Just Imagine

[mandyjw]

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/crow-rides-eagle/

 

 

Jump on My Shoulders AWOLNATION

There's a mad man looking at you
And he wants to take your soul.
There's a mad man with a mad plan
And he's dancing at your door. Oh
What to do, oh
What to do
When the walls are built to crumble.
There's a mad man with a mad plan
And he waits for us to stumble.

Oh, but our eyes are open
Yeah, they're really open
(Five, four, three, two, one)
I say we rob from the rich
And blow down the door.
On to the next
To dance with the poor.
Jump on my shoulders.
You can jump on my shoulders.
We rob from the rich
And blow down the door.
On to the next
To dance with the poor.
Jump on my shoulders.
You can jump on my shoulders.

La la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la

Everybody it's OK if
You're mad at what I'm saying.
Make peace, baby shake my hand 'cause
I'm pretty sure I'm staying. Oh
What to do, oh
Look at you, when the walls begin
To crumble.
It's a mad man with a mad plan
And he waits for us to stumble.

Oh, but our eyes are open
Yeah, they're really open
(Five, four, three, two, one)
I say we rob from the rich
And blow down the door.
On to the next
To dance with the poor.
Jump on my shoulders.
You can jump on my shoulders.
We rob from the rich
And blow down the door.
On to the next
To dance with the poor.
Jump on my shoulders.
You can jump on my shoulders.

La la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la

La la la la la la la la

I'll say the devils lost control

Live in the water
I'm scared of the city
Stay in the water
I'm scared of the city
Live in the water
I'm scared of the city.

I'm scared of the city
Live in the water
I'm scared of the city
I'll pray for you

I say we rob from the rich
And blow down the door.
On to the next
To dance with the poor.
Jump on my shoulders.
You can jump on my shoulders.
We rob from the rich
And blow down the door.
On to the next
To dance with the poor.
Jump on my shoulders.
You can jump on my shoulders.

Seriously
It's not supposed to be easy
That's why it feels so fucking good.
Jump on my shoulders, yeah.

[mandyjw]

Oh God, self Love, self sabotage, no doership, I want off this roller coaster. I can't be kind to myself! That means binge eating crap, like vanilla ice cream and reeses peanut butter cups.   Who am I kidding?

Profound question. 

I have no self discipline. I cannot meditate. I cannot eat healthy. I cannot be spiritual. I quit. How do I quit a pursuit I've never started? Stop asking stupid questions? 

There's no one doing this. So I quit. I really want to just quit, but that's not how it works. 

Started watching Leo's video last night. Not that it had to do with the video subject, but a thought arose that I'm done with being me. And I realized that that thought, the desire to be free of me or ego without acceptance was exactly what my ego is, defining a me it must be free of. 

If there's no one left to blame for my problems and inadequacies, not even a self. What am I to do with them then? What do they have to do with me? 

New life goal, morbid obesity. 

[mandyjw]

Ok, so, no real focused meditation and eating sugar makes me really fucking depressed, still. I've only found that out several times now.  Hmm... Every time I eat eggs I get an incapacitating stomachache for hours so do I forget and try to eat eggs for breakfast every couple weeks cause pain isn't real? No. Is it my fault that that happens, am I not as good as people who can eat eggs? No. Glad we cleared that up. Yesterday was a really spectacular bout of ego backlash, ie depression, complaints, anger, hopelessness. 

 

Q: Why does the mind create all these divisions?

M: To divide and particularize is in the mind’s very nature. There is no harm in dividing. But separation goes against fact. Things and people are different, but they are not separate. Nature is one, reality is one. There are opposites, but no opposition.

Q: I find that by nature I am very active. Here I am advised to avoid activity. The more I try to remain inactive, the greater the urge to do something. This makes me not only active outwardly, but also struggling inwardly to be what by nature I am not. Is there a remedy against longing for work?

M: There is a difference between work and mere activity. All nature works. Work is nature, nature is work. On the other hand, activity is based on desire and fear, on longing to possess and enjoy, on fear of pain and annihilation. Work is by the whole for the whole, activity is by oneself for oneself.

Q: Is there a remedy against activity?

