Feeling ashamed of being smart

[MsNobody]

On 4/17/2020 at 4:30 PM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

And now I am getting aware of that and it pisses me off, I am working to get back to who I was and how I used to behave. 

I see all of it (it may sound dumb), like some kind of divine plan. I was so heavily left-brained, logically thinking guy, that I could rationalize everything to myself and others, just to trick them and to fulfill my needs. Smoking weed and psychedelics got me to a point, where I got basically disconnected to my left brain hemisphere, just to heal my right hemisphere, fix my EQ and to become a "good person". 

Correct me if I’m wrong but it sounded like you attribute the acquirement of right brain wisdom the reason to why your IQ decreased, like Leo said the key is in loving yourself, going back to fully rational left brain approach will just lower your self esteem even more. The geniuses of all time had an extremely developed left brain but their foundation and principles were heart centered.

Leonardo da Vinci for example, he was a painter initially, a painter is a very artistic and imaginative person (which are right brain traits) but since he also had a logical and rational approach to life he knew that people would only give him credibility if he studied at university etc. There is a book called thinking like Leonardo da Vinci that has some nuggets of wisdom, I highly recommend it if you if you like him.

There are rumors that Albert Einstein discovered his theory of relativity through an insight while playing the piano, which is a right brain practice that enhances creativity  

Einstein was well-known to be a passionate amateur musician. He once said:

"Life without playing music is inconceivable for me. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music… I get most joy in life out of music."

And his second wife, Elsa, claimed that it even helped him with his scientific work. She said: "Music helps him when he is thinking about his theories. He goes to his study, comes back, strikes a few chords on the piano, jots something down, returns to his study."

Maybe it would be interesting to read autobiographies or biographies of some people you admire.
 

You see, my problem is the opposite, I lack the rational thinking and sometimes I’m too much in my heart, and as we know society nowadays don’t value kindness, empathy and love, I always feel like I need to work extra hard to get things done and to function in the rat race we live in. 

It may not be a curse that you are developing your right brain now, everything is divinely orchestrated and there are no mistakes  

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@MsNobody

My EQ increased by a lot and I am a lot more empathetic, kind person, than I was before, but I am still a really fucking selfish guy, to be honest, just like, let's say Leonardo in "da Vinci's demons" series (basically an arrogant, self-centered prick, a dodger, real-life Deadpool huh). I've read this book, in the earlier stages of my journey, that was my foundation and gave me an understanding of how to develop my brain and overall intelligence faster.  

About the heart thing, yeah, there is something there, as I am, let's say, like Leo - working hard and grinding like a mule, but there is no true, heartfelt motivation. I just do it not to be sad, depressed, not wanting to kill myself, as I wanted in the past.

I have no real goal, no real purpose, etc., right now. I wanted to go to a point where I will achieve awakening and I thought that will be some kind of "the end", it isn't, and I am kind of disappointed, life just goes on and you still have to set yourself goals and push forward, that's just life lol. 

You have beautiful smile btw  

 

Edited April 20, 2020 by 28 cm unbuffed

[GodDesireOnlyLove]

On 15/04/2020 at 10:56 PM, Natasha said:

@28 cm unbuffed High IQ does not make one a happy, fulfilled person, but high EQ (emotional intelligence) does. Work on raising your emotional intelligence. A lot of people with high IQ suffer from all kinds of personality disorders and live in perpetual state of disalignment with reality. And I know folks who are your seemingly average joe, yet they are content and at peace with themselves and the world.

If you truly have an high iq you learn having EQ. 

On the other side... can't tell. Not my personnal experience LOL.

Please throw flowers to your new god. Bow bow !

No one could measure my iq. Cause they all operate from a lower one ?

 

[Natasha]

@GodDesireOnlyLove Arrogance is a sign of low EQ, is it not? ;-)

[Consept]

'Yeah, there are tons of people smarter than me in various areas of life. I never met someone smarter than me overall in real life.'

Dont mean this in a bad way but something you said above caught my eye. It sounds to me like your mind is rationilsing a way for you to be the smartest person, so if someone is smarter than you when it comes to science I can imagine you saying in your head 'yeah he's knows more about science but I have an a higher eq'. The fact that you even have thought that your the smartest person you know would lead me to believe that you judge yourself against people constantly, you may even be trying to work out if your smarter than me while you read this. 

This shows really that this is more a confidence issue, I can't imagine Steven hawking when he was alive going around comparing how smart he was to everyone he met. So I think it's something to do with you can't accept yourself if you're not smart or better than others in some way. Most likely links back to your childhood, maybe you weren't praised enough or something like that. 

First off I think you should look into cognitive bias', there's one called illusory superiority but those lots more that could apply not just to this but other gaps you have. 

Second yes as others have said work on your confidence, could you love yourself if you were the dumbest person ever, if you weren't special in anyway? 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Consept

 

 

 

1

34 minutes ago, Consept said:

Second yes as others have said work on your confidence, could you love yourself if you were the dumbest

person ever if you weren't special in any way? 

Tricky question. Like - could I love myself if I was the ugliest person ever? Don't know, would have to incarnate into one to experience that and know for sure. My whole life is a lesson of loving myself, I had to learn that, with abusive mother, narcissistic friends, being poor, short and shy. I didn't have any other choice. This is why I am really fucking developed and smart for my age, or at least I think that and I am pretty fucking proud of who I am right now.

About comparing myself to others, yes that is true in a lot of ways. I was judging and criticizing people a lot in my head, constantly. I was giving too much shit about what other people think about me. These are all low self-esteem / low confidence determinants. 

I have a lot of knowledge, but not that much self-knowledge if you know what I mean. Let's say - getting at 5:30 is healthy and "the best way", according to science. But it does not mean it is best for me. But I was just pumping my ego with that knowledge and even though it was not the best option for me, I was still doing that, just to show others. Dumb shit.

 

 

Edited April 20, 2020 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Consept]

I get you man, I could've actually guessed you would say your childhood was like that with your mum and stuff I just didn't want to get into a full counselling session cos you might not have wanted to say that. 

Honest advice because I kinda felt like you to some extent before, but I would say you have covert narcissistic traits and you need to really delve deep and sort it out at the core and of course practiclse self love. Which is loving yourself intrinsically not just because you're smart or whatever else