he's free to take a shot
He wants to hit you with everything he's got

Hit you where you live, you can't hold back
When you're struck by his love you will know
Hit you where you live, it's so close to home
When you're all sold out the mark will show
Let him hit you where you live

A lost and dying world is dying to know
He lives the only way they'll know, what he has to give
Is when we're hit where we live

Hit you where you live, you can't hold back
When you're struck by his love you will know
Hit you where you live, it's so close to home
When you're all sold out the mark will show
Let him hit you where you live

On fire, on fire

Edited June 11, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

13 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

It's up to you to imagine what you want to imagine. 

This hit me and I typed "Just Imagine" into youtube search. This song came up, after I was listening to old Christian music we used to listen to a lot when we dated. My husband used to play and perform this song. I never liked it that much, really but he loved it so I heard it so many times. 

 

I can only imagine. 

It's hilarious. Also a little sickening and disorienting if I'm honest, but hilarious. 

[mandyjw]

Ray Boltz, the famous Christian singer is gay now, and Osho's dream commune is a Christian youth camp. 

This morning I asked for help with something didn't get it and had this rebellious thought come where I wanted to say, "I should have just listened to my mother and become locally renowned for my pie making skills like her instead of going into all this, whatever this is." 

Strange burst of synchronicity. I ran over a turtle, it was very upsetting and unavoidable. I have no idea what it has to do with anything. But seems worth noting.  Picked up a newspaper. "For there is nothing secret that won't be revealed and nothing hidden that will not be disclosed." Under the header. WTF? Then an article on Don McClean and domestic abuse, he abused his wife apparently. The article mentioned Valentine's Day and wove in with something I saw a couple days ago.

 

No one knows what the lyrics are really about, full of allusions and religious symbolism. 

 

 

 

[mandyjw]

The lengths and stories we go into to avoid feeling are incredible. And those stories aren't even fun or intriguing. They have a pull but it's not that. I don't even know what to call it. Suffering?

We're our own abusive lovers. When what feeling says isn't important to the mind so we beat it into submission. 

[mandyjw]

Meaning. 

When I was a kid, 666 was an absolutely terrifying number. People who liked it were evil. When I was an adult it was meaningless. People who gave it meaning were ignorant and superstitious. Then I had a "revelation" on my 666th post, and a revelation about how the number was associated with me and how I had always hated that, and remembered the 666 on Leo's wall in gratitude for his part in my awakening. And 666 had a beautiful meaning. 

How were all these events seemingly over time possible? Because 666 has no meaning. When I thought it had no meaning, I was still giving it a meaning. 

[DrewNows]

I've heard it given the meaning of chromosomes and elements of the body 

[mandyjw]

@DrewNows Yeah, and 6 looks like the pineal gland, or they look like eyes, so the third is the third eye. There all all kinds of metaphysical stories and stuff. The number 5 has really cool meanings too, but all of them do, pretty much. I'm in the stage of the path where I get self imposed hand slaps for that stuff though cause I love it too much (the parroting Jim Newman stage ). Meaning isn't objective or permanent. It's something that apparently happens. Polly want a cracker? 

 

Edited June 12, 2020 by mandyjw