M: Watch it, and it shall cease. Use every opportunity to remind yourself that you are in bondage, that whatever happens to you is due to the fact of your bodily existence. Desire, fear, trouble, joy, they cannot appear unless you are there to appear to. Yet, whatever happens, points to your existence as a perceiving centre. Disregard the pointers and be aware of what they are pointing to. It is quite simple, but it needs be done. What matters is the persistence with which you keep on returning to yourself.

The commitment to "doing nothing", to not wanting to work in thinking that if one doesn't distract themselves with work that they will become enlightened, is trying to do something for the separate self. 

Q: I do get into peculiar states of deep absorption into myself, but unpredictably and momentarily. I do not feel myself to be in control of such states.

M: The body is a material thing and needs time to change. The mind is but a set of mental habits, of ways of thinking and feeling, and to change they must be brought to the surface and examined. This also takes time. Just resolve and persevere, the rest will take care of itself.

Good God, just settle the fuck down. 

Q: I seem to have a clear idea of what needs be done, but I find myself getting tired and depressed and seeking human company and thus wasting time that should be given to solitude and meditation.

M: Do what you feel like doing. Don’t bully yourself. Violence will make you hard and rigid. Do not fight with what you take to be obstacles on your way. Just be interested in them, watch them, observe, enquire. Let anything happen — good or bad. But don’t let yourself be submerged by what happens.

I will be interested in my deep need for structure and work and the tendency to rebel against it. "There are opposites, but no opposition." 

 

 

 

 

[allislove]

 

Uff, so good, thanks for sharing ?

[mandyjw]

@dimitri I KNOW, right?  Never could fully appreciate Disney until recently. 

[allislove]

@mandyjw with a timestamp:

 

[mandyjw]

@dimitri Too perfect. I appreciate you so much. You make such a great bridge with your enthusiasm for the joy, law of attraction side of things here. 

 

I have to enforce my own structure because of the quarantine and the loss of daycare and reliable work times. But for some reason I think that I should be above needing it? I don't really know what I think. I don't think.  I messed up my gut on the Tim Ferris slow carb diet two years ago. Maybe there was more to it than that, but that's what I blame it on. It's taken just about this long to come back from. One thing I loved about it was the structure, which was really strict, but except for having to let go of my thoughts about quitting or not wanting to follow it, the structure made me feel amazing. I think it was letting go of thoughts that partly made me so happy about it, initially. Is self discipline just letting go of thoughts actually? Could it be?  I ate every 4 hours on it. So today I decided why not eat intuitively, every four hours? It's hard when you get food for three other people and are home around food all day not to eat too often. Eating too much is to stay at home moms like porn is to single college men. 

  I wake up too early in the morning to eat at normal meal times anyway. 

So far,

 

Edited May 25, 2020 by mandyjw

[allislove]

@mandyjw спасибо ?

[mandyjw]

Keep on, with the force don't stop
Don't stop 'til you get enough
Keep on, with the force don't stop
Don't stop 'til you get enough
Keep on, with the force don't stop
Don't stop 'til you get enough
Keep on, with the force don't stop
Don't stop 'til you get enough

Edited May 26, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

@remember

Dis tract tion is indispensable on the pathless path. 

 

"A tract is a literary work and, in current usage, usually religious in nature. The notion of what constitutes a tract has changed over time. By the early part of the 21st century, a tract referred to a brief pamphlet used for religious and political purposes, though far more often the former. "

Edited May 26, 2020 by mandyjw

[zeroISinfinity]

It just called for it, couldn't miss. 

 

 

[mandyjw]

@zeroISinfinity  Whack a mole is a great analogy for this "work". 

 

Last night I had a random impulse to go to the river. It was wonderful. I saw an eagle immediately, and made some connections.  Today I went back with my kids to play. A hornet chased me aggressively and wouldn't leave. I started feeling fear and it started ramping up and I got curious about it. The sound vibration of the hornet and fear melded together and it wasn't fear anymore. It was peculiar, lasted just a couple seconds and is hard to describe. 

 

 

[mandyjw]

 

[mandyjw]

This book is simply written, but really law of attraction based and aimed at women who are stuck in over work, martyrdom. It helps me rethink my attitude towards not being able to receive a gift. You can't be defensive, fearful, and receive at the same time. (Nonduality) It gets at a feeling of unworthiness.  https://www.amazon.com/Things-Will-Get-Good-Stand-ebook/dp/B000FC1EOY/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=as+good+as+you+can+stand+it&qid=1590603708&sr=8-2

My husband and I had a really good conversation after I said some things I didn't mean. I have a really hard time opening up with him because I am defensive, fearful and acting like a martyr. I actually made him a video so I could help explain the bigger picture without fear or temptation of getting reactive and letting his responses send me off into a reactive direction. Obviously this is not ideal for all the time, but I think it's a good tool. Writing letters or notes works the same way. 

[mandyjw]

We have the tendency to believe that people are paying more attention to us than they really are. 

Not that they are.

Please see that I want nothing from you. It is in your own interest that I speak, because above all you love yourself, you want yourself secure and happy. Don’t be ashamed of it, don’t deny it. It is natural and good to love oneself. Only you should know what exactly do you love. It is not the body that you love, it is Life — perceiving, feeling, thinking, doing, loving, striving, creating. It is that Life you love, which is you, which is all. Realize it in its totality, beyond all divisions and limitations, and all your desires will merge in it, for the greater contains the smaller. Therefore find yourself, for in finding that you find all. Everybody is glad to be. But few know the fullness of it. You come to know by dwelling in your mind on ‘I am’, ‘I know’, ‘I love’ — with the will of reaching the deepest meaning of these words.

Q: Can I think ‘l am God’?

M: Don’t identify yourself with an idea. If you mean by God, the Unknown, then you merely say: ‘I do not know what I am’. If you know God as you know your self, you need not say it. Best is the simple feeling ‘I am’. Dwell on it patiently. Here patience is wisdom; don’t think of failure. There can be no failure in this undertaking.

 

There are always moments when one feels empty and estranged. Such moments are most desirable for it means the soul had cast its moorings and is sailing for distant places. This is detachment — when the old is over and the new has not yet come. If you are afraid, the state may be distressing; but there is really nothing to be afraid of. Remember the instruction: whatever you come across — go beyond.

Edited May 30, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

M. You are accusing me of having been born — I plead not guilty! 

 

 

[mandyjw]

All suffering is a complete projection. Non-acceptance, cutting oneself off. 

Roger Castillo says that guilt, blame, pride, worry, anxiety, expectation and attachment to outcome are how we suffer. 

Also, "Don't mistake understanding for realization and don't mistake realization for liberation." 

 

Timeline of my "spiritual" life. 

1. According to my mother, I said the word ball? maybe? 

2. According to my mother, walking, talking, took a bath in the toilet. Appropriate, because I am born into a Baptist family. I will not be baptized though. Ever. No one really gave a fuck about that? Dunno. 

3. Memory of staring out the window, thinking it will be literally forever until my 4th birthday came. Memory of being spanked, and hating my mother in that moment no remorse whatsoever. Hard to date that memory.

4. Parents leave the church, but Mom continues to teach Sunday school, and we still have to go. 

5. Disillusioned by Kindergarten. Apparently I am not the goddamn queen of the universe. Fuckers. The two others boys in my class can't stand up to me though, they are my royal subjects. 

6. Getting into trouble for things I didn't realize were wrong. Boys have balls and you're not supposed to kick them. Revelations of cruel reality.

7. Lose some confidence in myself. Normal kid. Submit to being a good girl.

8. I gain a close female friend. Her parents are extremely well educated liberals and will influence me heavily even though I will outwardly rebel and not fully appreciate this gift for a time. 

9. Depression sets in, I'm studying the Bible on my own. 

10. I start running. OCD sets in. Handwashing, germaphobia sets in. I get a Buddhist/artist mentor.

11. Very religious, very patriotic, reading the Bible everyday religiously. Running, journaling. 

12. OCD pushes me to keep training on my own, I win my first cross country race. Extreme bout of guilt, depression compulsion makes me physically ill for a week until I confess something to my mom. 

13. Stomachaches from stress. Neurosis. I learn to not pay attention to most OCD thoughts. Start having really passionate interests in things and have for a while, art and dogs. I research dogs for a year until my parents let us get one. I get my first doberman. 

14. I start high school and decide that I am not actually smart, I cannot keep up with the smart kids in the big pond now, and nor do I want to. I meet my husband and two other life long friends. I LOVE debating religion more than anything. I have Christian friends for the first time and I want to challenge their beliefs. 

15. Fall in love for the first time. Was not love, but duality and family wounds wanting to resolve themselves. Trauma. Overhear my parents calling me lazy, decide that hard work = love. Decide that seeking love directly is foolish. I decide FUCK people, hard work is the only safe passion. I run my ass off, and I start my business and enjoy every minute of it over summer vacation. 

16. Working my ass off. I win more races. End of the year, feeling for future husband too big to ignore. 

17. Completely F-up my husband's 4 year plan, and relationship with his parents but it all turns out good inexplicably.

18. Have to figure out how to work on my own and set my own hours. Lots of fucking off. Lots of reading novels, actually. 

19. Business starts to take off. COFFEE works wonders. 

20. I have spent two years in social isolation and workaholism. Hypochondria sets in. Extreme bout of depression, I realize what's going on. I reach out to a friend and we reconnect. We end up having a shit ton of fun together. Making great money. Life gets really good. Husband is kicked out of house, drama ensues. We end up fine but also with much more freedom to live our lives. 

21. Get married and buy a dump of a house. 

22. Learn about old houses and fixing them, inexplicable pull from history and old houses is made aware of. 

23. Miscarriages, get pregnant with my first baby. 

24. Have my son. Postpartum depression. Extreme anxiety. Continue to work as much as as physically possible. IV bruises, and pain sitting a couple days after giving birth won't keep me away. I also discover minimalism and the zen habits blog. 

25. Discover Leo's channel. Listen to Leo while working.

26. I start running again. Get pregnant with my daughter, life falls apart, falling out with my best friend, son is diagnosed with autism. Discover Eckhart Tolle, sit to mediate and have the I am light realization with asthma attack, don't mediate again. 

27. I have my daughter. No postpartum depression. No anxiety. I know what the pain body is, I know what caused postpartum depression last time. I'm ready but it doesn't happen.  Looking at her face and smelling her hair lights up my brain like crack cocaine. For some reason I become obsessed with Mr.Money Mustache. I know this is ranty and against my spiritual ambitions, but something pulls me in. Still really obsessed with minimalism.

28. Uhmm... a lot of studying stuff? Pema Chodron? I can't remember. Birthday cake wishes start to be for enlightenment sometime around here. Still working quite hard. Start making awkward youtube videos. I wanna talk about important stuff. 

29. Bliss states from runs, and deep connection with place starts, funny obsessions start to creep in, feeling energy from places. 

30. Connections ramp up, life goes to shit a bit, I read the book that tells me to reconnect with my desires and do self care. I realize i really want to make youtube videos. I come to forum because of this and also wanting to quit facebook, very against Leo, everything comes together and I am helped more than I came to help, awakening, spend the rest of the year in lala land recovering. Start meditating. Completely lose my sense of sensibility and presence for weeks after awakening. Bliss state and new realizations cause me not to give a fuck about this until weeks later. 

31. Realize I can do shadow work, tap into psyche, synchronicity on my own. Lots of insights and studying. Seems very normal and integral. Sense of path seems a bit lost, never was there before. Realize my idea of spiritual progress is mostly self judgement/ pride. Ironically now writing this out. 

Funny how any story told misses the general sense of "truth" of it, and fundamentally changes it in the telling of it. There's always an audience and a purpose in mind, even if it's not posted publicly like it is here, but only for one's self, there's a sense of one's self in mind. I always assumed that there was an accurate truthful way to tell a story, especially to one's self. I always thought there was a story teller.

Edited June 2, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Q: There is the body and there is myself. I know the body. Apart from it, what am I?

M: There is no ‘I’ apart from the body, nor the world. The three appear and disappear together. At the root is the sense ‘I am’. Go beyond it. The idea: ‘I-am-not-the-body’ is merely an antidote to the idea ‘I-am-the-body’ which is false. What is that ‘I am’? Unless you know yourself, what else can you know?

Q: From what you say I conclude that without the body there can be no liberation. If the idea: ‘I-am-not-the-body’ leads to liberation, the presence of the body is essential.

M: Quite right. Without the body, how can the idea: ‘I- am-not-the-body’ come into being? The idea ‘I-am-free’ is as false as the idea ‘I-am-in-bondage’. Find out the ‘I am’ common to both and go beyond.

 

The most obvious things are the most doubtful. Ask yourself such questions as: ‘Was I really born?’ ‘Am I really so-and-so? ‘How do I know that I exist?’ ‘Who are my parents?’ ‘Have they created me, or have I created them?’ ‘Must I believe all I am told about myself?’ ‘Who am I, anyhow?’ You have put so much energy into building a prison for yourself. Now spend as much on demolishing it.

 

Q: I have definite spiritual ambitions. Must I not work for their fulfillment?

M: No ambition is spiritual. All ambitions are for the sake of the ‘I am’. If you want to make real progress you must give up all idea of personal attainment. The ambitions of the so called Yogis are preposterous. A man’s desire for a woman is innocence itself compared to the lusting for an everlasting personal bliss. The mind is a cheat. The more pious it seems, the worse the betrayal.

[mandyjw]

 

Maharaj: I wonder whether I am the right man to answer your questions. I know little about things and people. I know only that I am, and that much you also know. We are equals.

Q: Of course I know that I am. But I do not know what it means.

M: What you take to be the ‘I’ in the ‘I am’ is not you.To know that you are is natural, to know what you are is the result of much investigation. You will have to explore the entire field of consciousness and go beyond it. For this you must find the right teacher and create the conditions needed for discovery. Generally speaking, there are two ways: external and internal. Either you live with somebody who knows the Truth and submit yourself entirely to his guiding and moulding influence, or you seek the inner guide and follow the inner light wherever it takes you. In both cases your personal desires and fears must be disregarded. You learn either by proximity or by investigation, the passive or the active way. You either let yourself be carried by the river of life and love represented by your Guru, or you make your own efforts, guided by your inner star. In both cases you must move on, you must be earnest. Rare are the people who are lucky to find somebody worthy of trust and love. Most of them must take the hard way, the way of intelligence and understanding, of discrimination and detachment (viveka-vairagya). This is the way open to all.

Q: I am lucky to have come here: though I am leaving tomorrow, one talk with you may affect my entire life.

M: Yes, once you say ‘I want to find Truth’, all your life will be deeply affected by it. All your mental and physical habits, feelings and emotions, desires and fears, plans and decisions will undergo a most radical transformation.

Q: Once I have made up my mind to find The Reality, what do I do next?

M: It depends on your temperament. If you are earnest, whatever way you choose will take you to your goal. It is the earnestness that is the decisive factor.

Q: What is the source of earnestness?

M: It is the homing instinct, which makes the bird return to its nest and the fish to the mountain stream where it was born. The seed returns to the earth, when the fruit is ripe. Ripeness is all.

Q: And what will ripen me? Do I need experience?

M: You already have all the experience you need, otherwise you would not have come here. You need not gather any more, rather you must go beyond experience. Whatever effort you make, whatever method (sadhana) you follow, will merely generate more experience, but will not take you beyond. Nor will reading books help you. They will enrich your mind, but the per- son you are will remain intact. If you expect any benefits from your search, material, mental or spiritual, you have missed the point. Truth gives no advantage. It gives you no higher status, no power over others; all you get is truth and the freedom from the false.

Q: Surely truth gives you the power to help others.

M: This is mere imagination, however noble! In truth you do not help others, because there are no others. You divide people into noble and ignoble and you ask the noble to help the ignoble. You separate, you evaluate, you judge and condemn — in the name of truth you destroy it. Your very desire to formulate truth denies it, because it cannot be contained in words. Truth can be expressed only by the denial of the false — in action. For this you must see the false as false (viveka) and reject it (vairagya). Renunciation of the false is liberating and energizing. It lays open the road to perfection.

 

Person Middle English: from Old French persone, from Latin persona ‘actor's mask, character in a play’, later ‘human being’.

[mandyjw]

You are the riddle with no (typoed the word now) middle. 

"For, what has a beginning and an end has no middle. It is hollow."  The riddle with no middle. 

M: Self-interest and self-concern are the focal points of the false. Your daily life vibrates between desire and fear. Watch it intently and you will see how the mind assumes innumerable names and shapes, like a river foaming between the boulders. Trace every action to its selfish motive and look at the motive intently till it dissolves.